


Bound to a Monster

by rainbowtaurus



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abduction, Angry Sex, Betrayal, Blackmail, Blood and Violence, Breeding Kink, Consent Issues, Dark Kylo Ren, Dark Reylo, Dark fic, Deception, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dominant Rey, Drama, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forced Marriage, Forced Orgasm, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Heavy inner dialogue, Humiliation, Kylo lies about being Ben to have sex, Kylo wants Rey to love him, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Misogyny, Not a romance, Objectification, Obsession, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Predator/Prey, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Kink, Reylo Baby, Serious Injuries, Sexism, Sexual Coercion, The Dark Side of the Force, Threats of Violence, Thriller, Toxic Masculinity, Twisted, Unhealthy Relationships, Unsafe Sex, Verbal Abuse, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), War, but he’s an asshole, dark very dark, graphic birth, major and minor character cameos, obsession is the plot, so this gets the non-con warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2020-07-30 18:23:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 42
Words: 117,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20101609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowtaurus/pseuds/rainbowtaurus
Summary: Kylo Ren comes up with a plan to fake his own redemption to capture Rey.Warning for predatory and twisted behavior.Dark Reylo.





	1. The Desert

**Author's Note:**

> This story assumes Kylo Ren and Rey kissed during the elevator scene in TLJ.  
A sort of sequel to Awkward Virgin Kiss (you don’t have to have read it to understand this fic).  
*This is not a romance*  
Kylo Ren is not nice. Far from it.  
Mind the tags about sexual coercion/non-con.  
This fic is inner dialogue heavy.  
😬  
I had a pretty frequent updating schedule but with coronavirus my days at home are a little busier. thx for your patience. 
> 
> *This is a dark, disturbing story that may be triggering for those who experience(d) abuse. Please be aware of that going into this fic.*
> 
> ***

Kylo will not stop pursuing her. He is a predator beyond anything she can imagine.

The woman is intoxicating.

The wild, insolent, and fearless woman named _ Rey _ defies him again and again.

The scavenger. 

It enrages and excites him that she is his equal in the force. 

A true adversary. 

An adversary he never wanted.

He can feel her heart pound as she uses their force link to call him away from the resistance base. The empty, _abandoned_ resistance base.

She evacuated everyone the moment she felt him coming. 

Kylo shudders.

The force-slam on the falcon was a noble try. 

It certainly got her message across.

But their link emerged stronger than either of them could control.

Rey knows it is her he truly seeks. She shows him her location, a white speck in the middle of the desert. 

He hesitates - it would be easier to track the rebel scum. Burn it all to the ground. 

She knows how tempting she is to him.

His hands sweat in his black gloves as he curls them into fists. 

_ “You won’t escape this time,” _he warns her. 

_ “I'd like to see you try.” _

Her challenge sets him on fire.

The TIE approaches as she sprints across the sand. He’s not firing, but he’s not slowing down either. The force flares with Kylo’s fury when she jumps and clears his ship. He underestimates her.

Again.

It would be easier if she weren’t so young, so pretty, so unafraid of him...if she weren’t so full of fucking empathy for him.

He remembers how pliant she felt in his arms on the turbolift. The taste of her mouth, her lips.

These feelings are nothing more than a weakness that need to be overcome. 

The TIE skids to a messy stop and Kylo emerges with his cape billowing in the wind.

“Still a dirty scavenger hiding in the desert,” he spits at her. 

Rey circles him.

“You didn’t mind kissing a_ dirty scavenger _ on the Supremacy. Or begging a _ nobody _ to join you.” 

The goading works and he rushes at her. 

She is light and swift as she hurdles...towards him? No, _ over _ him.

She clears his height as she leaps into the TIE.

Kylo’s jaw works and he and spins his lightsaber before he bounds over to the craft. He finds her nearly ready take off as his saber melts through the wall. 

He ducks through the gaping hole, the look in his eyes dark and dangerous. Rey swallows as he walks her backwards, his grip vice like around her jaw.

There is nothing gentle in the way his lips press against hers.

“No,” she jerks under his grasp, “you don’t get to do that again.”

Kylo gazes into her brazen hazel eyes.

“I will take what I want.”

“_You won’t_,” she says with conviction.

“Won’t I?” Kylo grits his teeth.

Using his strength in conjecture with the force Kylo pins her against the wall. 

“You think you’re so strong,” his breath is hot in her ear, “but you’re still lost as ever. Come on Rey. Come back with me.” Kylo’s whisper brushes against her nose and he trails his lips to the crook of her neck. She arches back impossibly in an attempt to push him away.

“Don’t!” 

Under her tough exterior he hears the ripple of fear in her voice. He wants her to be intimidated, but for the_ right _ reasons. She is not supposed to recoil from his touch - she is _supposed _ to reciprocate the way she did in the turbolift. 

Kylo caresses her cheek and smoothes his strong fingers through her dusty hair. He knows he’s never been good with words but he feels compelled to calm her down.

“I won’t force you into _ that. _” His voice turns soft.

Kylo can’t bring himself to hurt her. He never will.

“How reassuring,” she has the guts to sound sarcastic. Rey uses the force to launch Kylo against the TIE’s main viewpoint and turns to run.

Rey and her indomitable spirit. 

Kylo moves rapidly and she hits the ground with a hard slam as his body covers hers. They roll in a tumble of limbs and land stomach to stomach as they grapple with one another. She is an expert at squirming and slips out of his grasp.

Kylo curses and lunges after her. 

Their faces are close together and she gasps for breath as Kylo holds her arms at her sides. 

Finally.

He just wants to…

Kiss her. 

He wants to push her mouth open and kiss her savagely.

Remind her that the force binds her to a monster. 

He doesn’t. 

Kylo’s voice isn't soft this time as he uses one arm to turn her onto her stomach and twists her arms behind her back. His other arm moves to tighten around her waist below her rib cage. 

“You are being apprehended by the Supreme Leader of the galaxy and you _ will _surrender to the First Order.”

He wishes he didn’t need to force her, wishes he didn’t _ have _to be so rough.

Rey senses his conflict - _ always conflicted _ \- and uses his moment of hesitation to flip him onto his back. She uses everything she has to hold him down. Her chest heaves and her lips part as she pants from the effort. 

“No. You...” she doubles down on her hold with the force, “...you are coming back with me to the resistance. _ You _ are being apprehended Kylo Ren.”

Kylo allows her this moment of dominance before it comes crashing down. 

He knows she spots them when she pauses to reach for her saber.

The Knights of Ren. Far off in the distance, but not for long.

Kylo watches as her throat constricts.

“Nervous?” He easily pushes her off and stands to his full height. He can’t help but smirk - he’s got her now. 

A faraway look overshadows her eyes and he wonders if she is accepting her defeat. Rey lowers her head and stares at the ground. 

She glances up.

And runs.

In the opposite direction a small ship flies low, the hatch open, and he senses life forms coming to rescue her. 

_ “You’re not the only one who came with reinforcements_.”

She flies faster than before and executes another spectacular jump onto the passing craft.

Kylo stands and watches for a long time after she disappears.

A plan formulates in his mind and he mulls over how to execute it. 

Her luck is about to run out.

He will make sure of it. 


	2. Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like writing angsty sheeet. The first chapter can stand alone as a oneshot or you can join me on my indulgent angst train for chap 2. thank you for reading.  
slightly smutty times ahead.
> 
> ***

A year almost passes before he sets eyes on her again.

Kylo planned it this way because it has to be believable.

For however pure he perceives her to be, she is no fool.

Inside the low ceiled tavern they are concealed by long hooded robes that cast shadows across their faces. 

She is wiser and less trusting of him - he has had to play this out slowly.

Deep down Kylo knows what he is doing is cruel.

He tries not to care. 

The loud boisterous chatter that fills the room serves as a sharp contrast as Rey speaks.

“Tell me again - how it happened. How you killed Hux.”

Kylo clenches his hands together. His voice is flat and toneless.

“I learned of his _ numerous _ insubordinations through lesser officers. He instigated a riot among the storm troopers with the intent of mutiny. It was a simple tactical decision.” 

“And…” Rey prompts. 

The air between them is thick.

“The First Order was not...pleased. Only my Knights remain loyal.”

Every word out of his mouth is a lie with the exception of Hux’s demise and the loyalty of his Knights.

Rey’s expression is hard and skeptical. 

“I was_ hoping_,” the word is hard for him to get out, “that you can find it within yourself to help me.” 

To utter the word help is even more difficult. 

Now is the moment he will find out if funneling his conflicted emotions towards Rey over the last year have been a waste. If she is too hardened by now, too burned by him. 

In the end it goes against her core nature to ignore someone in pain. 

A weakness.

Kylo’s breath catches when her eyes soften and she bites her bottom lip.

Then she arches both eyebrows.

“You haven’t changed at all have you?”

Kylo is jolted from his assumed victory and a ferocious expression darkens his features. 

“I have changed. I’ve changed more than you know, Rey.”

“Right.”

“Drop the sarcasm and listen,” his tone is low, almost urgent. “You need to know something.”

“Oh?” Rey replies, tired sounding, “and what is that?”

“I’m_ sorry_.” The two words come out strained as if the mere act of speaking them have taken a physical toll.

“For?” 

“Everything.”

Rey regards him carefully and pulls back her hood.

“Then come back to the resistance base with me. Tonight. I can borrow a ship.”

Kylo lets out an irritated snort that he reserves for people who are especially dense.

“Not before we discuss the terms of my surrender. At your dwelling, where-ever that might be.”

Rey stands suddenly and his hand closes on her wrist. 

"You don't have to be afraid," Kylo’s whisper is rushed, “I am not going to hurt you.”

The pulse in her wrist slows to a normal pace. An unwanted knot forms in the pit of Kylo’s stomach and he feels Rey’s compassion towards him grow. 

He is a monster.

The single tear that rolls down her face almost breaks him because he can’t comprehend how...easy this is. 

He chooses to ignore that this is easy because he is taking advantage of her kindness, of her feelings for him, of the insecure, vulnerable part of herself.

“You mean it?” Rey’s voice is wobbly and she stares at Kylo with soft wet eyes as her eyebrows lift slightly.

“You have my word.” Kylo stands and opens his mind completely. Not a shred of deception is detected.

Lifting her hood Rey motions for him to follow. 

***

Silence surrounds them as twigs and leaves snap beneath their feet. The wet forest is the opposite of their last desert encounter.

Rey’s home - he supposes that’s what it passes for - is through a door carved into a massive tree. Sturdy but uneven steps lead them into her sanctuary. After lighting too many candles Kylo surveys the books covering the walls and a small pile of blankets on the floor that act as a bed.

The circular room feels even smaller than it had been before with both of them inside. In such a tight space it is hard for Rey to be subtle with her movements.

She is nervous and full of doubt. 

“Sit down,” she points at the floor. They sit cross legged across from each other and she places her hand in his. “Show me. Show me everything that has happened with Hux, the First Order - all of it.”

A strange twist of emotion crosses Kylo’s usually-expressionless face before he delves into his rehearsed memory bank. At his touch Rey braces but he makes no further attempts to touch her the way he has in the past. He plays for her a year of angst, turmoil, war, battles, Hux, his disillusionment with the First Order, and his_ yearning _ for her.

That part does not need to be faked.

By the end she is crying freely, her expression honest and raw.

“Ben?” 

He nods and tenses when she throws her arms around his neck.

He could. He could do it right now. Call in the Knights, The First Order, have her bound and gagged faster than she will register his betrayal.

Kylo isn’t...ready for that yet.

He fails to control himself and his arms encircle Rey’s small, fragile, trembling body. His heart rate increases as he grabs her face and crashes their lips together. 

Kylo claims every inch of her mouth and it takes Rey a moment to respond with equal vigor. Neither of them pause: they devour each other and heavy breathing fills the room.

Kylo feels like an animal unleashed as he tears at her clothes, trying desperately to set her free. She's pulling his hair and moaning into his mouth and pressing her hips against his - and fuck, he just wants to fuck her. To feel her. 

And she would let him.

His so-called redemption opens her to him unreservedly.

It is his turn to be shocked at what she says next.

“Ben,” her voice is low and breathy, “I don’t have the implant, don’t - just don’t come inside okay?”

Fuck.

Just, _ fuck, _ because she is talking about _ them _ and him coming inside of her and - fuck. 

He continues to bare down on her, kissing her, messing up her hair. 

What she asks of him is going to be...nearly impossible. He has never been with a woman this way and he is not innocent to the fact that his body might respond quicker than he wants.

Still.

“Okay,” he mutters into her neck, “I won’t.” 

Kylo is about to get everything he wants. 

He is thinking Snoke was wrong - he can overcome his greatest weakness - when his hand falters as he strokes her cheek. Rey meets his eyes. 

And he - he _ can’t. _

She registers that something has changed and she curls her clothes around her chest. 

_ Supreme Leader, confirming pick up of the prisoner at the prior discussed location. _

A message from his Knight shoots through the force.

Kylo takes in Rey: small and nearly naked, face wet, eager to trust him again. 

“What’s wrong?” her brows furrow.

Kylo swallows. 

He wants to scream that she accepts and forgives him too easily.

He knows he has to make a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you want him to do? 🧐


	3. Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chap 3 of smutty angst.  
Just kinda blowing through this story cause i'm hella sick.  
warning: explicit content ahead & this is tagged Dark Reylo for a reason.  
Also: anytime someone uses deception to sleep w/ you it’s not ok. This fanfic does not deal properly with the seriousness of this issue.

Kylo makes the selfish decision to claim her under false pretenses. 

He tells himself it is OK because his _ feelings _ for her are real. Even if he is not who she thinks: he is not Ben Solo, he is not surrendering, and his motivation is to seize and abduct her. She _ must _ see the First Order can become something truly great with her by his side. She will soon realize Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are one and the same.

They are too well matched for him to beat her in combat - he needs to catch her off guard and exposed.

_ It’s wrong, so wrong. _

Kylo shuts up his conscience as he soothes Rey, cupping her face and assuring her everything is fine. He thumbs her bottom lip before he dips down and captures her mouth in another kiss. 

She is still reeling from his return to Ben Solo and he uses that to take control of their first sexual encounter. 

But not rough - never rough. 

She is precious and he wants her to enjoy this. 

Kylo gently pushes her back onto her elbows while his body settles next to her. 

He acts on instinct and kisses her everywhere while his hands run up and down her waist, hips, thighs, her inner thighs, her pink heat… he knows she needs to be wet, and they reach the point of no return as he slips a finger inside her. 

He marvels at how soft and tight she feels and watches her expression contort as he moves his fingers, feeling her shape and pushing into her further. Rey’s eyes are wide and her mouth parts as her fingers clutch at him. 

She is still too tight. 

Kylo is leaking and he tries to ignore his growing need. 

He lowers his head between her legs and hears Rey hiss as his tongue rhythmically proceeds with slow and steady laps. She melts into him and he slides two fingers inside of her, stretching her gently. 

“Oh…” she involuntarily bucks her hips, wanting to feel _ more _.

“Ben…” Rey rasps as his tongue swirls around her most sensitive point. His own breathing is labored as she twists beneath him. 

Rey’s fingers dig into him, clawing at the taunt muscles in his back and he can’t take it. She is swollen and slick as he uses a free hand to stroke himself; coating his erection with his own fluids. 

It’s _ probably _ okay. 

The chance of something happening is miniscule.

Kylo decides it doesn’t matter.

If she ends up pregnant he will protect her all the more fiercely. 

But she won’t - he _ is _ going to do is best to respect her request.

Kylo’s hand holds the curve of her waist as he pushes into her.

Slowly. Deliberately.

She is_ so _ tight and slick. The whimper that escapes from her mouth causes him to pause. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, the glimmer in his eyes sincere.

Rey nods and he eases in gradually, pushing past the slight resistance inside her. He braces himself over her and sucks in a breath, the muscles in his massive arms straining from the effort. Kylo feels her tightness clench around him and he forces himself to slow down.

They both gasp at the feeling of their connection, eyes widening.

Kylo feels the wave of pleasure rippling through his body and is not ready when she moves her hips against him, causing another wave. He pulls away slightly, then immediately pushes in again, causing them both to moan in unison. They kiss as he rocks into her, over and over, her hand reaching up to caress his face. Kylo begins to lose himself in the force of their energy; pushing into her harder and faster, causing her moans to become a pitch higher. 

He’s not going to last much longer. 

She kisses him with an energy to match his as her hand claws at his neck. He thrusts ruthlessly into her, the pressure building inside him. Kylo feels her tense up all around him and watches her eyes widen and shut as her mouth parts and she moans _ his _ name.

Fuck. 

He needs to pull out _ now._

Her orgasm pushes him over the edge and causes everything inside of him to let _ go._

Kylo buries himself deep inside of her, the shockwaves of his climax coursing through him.

He does pull back before he finishes - he thinks.

Mostly. 

He stops himself from collapsing on top of her and falls at her side. It is as if the entire galaxy around them disappears and only _ she _ remains with him.

And it is exactly this - her soft body curling up against his, molding to fit against his hard muscles, her delicate pretty face so close, and the way she_ looks _ at him - it is the worst kind of torture. 

The gravity of what Kylo is doing hits him hard.

He pictures the First Order’s flagship arriving soon, his Knights awaiting his precise coordinates. 

He pictures Rey’s face as they place her in binders and he declares his final victory over her.

He starts to hate himself more than he already does.

Kylo realizes he must be staring because Rey swallows thickly under his penetrating gaze. 

“Ben? Are you all right?”

_ God._

Just the _ way _ she says his name with that accent - he clears his throat.

“Yes. I...Rey...I won’t let anyone hurt you,” he gently touches her cheek, “You don’t need to fear being alone anymore. I...” Kylo hears her soft breathing in response. 

She is asleep. 

After an evening like this he can’t blame her. 

Kylo dresses quietly and steps outside into the forest. He contacts his flagship when an unnatural wind picks up and he hears a humming noise. 

Squinting through the trees Kylo spots a clearing and what appears to be a medium sized craft. 

The rebel scum insignia is impossible to miss. 

His blood runs cold when it dawns on him that as effortlessly as his plan is proceeding, Rey still manages to keep one step ahead of him.

What he can’t manage to figure out is _ how. _

How she always bests him.

She thinks she is helping him surrender.

There is no time to waste and he slams the door as he re-enters her home. The noise jars her awake. 

“Your friends are here,” his words come out like shards of ice. “You might have warned me.”

Rey’s expression is confused.

“I thought…” she wraps the blanket around her body and moves to stand.

“You thought _ what? _” He helps her to her feet a little too roughly and Rey recoils. 

“Why are you being like this? I contacted Rose to pick us up.” 

She is shaking slightly at his change in demeanor. 

Kylo is disgusted with himself at the way he treats her. 

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly and draws her to him. “I was caught off guard…”

Rey finishes pulling on her clothes. Her anxious expression is replaced by one of understanding.

“I know. I can’t imagine what this is like for you Ben but - I’m here. It’s going to be OK.” She says it so earnestly.

He truly _is _a shit person.

“Rey!” A shrill cry sounds from outside, “Rey! The First Order is here! Hurry!”

Rey secures her lightsaber.

“You heard her. We have to go. They’ll kill both of us, Ben.” 

Kylo’s mouth settles into a thin line as his hand bears down heavily on her shoulder.

“No. I don’t think they will, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my weird ass fic. 😬🤗  
Humbled by any and all kudos/comments


	4. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another late night update because I have no self control.  
I am flattered that anyone likes this story and leaves comments/kudos.  
thank you readers 🧡

Rey is processing the meaning of his sentence when Rose comes bounding through the front door. 

“Let’s _ go_,” she pulls at Rey and Kylo’s hand slides off her shoulder. 

“Is_ he _ really coming to the base?” 

Rey stares hard at Kylo and there is a silent question behind her gaze. 

“Yes. Yes, he is,” she turns to Rose, “he is defecting from the Order. I’ve confirmed it.” 

Kylo knows Rose does not believe it. 

She glares at him like he is absolute filth. 

Rey strides across the room and begins shoving a bookshelf to the side. A small escape door appears and leads to a narrow tunnel.

“We won’t make it past the flagship and TIE fighters,” Rey slings a bag over her shoulder. “If we move fast I can get us to the falcon. I've outrun the Order before. Ben?” 

She expects him to follow. 

Rose snorts and starts down the tunnel. 

“Right behind you.” His voice is deep and steady as he watches Rey disappear after Rose. 

He wills his body to fucking _ move._

He simply stands and waits.

Kylo hears the march of stormtroopers as they clamber through the forest. A message from his Knight informs him they are ready to apprehend the scavenger.

_ Where are you Ben? _

He hears her query through their link. 

_ Are you okay? _

Her rising panic.

_ Do you need help? _

She worries that he has been captured.

Kylo walks listlessly down the stairs and through the trees as stormtroopers fan out around him. 

He walks onto a ship not unlike the one he first carried _ her _ onto. 

_ Ben. Please...why aren't you following? Where are you?_

Kylo waits until the ship rises into the air and he signals for it to dock at the flagship. 

Then he responds. 

_ Flagship. The throne room. _

Dread - her dread - fills the force between them. 

_ I’m coming. I won’t leave you. _

Adrenaline pumps through his veins and he feels a little too hot under his layers of clothing. Surely she comes for him knowing she walks into a death trap? 

It is so _ like _ her to be sacrificial. 

Kylo rolls his shoulders and reality sets in.

She is coming willingly and he hasn’t had to lay a hand on her. 

Well.

He_ did, _and it was more than a hand.

Images of her beneath him flash through his mind. 

The mess he left between her thighs.

The way she entrusted her body and heart to him.

He is vile.

The minutes feel like hours as he tries to wait patiently.

***

“Supreme Leader,” a silk voice greets Kylo and a single Knight falls into step with him in the dark shining corridor. 

“I have received news that the scavenger has been detained. She is under the impression that you are in need of…_ saving_.” The Knight fails to hide the incredulous tilt in his tone. 

Kylo feels him hesitate. He isn’t finished.

“It was a challenge to follow your orders and restrain her without causing injury. Zain is dead.”

Kylo halts his pace. 

She has killed a Knight in her attempt to rescue him.

He is impressed. 

“Bring her to me. Unharmed and unbound. Leave the saber.”

Kylo continues down the hall alone and enters the throne room. The only announcement of his arrival is the descent of absolute silence amongst his guards. He sits draped across the grand chair he rules from, frozen from anticipation that she will be here soon.

Kylo feels relief that his moment of weakness in the forest - when he thought of letting her go - does not sabotage his hard work. 

A faint scuffle travels through the walls and the doors open. 

His remaining Knights drag her forward and the wide doors close with an echo. 

Rey stands still in the center of the room as the Knights flank around Kylo’s throne. 

Low chuckles reverberate throughout the chamber.

They come from the throats of his Knights. 

Cold, humiliating laughter. 

She is quite the sight, drenched in sweat, her hair an absolute mess, her eyes completely focused on _ him_.

“Ben!”

Rey rushes across the room but stops halfway as her mind grapples with her surroundings.

“Ben…” she starts again, her eyes frantic as they dart from the Knights to him and back again. 

“What - what is all this?” Her lower lip quivers as words slowly make their way out of her mouth. 

“Who...what...is there a Supreme Leader?” 

Kylo remains sitting. His smirk is triumphant.

“This_ is_ the throne room of the Supreme Leader. It’s _ over_, Rey. You don’t have to run. We don’t have to fight anymore. We don’t have to struggle against our connection,” he can’t keep the insistent edge from his voice.

Her mouth opens and closes. 

“You…you gave me your word," she finally says. Rey staggers backwards and he feels her mind swirling, her breaths shallow.

More laughter.

Kylo raises his hand and it stops. 

Guilt that he has no right to feel rises in him. 

As if in a trance Rey’s hand reaches for her lightsaber. She tries to respond as she normally does in this kind of situation. Blindly she gropes at her waist but comes up empty handed. In her shock she can’t seem to remember that her lightsaber rests on her other hip. 

Kylo doesn’t like watching her break down like this.

He looks down at her and his eyes narrow in contemplation. After a moment, he rises slowly from the chair and moves with purpose across the room. His eyes never leave hers, and by the time he stops in front of her, her head is tipped back in order to gaze up at his face. 

“You’re not surrendering,” her features buckle slightly before she speaks.

“I am not,” he confirms.

“You…” she struggles to get the words out, “...you lied to me. About everything.”

Her voice is small and she wraps her arms around her body. 

Nausea swirls unrestrained in Kylo’s stomach as he senses her grief and regret.

She is not _ supposed _ to feel regret. 

“Not everything,” he responds through gritted teeth.

Rey stays silent, staring at him, her wide eyes becoming glossy with tears. 

“I’m...so _ stupid_,” she chokes out. 

Kylo feels unease radiating from his Knights.

The raw intimacy they witness between the two force users is foreign - it makes them uncomfortable.

“You’re not stupid,” Kylo knows it’s a mistake when he braces his hands around her waist.

“_No_,” she convulses violently and jumps back. A bit of fire returns to her voice when she speaks.

“Don’t _fucking_ touch me.” She is seething and hot tears run down her cheeks.

She continues.

“Did you get what you wanted out of this? Were you laughing the whole time? Was it just an amusement for you to fuck me?” 

_ No, no, no. _

Kylo blinks back the unwanted stinging sensation in his eyes.

He knew she would be upset but he never wanted to break her heart. 

But he can see it in her eyes. 

The damage he has caused - Kylo can’t tolerate the anguish written across her face.

“Bind her and take her to my personal chambers,” he bellows loudly to hide the tremor in his throat. 

The Knights close in and Rey spits directly in Kylo’s face. 

The Knights are harsh as they push her to her knees and snap binders around her wrists.

One of them hands Kylo her lightsaber.

Kylo does not tell her that he won’t hurt her - she will not believe him.

He won’t force himself on her. He wants her enthusiastic like before. He wants her to look at him with the same soft stare, wants to hear her needy breathless voice whimpering his name.

Kylo needs her to understand she is his now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t worry guys our girl isn’t down permanently.  
this chap is probs peak angst.  
feel free to prompt me! this story just flows out and I like knowing what you want to read.
> 
> updates will be slower since i'll be spending 2 weeks with my in laws @.@
> 
> P.S. any interest in Rey's POV? Or should I stay in the twisted Kylo lane.


	5. Twisted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no one:  
me: here’s a little update b/c my toddler went to sleep early.  
sorry I had to add a masturbation tag😬  
**Trigger warning: Rey’s behavior is typical of someone who survives assault. Again this fiction does not address assault with the seriousness it deserves.  
Emphasis on DARK REYLO.  
still humbled by any comments/kudos 🧡  


***

Kylo thinks it is a good idea to give her space and time to cool down. He mulls over her rage and hurt. She is used to outsmarting him and now he has out maneuvered her.

Finally.

It is about damn time. He has ten years on her and far more experience in combat training _ and _ the force. He is _ owed _ this victory. Her submission to him in the forest is only the first taste of his reward.

Kylo believes she would not have let him claim her if she did not care for him.

If she did not love him.

He needs to cool down as well - he needs to calm himself and make sure he is control before he faces her again.

Kylo seeks out a private fresher and closes his eyes as hot water hits his chest and steam rises. He can’t help but imagine her cunt in front of him, tight and wet. He grips the length of his shaft and moves up and down slowly as his girth swells. In his mind she is on all fours as he pumps in and out of her and his arm braces against the shower wall. 

He thinks she is wrong to worry about the implant, or rather, the lack of one. He should come inside, should plant his seed deep inside of her. 

A baby will placate her, slow her down. She will _ have _ to consider someone else before acting out.

The notion of her growing round and everyone knowing it is because of him - the thought makes him come hard.

He’s sick - he’s _ so sick _ to debase her in this way but he can’t help it. 

Kylo finishes washing and catches his reflection in the mirror. Dark thoughts of family invade his mind. 

This is one area he will surpass his grandfather and father in. He will not repeat their failures. 

Kylo will be a _ good _ father. His heirs will be better and stronger for it. He has big plans for the two of them but he needs her to want it as badly as he does. Kylo vows not to force her into anything until she is ready.

She will be ready eventually. She _ has _ to accept her fate.

The fresher door opens and he steps into the hall. 

Before he goes to Rey - it is still surreal that she is here - he contacts the resistance. He informs them that their most powerful force user is in captivity. There will be no negotiations, no trades. There is nothing they can offer him that comes close to what she is worth. 

When he recognizes FN-2187 in the background he adds that she is staying in his private quarters.

Unceremoniously he disconnects the communication link.

Kylo is unable to stay away from her for long. He enters the bedroom and surveys the Knight’s handiwork. 

They have done a fine job binding this perfect, beautiful creature.

Coils of thick rope loop around her body from her chest down to her legs as she sits propped up in the middle of his bed.

Though, if he is honest, he does not care for the gag wound tightly around her mouth. 

It is too much.

It occurs to him that she killed Zain and the Knights likely resent her for it. He wishes he had seen Rey take down the Knight - it must have been a spectacular sight. 

Rey’s fear spikes and she unsuccessfully tries to shift away from him. She manages a small scoot sideways.

The bed dips under Kylo’s weight as he sits down next to her. 

He lightly removes the gag tied around her head.

“Are you in pain?” 

“You play games like a coward.” She states and stares resolutely ahead. 

Kylo begins unknotting the ropes.

“If you behave I will remove all restraints.” 

She stiffens as his fingers brush her skin and the ropes fall away. At such close proximity Kylo notices the bruise above her eyebrow, the blood on her knuckles, streaks of dirt on her face. Their connection hides nothing and Kylo feels her fight-or-flight response building.

He needs to settle her down. 

“I had to lie, Rey. It was the only way. I am sorry.”

“You’re delusional,” Rey bares her teeth. 

“I took no pleasure in hurting you.” Kylo’s mouth tightens when she refuses to even_ look _ at him.

“You have been pining for Ben Solo, but that name means nothing. I have always been Kylo Ren. Why can’t you accept that?” 

Fresh tears cascade down her cheeks.

He wants her to stop crying.

“Is it what happened in the forest? Don’t feel ashamed,” he adds, because she does. He senses her belief that he used her body and the violation runs deep. 

Kylo presses closer to her. 

“I was gentle wasn’t I? Respectful. You were so_ eager_. The sounds that came out of you, Rey. I want to hear them again.”

“Stop it!” Rey screams and whips around. 

Her fists slam into his face and blood pools around Kylo’s mouth. 

She does not relent. 

Pain erupts from the point of impact as she swiftly grasps his head between her hands and brings a knee up to his nose. Crimson leaks from both his nostrils and she lands at punch at his jaw. When she stumbles Kylo seizes her by the forearms tightly. She has always been a wild, scrappy thing. 

Rey’s eyes narrow in determination as he looms over her.

“You can’t hold me here forever. And when I escape you’ll pay.”

Kylo decides to use her previous words from their desert encounter against her.

“I’d like to see you try.” 

He lifts an arm to wipe the blood from his face. 

He is glad she still has some fight in her. 

Kylo escorts her to his personal fresher and pushes her inside. 

“After you clean yourself food will be brought to you. You will then spend the night with me.”

Kylo doesn’t mean it in the way she thinks he does, but that’s her punishment for coming at him. His face is impassive as he leaves.

Breaking her will take longer than he originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is Kylo going to handle her? 🧐  
What is Rey’s next move?  
Kind of feeling a Rey POV soon but I don't want it to be too jarring. IDK. We'll see.  
Thx for reading x.x


	6. Women

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this toxic angsty crappp keeps flowing from my fingers.  
*Note:This starts with Rey’s POV. I don’t plan on writing her POV often but I think it's a good contrast. Maybe?  
*Triggers: toxic masculinity, sexism, controlling behavior/isolation.  
The passionate comments berating Kylo are so good. I AM HERE FOR IT.  
Your comments/kudos are always so motivating.  
I really do appreciate each one! 🧡
> 
> TL;DR: This starts with Rey’s POV.

***

Rey stands completely clothed for a long time in the fresher. 

She waits to see if he will come back when he thinks she is naked. 

She does not want to see herself naked. She does not want to see the light streaks of blood on her underwear - tangible evidence that he was inside her. She does not want to think about the stickiness he left to dry between her legs.

It is humiliating proof that he exposed her desperate ache for Ben Solo. The Ben who kept her company on Ahch-To, who was tender in the elevator, who knows her deepest fears and dreams. The Ben who was always painfully honest with her.

He obliterates all of that by playing her for a fool.

He deceived her so successfully - in his arms he made her feel special and safe. Now she knows she is not special to him. She is a plaything, a tool, a source of entertainment. 

Rey can't believe she was naive enough to never consider that it was all a ploy.

She feels like an _ idiot_. 

When the banging on the outside door subsides- food she assumes - Rey turns on the shower. Her muscles are sore and she stands despondent under the spray until her skin is pink. Her hands rest on her stomach as she concentrates. It is a small comfort that she feels no new life inside of her - she can not take that on top of his betrayal. It scares her to think his body is a weapon he can use against her in more ways than one.

Afterwards she aggressively rings out her clothing and watches dirt and grime swirl down the drain. 

Rey does not care that her clothes are damp, she puts them on anyway. 

She is not going to give him the satisfaction of wearing _ his _clothing and smelling more like him than she already does. 

The cool wet clothing feels good against her skin and Rey finds herself a bit unbalanced. Fatigue sets in and she wants to sleep - she wants to disappear and dream of _ nothing_.

But she is afraid. 

She is afraid of waking to find him standing over her, of waking to find him pinning her down into the mattress.

Fighting sleep proves impossible. Rest is necessary if she is going to muster the energy to escape. 

She sinks onto the end of the bed, her eyes heavy as they shut.

*** 

“She refuses to respond sir. Forty-three minutes and counting.”

One of Kylo Ren’s senior officers appears annoyed that she is tasked with bringing sustenance to the scavenger.

A chore far below her station.

Kylo sighs. He needs Rey to eat, to stay nourished and healthy. To stay strong. 

It is obvious that the resistance provides for her more efficiently than she did for herself on Jakku. The way her body has filled out is proof of that. His hands recall how supple and tight she felt under his touch - her tiny waist followed by the curve of her hips that gave way to her bottom. When she is ready he will claim her there too. Every inch of her belongs to him. 

This lust will be his undoing.

Kylo suddenly feels relief that Rey did not interact with the officer because, well, the officer _ is _ a woman. 

He gave specific instructions for Rey to not be left alone with other females - human or otherwise. Why his orders are not heeded is unacceptable and someone will pay. 

It does not matter how loyal his officers are. Women become too clever when left alone with each other. They gain each other’s sympathies too easily. 

Even ones within his own ranks. He will not risk it.

It’s wrong, he knows - these attitudes towards them. 

But they _ are _ dangerous creatures. Like Rey.

Too intelligent, too pretty, and too powerful. 

It is not that he thinks women are useful only for a few things - they just need to be handled with caution and vigilance.

Kylo enters his bedroom with the intention of dragging Rey out from wherever she hides. 

Even as he thinks this he knows he won’t. Not if he finds her still regarding him like an enemy, a brute. The room is silent and he finds her curled up on his bed fast asleep. 

She seems so young, so small.

He knows she still broods over their union. She is hung up on it, really. Pained that Ben Solo did not make love to her - that it was Kylo Ren who fucked her and she loved it. 

Kylo remembers how hard she came.

He removes his cloak and tunic and considers scooting her closer to the middle of the mattress. He decides against it. The safer option is to leave her be, to let her sleep. The flagship is taking her far across the galaxy, out of orbit, and away from her friends. Stormtroopers gathered belongings from her home: clothing, books, and other personal items. If they pass inspection they will be brought to her.

Kylo wants Rey to know he cares about the details in her life. 

Unfortunately the ransacking did not reveal any clues about resistance base locations and the other one called Rose managed to escape. 

Kylo shakes his head. 

Women. Too clever. Not to be trusted.

Rey stirs and he waits with bated breath for her reaction. Her eyes bulge as she wakes and remembers where she is. 

She spots Kylo and bolts to the furthest corner of the room opposite him.

“Rey,” Kylo sighs, exasperated. His steps are heavy as he moves towards her. “Where do you think you can run to?” 

How can he make her understand? Make her feel _ better_.

“Listen. _ Listen _ to me. I did this all for you. I can feel your self loathing - you need to stop. You’re not stupid. You’re not a fool. You are superior to me in every way. Sleeping with you...” her cheeks burn when he brings it up and he stops short. 

He needs to tread carefully here.

“Sleeping with you was never a game to me. Never an amusement. You feel dirty and you shouldn’t. How often do I need to remind you that Ben and Kylo are the same person?”

Rey chokes out a harsh laugh.

“If you have to ask you will never understand. You’re incapable of it,” she sounds sad and defeated. 

An entitled primal urge manifests in Kylo. The need to prove her wrong. 

“Let me kiss you.” 

Rey wordlessly backs up and shakes her head.

“Come on Rey. Let me remind you that you _ do _ feel for me.”

It is not that he _ wants _ to pressure or intimidate her but he tires of these back and forth games.

Kylo cuts off her path by darting forward and corners her. His hand drifts to her hip and settles there before he pulls her closer. 

Rey inhales sharply.

“Please don’t,” she whispers. “Please...please..._ don’t_,” she shakes badly and Kylo steadies her. 

It’s not like Rey to beg.

Kylo does not like it. It does not become her.

His lips brush against hers soft and tentative - lingering long enough so that he inhales her breath and feels the warmth of her skin. 

“You taste so sweet Rey,” he murmurs before kissing her ear lobe. He then works his way down her neck to her collar bone before coming right back up for her lips. 

“Just let me take care of you. Please.”

Rey bites down on his bottom lip and draws blood.

“_No_.”

Kylo strains to stop himself from rebuking her. She is not reciprocating his administrations - not even close - and it is beyond frustrating.

She stares at him like he is a stranger, a monster. He does not continue to push her out of fear that he might extinguish her fiery spirit more than he already has.

“Very well,” he releases her and now he...he isn’t sure what to _ do_. 

It took a year of meticulous plotting to get her here and she still finds a way to gain the upper hand. He cannot bring himself to fucking _force_ her to submit.

Kylo’s hands constrict into fists. He bends over and picks up a strand of stray rope from the floor. Without meeting her eyes he circles the rope around her wrists and ties the opposite end to the bed frame.

“I don’t like having to do this,” he admits, “but you leave me no choice. You’re welcome to join me at any point. In the bed.” He says this as if it is not obvious. Kylo lowers the lights and crawls into bed as silence envelops the room. He thinks she might be asleep when he hears her softly crying. 

This angst, her sorrow, it cannot go on for much longer. 

It just _ can’t_. 

“Rey.” Kylo hoists himself from the bed and sits down next to her. He uses a thumb to brush the tears from her face. She tries to twist away from him.

“Tomorrow will be better,” he insists, “You will like where I’m taking you. I promise. I won’t kiss or touch you again unless you want me to.”

“I don’t believe you.” 

Kylo sees nothing short of disgust on her face, almost hatred, as she reddens in defiance. He withdraws and leaves her on the floor. It is time to contemplate his next steps.

He intends to find a way to get her out of those rags she wears - they are simply not appropriate. Kylo thinks for this purpose he may need to relax his stance on Rey being around other women. For a short while, until they clean and dress her up. Comfort her in the way only women can.

He also intends to hold a private meeting with his Knights first thing in the morning. They need to be debriefed on how the scavenger will be treated, the authority she will come to hold within the First Order. Noncompliance will not be an option.

The flagship makes its way to the outer rim at lightspeed. There are a few planets he intends to subdue and Kylo wants her to watch the First Order in action with him at the helm as Supreme Leader. 

Above all else Kylo must maintain control over himself and he must not underestimate her. 

She is dejected and hurting, but she_ is _a survivor. If he gives her any room to move - _anything_\- he knows she will escape. 

Kylo will not let this happen.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx again for reading.  
dark times ahead. 😬  
Your prompts really do help get my ideas flowing!


	7. Seduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol I'm so sorry for this chap its frakin' limey.  
Also: this is triggering if you’ve done something [sexual] you don’t want to do in order to survive.  
Your feedback on the last chapter is much appreciated! 😬

It is always the conquest, the hunt that Kylo craves the most. 

He wants to laugh when he finds Rey asleep _ underneath _the bed in the morning. As he looks closer Kylo notices she has freed herself from the rope.

Of course she did. A small act of defiance.

He thinks she pretends to be asleep and he leaves her to her childish antics. From the corner of his eye he dresses and watches for any signs of rustling. 

Nothing.

“Rey,” his stands above the bed, voice distorted by the mask. “You are going to be retrieved by four of my top officers. You will join the Knights of Ren - and myself - in a few hours.”

Last night Kylo decided against relaxing his stance on Rey and women. Making an exception is something a weaker Kylo Ren would do. She will be surrounded by the harshest and most senior of his officers.

Kylo strides down the corridor with a renewed sense of purpose. The First Order arrives at the outer rim and he gets first pick of the woefully insignificant planets below. He practically _ feels _ their panic through the force.

On the bridge he circles a holomap and examines the topography of each planet. He reads the files that contain basic information. One planet consists of enough precious metals that will save scores of time gathering it from other systems. Even better is the plentiful population. Kylo will send the troopers down to remove all children under the age of two from their caretakers. He thinks they are young enough to program into soldiers for the First Order. 

The rest of them will go into slavery or be shot. He maintains this ruthlessness to demonstrate that the First Order is exceptional under his leadership. 

Kylo is distracted from his imminent plans when the Knights enter. He motions for them to follow him into the enclosed space used for debriefings and meetings. They are unable to hide anything from him and to do so warrants a death sentence.

The purpose of the meeting is to gage how they regard the scavenger. Kylo senses revenge, hate, lust, and jealousy.

All feelings he expected. 

Hours go by as he informs them of her history, fighting style, the depth of her powers. Her future as his equal. Kylo does not realize how much time passes as he talks about _her _until the door slides open.

“Supreme Leader,” a husky voice causes Kylo’s head to turn. It is one of the officers he assigned to Rey. “The scavenger is waiting for you on the bridge. She has been fed and remains unarmed. She...” the officer chews on his words, “...she was oppositional and we could not complete the health inspection. If I may speak candidly sir, she is a bit...unrefined.”

Kylo barely hears the man. He removes his mask and immediately leaves the Knights before the officer finishes speaking. 

What he sees satisfies him. Rey is clean and dons the clothing made for her: silk black fabric in a similar design to her usual garb but more sophisticated. Less functional, harder to move in, and easier on the eyes.

The tracking device is a tight gold necklace around her neck. Thin as twine but incredibly strong, Kylo finds it much more aesthetically pleasing than the typical bulky tracking device. She appears distracted by the holomap and oblivious of the impact her presence has on the bridge.

The stares, darting eyes, the curious glances from people who want a glimpse of the scavenger who evaded Kylo Ren for years.

Until she ran directly into the trap he set. 

Kylo drifts over and places a hand on her shoulder.

“You look beautiful,” Kylo says. He means it.

“What is all this?” She asks and nods at the planets on the holomap. Kylo is glad she is curious.

“You’re looking at our newest source for metals and other assets. These planets are rich in resources for the First Order.”

“What happens to the people?” Concern clearly marks her tone.

“They will become stormtroopers.”

“And the rest?”

People look up as her voice rises a note higher. Kylo takes Rey by the wrist and leads her to the office. He dismisses the Knights. 

She can’t make a scene on his bridge in front of his subordinates. They will expect him to reprimand her appropriately and he knows he cannot bring himself to do that. Alone in the room he locks his eyes onto hers.

“The rest will become slaves or die.”

Rey closes her eyes and swallows.

“And the ones you take - they are children, babies?”

“Yes.” 

It hits her hard.

“No,” she shakes her head, “there has to be another way.”

Kylo sets his jaw.

“There isn’t, Rey. You know this. I want you to see the power of the First Order.” 

Rey steps away and peers through a small window. She is thinking of the children about to be torn from their parents arms. When she shifts back to Kylo her resolve is calm.

“Would you...would you consider not taking the children if I go to bed with you?” 

Kylo scoffs.

“Don’t cheapen yourself by bartering sex, Rey.” His tone is flat but simmers with anger. Rey’s chest rises and she stands inches from him, gripping his cloak.

“I’m not. You say Kylo and Ben are the same? Then prove it. Show me you’re the same person. Show me it will feel like our time together in the forest.”

Kylo’s breath quickens. He wishes he had more experience in the world of women. More experience on how to handle them - how to respond to their advances.

“If you are serious then we will go to my private quarters now.”

He is trying to call her bluff. 

Instead Rey holds fast to her proposition.

“Okay then. Right now.” 

Kylo senses the Knights disapproval when he delays his orders to attack the planet. They do not understand he has more important business to attend to. He intends to find out if Rey is sincere in her request to be with him - if she finally accepts that the force binds them together.

***

In his bedroom Kylo sets the lights low and stands behind her. He feels her skin rise under his touch as he unzips her tunic and his lips graze the back of her neck.

“Get onto the bed.” His tone is barely audible, a whisper. Her skin is as tan and smooth as he remembers - not that it has been long. She is exposed and on his mattress. He tries to focus.

“On your stomach. No - your back.” He changes his mind. Kylo wants to be able to see her face, to see that she really feels for him. It is also the most natural position for her to be in when she is with him. Kylo steps out of his shoes and joins her on the bed.

Rey’s gaze moves to his face, her nose just gently turning up. Her eyes are large and wide as her eyelashes gracefully curve out, just the right amount to frame them. Kylo sees her lips, slightly pouted, and he hungers for their touch. He wants to kiss them until they are swollen. The carnal fire leaps madly within him.

“Do you still want this?" He questions because she feels rigid under his chest.

“Yes,” she shifts nervously. 

Kylo unbuckles his belt with one hand while using the other to hold her still.

“Good,” he stops to remove his shirt and reveals an unforgiving wall of muscle.

“Can I come inside you?” He asks after a pause.

Rey remains silent for a moment.

“I’d rather you didn’t. “

Kylo is not happy with her answer. He is quiet as he deliberates his options.

“I am going to come inside you.”

“Why ask then?” Rey snaps. Kylo immediately regrets the formality of asking. He senses her hurt that he pretends to consider her feelings. But he _ does_. It’s just that he needs her to want what he does. 

“I want you to know I’m not doing it out of disrespect.” Kylo tries to elaborate without scaring her. “I want you pregnant, Rey.”

Her breath hitches. 

“I’m not ready for that. I don’t _ want _ that.” 

“You’ll be fine,” Kylo assures her. “I’ll take care of you. Put your hands on my shoulders," he commands softly. Rey does as she is told. 

Kylo’s lips ghost above hers.

“Now tell me you love me," he says. He slowly spreads her legs apart and sees the tender pink between her thighs. His prize.

“I need you to say it and _ mean _it.”

Rey wets her dry lips and he can feel her heart pound through her chest.

“I..I...love you.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

Rey turns away as he positions himself between her legs.

“_Look _ at me Rey,” he inclines her face so that he can meet her eyes. 

He pushes into her. Kylo glances down to watch as her heat swallows him and he gently thrusts back and forth. 

_ Fuck. _

His eyes close tightly for a second. He has gone from chasing her around the galaxy to having her legs splayed wide open for him on his flagship. 

If her resistance friends could see her now. 

He almost comes then and there at the thought.

“Rey. You’re still so tight. You’ll tell me if it hurts?” It is hard to get the words out between pants, hard to speak, but he needs her to come like she did the first time.

He needs her _ wet. _

Kylo withdraws from her body and drops down. 

“No - no - you don’t have to do that,” her words come out rushed. A mixture of concerned confusion crosses Kylo’s face.

She liked this before.

But he does not need the force to know she does not want his tongue between her legs. 

She just wants this to be _ over_. 

Kylo’s hold on her loosens.

None of this is right. _ None _ of it. 

Sleeping with him is not supposed to make her a martyr. It should not be an unpleasant chore. He slams his fist onto the bed frame above her head. It causes Rey to jump and she desperately tries to cover herself. 

“You lie,” he hisses into her face, “you don’t love me and you don’t want this.”

“_I_lie?” Her voice rises and she backs up against the headboard.

“Yes _ you _ lie,” he shouts back, “You think this is a game? That you can distract me with your body to save a pathetic planet?” Rage storms inside of him. Rage that she tries to manipulate him, tries to turn him into something truly reprehensible by letting him fuck her when she _ doesn’t _want it. Rage that it almost worked.

It’s enough to make him boil over.

Kylo’s huge hands take hold of her by the waist and pull her back with rough urgency. Rey tries to roll out from under him and ends up hitting the floor hard. She gives a sharp cry as her wrist cracks to break the fall and her bottom lip splits from the impact. Blood pools out. 

Kylo winces seeing her naked and bleeding on the floor at his hands.

A deep shame suspends him from approaching her. With trembling hands Kylo activates his comlink. 

“Send medic to my private quarters immediately.” 

Behind him Rey cradles her wrist. She will not acknowledge him. They wait in silence and Kylo averts his eyes as she tries to dress. A knock on the door jolts him and Kylo crosses the room. His hand hovers over the knob as he turns to Rey.

“I’ve really ruined everything. Haven’t I?”

“You have.” 

Her answer stings his already wounded pride.

“And I don’t love you. Not anymore. You've done a thorough job of destroying it.”

Kylo remains stoic as medic escorts her away. 

When the door shuts he contacts General Krog and gives orders to bomb every city on the planet below. He wants every building turned to dust, it’s citizens turned to ash. 

Her attempt to pull a fast one highlights his ongoing failure of underestimating her. He does not expect Rey to play the part of seductress - she is too transparent. Too honest, too clean, too virtuous.

It is precisely why Kylo is shaken she got as far as she did. 

His next orders are to lock Rey in the highest maximum security cell. Three Knights are assigned to watch over her. She needs to be kept safe and away from_ him _. 

At his desk Kylo pours over a map of the outer rim. His eyes land on a planet he has heard of: one that is strong with the force, one that is rumored to harbor a tool that can give him everything. 

Rey will not be clean or virtuous when he is through with her. He will ruin her more than he already has. He will make her love him again. 

If she admits it once existed, he can bring it back. 

He _will_.


	8. Dathomir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow I made it a couple days without posting 😂. I think there are 4 chapters left to go + epilogue. The last chapter is finished. I just need to write the in-between ones.  
Your comments on the previous chapter were so awesome, thank you! You all pick up on stuff that doesn’t even occur to me and it’s fun to read.  
TL;DR: Starting with Rey’s POV.

Rey thinks this ordeal will either pass as a terrible blip in the course of her life or it will be the final trauma that breaks her. 

She does not know where Kylo’s aggressive obsession comes from. She does not know where the obsession with impregnating her comes from. She surmises it is another way for him to subjugate her - to control her mind and body - but she feels his motivation runs deeper. 

In his mind he truly wants a family. Does he even know the meaning of the word? He wants to be a father. Rey thinks he views it as another domain to dominate. To create a legacy that will outlast his grandfathers.

She shuffles on the cot in the medic ward. It is only a matter of time before he snaps and forces himself on her - the scene in the bedroom is a reminder of his volatile nature. Men like him never maintain a calm facade for long. 

_ The bedroom. _

Rey cringes.

A plan doomed to fail from the start. His lust for her is overwhelming and she fails to harness it to use as a weapon against him. 

She simply lacks the experience.

“He has a temper, doesn’t he?” The medic angles her face from side to side to examine her lip. After the bacta tank it is merely a formality to check that her lip and wrist heal completely.

The initiation of conversation startles Rey and she does not answer.

She feels the presence of the officers and Knights outside the door that Kylo assigns to her.

“The Supreme Leader will be happy with how you have healed,” the medic declares. She tenses when the medic reaches for a syringe. The response does not go unnoticed.

“This will help your anxiety. Help you relax.” 

Rey does not know why she bothers to jerk back - there is nowhere to run.

“I don’t need it.” 

“You _ do_,” the medic slams it into her shoulder. Her body’s response is immediate and Rey feels woozy. She hardly registers the officers guiding her to the dark cell. They inform her that she will stay here until the Supreme Leader comes for her. 

*

Time passes slowly. Days and weeks bleed from one to the next.

Rey stays hidden within the darkness of the cell, feeling every beat of her heart pounding on the cold stone she lies on. It is as quiet as it is dark, with only one sound to be heard; the sound of her own pulse throbbing in her ears. 

For the first time the silence breaks as the door slowly opens. A narrow stream of light meanders through the room. A shadow follows. 

She is scared. 

She holds her breath, daring not to make a sound. Each second seems to last an eternity as she lies perfectly still listening to the footsteps of the intruder - of _ him_.

“Rey.” 

Her eyes widen, breaths ragged and harsh. Her hands tremble at her sides and she can’t stop herself - the impulse to flee is too strong. Without thinking Rey wields as much of the force as she can. 

She curses the injections that dull her reflexes. 

But in her fear and anger she wills Kylo to move, the force whisking him to the side as she rushes for the door. 

She does not think of how to get past the Knights - she only thinks of getting away from _ him _ and his greedy hands. 

It is a feeble attempt. 

Rey senses his exertion and he moves fast, full of purpose, in complete silence. 

She feels his hot breath on the back of her neck as he takes her down, using his strength and the bulk of his body to wrestle her to the ground.

“Still so feisty,” he pulls her up from the floor to face him. “So defiant. If you wanted back into my quarters you only had to say.”

“I’d rather stay here than be anywhere near you.”

A low growl in his throat.

“Don’t try to fight. I don’t want you injured again.”

Rey feels the tears welling in her eyes. She wishes her emotions did not rise so easily to the surface around him.

“Stop pretending you care about me.”

“I do care, Rey,” his hands cup her face the way he did in the forest. When she thought he was Ben.

The memory is painful.

“We will be taking smaller ship and embarking to the planet below.” Kylo turns her around and lightly pushes her against the cool prison wall. He snaps binders around her wrists. 

“Promise me you’ll be good.” He presses against her gently, his mouth close to her ear.

Rey steels her nerves.

“Promise me, Rey.”

She says what he wants to hear.

“I’ll be good.” 

***

Kylo is logic and cold detachment until he touches her skin. Something not only stirs in him, but takes over his thinking. The rest of the world becomes an unimportant blur that he pushes far into the recesses of his mind.

It is his hope that the stark and lonely prison cell makes her relieved to see him, to spend time with him again.

He moves in close enough for her to feel his body through her clothes as he secures the binders. 

All he senses is her fear and alarm.

Tonight she is going to spend the night in his bed whether she wants to or not. Kylo will not push her into anything. He just needs her close now.

But first, their planet excursion. 

They are in the Quelli sector of the outer rim descending onto Dathomir. The rumors of Dathomir being strong with the dark side are true. The pulse of the planet spreads through his body like icy liquid metal. He knows Rey feels it too. It coaxes the darkness present in both of them.

Kylo was raised hearing stories of the strange inhabitants on Dathomir. The Kwa, rancors, the Nightsisters. 

He knows it is the home planet of Darth Maul. 

Dathomir is a planet decimated by too many years of war and conflict. Kylo is not sure what remains but he intends to raid the ancient dwellings of the Nightsisters. The Witches. 

Kylo imagines this is how Hux felt about the Force. Hux considered the force nothing more than trickery and the ability to create illusions. Dark magic and the exact opposite of rational facts and reason. 

It is how Kylo feels about the Nightsisters and their so-called powers. It cannot be true witchcraft. All the same, he will confiscate the Shadow Book and find in it something to make Rey permanently his. He does not care if it is the force, magic, a drug - he will bend her to his will.

The hatch opens and the smell of decaying plant matter mingles with the cool and gentle breeze. His troopers feel uneasy and the Knights are intoxicated by the darkness. 

The forest they march through is ancient. The trees thick and old, roots twisted. It might once have been filled with bird-song and animals that roamed. But now it is ages past its former glory. 

Rey shoots him a worried look.

Kylo prefers it to the scowls she reserves for him.

The occasional streak of sunlight touches the forest floor through the thick canopy. They finally come upon a temple taken over by thick vines.

There is no mistaking it for anything other than the temple of the Nightsisters. 

She is going to spend _ days _ under him when he finishes with this planet. 

“Kylo,” the light tilt of Rey’s voice turns his head, “Do you feel it? Something isn’t _ right_.”

She is right to worry. What little freedom he allows her ends here. 

“I need to be armed. Just in case. Please.”

She dares to ask for a _weapon_. She is...impossibly demanding.

The Knights and troopers observe their interaction carefully. 

“Come here, Rey.”

He does feel the strange energy she speaks of. Kylo breathes in sharply before he orders the Knight Blaze to give her one of his two lightsabers. He unlocks her binders.

He feels the unspoken protest of outrage roll through the force from his Knights. 

Rey’s lips part in shock when the saber is placed in her hand. 

“You know that saber comes with a price,” Kylo shows her images of what he has in mind. Rey’s eyes flicker from the saber to his face. 

He bridges the space between them, his hand on the back of her neck.

“Don’t be afraid. Think of the forest. Remember how you felt. It will be that way again.” He feels Rey quiver under the trace of his fingers on her face. She looks as if he asks her to recall a painful memory. Kylo glares down at her, eyes alight as he gestures for her to walk by his side. 

The saber, the grain of trust he gives her _ has _ to soften her regard towards him. She has no choice but to view it as a peace offering.

Kylo is desperate for her to stop grieving her future with him. 

He wants this excursion to Dathomir executed quickly. 

As they enter the temple Kylo hears an uproar among his troops. He activates his saber and steps in front of Rey to protect her from the onslaught of whatever darkness lurks here. 

Instead his eyes drift up to see a ship haul out of hyperspace and into orbit above them. 

A resistance ship. There is no reason for them to be here. None at all.

It is _impossible_.

There is a traitor in his midst. 

Kylo senses Rey’s equal shock and he barks orders to the stormtroopers.

He is reminded of how utterly foolish his judgement is around Rey. How stupid her pretty face makes him, how his feelings for her make him weak.

He is reminded of all of this as he turns to find her pointing the ignited lightsaber at his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dathomir plays a minor role in this fic. Someday I'd like to give it the detail/depth it deserves.  
we still aren’t at peak drama. more limey times ahead. 😂😬
> 
> still forever humbled anyone reads this and for any comments/kudos. 💛


	9. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well here we are back in the perv mind of Kylo Ren. Written by me. Which means I am the perv. oh god.  
(sorry I am bad at pacing posts, but my work is about to get insane. I am determined to complete a long-ish fanfic x.x)

“Going to kill me, Rey?”

Kylo can’t deny that seeing Rey ready for the heat of battle awakens something feral inside of him. She faces him fiercely and unafraid. 

“I will if I have to.” 

He admits it arouses him more than it should. 

She has been skittish and fragile in captivity and the burn of her righteous anger excites him. 

Even as she aims the lightsaber at his chest, Kylo does not consider Rey the challenge he once did. Not since he successfully seduced and enticed her with his trap. 

The bigger threat is the Knight standing directly behind Rey. The one who informed him of Zain’s demise at the hands of the scavenger. 

Kylo realizes how sloppy he has grown with the Knights. How his infatuation with Rey blinds him to their growing unease of his goal to obtain her. Blinds him to their thoughts that he is unfit to rule as Supreme Leader. 

This Knight intends to usurp him by stooping low enough to contact the resistance. Not as allies - never as allies - but with the objective that Kylo cannot fend off the traitors in his ranks_ and _the rebels.

Rey braces for the strike of his saber when he smoothly dodges her and clashes with the Knight barreling down on both of them. 

Kylo’s blow is savage and brutal. He is a mammoth size compared to the Knight as he body slams the traitor to the ground, his saber impaling him through the chest. 

An example to all who try to undermine him.

He comes for Rey next. 

The dark side of Dathomir amplifies Kylo’s own sinister nature. He melts into the dark ominous energy that fuels him to dominate Rey. 

He lusts to have her at his mercy. 

Kylo’s obsidian eyes fixate on Rey as she plows a path through stormtroopers to reach the descending resistance crafts. 

Her retaliation with the lightsaber is a violation of his trust and she must pay. He will hasten her submission to him. After the resistance is blown from the sky, after he delivers swift justice to any remaining traitors, he will confine her to his bed. Kylo will stretch and ruin her tight pink heat so that she is fit only for him to fill her. 

He devolves into a creature driven by pure instinct and changes his course of pursuit. He runs a half circle through the gnarled trees and emerges in front of Rey, blocking her path. 

All he sees are her wide doe eyes as his saber sparks against hers. The strength of his swing sends her flying back into a defensive position. 

But he will not hurt her. He can never injure or maim Rey. Especially not as he senses it, the tiny light inside of her. He does not believe it at first. He then wonders how long she thinks she can hide it from him. His mind rakes through hers painfully, forcefully.

She roars in defense and tosses him from her mind.

He plunders in a second time because he can find no concept of it in her mind. No thread, no image of what is happening inside of her. 

Either she is an expert at cloaking her mind from him or she is in deep denial. 

The mind - Kylo knows it is a strong defensive fortress. 

He thinks of their night in the forest.

She was too wet. Too slick. The squelching sounds that came from her heat as he rocked into her wrecked him. 

Kylo wants to take credit for her extreme arousal. He can’t. 

He can only admit to himself he was - is - still too inexperienced. 

He unknowingly invaded her body when she was _ ready. _

He is perversely proud it took one time for her body to accept his seed. More evidence the force binds them together.

It hits Kylo that she spent her first weeks pregnant sleeping on the floor of a cold prison cell. When he slammed his fist above her head, when she fell from the bed: she was pregnant.

He is furious with himself. He needs to do _ better. _He cannot treat the woman he loves this way. 

There is no way she does not know. 

He pursues after her as she slides down a ravine and tackles her from behind. Her saber flies forward and Kylo calls it to him, locking it into the hilt of his belt.

One strong arm wraps across her collarbone while the other tightens around her waist.

“You’re pregnant, Rey.”

His words hit her like he wants them to.

“I am _ not_.”

There it is. Denial. 

“You are. You must feel it.”

She struggles against him with unexpected vigor.

“I am _ not_. This...this sick planet is crawling with dark life forms. You sense _them_.” Her chest heaves with ragged pants, her lungs contracting avidly for air. 

Kylo can’t break through her denial with words. He exploits the force link to show her what he feels, what he senses inside her. His mouth brushes her cheek and her skin tastes salty and wet. These revelations make her all the more tempting. 

“You feel it now, don't you? And to think you were afraid of this, Rey. It’s already happened.”

He feels her shoulders shake with a quiet sob. 

A resistance ship flies low above them. 

Kylo is caught between getting them off the battlefield and comforting her. The delay costs him and Rey slips under his grasp with renewed energy.

The scene is eerily familiar to the one in the desert. It happens as if in slow motion, her stride staying one leap ahead of him, just out of his grasp.

Rey sprints and jumps into open hatch of the ship.

She makes it. 

Kylo’s all encompassing rage howls through the force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a complete indulgence for me to bring in a pregnancy storyline. I usually avoid it in my fics but this *whole thing* is an indulgence soooooo there’s that 😂.  
the dark theme will be maintained. babies (if she has it) don’t make everything better.  
Next chap starts with Rey POV.


	10. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let’s check in on our pal Rey now that she’s escaped Kylo Ren.  
Suzeraine you called it! It's like you're in my BRAIN.

Rey does not believe she is out of his grasp until she feels Rose’s warm arms embrace her. 

“Glad you could join us Rey!” Poe’s chipper voice rings from the front of the ship. He works hard to keep them alive as he maneuvers the craft. His unrelenting optimism is admirable.

And of course, Rey thinks, Poe _would_ be the one to excel at navigating through the trees so effortlessly. She watches the damned planet below fade as they ascend higher into space.

Rey has no time for lengthy reunions.

“Poe,” she bursts into the cockpit, “we need to escape at lightspeed. We need to get out of here _ now. _”

The ship lurches around the First Order’s flagship, firing at will as TIE fighters swoop around them. 

Rey cannot savor her rescue until she is far from _ his _ reach. Distance is all that matters. 

“Hang on Rey, first we gotta take out these….”

“No! Please, _ please, _we have to get away from here!” Rey is about to lean over and take control of the ship herself.

Rose and Poe both pause at the hysterical urgency they hear in her voice. They exchange a glance. Rose shoots Poe a pressing look.

“Yeah sure, no problem Rey,” Poe activates his comlink and delegates orders to the other resistance ships. He informs them he is on a rescue mission and the survivor needs to be evacuated far from the First Order.

From Kylo Ren.

_ Rey. _

His voice purrs through the force.

_ I’m coming for you. _

She desperately tries to shut him out.

_ You can’t run from me. I will fight for you and win. _

Chills prickle down her spine. Rey can’t believe she ever felt safe with him. 

“Let’s do this BB-8!” The droid whirrs in agreement with Poe as they launch to lightspeed. “Alright, that’s a clean escape!” Poe hollers as they propel through space. 

Rey blindly reaches for a seat and collapses into it.

It is not a clean escape. Not for her. 

She calculates she did not feel it earlier because it was too soon, but she is certain of it now. The piece of him he left inside her takes hold and thrives. Kylo Ren gains one massive win over her: she _ is _ pregnant. Rey wrestles with wanting to crawl inside herself and dig it out. She wrestles with wanting to protect it from _ him_. 

She feels neglectful for not having the implant. For not tracking her cycle more accurately. For trusting him as he whispered against her neck that he wouldn’t come inside. Worse, for not calling him out when he did because she was just happy to be with Ben. 

The list is long. 

Rey tries to tell herself it will be okay. That in the forest they made this new life out of love. It was when she loved him and he...Rey’s shoulders start to shake again with silent sobs.

He never loved her.

Nothing about his behavior has been loving.

She refuses to dwell on how viscerally Kylo shattered her heart from the moment she entered the throne room to find them all laughing at her. 

Ben Solo is lost and she spent too long in the hands of an unhinged mad-man who calls himself Kylo Ren. 

Rey is not sure how to explain any of this when Rose sits down next to her and holds her for a long time. As she pulls back Rose reaches for Rey’s neck and curiously pulls back the tunic.

“What is _ that_?”

Rey’s hand flies to her neck and fingers the gold necklace. The tracking device. In a frenzy she pulls and scratches at her throat in an attempt to remove it.

“Help me get this off!”

Rose is on it. She needs no further encouragement.

“I’ve had it with Kylo fucking Ren,” Rose grunts as she uses sheers to cut the necklace in two. It takes a considerable amount of effort. 

“Want me to dump this and ask Poe to hit lightspeed again?”

“Yes,” Rey sighs, her relief palpable that Rose seems to know exactly what to do. Rey is beyond grateful for Rose. No judgement, no chastising her for believing Kylo was truly on the path to redemption. There is not a hint of _ I told you not to go after him _ in Rose’s eyes or her tone. 

As the craft enters another system Rey reclines onto the small bench that doubles as a bed. 

Rose stands by her side.

“You know being captured wasn’t your fault. Anything he did is not your fault,” she says softly. Rose squeezes Rey’s shoulder and leaves to respond to BB-8’s beeps. 

She is grateful all over again for her friend’s sensitivity.

Rose does not know how close Kylo Ren came to breaking her. How close he came to making her feel like he _ owned _ her.

Rey wipes her eyes. 

She concentrates, as she did in the fresher, on her body. 

Rey feels it - the little life pulsing inside. It does not feel dark or light - just pure, innocent, and unknowing of the legacies and familial ties he or she descends from. The baby does not know it’s mother is a scavenger from nowhere, that it’s father is one of the most abhorrent and powerful men in the galaxy. 

Rey knows the second she thinks of it as a _ baby _ that she is going to keep it.

She knows she does not have to. Kylo will pursue them ruthlessly. 

It dawns on her that it may be merciful to extinguish the life rather than place him or her in danger. She can't. 

She is going to keep the baby.

Rey also refuses to put a knife through her own heart and place her child in someone else’s care. 

She will not hide, will not let Kylo coerce or bully her. She will not cloister herself away or allow this pregnancy to shame her. Her friends are her family and they will protect her. They will help her. 

Kylo Ren can watch as his child is raised within the resistance - by good and kind people.

She will deprive Kylo of the role he desperately seeks: Father. 

He is not worthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I promise I’ll try not to update right away 😂  
I'll let ppl catch up. 😬  
I was going to include Kylo’s POV but he’s exhausting he can have the next chap to himself.  
you're all wonderful for the comments and kudos thank you.


	11. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Clearly I have no self control. Here’s an update a day later 😂  
Kylo Ren POV.

Kylo mutters to himself under his breath.

He is thinking.

He paces like a beast of prey in his private chambers covered in blood and carnage from the ongoing battle on Dathomir.

“Supreme Leader,” the disembodied voice of Captain Ingram crackles through his comlink, “we are taking heavy hits. Can you confirm reinforcements are on the way?” There is no ceremony in his question, no formality. 

Kylo hesitates. Reinforcements are not coming. He spins Rey’s stolen lightsaber in his hand before he ignites it and slices the comlink into a mangled mess of wires and smoke. 

The First Order is fracturing between those who remain loyal to Kylo Ren and those who choose to follow his fallen Knights.

The First Order is supposed to be well past infractions like this. Kylo’s stare is intense as he looks out of the flagship and across the vast expanse of space. 

He is not thinking about how long his army can take the heavy hits. He is not thinking about how to fix the oversights that have lead up to this. 

Kylo thinks about a year’s worth of hard work obliterated. All of the effort, the time, the resources he spent to capture Rey. Only to contain her for a little over a month.

A dismal failure.

Kylo methodically analyzes where he went wrong with Rey. He was calm, for the most part. Reserved. Gentle. Apologetic. He tried to talk to her about her fucking feelings and tolerated the endless crying.

Another deep breath.

He expected Rey to recover from his deception and finally give herself permission to love Kylo Ren. He tires of pathetically pleading with her to trust him, to love him. 

He is unable to fathom why a stupid detail like his old name, Ben Solo, has to get in the way.

Kylo watches X-wing fighters take out more TIEs than he thinks is possible. Their attack style reeks of Poe Dameron. An inferior male and one of the resistance's biggest idiots. He hopes FN-2187 is in the throes of battle on Dathomir. He hopes FN-2187 gets blown apart. Idiot Dameron deserves to feel pain.

Kylo needs to be out there in his TIE, he needs to be issuing orders to patch together the First Order before it unravels completely.

All he can do is try to connect with Rey. 

_ Rey, _ he calls out to her.

_ I’m coming for you. I will fight for you and win. _

Terror rips through the force before she shuts him out. It almost makes him feel bad. Almost. Kylo knows he cannot direct the full brunt of his rage at her. He curbs the instinct to threaten her for a second time. 

Kylo pulls off his soiled gloves and lets them drop to the floor. He drafts a plan in his mind.

He hates that she puts him in this position - the position of having to hunt her down again in her current state.

Pregnant. She is fucking _ pregnant. _

Kylo rolls his head from side to side and considers the possible consequences of his pursuit. What might happen if his quest causes her extreme distress. If she miscarries he will never forgive himself. If stress impacts the baby’s development he will never forgive himself.

It is already a miracle he managed to put a baby in her. The concept of starting all over is exhausting.

An unwanted fact comes to the surface in Kylo’s mind. His mother was active in the resistance while carrying him, his father gone for_ weeks _at a time. Surely she felt immense stress during the pregnancy.

And he turned out fine. 

It is a dark joke Kylo makes to himself.

He knows he is a deficient human being on every level.

Just more examples of his parents inadequacies. They never could prioritize family.

This is why Kylo is convinced he chose the perfect woman to build his dynasty with, to have a family with.

Rey will be everything a good mother should be: loving, kind, forgiving, understanding. She will be dedicated, not distracted or absent. Rey will never send their child away, never reject them. She will not consider their child a monster. She will fight to the death for their child.

Kylo meant it when he told Rey she was superior to him in every way. 

He maps out his new plan with unhindered purpose.

Kylo will wait until she is in her last month to make a move. This is where her female orientation works against her. As she grows heavy and slow, he will work to make his body stronger and more unyielding than it already is.

He will pounce when she is round and unstable, hardly able to walk.

Rey’s days of evading him by running and jumping onto ships will come to an end. 

Kylo thinks he can manage to wait nine months. Or is it eight? He settles on eight months to be sure. Missing the birth is not an option and Kylo plans on being in the room during the birth of his child.

Let her have a peaceful and calm gestation. Let her feel safe.

He not-so-secretly hopes the resistance will ostracize Rey when they find out about her condition. When they find out who is responsible for it. He wants her to feel as lonely as he is. He wants her to regret she ever left him. The hormones will soften her attitude towards him. He realizes this contradicts his wish for her to have a peaceful gestation, but Kylo can't help it. 

He misses her. 

Kylo does not bother to check to see if the tracking device will inform him of her location. She is smart enough to remove it, and he did not order a secondary device to be embedded in her body. The embedded chips release fatal poison if the host wanders too far - odds he never wants to take with Rey. 

The force link is how he will keep tabs on her. Kylo mentally lowers the intensity of their connection to a dull throb, nearly undetectable. It will roar to life again before he comes for her.

In the end he can only hope Rey cooperates. It will kill him to have to lock her up again and take the baby. 

No, Kylo thinks as he stalks to the bridge, Rey will behave. She will be a good girl.

The bridge is in chaos and morale is low - Kylo can feel it. His lingering over Rey may cost him. 

“I want a status report,” he demands sharply. The officers avoid his line of sight more than usual.

“I asked for a status report,” he booms. The chaos quiets. Kylo's voice is now the only sound on the bridge.

General Krog approaches. The lines in the man’s face run deep, he looks about twenty years older.

“Supreme Leader, we have managed to push back the resistance but…”

“But _ what_?” Kylo sneers. Krog swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

“We have sustained substantial losses. The remaining Knights retreated to our secondary base. The base, that, ah, chose not to assist us.”

Kylo digests this information. 

“Then we will go to the secondary base. That’s an order.”

General Krog looks at the Supreme Leader and his expression conveys his thoughts: the command is an insane suicide mission.

Kylo silently challenges him to disagree.

“Very good sir.” 

Kylo smirks. His hand rests on Rey’s lightsaber. He will execute the remaining Knights and he will stabilize the First Order.

And then, he can only wait until she is ripe and ready. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think he can wait out the full 8 months?  
Anything you want to see happen? We are getting closer to the climax but sometimes I get weird inspirations to write more chapters.  
The comments and kudos are so kind thank you guys.


	12. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> damn you guys leave badass reviews and your analysis skills are on point. thank you!  
a relatively calm chapter before shit really hits the fan.  
(posting in the middle of the day vs 1am feels weird but hey my kid is asleep so why not).  
Mostly Rey POV/Kylo POV.
> 
> ***

Rey opens her eyes and feels rested for the first time in _weeks_.

The tension she has been carrying slowly evaporates. She sits up and rubs her eyes before taking in her surroundings. She hears faint noises: muffled voices, clangs, droids, soldiers returning from Dathomir. The hatch to the ship is open, and she peers down the long ramp that leads outside. A pang hits her heart when she sees the surviving resistance soldiers arriving in multiple shuttles, whooping at their return, embracing each other and their friends. 

She hopes not too many lives were lost on Dathomir. Rey’s attention diverts when the fresher door opens. Rose offers a small side smile. 

“You okay?” Rose comes to her side. “Poe and I decided you could use the sleep.”

“I'm fine." Rey pauses. Her voice betrays her; she sounds hoarse and hurt. Not all right. Her heart beats frantic within her ribcage. Rose quirks a brow.

“You sure? Look...Poe isn’t around if that’s what you’re worried about. Tell me what’s going on.”

Rose talks like she _ knows_. Rey wonders if she is that transparent. More likely, Rose can put two and two together. 

Everyone knows what happens to women caught in war. The weapons men use.

“Ah…there _ is _ something I need to tell you.” Rey wishes a script existed for this.

“Go ahead. I’m here for you. Take as long as you need.” Rose reaches for her hand in support.

Rey can't do this.

She can't. But she needs to. Waiting will make it worse.

“Rose, I’m pregnant. Kylo Ren is the...it's his. He's the reason I'm pregnant.”

There. Like a dead weight, Rey throws the information into the open. Rey worries Rose might vomit when she gags in shock.

“Oh my god..._ oh my god. _Okay, okay,” Rose’s hand covers her mouth. In a few steps she reaches the control panel to her left and begins punching buttons. 

“I am so, _ so _ sorry Rey. I will contact medic right now. They can get you in right away, I’m sure of it. And there are groups too, you know? For women who have been through what you’ve...” her voice quakes angrily, “I can’t believe what that fucking monster did to you.”

It is not a surprise to Rey that Rose comes to the conclusion that Kylo raped her. That word - it is so vulgar, so graphic. She did not want to think Kylo could be capable of rape. 

Rey thinks about how he treated her when she offered to go to bed with him. How much it contrasts to their lovemaking in the forest. His smooth way of asking her if she is okay, of telling her he cares, all while actively disregarding her requests. Doing whatever he wants, taking whatever he wants. Using her body for his fantasies.

Rey thinks she escaped him just in time. 

And now she has to make a choice. It is easier to say the baby was forced on her, but Rey has never been a liar.

How to explain their past relationship?

No one alive knows about their force bond. No one knows she and Kylo have communicated throughout the entire war. Rey bites her lip - “communicate” may be a strong term. It is only in the last year he managed to gain her sympathy, her empathy. Until Rose came to rescue them, no one knew she agreed to meet him in secret. No one knows about the elevator kiss, about the heated tension that exists between them.

The former tension.

Rey will never forgive him.

She shifts back to the present.

“Rose, I...ah, I don’t need to go to medic,” Rey feels her face grow hot.

“What? Rey, why? Are you nervous? I’ll go with you.”

Rey finds it hard to swallow. She just needs to say it. 

“I want to keep it.”

She cannot stand the pity that fills Rose’s face.

“Rey,” Rose speaks passionately, “I know the Jedi code values life but you don’t need to do this to yourself. No one would think badly of you. You have nothing to prove. No one even needs to know.”

Rey did not give much thought as to what _ exactly _ she was going to say. Then again, she never expected to find herself in this position. She never expected to be 22 years old and pregnant in the middle of a galactic war with Kylo Ren’s baby.

She’s angry at him all over again.

“Kylo and I…” his name burns in her throat. She wants to say Ben. “Kylo and I were together by choice. That night in the forest I really did think he was leaving the Order. I thought he was Ben Solo.”

Rey glances around to ensure they are alone. 

“Kylo and I are able to communicate through the force. It grew stronger after I found Luke Skywalker. Neither of us can explain it. Sometimes, if we want, we can see each other - touch each other.”

Rose cringes and Rey knows why.

“Touch each other? So you’ve...slept with him before? This whole time? While he’s been bombing countless planets?” Rose looks stricken. 

Rey is horrified.

“No! God, no. I use it to distract him, to call him away from the resistance bases. We would chase each other...” Rey’s voice trails off. 

A terrible realization blooms in her mind. 

Her intentions to call Kylo away from whatever deadly plot he tries to carry out have always been genuine. His bloodlust, his violence, his domination are unacceptable. But Rey cannot deny the way they pursued each other from planet to planet felt like a game. A twisted, dark foreplay that they engaged in until he took it too far.

Rose does not read the realization in Rey’s eyes. She only stares, brows knitted together.

“I don’t understand, Rey.”

Rey twists her hands together.

“Ah, I think there’s - there’s been something between us for a while. Kind of - something more than a force bond. He's shown me kindness before, on Ahch-To. He kissed me on Snoke’s flagship…”

“_What? _”

“I _ never _ thought I would kiss him once, let alone twice. Rose, please hear me out. I do not condone _ or _ love Kylo Ren. He lied to me in the forest. I would have never slept with him otherwise.” 

Rey knows she is rambling. She’s repeating herself, she’s all over the place, all out of sequence. Is she calling him Kylo or Ben? Does she sound crazy? She knows when she speaks quickly her accent scrambles her words. She has never talked aloud about her and Kylo before. It shows.

Deep concern is etched into Rose’s face. 

“Are you sure this isn’t some kind of extreme defense mechanism? Did he use the force to, I don’t know, cast a spell over you? Can the force do that?”

Rey wishes she could say yes. Make this easier.

“No,” she frowns, “I grew to care for him on my own. But Rose, I_ don’t _ feel for him like that anymore. He is absolutely lost to the dark side.”

“You think?” Rose says, “He is the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren - ever heard of him? Biggest asshole in the galaxy? We’ve been fighting him the past few years in case you haven't noticed. It would have been nice to know you had an ‘in’ with him the entire time.”

“Right,” Rey whispers, blinking back tears.

“And you disapprove of him, but you’ve been talking to him in secret. You fight with him, but never with the intent to strike him down once and for all. You hate him, but you want to have his baby. You’re one of the resistance’s top leaders. People look up to you. What the hell, Rey?”

Rey’s inner turmoil churns. What the hell indeed. How did she think this was going to go? That the resistance was going to pop open a bottle of Bespin Fizz and congratulate her?

She sees that Rose is crying too.

“Hey! You two coming or what? Rey, everyone is eager to see you!” Poe calls to them from the end of the ship’s ramp. 

Rey is glad for the distance.

“We have to go. People will be glad you’re back,” Rose clears her throat. 

“Are you..?”

“I won’t say anything. And you shouldn’t either Rey - not until we figure out how to spin this. You can stay with me. And,” she adds severely, “do _ not _ tell Leia about Kylo being the father.”

Rey lets out a shaky breath. _ Not until we figure this out _. Rose is hurt and angry, but she isn’t giving up on her.

Rey worries. She understands Rose's reaction - she does.

The cold reality of the situation hits her: if one of her closest friends reacts this way, what about the rest of the resistance?

***

A muscle twitches involuntarily at the corner of Kylo’s right eye, his mouth forming into a rigid grimace. His arms fold across his broad chest while staring out of the grimy window of his shuttlecraft. The clangor of the sabers and swords has died away, the shouting of the slaughter now silent. He stares outside at the red-stained ground.

The battle has been at a standstill for some time, but there is still much culling to do. The Knights are successful at turning part of his army against him, but Kylo besieges their stronghold mercilessly. 

He doesn’t play by the rules of war - if there ever truly were any.

General Krog carries out his orders. Krog does not have the same tenacity Hux did, but Kylo is willing to trade that trait for the lack of attitude and dissonance. 

Hux and his sneers, his jabs, the arrogant smirks he would give Kylo. He wants to crack Hux’s skull open all over again. Kylo reigns in his rage.

It doesn’t matter anymore. Hux is long dead. 

Only two Knights remain and they fled - back to the outer rim, Kylo surmises. He will come for them in time; right now he needs to rebuild his military. He needs to find more children young enough to become stormtroopers.

Something that Rey finds repugnant. 

Admittedly, Kylo never bothered to think about what the parents felt like when their children are taken. Why should he?

It is only when Rey flees from him with his child in her womb that he can appreciate what they go through.

Not that it changes anything.

Rey. 

Kylo sighs heavily. He tries not to think about how this is the first time in over a year they have gone without communicating; how much he relies on her company however distant she is. It is imperative the force connection remains dormant.

He reads General Krog’s report on Dathomir and realizes the resistance’s losses are not as devastating as he hoped. 

Kylo thinks of Rey in the hands of the resistance. She better not pull any reckless shit; he better not find her flying the Falcon. She would - just to spite him - knowing he can’t blow her to pieces.

Kylo feels a familiar itch creeping in. The itch to control her, to manage her every move. What he needs is a trusted source to keep him informed.

“General Krog,” he speaks into the comlink, “send our files on all deep cover operatives and agents. Ones known to work within the resistance.”

It can’t be just anyone. It has to be someone Rey would like - someone who can pull off insufferable kindness and warmth. Someone not like him.

“Message received, file sent,” Krog responds. The file is sent over immediately. 

Kylo pours over the files and - he fucking _ grins _.

He finds the perfect person for the job.

Now, he just needs to locate Rey without her suspecting.

Kylo tells himself he is being a good father, looking out for his child. He is not going to cause her distress. He refuses to. 

Kylo looks out at the bodies outside, at the way he butchered them. He wonders if he is capable of not destroying everything he touches. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx for reading. your kudos/comments are always appreciated.  
(my toddler woke up in the middle of proofreading and instead of save I hit post. I will fix any errors asap!)  
Picturing Leia as a grandma makes me 😭
> 
> x.x


	13. Paternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How amazing is all the new tros content from disney?! 😍  
Anyways.  
More Rey POV with Kylo at the end. I’m writing her more than I thought I would, but it gets Kylo heavy again. Pregnancy is a big deal & I think she needs to process it.  
Triggers: references to gang rape.  
I did my best to proofread after flying with my toddler 😅.  
***

Rey is unable to sit still as she and Rose toss ideas back and forth.

Each one seems worse than the last.

They spend weeks trying to weave together a believable story. Eight weeks to be exact, because Rey tracks her pregnancy meticulously. She must be around twelve weeks total by now, maybe thirteen - almost three months. They swap cover story ideas when they can: between briefings and when their unpredictable schedules allow them to meet. 

Living together is no guarantee that they will spend hours on end in conversation. They are, after all, in the middle of not only the on-going war with Kylo Ren, but now his Knights in the outer rim.

They find themselves caught in the First Order's civil war. 

Rey does not completely bury her head into the ground - she hears the rumors about her abduction swirl through the resistance. To her face everyone welcomes her back with tight hugs and sympathetic smiles. They tell her she is strong to survive Kylo Ren, that they never doubted her.

Rey learns not everyone is as genuine as they seem. 

She catches whispers and averted eyes as people question why Kylo held her for a month and kept her alive. How she escaped unharmed. They bring up how the Supreme Leader contacted the resistance to brag that she was staying in his private chambers. This is the first Rey hears of it, and it makes her skin crawl. 

Finn crushes a particularly nasty rumor that Kylo Ren reduced her his concubine out of revenge, just to humiliate her. 

Rey does not have the heart to tell him how close the rumor is to the truth.

It is human nature, this need to drag others down, Rey thinks as she scrolls through her tablet. She actively works to cloak her unborn child’s presence in the force and it is exhausting. 

Kylo Ren is not going to be the only one motivated to take her child, to want to use her child as a pawn.

If she thinks too much she freezes with fear at the thought of Kylo channeling his darkness into the baby. He could. He sensed the baby first, the baby in her _ own body_. To her relief, Rey does not feel Kylo through their link. The connection is there, but it is as if a door closed firmly shut and neither of them opens it. 

The only place he appears are in her nightmares. His eyes, dark and glittering, lustful, staring at her. 

Rey does not know why she did not come to this realization sooner. Why she thought she could be open about who the father of her child is in the first place. 

Father - Rey wrinkles her nose - she needs to use a different word. She idly wonders if her mother, whoever she was, made equally bad choices when it came to men. 

“I’ve got it. I know what you can tell people, Rey,” Rose sits up quickly on the top bunk of her bed, almost hitting the ceiling.

“Mmm?” Rey does not look up from her tablet. The last idea was so ridiculous that they decided to take a break from brainstorming.

“Okay,” Rose sighs and jumps. She lands on her feet. “You’re not going to like it.”

Rey looks at her expectantly.

“Tell them you don’t know who the father is.”

Rey’s eyes narrow.

“That you were unconscious and he let his stormtroopers have you. Or his Knights.”

“That is so…” 

Unspeakably vile, Rey wants to say. Unspeakably insulting to those who have been subjected to such an ordeal. And to lie about it?

Rey shakes her head.

“I know.” Rose agrees, not needing the force to read her mind, “I know it’s awful. But you need to say _ something_. Before people come up with their own theories. And promise me you’ll go to medic - if not for the baby, then for yourself.”

Rey knows she is right. The part of her that lives in a bubble where this pregnancy does not exist is coming to an end. She isn’t quite showing yet, but her symptoms of nausea and heartburn grow worse.

Rey is irked by this development - she thought the beginning was supposed to be the worst for symptoms. She wants one last distraction before she outs herself, outs her baby, and becomes the subject of vicious gossip...again. 

“Rose? Are you going on the humanitarian mission to Masix next week?”

Rose nods slowly - she knows Rey too well and can tell where this is leading.

“Good. I’m coming too.”

Rose swears under her breath.

“You know Masix is in the outer rim - where the Knights are. It will be dangerous Rey, even if our mission is to deliver aid.”

Rey does not tell Rose that safety during war is an illusion. Sitting at the resistance base and twiddling her thumbs will not protect her or the baby. 

She needs to be on the offensive, she needs to stay sharp. 

Rose can see the resolution on Rey’s face as she goes back to swiping the tablet. Her shoulders slump.

“Promise me you’ll go to medic first. They can tell you if it’s okay to...you know, travel and stuff.”

Rey drops the attitude, the annoyance she feels towards Rose. For caring so much - for caring when she does not have to. Rey’s eyes prickle.

Kriffing hormones.

“Okay,” she agrees, “I’ll go.” 

And she will. Rey will take advantage of the recent effort the resistance puts into women’s healthcare. She feels the tiny life flicker inside her again and knows she needs to make sure he is healthy. 

_ He_.

Rey finds herself stunned at the realization that the tiny life is male. Her son. 

Kylo Ren's son.

Nausea floods her system and she fights it down. It never occured to Rey her connection with the baby could be this intense - that as he grows she will get to know him intimately before he is born.

She fears more than ever that Kylo will come for him.

***

Kylo runs his hands over her clothes. The ones she left behind on his ship.

The rags she prefers to wear. 

He thinks dirty little scavengers shouldn’t be allowed to be so beautiful. So fuckable.

The galaxy plays a cruel trick by binding him to a nobody, a nobody who drives him to the brink of insanity.

She is insolent and rude to him, she always has been since he first interrogated her.

It was the first time he couldn’t help himself. 

The longer he looked at her, the more he liked what he saw. He knows he didn’t have to carry her onto the ship, but he wanted to. 

Strapped to the chair he told her it gave him no pleasure to tear through her mind. He did it anyway.

She terrified him when she broke into his mind. 

In his panic he ran to Snoke, a mistake. Snoke would use her as an example. He would slowly kill her to demonstrate Kylo’s failings as an apprentice. The grandson of Darth Vader should have been able to extract information from her.

Why wouldn’t Snoke shred her to pieces? No one cares about dusty little orphan scavengers.

Except Kylo - he cared, and he still does.

Just, _ fuck_.

Kylo rubs his temples.

All he does is brood. He broods about Rey between the attacks, the invasions, the bombings. He is mildly surprised the rumor mill that runs between the First Order and the Resistance does not reek of her pregnancy yet. 

His insider tells him she keeps it a secret.

It is deeply disappointing. 

It took him weeks to unobtrusively peer into her mind, into her dreams, trying to distinguish which base she hides at. He was unsuccessful.

The key was Rose. 

Kylo knows how women are, he knows Rey would reach out to her. 

Rose Tico. 

She works in maintenance and is shuttled from base to base. When she is seen with Rey on Base Z-131, the main base, he knows within a matter of minutes. His informants are everywhere. 

It is the best outcome he could hope for.

The next part is a delicate sequence of events. With the right balance of bribes and threats Kylo has learned almost anything is possible.

And so he waits.

He waits for Rey to go to the fucking doctor.

He waits for Rey to go to the fucking _ women’s _ clinic on Z-131 that he worked so hard to infiltrate his agent into. 

Three months - it takes Rey three months to finally go. He starts to wonder if she even cares about the health of the baby. His confidence that she will keep the baby is slightly shaken until he receives a shrouded message from Z-131.

Kylo sits on his throne in the middle of the night waiting for the hologram of his agent, Raisa, to make contact. 

Another minute ticks by and her translucent figure appears.

Kylo’s features remain cold and firm as he listens. His knuckles turn white from clenching his fists, his gritted teeth sore from the effort to remain silent as he takes in Raisa’s report.

Rey is fourteen weeks. She is healthy, the baby is healthy. She declines most testing and the baby’s sex cannot be seen physically until she is twenty weeks. 

It is when Raisa tells him Rey’s fabrication of the baby’s paternity that his hunched form exudes an animosity like acid - burning, slicing, potent. Kylo’s face is red with suppressed rage by the time Raisa finishes.

The hologram disappears. 

No one knows he is the father.

They think he runs things like an uncivilized thug. They think he would let just anyone touch her.

He is furious that Rey will let society think his child is the result of a gang rape. That such a lie is preferable over admitting he is the father. It is like swallowing fire, having to face that she is so repulsed by him.

Kylo’s child is not going to be a fucking nobody. His child does not descend from _ nobodies. _

He needs a distraction before he blows through the force to rage at her. 

He does not want to oversee the First Order’s mission to abduct children. He does not want to see children right now.

Kylo resolves to entertain himself by disposing of the last of the Knights. By razzing and terrorizing the helpless planets on the outer rim.

He will start with Masix, a planet rich in rare minerals and sympathetic to the resistance.

Kylo realizes he is still gripping Rey’s clothes and he throws them to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (when I was pregnant we found out the baby’s sex at 12/13 weeks through non-invasive blood testing. I figured Rey would be able to tell through the force around 3 months as well)
> 
> Thanks for reading my messed up fic 😂  
Your comments/prompts/kudos really help me flesh it all out. So thanks :)


	14. I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh boy i don't recommend trying to proofread at 3am. I always end up hitting publish instead of save. I’ll do my best to clean it up when my eyes aren’t glazed over 😂
> 
> I wrote most of this early on when I committed to making Kylo Ren dark. It’s limey/explicit toxic crap and I need to give a sexual coercion/non-con trigger warning. 😬
> 
> this is not a love story.  
thanks for reading :)

***

Kylo believes more than ever that it is his destiny to be with Rey.

Raisa informs him that Rey asks about travel - asks if she can accompany the mission to deliver aid to Masix.

It is more than a coincidence, he thinks, that he also intends to pay Masix a visit. He wonders if their connection runs deeper than either of them knows. He wonders if they subconsciously feel each other’s intentions and thoughts even as the force bond sleeps.

Kylo cannot will the bond to remain dormant for long. The itch, the tingle that electrifies his veins intensifies as his shuttle makes contact with Masix.

He did not expect Rey to be so brash, so reckless. She shouldn’t be here. She is botching his long term plan.

Her lies about the baby’s paternity and her rash behavior embolden Kylo to put Rey in her place.

Kylo takes in the planet’s capital city. It rests on a massive mesa overlooking the dry environment that stretches for miles.

The streets that once thronged with life are empty. 

Gone are the food vendors and the women in their bright clothes selling handmade goods from carts and baskets. Gone are the children who play amongst the crowds with their games and laughter. Gone are the stores with their windows of fine clothing or delicacies. All he finds are dusty streets with only the wind for company.

Kylo knows why. He drives the tip of his saber into the ground as he walks in long brisk strides; sensing that the resistance evacuated as many as they could before the Knights arrive. 

Their little humanitarian run turns into a full on evacuation.

This is the Knights territory now - they attempt to set up bases on distant outer rim planets. He orders the stormtroopers to search the buildings and he makes his way to the edge of the mesa. 

Kylo senses Rey before he spots her.

Surely she knows he is here? 

He peers down the ridge and watches Rey usher citizens into a resistance shuttle craft. 

He bites his tongue hard enough to draw blood. The way she endangers herself for others is foolish. 

The ground shakes and in the distance smoke billows into the sky. A bomb. He did not give orders to detonate any bombs; it means the Knights have arrived.

He knows he can make it to Rey before they finish boarding.

Kylo begins to slide down the ridge, determined not to let her escape. 

As he gains on her, moving closer, he is surprised by the unbroken hostile stare she gives him. She shouts for the evacuees to move faster, to hurry up, and the flicker of panic he feels through the force from her is faint.

She worries for them, not for herself. He frowns. She is supposed to be frightened of him.

Kylo is more than halfway when he raises his hand and wills the force to freeze Rey where she stands. 

_ No you don’t. _

Rey’s message startles him as much as the jolt of energy that rallies through the force. Kylo staggers back as Rey stands with her arm outstretched, blocking his attack. 

The force cracks and flashes in agitation. Another bomb goes off, closer this time.

_ Let us go, Kylo Ren. _

Kylo leans into the force, snarling.

_ You endanger the baby by coming here. By denying the baby it’s true parentage. _

A third bomb detonates and Kylo watches Rey use her free hand to produce a lightsaber.

_ You’re negligent and reckless, Rey. _

Rey bares her teeth from the effort of holding him off.

_ I’m not afraid to fight you. _

Kylo does not hear what she says as he spots a dozen shuttle crafts descending. They do not have First Order or rebel scum insignias. He cannot hold Rey here and fight off the Knights.

_ Get out of here, Rey. _

He drops his hold on the force. He watches Rey slip through his fingers as she runs up the shuttle ramp. They are gone within seconds. He leaves her one last warning.

_ This is not over. _

Kylo means it.

***

The First Order’s confrontation with the Knights is distracted and half hearted. Kylo retreats early, unable to stop himself from reworking his approach with Rey. Kylo mentally compiles an inventory of her weaknesses: compassion, hope, the obsession with keeping families together.

Oh yes, he can use that. 

The fear of abandonment. Of others, being abandoned. Trying to save everyone. 

Kylo knows her well. 

They are strongest when they are together, when he is connected with Rey. He remembers in the forest, their foreheads pressed together, her mouth moaning his name, her hips bucking into him for more. The force humming happily at their union.

She felt it too. She just needs to feel it again. A reminder. 

_ Rey. _

He is met with silence.

_ I am going to tell the resistance the child is mine. I am going to tell them about the force bond._

That draws her attention.

_ You wouldn't dare. You'll place the baby and me in danger._

He tries to reason.

_ You’re safest with me, Rey. No one here cares who the father is. You put yourself in harms way by deceiving the rebel scum. You know what they will do if they find out. _

Kylo pauses. He feels the link fade. She is shutting him out.

_I want you to go to bed with me. Willingly. Or I will contact the resistance right now._

Rey laughs, but there is no humor in it.

_Not a chance. You’re still delusional as ever._

_Don’t be like that Rey, _he coaxes, _Some part of you believes I’m not unredeemable. You believe in the good in everyone. Help me. Help me show you that we are strong together. I can sense how lonely you have been. Remember how it felt in the forest?_

Kylo fears that she has finally learned to not trust him.

_You’re a liar._

He winces. 

_Then you leave me no choice. The resistance will take the baby away._

Rey’s dread and horror pollutes the force. Rey, who longs for a family, for belonging. Rey, who was thrown away like trash. She will do anything to keep the baby. He can taste her turmoil.

_You have to promise to leave us alone._

_You know I can’t promise that Rey, _Kylo hopes the honesty hooks her in, _But I can promise to leave you alone until the baby is born._

Kylo senses her hesitation and holds his breath. He offers a bonus.

_I won’t abduct children anymore. To turn into stormtroopers. I’ll create clones._

_You're abhorrent, you know that? To blackmail me this way._

_I know I am Rey. _

Kylo feels her impenetrable wall cracking. Fear seeps in.

_You'll need to prove it first. Return the children you’ve taken to their families._

His chest tightens. That would cost him 15,841 recently acquired children. He thinks of Rey and concludes it is a small price to pay. 

_I’ll hold you to this, Rey. Change your mind and you know what I'll do._

Kylo shuts down their link before she responds.

Rey.

It is wrong of him to threaten an exhausted pregnant woman. Wrong of him to threaten the removal of her baby, knowing she will error on the side of caution. Will sacrifice her dignity, her self respect to keep their child safe. He knew she would be a good mother. 

Kylo hopes he can make her feel differently - that she will remember how she feels for him.

He tries not to get excited. Rey can be cunning. 

He needs to prepare for anything.

***

It takes Kylo a week to return his recent acquisitions - the children - to their respective planets. He does not concern himself with the details of finding the exact parents, but he _ has _ returned them. 

His generals, officers, and captains are not brave enough to say that it is an unwise move. That creating a clone army has not been attempted for…Kylo can’t bring himself to care.

He is getting Rey back tonight.

Kylo warns her before he manifests through the force. It does not matter that they have not touched for a long time through the force - it comes naturally. Kylo appears, his raven hair wild and loose, spilling around his face. His eyes are dark and fathomless when she appears in his chambers.

He knows, on her end, that he appears in her bedroom. 

He does not want to waste any time. 

Rey’s emotions are not easily hidden on her beautiful face. She _has_ grown more beautiful, Kylo thinks, appreciating the new soft lines gracing her body. 

Her pain at seeing him is evident in the crease of her lovely brow, at the down-curve of her full lips.

Kylo can’t help but want to feel the baby.

“Let me see.” He tries to lift her shirt.

“_No_. I want to get this over with.”

She wounds his pride so easily.

Kylo feels the vibration of her unsteady hormones - she _ is _ serious. 

Fuck. 

“You can’t really think I’d hurt you. That I’d hurt either of you.”

“You _ have _ hurt me.” 

He hoped the hormones would make her weak and emotional but she is...furious.

“I don’t want to see your face. I want to forget that it’s _ you_.”

“Is that right?” Kylo’s eyes flash, “If that's the case then get on all fours.”

“Do _not_ order me around,” her cheeks are flushed.

No, he thinks - she does not get to control this. Kylo looms above Rey so that she has to tilt her head up to meet his eyes.

“I told you to get on all fours," his voice rumbles and he senses how fast her heart beats. He hates the fear she tries to hide in her eyes. His gaze softens.

“Please, Rey.” 

Rey gives him a frosty glare. 

“Turn around,” she motions with a finger, “and I’ll tell you when you can look.” 

Kylo sees the sweat gather at her temple and the words sound forced coming from her mouth. He tells himself it is the hormones making her act this way, that he is not coercing her. 

Kylo faces the wall. He drops his cloak and unzips his thick tunic. He does not bother to unwrap the black fabric around his arms. His belt hits the floor with a thud. He hears the rustle of sheets and pictures Rey climbing onto the bed.

He thinks of the resolution he made on Dathomir - his resolution to force her to submit to him. Kylo tries to convince himself she deserves it. She owes it to him.

She would not offer her cunt if she did not want this. 

He waits a beat until she tells him to turn around.

Kylo is speechless at the sight in front of him. He hasn’t touched her yet and she is already wet between her thighs - glistening.

Fucking pregnancy hormones.

He thinks he should have gotten her pregnant a lot sooner.

He tells himself her arousal is because of him.

Kylo fights to keep his labored breathing even as he kneels behind her on the bed. His erection is already thick and heavy. He leans over her, his hand brushing her stomach. 

“It turns me on, Rey. You pregnant,” he murmurs into her ear, nipping at the bottom lobe. She jerks her head away.

“Don’t kiss me. And don’t do anything weird, or...” her voice trembles.

“Have I ever been rough with you during sex?” Kylo’s warm hands grip her hips. 

“Answer me, Rey.”

“No.”

“That’s right. Tell me you want this. You wouldn’t have agreed to it otherwise. Admit it.” His fingers press into her skin as he nudges her legs apart.

His pride, his ego - he _ needs _her to admit she wants this.

“This is about survival,” she says.

Her honest answer makes him flinch.

“You’re saying that to hurt me. I can’t do this if you’re deceiving me again, Rey.” 

Her plot to use sex to control him is fresh in his mind.

Why can’t he do the same to her, he muses darkly.

She says nothing. Kylo is glad he cannot see her face because he senses her anxiety spike as he prepares to enter her.

He tries a different approach.

“Tell me if it’s too much, Rey. Tell me to stop if it doesn’t feel good.”

It's hollow reassurance, and Kylo feels Rey's dismay that she has no choice if she wants to protect her child.

He makes a vow to be better to her when this is over. First, he needs to have her.

Kylo’s body covers hers as he eases into her from behind. It is easy because she is ripe and open, wet and ready for him. It is better than he anticipates, taking her in this position. He pumps into her and he sees Rey knuckling the sheets. He likes this view; him above her, watching himself sliding in and out of her heat.

He runs a hand down the length of her spine.

“Say it.” he demands without breaking his tempo. 

“_What_?” She rasps. Their damp bodies press tightly against each other as they move in rhythmic unison.

“That I’ve claimed you in a way no one else can.”

“You don’t own me," the words come out sounding like a whimper.

Kylo covers her completely and laces his fingers with hers. He keeps fucking her slow and deep, pacing himself.

“You've claimed me too, you know,” he says.

He does not expect her to do what he commands, not this time. But she does not have to work so hard at being _ quiet_, does not have to try and mute the pleasure he feels building inside her.

Kylo works to expose that pleasure.

He increases his pace, hitting something deep inside her, over and over, knowing through their link that if her mind is not responding to this, that at least her body is.

“Slow down,” she squeezes his hand hard. 

Kylo knows she is trying to deny him the satisfaction of making her climax.

He does not slow down.

“Come on Rey._ Let go. _ Come with me.”

She can’t stop the gush of liquid that floods between her thighs. 

“_F__uck, _Rey,” Kylo groans in response and pushes in to the hilt. He continues lightly thrusting after he comes. 

Rey turns around and presses her legs together when he retreats. She covers herself with the blanket and he senses her embarrassment. Her shame and disgust.

Kylo frowns. What they share isn’t meant to be shameful, isn’t meant to make her feel disgusting.

He should kiss her, comfort her, hold her. 

But now, he is afraid to touch her.

He is afraid this went all wrong. 

“Rey,” he says, voice deep and choked sounding, “I don't know how to love very well.” 

Kylo gently angles her chin up, searching her eyes.

“You need to know that I love you. Everything I’ve done is because I love you. I need you by my side. Please. I’ve never been so desperate to have you be mine.”

He’s resorts to begging. He throws his pride out the window and he _ begs_. 

Rey’s eyes are glassy and her hair frames her face as she shakes her head. 

“No, Kylo. This isn’t love. You’re not capable of love. If you think you are, then stick to your word for once. Help me keep the baby safe. People will use and hurt him if they know you’re the father. If they know about the force bond. You’ve gotten want you want from me. Leave us alone.”

Rey disconnects the force link. Just like that. 

She is gone.

Kylo finds himself alone in his chambers. 

His bed - his mattress - it is a fucking mess.

He is a fucking mess.

Nothing he does is good enough for Rey. She rebukes him if he is cruel, rebukes him if he is kind.

Fine, he resolves bitterly.

If that’s how she wants this to play out. She has to know he will never abandon their child.

His _ son_. 

Kylo is numb from shock at Rey’s slip. All this time she hid the fact that he will have a son. An heir. 

Rey does not get to make the decision to cut him out of his son’s life.

Kylo will contact as many resistance bases as he can. He will inform them Rey the scavenger lies, that it is _ his _ child she carries. That she is bound to him through the force. The resistance will deliver her to him or he will launch an all out attack. 

Kylo is willing to bet they will trade one person for the lives of many. Especially when that person is a traitor. Let them search her and find his seed between her thighs - they will never trust her again. No one from the resistance will come to Rey's rescue this time.

He is sorry it has to be this way.

The only way to have her, to have both of them, is by brute force.

Kylo cocks his head to the side when he senses her presence.

_You don’t think I can’t sense your betrayal? _

Rey’s voice comes through the force loud and clear. 

_ I am on my way to tell your mother everything. You will never have us. _

Kylo feels the connection shut down. It is not the firm close he has experienced before - it is resolute and empty. He can’t feel her at all.

Nothing.

Frenzied and unhinged, Kylo almost trips as he runs to contacts the resistance.

His mother is one person. Even if Rey gains her sympathy the rest of the resistance will not.

This is what he tells himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.o  
o.O  
That is the last of the limey stuff in this fic. Time to get plot heavy until this thing ends. The pacing of this fic is tricky to balance. It moves fast but it can't be toooo fast. I can't say for sure how many chapters are left. Maybe 5??  
Your comments/thoughts/kudos are always appreciated and do not go unnoticed :)


	15. No Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an angsty Rey chapter.  
how the crap is this 15 chapters already.  
thanks for reading :)  
***

Rey’s brave front deteriorates the second she is alone. 

She is wrong to think she can face Kylo in bed the way she faces him in battle. The experience leaves her wounded in a way she does not know how to fix. 

She can still feel the phantom of his body above hers, pressing down on her back as he buries himself inside her.

The way his hands have a vice grip on hers to immobilize her as much as possible.

She regrets telling him she does not want to see his face. The vulnerable position he chose made her feel exposed to the onslaught of abuses he could inflict on her - she feels too submissive. 

His focus was singular when they faced each other: he wants to occupy her body, demonstrate how he can use her over and over again. Demonstrate how easily he can manipulate Rey into serving herself to him on a silver platter. 

She knows he is not oblivious to her fear and discomfort. Rey is not cut off from his inner dialogue, the one between his guilt and his darkness. The way he _ uses _ his guilt to justify his behavior. It makes his choice to ignore her pain worse. 

The forest seems far away now. She has a hard time recalling she once enjoyed sex.

The one time, her first time. With him.

Rey resolves to take up the Jedi vow of celibacy. In matters of personal relations the code is no longer rigid in its application, but she cannot bear the thought of a man touching her like that again.

Using the back of her hand she wipes the tears that cling to her lashes. She blames herself for all of it. For thinking he might honor his promise and protect the baby. That if he couldn’t do it for her, he could do it for his own flesh and blood. 

She is wrong.

Their coupling is so recent, so fresh, that she has a hard time closing the link. His anger, his self-loathing, his virile desire for her contaminates the force. Revenge follows not far behind.

Rey knows his patterns by now. 

_You don’t think I can’t sense your betrayal? _ _I am on my way to tell your mother everything. You will never have us. _

Somehow her message to him comes out confident and unafraid. She sounds like her old self, the Rey she is having a hard time holding onto. 

If there is anyone he fears, it is his mother - more specifically, the compassion he feels for her. 

She senses him constructing a reply and Rey wills - no she _ pleads _ \- with the force to lock him out of her mind. 

The silence that follows is blissful. 

Leia, General Organa, is the heart of the Resistance. 

Rey is not proud of the excuses she fabricates over the last few months - excuses to miss meetings with Leia. She misses her, deeply, and senses Leia feels the same. The chance that Leia would sense the familial bond with the baby was too great. Now, Rey realizes, she should have known from the beginning. She hopes Leia will forgive her, can find it within herself to help her through this. 

Leia's rejection is unfathomable to Rey. 

She needs to move fast. Kylo will try to reprimand her, and his punishments reflect his anger: over the top, violent, spiraling out of control. 

Rey does not pause to wash Kylo’s scent from her body, scrub his sweat off her skin.

She packs quickly. 

She shoves the bare minimum for herself into a bag. She does not need much to survive. But someone else will.

Rey pulls out a bin from under her bed and begins sifting through the baby items she discreetly collected. All she has are a few outfits: shirts, pants, hats, and jumpers she made herself. She picks up the rattle Rose created for her and folds the long soft fabric meant to be used as a wrap from Finn.

On other planets Rey glimpsed practical and ornate items meant for babies: prams, strollers, various contraptions used for soothing. Baby clothing made from high quality fabric - not the scraps of material she scavenges on various resistance bases. She wishes she could provide better for her baby, but what she has will have to do.

It hits Rey that if she needs to run from the Resistance and the First Order she will be doing this alone. A burst of grief floods her system that Kylo is too far gone to be the partner she is going to need.

She hates to leave without seeing Rose. Rey makes a last minute decision to stop by Finn’s apartment. Both of them were assigned to the same mission weeks ago and she hopes the debriefing is finished. 

The turbolift feels like it takes hours instead of minutes to reach the first floor and Rey hastily exits, muttering sorry to the strangers she bumps into. 

She is seconds from knocking on Finn's door when she hears Rose speaking. She should feel relief that they are together, but the tone - the _ words _ she overhears causes her throat to constrict. Gently, she presses her ear against the door. 

_ “She needs help leaving him Finn. She’s still talking to him. I can tell. He’s got his claws into her deep.” _

Rey hears a low voice that must belong to Finn. She can’t make out his words but it sounds like they end in a question.

_ “No,” _ she hears Rose again, _ “She doesn’t love him. Gross. But he knows how to get to her.” _

Another response from Finn, followed by Rose.

_ “Yes it’s his baby, dummy. What? No. She says he didn’t. She thought he was Ben. You can’t tell anyone. I’m serious.” _

Rey’s brain stutters for a moment. Rose has no right to share any of that.

She wants to barge into the room but she is not ready to face Finn. She is not ready to look into his eyes and tell him she slept with the man who split his spine open. Who coldly hunts down the Resistance, who orders entire planets bombed on a whim.

No, she is not ready for that.

Rey runs as fast as her body allows her to.

She bolts down the hallway, quickening her pace to an all out sprint. She runs through the path of shuttles being repaired and people stare and shout, asking if she is okay. Rey does not hear them.

She needs to get to Leia. 

Gasping for air, she turns a corner and is faced with the massive building that houses Leia's office. Rey gives the door a hard yank. Her clothes and hair are slick with perspiration, clinging to her skin. She feels her heart throbbing inside her chest as she approaches Leia’s personal office. Rey simultaneously knocks on the door and opens it.

And there are faces - so many faces - and hardly any she recognizes. All of them in various military uniforms, all of them donning the Resistance insignia. They sit around a long oval table.

“I...I am looking for General Organa.” She curses herself for not checking in with Leia’s secretary.

A man wearing a smooth blue uniform stands. He is older and Rey’s memory pegs him as General Holte from the Resistance base on Matanbu. He is known to be severe but effective.

His eyebrows arch when he speaks but he does not appear surprised.

“Rey. The General will be here soon. Come in,” he says briskly.

Rey thinks it sounds too much like an order. She does not budge. She is tired of men trying to control her. It does not occur to her that he calls her by name.

“I can come back another time. Sorry to interrupt,” she turns to leave when General Holte rounds the table and swiftly crosses the room.

The quiet malice in his eyes does not enter his voice when he lightly grasps her wrist.

“We are all here because we were contacted by Supreme Leader Ren. He shared some interesting information.”

General Holte quietly shuts the door and leads Rey inside. She spots binders hanging off of his belt.

“Now,” he continues, “Ren is a known liar, but we need to take precautions. Have a seat, Rey.”

She can’t stop staring at his binders. 

Holte pulls out a chair and leans into her ear as he guides her into the chair. 

“Come here, girl. Take a seat. Kylo Ren says you are quite the feral creature,” he says in a soft voice. 

Rey stiffens. He is a cruel man. She tries to calm herself and closes her eyes, she feels the force vibrate through her. She will use it to protect herself, to protect the baby if she has to.

General Holte stands at the head of the long table.

“Thank you, everyone, for arriving on such short notice. The intel we have received is indeed distressing. Rey," he looks to her, "Is it true that you have been communicating with Kylo Ren for the duration of the war? Is it also true you are pregnant with his child? You may answer each question separately. Failure to comply will result in immediate detainment.”

The room is silent.

Rey meets him dead in the eye. 

“I will only speak with General Organa.” 

A quick malicious gleam crosses Holte’s face. 

“Very well,” he releases the binders from his belt and hands them to a guard. “Search and bind her.”

Rey reaches for her lightsaber when another voice enters the scene: not loud but cracking with authority and experience. With anger.

“General Holte, you will do _ no _ such thing. This is shameful. All of you, get the hell out of my office.”

Rey almost sobs with relief. She _ is _ sobbing with relief.

The voice belongs to General Organa. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gonna be a bit of a shitshow for Rey but I love space mom Leia.  
The next chapter will start with Rey/Leia and then move to Kylo. What do you think his next move is?
> 
> you guys are always so cool for leaving comments/kudos.  
it keeps my twisted motivation going 🧡


	16. Bounty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I told myself I wouldn't proofread around 3am again but here we are.  
sheeeet.  
this is what happens when you have a toddler - the dead of night is your only time for peace and quiet.  
thank you for the comments/kudos on the previous chapter :)

***

“General Organa, this young woman has been conspiring with Kylo Ren. Just _ look _ at the proof - what he has done to her,” General Holte’s canines flash through a smile that is not kind. He looks at Rey like he is hungry, like he has found the perfect prey. 

Leia is not shaken in the slightest. 

“I will handle the situation appropriately, Holte. I trust that you have not forgotten Rey’s vital role in the Resistance.”

Holte’s expression is grave.

“Indeed. I have not forgotten the role force users play. But there is a gross lie here, a great deception taking place under our noses.”

He takes a step towards Rey.

“She is so young, perhaps it is not her fault. Your son is considerably deranged, is he not? I would not blame the girl if he cast some spell over her.”

“That’s not how the force works,” Rey spits at him. He strides over to her, angry, when Leia blocks his path.

“That is enough Holte. Leave us.”

The door closes and the room falls silent.

“Thank you,” Rey says quietly. Leia turns and her smile - it is small and sad. 

“Holte is an unpleasant man and I am sorry he got as far as he did. Sit down, Rey.” Leia motions to the now empty chairs.

Rey sits, unsure of how to approach this. Leia has heard, surely, that her pregnancy is the result of the terrible lie she and Rose created. Rey glances down at her hands before meeting Leia’s eyes.

“The baby…”

“I know.”

“You know?” Rey’s mind goes blank with panic. 

“Rey - I know my son. I know of his interest in you. I know it's more than an interest. What I don’t understand is how this happened. I can’t help you unless you tell me.”

Leia wants to help her. Rey clings this fact desperately. 

“Is it true you’ve been talking with him for the past year?” 

_ Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t kriffing cry in front of Leia, _Rey repeats internally. She swallows hard.

“Yes. Through the force. He...he contacted me shortly after he killed Hux. He said he wanted to leave the Order and asked me to help him.”

Rey burns with shame and continues.

“I met him at the old base in the Corporate system and I...we...in the past our relationship was complicated. I cared for him as Ben, and when I thought he was returning...well I must have cared for him a great deal more than I realized.” 

“I can see that,” Leia’s gaze rests on Rey’s belly. 

Rey feels the growing heat on her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, “I made a terrible mistake. I never should have met up with him alone. I never should have kept our communications a secret.” She can tell Leia wants to ask her about the force, ask about how it is different from the way they sense each other. She mentally scrambles to find a way to explain it when Leia walks around the table and sits next to her.

It occurs to Rey that as his mother, Leia understands the pain and disappointment that Kylo is not coming home. She clasps Rey’s hands in her own, her tone warm.

“I am not angry with you Rey. I know what it is like to have a child during wartime - and it is not easy. Kylo contacted numerous top ranking officers in the Resistance. He demands we bring you to him or he will attack."

Rey tenses. Leia shakes her head.

“We do not negotiate with Kylo Ren. He would find a reason to attack us regardless, Rey. You cannot blame yourself for his behavior.”

Rey appreciates Leia’s sincerity but she does take responsibility for his threats. 

Leia draws in a long breath.

“Not everyone feels the way I do. You saw Holte. Rey, I want you to consider going into hiding. At least until the Order is finished.” The older woman touches Rey’s face tenderly, “I cannot allow harm to come to you or my grandchild, whether it is at the hand of my son or someone within the Resistance."

Her grandchild. The thought that Leia is family almost breaks Rey.

Rey cannot picture herself abandoning the resistance. Hiding, waiting it out, not helping. Leaving the place she considers home, only to be alone again.

Leia is right, though.

The Resistance needs to focus on the First Order and the Knights. Not on her.

“Okay,” she responds, “tell me what I need to do.”

Leia checks that her office door is locked and the two begin to plot Rey’s escape.

Rey wants to tell Leia that the baby is a boy, that he is strong with the force. She wants to ask Leia if she felt Ben's power in her womb. She wants to ask how to survive being pregnant during wartime.

Rey has an endless well of questions and she senses Leia does too. It is simply not possible right now.

There is no time to waste, no space for sentimentality.

They both understand this.

***

Kylo wishes Rey did not ruin his plans to leave her alone.

He contacts Resistance leaders one at a time.

He starts with those he knows to be corrupt, those he has bribed and exchanged intel with in the past. He ends with those who think the world of Rey, who refuse to believe what he says despite the crestfallen edge that enters their voice when he finishes speaking.

Rey’s good name is being dragged through the mud, her reputation falling apart. 

It is not personal, it is just business. She will see that she does not need the scum that is the resistance - all she needs is him. 

Kylo does not like how the force blinds him to Rey. 

He is unable to push past it, unable to pry their connection open.

He must have really hurt her. Kylo sighs. He is always hurting her.

It might have been helpful, he thinks, if he asked how she was feeling first. He has not considered how she is coping with the pregnancy, does not think to ask if there is anything he can do to help. He needs to remedy that.

The stricken expression on her face when he ordered her onto his bed is cemented in his mind. Her heart never stopped hammering in her chest, her adrenaline never left her system. Rey hates being dominated, hates being commanded. She is independent. 

Kylo wants to respect this, wants her to be his equal. Yet deep down he would rather she regard him as her - he can’t find the right word. Not teacher, not master, not owner. 

Kylo just needs Rey to accept that he is in charge when it comes to their intimate relationship. They will rule together, but it is his job to protect her, to take care of her. He decides what happens in the bedroom.

Still.

Kylo realizes he went about their last coupling all wrong.

Fucking her felt too good. He has to take what he can get. Who knows when he will have her again? She left his thighs and his sheets soaking wet. Kylo did not know women were capable of that - he has a lot to learn.

It is not his fault her body was made to be submissive to him. She is a woman. 

Rey’s petite frame left nothing to the imagination. The physical changes he saw and felt on her body make it real to him.

The concept of her pregnancy is no longer abstract. 

Kylo still cannot believe she chooses to carry his baby to term. 

_ His _ baby.

He wonders how in the hell she is going to last another five months. 

After the resistance delivers her to him - and they will- he needs to demonstrate that he is ready to be a father. 

Kylo’s fingers drum the screen in front of him. He does not know much about babies. They are small and loud, demanding and fatiguing. 

A lot like Rey. 

It frightens him, a little, that Rey has the ability to carry and birth life. She is too powerful. 

Kylo thinks about her last visit to his flagship. He did not give her the warm welcome she deserved. He did try, but she ended up tied to his bed, thrown into a cold cell. 

Kylo is ashamed at the memory as he summons Captain Witt to his chambers.

He needs to make it up to Rey.

When Captain Witt arrives, he orders her to obtain the necessities needed for an infant. His child will have the absolute best and Rey will want for nothing. 

Captain Witt has been forgoing sleep trying to organize a Clone Army and the change in orders shocks her. 

Kylo is not finished. He has a few specifications that he makes with Rey in mind.

If he had it his way, droids would watch over the baby in a separate room. Any child of Ren will not be coddled, will not be weak. 

But he knows Rey.

He orders Witt to place whatever crib she finds next to the bed in his private chambers. He knows firsthand that Rey likes to fucking _ snuggle. _ That she is soft, that she will coddle their son. She will probably bring the baby into their bed. Kylo sighs again.

With reservations he will allow it - for a little while. 

He wants her to be happy. 

If she obeys him, she will be.

As much as he wants Rey to embrace the darkness within, it is her commitment to the light that turns him on - that draws him to her. It is the way she thinks everyone can be good, even someone as deplorable as him.

She needs to stay that way, she needs to keep him balanced. This is why he will tailor the room to her needs, to the baby's needs. His approach needs to be soft with her this time around. He needs to hold back from fucking her again until she is ready. 

Kylo is about to make another specification when his comlink flashes. Irritated, he smacks it.

“_What_?”

“Supreme Leader,” the voice belongs to Krog, “General Holte requests to speak with you.”

“Patch him through.”

Kylo dismisses Captain Witt and hears static before Holte speaks. 

“Kylo Ren,” he forgoes Kylo’s formal title, “I want to inform you that the Knights have offered me a considerable sum of money in exchange for the scavenger. Unless you can surpass it, I regret to inform you that I must accept their bribe over yours. You should know there are numerous bounties being offered for the scavenger and your child.” 

Kylo blinks.

He will not play this game.

“Congratulations, General,” Kylo says, voice low and monotone, “You have just guaranteed your death at my hands.” 

Holte thinks because Kylo purchases weapons from him once that he can make demands like this?

A foolish decision, and it will be his last. 

Kylo realizes the bigger problem. The Knights want Rey. Others want to benefit from her situation as well. They want his child.

Kylo wets his dry lips. It will be fine, he tells himself. 

It is not fine.

He can't keep fucking up like this.

He assaults the force with panicked fervor but he does not sense her. Rey is effective at keeping him locked out. 

Kylo does not have time to wait for the resistance to surrender Rey to him. Not while others seek her out.

He activates his comlink and orders the flagship to enter hyperspace. 

He will pay Resistance base Z-131 a visit.

He will do whatever it takes to get his hands on Rey, and he confirms with Krog that they are loaded to the hilt with weapons.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> full steam ahead to the conclusion which is errr...I seriously don't know how many chapters away. this shitstorm is just getting started. 😬😂  
The final chapter to this fic is completed though and I don’t see it changing. 
> 
> thx for any support. your prompting/comments/kudos inspire this wack fic to keep going.


	17. Kylo Ren or The Knights?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woweee hi to those still hanging in there for chapter 17.  
Lol at when I thought this fic would be 5 chapters what the hecks.  
Triggers:  
*violent threats against a preggo woman.  
* emotional/verbal abuse.

The attack begins in the dead of night. 

Rey feels the force crack apart, warping and twisting. She squeezes her eyes shut, wanting to will what she knows is coming away. It does not work and his masked face appears in her mind. 

_ Stay away from the ships and barracks, Rey. Don’t be reckless. _

Rey is gathering her items. She is in Leia’s office where they spent the remainder of the day organizing her escape. They go through the motions of processing Rey for conspiring with Supreme Leader Ren. It is an unfortunate bureaucratic policy Leia has to follow. Rey understands, though.

She firmly believes her actions should not incriminate Leia. Holte and those who agree with him are building their own case against Rey, and she will not see Leia dragged down with her.

Rey speaks for hours into the recording device. The force bond, his deception, the forest, the throne room - all of it. It feels like a confession.

She does not know it will be sent to the archives where in decades to come others will listen to the story of Rey the scavenger and the mad Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

When it is done Leia confiscates Rey’s lightsaber, but it is temporary, only a formality. Leia will not send her away completely defenseless. The Falcon will wait for Rey in the woods - along with her saber, with supplies, with enough fuel to get her the hell out of here. 

Leia urges Rey to rest for a while - to sleep, to eat, and she orders food for Rey with weary understanding. Halfway through her pregnancy and Rey is starting to feel it. The fatigue, the back pain, the restless nights. The baby’s force energy - growing stronger everyday - worries Rey. But she can’t waste energy worrying right now.

The homing beacon Leia gave her flashes on her wrist and she finishes packing. Rey slings her satchel over her back and runs outside.

She is met with unspeakable chaos.

There are enormous explosions where the evacuation ships are stationed. Windows shatter, smoke and fire rise into the air. Thousands of pieces of glass and steel, a deadly rainfall, shower down. Alarms - shrill and deafening- erupt throughout the base.

The First Order is here, swooping in and bombing the _ shit _ out of the Resistance. 

The Resistance has trained for this, has run through countless drills to prepare for this inevitable kind of attack.

Inevitable Rey thinks, but she blames herself. He takes out his wrath on innocent lives because he wants her. 

Rey pants through the smoke, fleeing past a block of apartment buildings when a whistle sounds through the air. 

A bomb drops and a huge bite is taken out of the building - she hears screams. The sounds stop her in her tracks, she needs to run inside and search for survivors.

But the flutter - the tiny kick she feels in her body - she can’t risk it.

_ You’re a coward to bomb people while they sleep. _

Rey careens around a corner, feet hitting the last of the pavement as she enters the woods.

_ Those aren’t from us. _

She glances up through the tree branches, squinting to get a better look at the low flying ships.

_The Knights?_

_ Yes_, she hears Kylo answer her through the force. _Surrender yourself Rey. It is not safe_.

Not safe? She balks as she runs through the trees. If he wanted her safe he would not bomb them, would not unknowingly bring the Knights here. He would leave her alone. Her heart hurts at the thought of not seeing Rose, Finn, or Poe as she cuts through low brush. The thought of them getting hurt or worse...it is unbearable.

The Falcon is in her line of sight and renewed hope kindles inside Rey. All thoughts are banished from her mind as she sprints towards it. 

Suddenly there is a familiar swooping sensation in her stomach, as if she misses a step on a flight of stairs. She grapples for something to steady herself but her feet continue to fall downward.

Rey feels something invisible wrap around her midsection and she stops in mid-air.

_ No. Please, no. _

Her eyes clamp shut, she feels herself being pulled up and set on her feet again. Without thinking, she wraps her arms around what pulls her up, as though hoping for support. It is solid and strong. Against her cheek she feels and hears a heartbeat pounding as quickly as hers. 

Kylo Ren.

***

Kylo tracks Rey from his TIE silencer. He pounds at the force, unrelenting until it splits and the connection beats between them once again.

It feels good. It feels like home.

The resistance tries to brace itself against a double assault - against the Order and the Knights. They trail Kylo here, he knows. He can sense their thirst for revenge.

Rey, however, is predictable. He knows her. He flies low, her life force calling to him.

It is the Falcon he sees first - hidden in a clearing. This can only be his mother's doing.

He leaves his TIE a mile away from the Falcon in the opposite direction - she cannot know he is this close.

He removes his mask and he waits. 

Kylo hears her moving through the woods, her breathing harsh and ragged. She is moving too fast, she does not sense him as she brushes _ right past him. _

Her haste costs her and she trips, about to fly forward into a ditch.

Kylo lazily turns his hand, stopping her mid-air. She grasps for something to hold onto - and it is him.

She looks up and meets his face. She _ screams_. 

“I told you not to be reckless, Rey. What would you do in the woods, pregnant, and with a broken ankle?”

She says nothing as he takes the satchel off her back, searching for weapons. 

He finds baby clothes - and turns them over curiously in his hands.

“You call this being prepared for a baby?” He throws the clothes on the ground, onto the dirt. “No child of mine will wear rags like these.”

Rey’s eyes shoot daggers at him.

“They aren’t _ rags. _I made them.”

“I can tell. They are fit for dirty poor scavengers - for the lowest of society. Not for any child of mine.”

Rey tenses.

“I’m glad you’re finally being honest about how you really feel about me.” 

He decides to punish her for leaving him.

“What do you want me to say, Rey? That I enjoy being attracted to a girl who spent her days digging through trash to survive? Who _ is _ trash? That it is your pretty face and your power that saves you? That if you were a man, if you were not so beautiful, I would kill you? I _ would _kill you for the power you possess.”

Kylo's words cut through Rey like knives. He knows instantly from the look in her eyes that they hit their mark. 

“Do you have any idea,” Kylo backs her up against a tree, “What the sound of just your voice does to me? What your tight little cunt does to me?” He roughly grips Rey by the forearms, his lips smashing against hers, his tongue pushing past her clenched teeth to the moist space within.

“Is this how you want me to talk to you?” Kylo breaks the kiss, out of breath. He tugs her closer to him. 

“Is this how you want me to treat you? Do you want me to treat you like the monster you think I am? Keep you locked away and out of sight - take you out when I feel like playing with you? No one in the Resistance will help you now. They understand what you really are.” 

_ Discarded garbage. Dirty, discarded scavenger garbage. _

Kylo pauses when the pain he feels radiating from her is overwhelming. 

His violence is in his words. He knows everything about her, every perceived flaw, every vulnerability and he knows where to put the pressure. Kylo reminds Rey of her worst memories, of the times she felt most abandoned. 

Rey opens her mouth to speak but only manages to gulp out a sob. She tries to wrap her arms protectively around her belly, around the baby.

“I can Rey. I will, if that is what you want. If you do not obey me. Please, don’t make me treat you like that, don’t make me say such terrible things.”

Kylo lowers his hands from her forearms to rest on her hips. The tension leaves his face, his features soft when he speaks to her.

“You_ are _ a scavenger from nowhere, but I meant it when I said you’re not nothing to me. You’re everything to me. Please, Rey. Let me love you.”

Rey slowly mirrors his movements and her hands tentatively find his waist. 

Kylo’s pulse quickens. It has been a long time since she initiated anything. He does not understand it. Does she like it when he is nasty to her, when he is reprehensible? Can she sense his self-hatred in the way he treats her?

Rey is not in a rush as her hands lightly caresses his back. 

“Kylo,” Rey lifts her chin up, her hazel eyes wide and wet, “I meant it. I meant it when I said you will never have us.” 

Rey’s small hand closes around the handle of his saber, yanking it from the hilt of his belt. Kylo falls back, barely dodging it as she swings it around and ignites the blade. 

Rey holds the tip of it just under his chin.

Kylo remains motionless and sneers.

“You won’t kill me. You can’t bring yourself to do it.” 

She could though, Kylo knows she is more than capable. He enjoys provoking her. Rey’s fury burns with dangerous intensity and he feels the heat from the saber on his neck. 

“I would rather see you suffer the consequences of your actions in a cell.” 

She forces him backwards, towards the Falcon, the saber never far from his body. She intends to bring him to the Resistance as a prisoner.

Kylo laughs cruelly.

“This is going to keep happening, Rey, if you don’t kill me. These games we play of chasing each other.”

Kylo’s eyes flicker towards a shadow of movement behind her. 

“Not this time,” she says, “the Order thinks you’re mad. The Resistance is stronger than ever. I might not kill you but I will wound you, Kylo Ren. I will stop you from trying to overpower me. Get onto the ship.”

Fuck.

_ Just Fuck. _

Who is she to speak to him this way? 

Rey hisses between her teeth.

“Tell me you will _ behave_, Kylo Ren. _ Promise _ me.” She continues to prod him and he stumbles. The saber makes contact with the collar of his tunic - it sizzles.

Kylo knows he is catching a glimpse of the Rey who killed one of his knights. He does not appreciate hearing his words from her lips. 

“Stop, Rey. This is not who you are.”

Another flicker of movement, this time from up in the trees.

“Oh? Who am I, then?” 

There is a break in Kylo’s usually flawless tone when he speaks.

“Behind you, Rey.” 

She turns in time to see two former Knights of Ren silently drop to the ground from the trees. Kylo knows he can take both of them on but his chest tightens as soldiers appear behind his fallen Knights. He counts six soldiers - he can work with that - but they keep coming. Their numbers count to fifteen, thirty...and he stops keeping track. They are all armed. 

Rey needs to escape.

“Give me the saber and get onto the ship,” he orders. 

Rey falters - Kylo senses she does not know what is worse - to be captured by the Knights or by him. 

“Supreme Leader,” a mocking voice fills the air. A Knight with a double ended saber approaches. “You seem to be at a disadvantage. And you,” he turns to Rey, “are coming with us.”

Rey stands very, very still.

“Come now, scavenger. Before I decide to cut that abomination from your body.”

Kylo’s heartbeat strangles in his throat when he hears the threat spoken to _his_ Rey, to his son.

He senses Rey’s defeat as she deactivates the saber.

Kylo is ready.

Without missing a beat, without a word, he sweeps out his arm and his lightsaber returns to his hand. 

It does not do him much good - all of the might the Knights bring with them, the guards and the soldiers - they are focused on Rey. Kylo does not like the amusement that enters the Knights voice when he speaks.

“Thank you, Kylo Ren, for alerting us to this resistance base,” he calls for a guard to tie Rey’s wrists together, "Though, we did have some help from your side of things," he addresses Rey.

Kylo knows he means Holte. 

“And thank you, Kylo Ren, for this lovely parting gift. I am looking forward to finding out why you are willing to destroy the galaxy for her. Why you _ enjoy _ her so much. I look forward to meeting your child. Don't think of moving, Supreme Leader - I will not hesitate to kill her if you do."

He is serious. Kylo watches helplessly as Rey is escorted onto their craft. The hatch closes.

He does not care that he is grossly outnumbered - he will fight for her. For his son.

The Knight's remaining soldiers close in on him. Kylo knows he is Rey’s only chance - he bolts into the Falcon and prepares to chase their ship.

_ Don’t. _

He hears Rey’s light tilt again - that accent.

_ I would rather take my chances with them than be alone with you. _

Kylo ignores what her words do to his heart.

Rey can’t prefer those demons to him. He has not been that horrendous to her. That unforgivable.

Has he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will Kylo Ren ever stop being an iDioT?  
will Rey and the Knights open a bottle of bubbly and talk shit about Kylo or are they gonna be cruel to her?  
I appreciate you guys and your comments/thoughts/kudos :)


	18. Practically Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: threats of physical and sexual violence.

“Her binders are on tight?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” 

Rey sits on a bench in the small shuttle, beads of sweat running down her face. She is not the only one. Next to her Holte sits gagged and bound. The style similar to the one the Knights used on her during her time on Kylo’s flagship.

“Do we still need him?” 

“No. He served his purpose.”

Rey senses Holte’s stinking terror that he is about to be disposed of. His eyes dart in their sockets, silently begging for Rey to help him, to save him. Sweat soaks his uniform and he can’t stop the muffled squeal in his throat.

Rey holds up her constrained wrists to him as if to say, _ Can’t you see? We’re both screwed. _

A small hatch opens and Holte squirms in earnest now. 

She hates to be a witness to this. Hates to watch a person, even one as rotten as Holte, in pain. One of the Knights - the one that wields a double edged saber - saunters over and gruffly lifts Holte to his feet. The hatch widens and Rey sees only black sky outside. She can’t sit back and watch this happen - watch someone be murdered without doing _something_. 

“Don’t! Don’t kill him!”

Why is she begging for this man’s life - what can she possibly do? Rey stands, chest rising and falling heavily.

The Knight laughs and kicks Holte through the hatch. 

She closes her eyes.

“Sit down, Rey. We are about to enter hyperspace.”

“Ren wants to patch through,” the second Knight calls back from the cockpit. The fear in his tone does not go unnoticed by Rey. For all their taunting, the Knights are still afraid of Kylo Ren. She watches as the Knight in front of her removes his mask and tosses it to the ground. 

“Tell him we will return her to him, one piece at a time, if he follows us. Tell him,” the Knight walks over and tilts her chin up, “We will start with her pretty little nose.” 

Another laugh from the cockpit.

“No,” the owner of the laughing voice replies, “I’ll tell him you’re holding her head down between your legs. Tell him it's my turn next.”

Their cold laughter returns. 

The face of the Knight threatening her is young - younger than she expects - he must be close to her age. His face is angular and sharp, his hair so light it appears platinum. Based on the slender build of his neck she assumes the rest of him is lean. 

The ship lurches forward into hyperspace and the fair haired Knight paces in front of her.

“You will not contact Ren through the force. Or I really _ will _be forced take you apart. Understand?”

Rey can’t stop herself from spitting at this sadistic creature. Dead in the eye. He wipes her spit and sneers. 

“Oh, you _ are _ feral. One of his favorite words he uses to describe you. During our daily briefings he talked about you for _ hours _ Rey. We had to listen to him drone on about you for _years_. You see Rey,” he opens his arms in front of her, "We are practically family.”

When he reaches to stroke her belly she gnashes her teeth, attempting to keep him at bay by any means possible. It does not work. He roughly seizes her face by her cheeks and squeezes.

“I can sense how strong with the force you are. It must take a substantial amount of effort to subdue you.” 

Rey’s breathing snarls in her throat.

“What do you want with me?”

The Knight drops to his haunches so that he is at eye level with her.

“We want you to kill Kylo Ren.”

_ Idiots_, Rey thinks. 

“You could have easily killed him at the Resistance base.”

A small, fierce smile curls on the Knight’s lips.

“Where is the fun in that? It will be far more satisfying at your hand. For all of us.”

“You mean for both of you,” Rey says, reminding him that two Knights remain. The rest of the Knights are dead. 

At Kylo’s hand...and her own. 

“Admit it,” he ignores her comment, talking quietly, “A part of you hates him. Wants to kill him. We can help you, Rey. We want to help you take revenge.” 

Rey’s spine goes rigid and she looks ahead, straight through him. The Knight rises. 

“You must feel so used, Rey. Max and I, we understand. We understand what it is to be at the whim of a petulant child. The First Order was nothing more than a front for his obsession with you. And how does he treat you?” 

Rey’s furious breath comes out in short bursts. She will not give him the satisfaction. He looks her over appraisingly. 

“He defiles you, fills you with his spawn. You’re meant to become his prop, a beautiful fixture in his throne room. He is not interested in sharing power, Rey. Not truly. He never has been. Did he tell you he loved you? More lies.”

Rey wills herself to stay strong. 

She recognizes this kind of talk - the manipulation, the cruelty disguised as sympathy.

Rey thinks Kylo has trained his Knights well. They might despise him, but they model his abusive behavior impeccably. 

The Knight pulls her forward by her binders as they arrive at their destination: a large craft she assumes acts as their flagship.

“Welcome to the New Order, Rey. Max will escort you to your chambers - and again, do not think of running. Let’s keep that baby alive for now. Yes?” 

Rey grinds her teeth. The Knights are right about one thing - she is tired of being used - by everyone. 

She will take on these bastards herself. 

He turns her over to the Knight called Max. He leads her down the ramp and onto an old ship. Rey recognizes the atmosphere they enter - or rather - she senses it. They are back in the outer rim, orbiting Dathomir. 

“You feel it,” Max says, “Dathomir. It’s darkness makes us stronger.” 

Rey knows. She felt it the first time on the damned planet. Someone else feels it too - the baby rolls in reaction to the change in energy. 

_ Stay balanced, little one, _she urges.

The ship is a hive of dark energy. Stormtroopers and life forms she has never seen stare at her arrival. A few of them nod in her direction, confusing Rey.

Max smirks.

"You arrive here as our ally. Our soldiers are excited to see you join us." 

It is downright eerie as a trooper salutes her.

They turn a corner and Max enters a code outside of a door. The room laid out before her is empty, save for a mattress and blankets. The fresher has no door, and it is filthy. 

“You will rest here until dinner. With us. We will discuss Ren’s assassination. You know what will happen if you do not cooperate.” 

The doors slide shut and Rey looks around the space. 

_ Rey. _

His voice enters her mind.

_ Are you okay? Are you hurt? _

She ignores him.

_ You cannot trust them._

She tries to shut him out.

_ I am sorry for everything I said. I will rescue you. _

He’s a fucking liar. Rey seethes. 

She succeeds in shutting him out. 

Scouring the room, she looks for a way out, but it is useless. Dining with Kylo Ren’s corrupt Knights - the concept is laughable. What game can they possibly be playing?

The homing beacon flashes on her wrist and Rey thinks it is strange they do not inspect her for weapons or valuables. 

It is only when Max returns and announces with a smile that she will be the entertainment at dinner that she understands. They were trained by Kylo Ren. They mean to humiliate her until she breaks, until she gives them what they want. They mean to goad her until she gives into her own darkness and becomes a monster like them.

Rey will not let this happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys believe me if I told you this fic has a happy ending? what does that even mean xD.  
I see this story being 25/26 chapters total.  
Reader's choice: Rey POV or Kylo POV next?  
any comments/kudos are deeply appreciated thx for hanging in there.


	19. Revenge Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what issss proofreading at 2:30am?

***

Navigating the Falcon allows Kylo to move through the Resistance base with ease.

He informs his Generals that he is the pilot and to focus on the Knight’s army. He wants every one of their ships driven into the ground, every one of their soldiers dead. 

He will take no prisoners.

The result is devastating for the Resistance. The base becomes the battleground for the war between the First Order and the Knight’s military. Multiple neighborhoods are wiped out. The medic ward, food supply warehouse, the education center for children. All annihilated. Never mind the Resistance's crafts - most of them bombed into oblivion. 

Once Kylo would have been thrilled with the results. This time he feels indifferent, if not a little apologetic.

Rey will not be happy. Her friends might be dead.

Kylo flies low, his turns sharp as he avoids open fire. The carnage, the casualties he glances below him - it is _ bad. _

He commands General Krog to hold back on detonating their most destructive bombs. Kylo wants to hit the Knight’s flagship with his most powerful weapons. He orders Krog to prep the dreadnoughts on all of his ships, to ready the fleet.

Kylo slants the Falcon upwards into the sky and hears the comlink beep. 

He leaves it, not wanting to hear any further provocations from the Knights.

Revenge festers inside him at their betrayal, their mutinous behavior. It gnaws at his soul - if he has one - unceasing until he settles the score between the Knights and himself. Former Knights.

Damien and Max. An unlikely duo. He always did have to watch the pair closely.

They never liked each other much. Their alliance must be out of desperation. Kylo’s eyes darken as he recalls the praise he would bestow on Damien for inventing the most delicious torture methods. Slow, agonizing, torture that would leave their victims not begging for mercy, but death. 

Max. He would have made for a solid Knight if he were not so gluttonous. Forever gorging himself on the slew of vices Kylo bans from the Order: whores, alcohol, pills - pills that would cause him to wander the halls of the flagship in a dazed trance. Sloppy. Weak.

Kylo knows under different circumstances Rey could take on the Knights. But not now. He’s seen to that - and this is not a realization Kylo is proud to admit. 

She is pregnant and not herself. Angry and clumsy - almost tripping in the forest. She lacks her usual sharp awareness when she fails to sense him near.

The baby clothes he tosses away. Her expression when he calls her trash. 

As usual, he goes too far with her - he always does. 

He only wants to test her. He only wants to make sure she still feels for him. 

The pain, the waves of grief that wash over and through her when he verbally tears her down prove to Kylo that she still cares. The day Rey reacts to his words with indifference will be the day he loses her, will be the day she truly stops harboring feelings for him. 

_ “And I don’t love you. Not anymore. You've done a thorough job of destroying it.” _

Her previous declaration still eats away at him. He had her love. He damn well _had_ it.

Kylo tells himself she did not mean it. She was upset when she spoke. Reactive. Unbalanced. Rey loves him and always will. It is her curse, her cross to bear, and it is time he gets serious about making it more bearable for her.

Kylo broods over his inability to keep Rey and his unborn son safe. The way his unbridled rage rules him, dictates his poor choices. Kylo knows he is right not to redeem himself. To think he is capable of it. 

He is not. 

Kylo can fake being good for a while, but he eventually reverts back to his true nature. He wishes he could change this, especially for Rey, but it is a dead end.

The comlink will not stop flashing and he throws a punch at it. He braces for Krog or the Knight’s voice to come through the speakers. Instead a high pitched tone fills his ears.

“Rey? Rey? Can you hear me? Tell me you’re okay! Leia said you’re in the Falcon…” the voice cuts out and Kylo’s blood runs cold at the mention of his mother. The shaky voice continues, “We’re going to bunker 78 on the westside. I repeat 78 on the westside. I’m evacuating the infirmary…”, more static, “Finn…flying with Poe...meet us at 78 if you can, can you...confirm…you’re okay?”

Kylo keeps completely silent while he pings Rose’s location - the location of the infirmary she is evacuating.

When he obtains her location the Falcon lurches in the opposite direction of the flagship. The little she-devil, Rose, will make for excellent bait in the event that Rey resists him.

No, no. Kylo stops. He reminds himself he will make life bearable for Rey. 

He is proud of his ability to reel himself in. 

Rose will be a present for Rey, a peace offering. Not bait - he will not threaten Rose’s safety. She will be Rey’s only female companion. When Rose is not under lock and key, the two can bond under the steadfast observation of stormtroopers. 

The Falcon cautiously docks amongst rubble and smoke. Kylo disembarks and it is dark, the night still so deep - that Rose bolts forward onto the Falcon’s ramp. 

“Rey! Oh my god, you’re okay! Is the baby...” Rose runs right up against his chest. She glances up and her skin turns pale, horror gracing her features.

“Hello Rose.”

Before she has a chance to scream, a chance to reach for her blaster, he flicks his hand and she passes out. 

Kylo does not carry her the way he carried Rey. He drags Rose by the leg, unceremoniously, onto the ship. As the ramp closes he hears confused and scared cries outside.

Kylo’s laugh is low and throaty.

Once she is properly restrained he resumes his path to the First Order flagship and to rescue Rey.

She will be grateful and relieved to see him. The spite she spews - that she prefers the captivity of the Knights to him is a lie. Rey will embrace him, kiss him, she will shower him with enthusiastic affection in bed. 

After all, Kylo thinks, he deserves it for being her hero.

*******

Rey hardens herself as she follows Max to dinner. With his mask off he flashes her toothy smiles - smiles too wide, too unnatural to be comforting. They are to discuss Kylo’s assassination and she will be the entertainment - whatever that means. He asks her if she wants another baby after this one. Her skin crawls.

Rey tries to fight the feeling of emotional bankruptcy. That there is nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void enveloping her mind in swirling blackness. 

She closes her eyes. She cannot let the dark atmosphere of Dathomir draw her into a depression, into hopelessness. Rey is stronger than these men - no - these perverted little boys. 

The doors open and Rey finds herself in a circular decaying chamber that must have been magnificent at some point. The room is packed with men sitting in chairs around the perimeter. Thick smoke fills her nostrils, choking her, and she hears glasses clinking, alcohol spilling. The floor is sticky and smells of urine. She walks forward, head held high. 

When the smoke parts she notices the women present. All nearly naked, they strut around the chamber delivering drinks. Some of them sit on the laps of men. Rey senses they are not here by choice. 

This Order is the opposite of Kylo Ren's clean, stark, obsessively polished flagship. Rey's nostrils flare in disgust.

The fair haired Knight sits on a throne. A ghost of a smile flickers across his face.

“Rey. Welcome. Come here,” he hooks a finger and wags it as though she were a dog. He scowls when she does not move.

“I said, come _ here, _” he calls on the force to move her to his throne. 

Rey is faster. If she can defeat Kylo in combat, then she can beat a lesser Knight. The Knight slams against his chair, the crack of his head echoing throughout the chamber. 

He rolls his neck.

“Oh my,” he says quietly, “you aren’t going to make this easy, are you? Rey, Rey, Rey,” he stands and circles her. 

“It is my hope that you will enjoy our little ...celebration. Our feast. I want you to enjoy what we have planned for you.”

Rey gathers her nerve.

“You’re despicable. This so-called New Order is a sham. I expected more from the Knights of Ren. You are nothing but a bunch of power hungry, _pathetic_ little boys.”

The smile falls off the face of the Knight. 

“You see, gentlemen?” He sweeps his arm around with room with an air of arrogance,“This is the little desert savage Ren has been trying to tame. Maddening, is she not?” 

He turns back to Rey.

“I think we will begin with tonight’s entertainment.”

She senses Max, still behind her, vibrating with electric excitement.

“We want a demonstration of your powers, Rey. You will spar with Max. If you lose, he gets to bed you. Here, in front of everyone.”

"And if I win?"

"You won't." 

Cruel laughter and howls reverberate throughout the room. 

The fair Knight offers Rey _ his _ double-edged saber. His eyes sparkle at her, mockingly. 

It is a foolish, overconfident maneuver. 

Rey holds the hilt of the dark weapon in her hand and locks eyes with him. Without as much as a gasp, she ignites it and drives it through the laughing Knight’s chest.

She trembles from the kill as his flesh sizzles. His eyes are frozen, glazed over in shock as his last breath rattles out of his broken body. 

“Impressive.”

It is Max and his unnatural smile. “Now, how about you try me before I have you?” He activates two sabers and steps forward. 

Rey narrows her eyes and prepares to fight for her life.

******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the consistency of your comments and kudos. It's really motivating!  
In my professional line of work I often have to be in the same room with ppl who do terrible unforgivable things. It helps brighten my day to know others enjoy my twisted crap 😂
> 
> Next chapter is entirely Kylo Ren.


	20. Revenge Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guys! I am so full of crap. I thought I wouldn't be able to update but HERE WE ARE.  
aw jeez proofreading at 3am again ill do my best. 🤗
> 
> I literally just bang these chapters out after my kid goes to bed and hope for the best. He's been going to bed at 10pm plz send help. I can't wait for the day I can write outlines and stuff. 
> 
> TL;DR: Kylo POV.  
***

“You make it a habit of tying up and kidnapping women?” 

“It is in your best interest to remain silent.” Kylo responds in a low, steady tone. The one he uses to convey that there will be no further arguments. 

Awake, Rose snorts, rubbing against her constraints.

“Yeah. Right. I don’t take orders from monsters like you.”

Kylo keeps his back turned to Rose. He can tell it irks her. But she just won't _shut up._

“I don’t take orders from genocidal maniacs. From rapists like you,” her words spit out rapidly and fiercely. Rose does not disguise her disdain, her hate. 

Kylo’s hand hovers over the controls of the Falcon as they enter the flagship’s hangar. He slowly turns to meet her face. Fires of fury smolder in his narrowed eyes as he weighs the pros and cons of making her pay for the vulgarity of her words. His instincts twist together as the temptation to hurt her poisons his bloodstream. 

He owes her no explanation. And yet.

“Rey came to my flagship willingly. She slept with me _ willingly_. Does that bother you, Rose? That your friend - the one you rebel scum consider a saint - has more than a soft spot for me?” 

Kylo has never been able to master the ability to rise above taunting. He moves closer to his incapacitated prisoner, hoping to intimidate her by invading her personal space. Rose keeps spitting her ire at him. 

“She never would have gone back for you if she knew you were lying. She hates you, she feels _ sorry _ for you. You think I’m scum? It takes a special kind of scum to deceive someone to sleep with them. That’s rape, Kylo Ren.” 

It is the black gloves that keep Kylo’s nails from bloodying his palms as he fists his hands. Kylo is not comfortable with force-choking women, but Rose may be the first exception. 

The space between them is nonexistent as he takes her by the collar and lifts her off the floor. 

“You may want to rethink how you speak to me, Rose. You are going to be my guest for a very long time. You would be wise not to talk about your friend’s future husband in such a way.”

He tries not to show his surprise when she laughs - she fucking _ laughs _ in his face. It is not a funny laugh, not a cruel laugh. It is painful and comes out in a series of short breaths. 

“Rey is never going to _ marry _ you. Does ‘the force’ show you how often she cries at night when she thinks no one is listening? Because I hear it - I’m the one who holds her. You give her nightmares. She spends countless hours after work, exhausted, scrounging for things the baby will need. She stays up later than she should making everything for the baby. A baby you forced on her. I don't care what she says - that she loves it. You've made her life hell."

Something in Kylo’s chest tightens and threatens to break.

“She will never admit it, but she’s scared of you. You make her feel like _ shit_. Are you proud of that, Kylo Ren? Is all of this - The First Order - worth more than her? I hope so. Because in the forest she was ready to give up everything to be with you.”

The ramp opens with a hiss and Kylo does not need to call upon the force to shove her forward. An officer unceremoniously catches Rose and nearly trips backwards. 

“Gag her. I want her unable to utter a word. I want two troopers assigned to watch over her. She is to be escorted onto my shuttle when we reach the Knight’s flagship. And do not,” his eyes bore into hers, “Give her any food or drink. No fresher privileges.” 

“_Monster_!” Rose yells and the stormtroopers hurry to carry out his orders.

Kylo stalks across the hangar in search of General Krog. The man should be here to greet him. Hux would have been immaculate in his duties. Kylo quickly banishes the thought.

Hux is dead, and it is a good thing. 

Kylo’s thoughts land back on Rose. He reassess his choice to abduct her.

The rebel mechanic is more brazen, more insulting than Rey has ever been.

Sometimes, he really fucking hates women. They encompass the special ability to make him feel small, stupid, insignificant. 

Kylo's flash of anger towards Rose protects him against the painful truth of her words. He tells himself that women lie, they manipulate. She wants Rey to herself. Who else will tolerate such a mouthy life form? Who besides Rey has the ability to tolerate such nasty, contemptuous…

Kylo stops the train of thought.

“Krog,” he steadies himself next to the General, “I want a status report on the Knights and their location.” 

“Right away, Supreme Leader,” Krog wastes no time swiping the screen in front of them. Kylo reads the schematics as Krog’s arid voice begins to talk. He soon fades out into the background noise of the ship.

Kylo senses another presence, a familiar presence transmitting through the force.

_ Dathomir. We’re orbiting, Dathomir. The fair one is dead. _

Rey. Rey is reaching out to him. Kylo holds up a hand to stop Krog from speaking. Kylo cannot prevent the relief that surges through him, the shock that she is reaching out to him - and he fears what it means if she is so desperate to contact him.

_ Are you hurt? The baby? We are coming, Rey. _

Guilt washes over Kylo in deep waves. 

_ I don’t have much time. I’m in their throne room. Max is the only one left. Please hurry. _

The connection, their force link, slips through his fingers. 

“Dathomir,” he states, “We are going to Dathomir. I want the flagship and the rest of the fleet to enter hyperspace immediately.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Krog acknowledges the command. He rushes to communicate Kylo’s orders.

Kylo walks briskly to his chamber to retrieve Rey’s lightsaber. She might need it to fight her way out. Even with his army descending on the Knight’s rogue Order, he cannot risk her being unarmed. Kylo locks it into his belt and his stride turns to a run as they enter the orbit of Dathomir. 

As ordered, Rose sits in binders, gagged, and tied from head to toe. 

Perfect.

Krog stands at attention and Kylo briskly addresses him.

“I want all artillery ready to fire when I give the word. My goal is to return with the scavenger before we destroy their flagship.”

Krog nods but Kylo hardly notices. His heart beats so fast he is sure the entire First Order can hear it. 

With the shields in place the shuttle approaches the old ship.

It seems unfair to Kylo that no matter how much he strives to be the man his conscience wants him to be, that it haunts him with his failures. No more. He knows he is broken, but he has to try for Rey’s sake - for the baby’s sake. 

The shuttle lands with no fan-fare and Kylo is suspicious. Max is not the brightest Knight, but he is devious. 

“Reminder to hold back on firing,” Kylo speaks into the comlink on his wrist. Lightsaber drawn, he aggressively disembarks, prepared for the slaughter he is sure will greet them. 

Instead he is met with uncanny silence. There is no one else in the hangar. 

Kylo silently motions for the dozen troopers that accompany him to follow. Rey’s distress signal through the force is strong, calling him like a beacon to her location. He stalks the empty halls until he reaches what he is sure is the throne room. 

_ Stand back, Rey. We are about to enter_.

He does not want her in the thick of battle. She has already had to endure too much. 

The doors swing open and Kylo takes in the scene. Dozens of eyes stare at him.

“Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,” Max takes his time walking towards him. Kylo braces for an attack. It does not come. Max playfully swings his saber. “Looking for her? I’ll give you two a minute.” 

Rey manifests at Kylo’s side, as though she were hidden behind the propped door. 

“You came,” she breathes, running into him. The impact almost knocks Kylo over - it is not due to the strength of her embrace. 

Max’s smile resembles a gaping maw. Kylo ignores it. 

Kylo takes the opportunity of her embrace to grab her by the waist, pulling her close against his chest. She is close enough for him to breathe in her scent. Kylo’s hand runs through her hair, thinking how he missed the softness of it, how he loves watching it tumble as he releases it from the three buns.

"Rey. I'm sorry."

“Kylo,” her eyes are pleading, watery, and she strokes his cheek. 

He does not need any more encouragement as his mouth covers hers, lips gentle and warm. Kylo feels her hands slide up his chest and encircle his waist, his neck. The kiss begins to grow heavy and Kylo does not question it.

Spending time in captivity with the Knights - he knew she would regret it. He knew she would see reason, would realize her mistake. Would accept she loves him.

The sound of a throat clearing pulls Rey away from him and Kylo reaches for her. She is too far and his hand falls. She stands at Max’s side. Kylo realizes Rey not only holds her original lightsaber, but his as well. His mind frantically puts everything together. It is too late.

He falls for this. Again.

Time stops for a moment.

Max turns from Rey to Kylo. 

“A trade is a trade. Go, before I change my mind.” 

Kylo is speechless.

"I'm sorry," Rey whispers, pausing before she leaves, "I just...I don't trust you anymore. I can't risk you hurting me again."

She runs, but not before she returns his lightsaber to him.

Rey must pity him. Rose was right.

Kylo feels numb. He is too numb to tell her that her loves her, to beg her not to take his son away from him. 

“Supreme Leader,” Max keeps his saber pointed at him, “I’m sorry to say I could not convince her to kill you. And when she realized she was outnumbered…” Max motions to the Knight’s army behind him, “well, we struck a deal. I don’t give a shit about some pregnant scavenger. Or your spawn. We just want a chance to take you out ourselves. Rather, I want to take you out. And don’t think about it,” Max nods at the comlink on Kylo’s wrist. 

The picture is all too clear.

Rey trades her freedom for his. She knows he will not order the Knight's flagship to be bombed. Not yet, not while she is on it. Kylo does not want her or the baby dead. He can see it in his mind’s eye: Rey walking onto his shuttle. Freeing Rose. Taking off. The First Order none the wiser. 

For the first time Kylo’s rage does not come to his aid - he is frozen.

Kylo wonders if this is how Rey felt when he first betrayed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the climax of my friggin story oh my goddddd will it ever end 😂  
Are you guys mad at Rey? Is what she did justified? MAYBE BOTH?  
Is Kylo's resolution to "be good" ever real?  
next chapter is Rey POV with some flashbacks and Kylo POV.
> 
> I really appreciate you all. thanks for any comments/kudos it's always humbling 💕
> 
> ***I also want to recommend this one shot called Where the Queen's Heart Gathers. I don't often have time to read fanfiction but this one was posted in the Fempire FB writing group. The angst/heartbreak is heavy and amazing. It is about Vader grieving Padme.  
I can't link for shit but here it is: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13995531


	21. Krog's Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (small note: there are no flashbacks in this update because they didn’t feel right - I can never be sure what will feel right until I start writing. I saved them for another chapter).  
Thanks for encouraging me to sleep everyone! Just look at how reylos look out for each other.
> 
> also thanks for reading and hanging in there :)
> 
> TL;DR: Rey POV/Kylo POV.
> 
> ***

Rey runs from the throne room, trying to ignore the flurry of noise and activity that follows her down the hall. Bile rises in her throat as she soars through the corridors, heart pounding when she sees the hangar enter her line of sight. She briefly touches the handle of her lightsaber - she had accepted she might never see it again. 

Her nausea intensifies from witnessing the Knight’s bizarre New Order, nausea from kissing Kylo Ren: her horror at how easy it is if she pretends he is Ben. Nausea at the way the force sings when they connect. 

She thinks about how it hurts her to deceive him, even when he deserves it. When he more than deserves it.

It never seems to hurt Kylo to betray or lie to her. They operate on completely different moral planes. 

Rey tries to fortify herself for the second part of her plan. If she fails to follow through she might as well march right back into Kylo Ren’s arms. She might as well become the obedient little pet he wants her to be. The future he wants from her is clear: keeping him warm and satisfied in bed, having his babies, her force abilities utilized only when he needs a boost in power. Dangling off his arm like a pretty, polished jewel. 

Kylo insults her for living as a scavenger, but she knows his mind. He gets off on their caste difference, on the power imbalance he perceives exists between them. In the eyes of the Resistance she is equal; with him she is expected to bow down.

He is never going to abandon his pursuit unless one or both of them is dead. 

She nearly vomits.

Rey skids into the hangar, gasping and gleaming with perspiration. Kylo’s shuttle is easy to spot and she flies up the ramp. She throws herself into performing a series of basic mechanical tasks: closing the hatch, flipping the controls, checking the fuel, preparing to take off. It is only when the engines roar to life that she registers Rose’s grunts and muffled screams.

“Rose!”

Rey hurries to remove the gag, the ropes, and binders as quickly as her nimble fingers allow. Her shaking hands slow her down. 

Finally, Rose is free.

“Are you hurt?” Rey hugs her tightly. She feels sick all over again at the way Kylo’s obsession turns her friends into targets. It serves as a reminder that what she is about to do is the right choice.

“I’m good,” Rose says, “Let’s get the hell out of here.” 

Rey nods. 

“Can you help me fly this thing?” 

“You bet.”

Almost everyone in the resistance has experience flying at this point. A wide range of skills is paramount to surviving the mess of war.

Rey feels the baby stir in her belly as the shuttle propels out of the hangar. Yes, she would sacrifice the galaxy for her son - she would sacrifice anything. She takes a deep breath and squares her tired shoulders. 

“What are you doing?” Rose asks as Rey pushes the comlink, “We needed to jump to lightspeed five minutes ago Rey!”

Rey brings a finger to her lips.

“Stay quiet for now. Please,” she mouths silently as the comlink lights up.

“General Krog speaking.”

Rey feels like she is outside of her body.

“This is Rey. Kylo Ren is on board and he is hurt. Badly. He wants me to convey his orders to fire on the Knight’s flagship immediately.” 

She hears Krog’s faint panting through the comlink’s speakers.

“Message received. I cannot carry out orders unless I hear them from Ren himself.”

Rose’s eyes are wide, terrified. 

Rey leans into the speaker so closely that her lips graze it. 

“You need to fire now! He is unconscious and bleeding. _ Do you understand_? We need to get out of here before their guns fire on us!” The last part is real and filled with true panic. She tries to influence the general by weaving the force into her words. He has to believe self preservation is her motivation. It damn well _is _her motivation. 

Rose looks like she might collapse. 

Rey is met with continued silence before Krog responds. His words are clipped and tight. 

“Understood. Initiating the dreadnought’s weapons. The hangar is ready for your arrival and medics await Ren.”

Rey slams the comlink off. She cannot watch the Knight’s flagship get blown apart. She is blinded by sudden scalding tears as she thinks about the women parading around the throne room, ignorant to what their fate is about to be. She cries for Kylo, even after everything he has done. That his miserable life ends here, that he leaves her with no other way to guarantee her safety. 

Her son’s safety. 

It is happening. Kylo's own Order will fire on him, will kill him. Rey inputs coordinates to the most distant planet she can think of and hits lightspeed. 

She needs to fill the stillness of the space, she needs a distraction. 

“You’re sure you are okay?” She asks Rose again.

“Yeah. His worst offense was to ban me from using the fresher.”

Rose tries to lighten the graveness of the situation with some humor. Rey appreciates it, but no amount of humor changes the fact that she kills her child’s father. Leia's son.

_Force forgive me, _she pleads internally. Rey swallows. 

“Kylo’s like that. He enjoys finding small ways to break you down, to control you.”

Rey senses that Rose cannot understand what she ever saw in him.

“Rey...are _you_ all right? I know he’s bad but that - ordering Krog - that can’t have been easy.”

Rey does not tell Rose that she overheard her talking with Finn. That she thinks Rey is so enmeshed with Kylo that she cannot cut her way out. 

It’s not worth bringing up. 

“I’ll be fine.”

The shuttle leaves hyperspace and a vase expanse of dark water stretches before them. The ragged island peninsula cause Rey’s throat to catch. Ahch-To.

The planet holds sacred and painful memories for her. Here, Rey hopes to regroup, to find some space to meditate. To talk with Rose, to figure out what the best move is. To restore some peace, however temporary, into her life. Rey closes her eyes. 

She taps into the force, trying to find the pulse of _him_ in it.

She tries to sense if Kylo is dead. 

*******

Max sneers.

“How does she manage to outsmart you _every tim_e Kylo? Do you not beat her? She behaves as if she has forgotten her place as a woman. She fights like a wild animal. And you, you're weaker than a pint-sized pregnant scavenger.” He snorts with a laugh.

No one else laughs. The crowd did not forget how she killed Damien with no hesitation. 

Kylo’s gaze is deadly.

“Women are not for beating. There are softer ways to break them.”

Max never could comprehend that lesson. Kylo keeps talking.

“You had to lower your standards and strike a deal with her. Damien could not hold her and you can't either. So much for your Order. She ended that quickly. A _ woman _ ended it, Max.”

Kylo senses Max’s delight at being the last Knight standing flounder. The Knight wavers as his failure to defeat Rey is exposed.

The men behind Max are armed and dangerous, but they are also drunk. Their lust has been interrupted. They are unsure if it is wise to maintain their mutinous stance now that they face their former Supreme Leader. 

Kylo knows to survive he has to play the scene carefully. He cannot allow himself the luxury of mourning Rey’s betrayal, he cannot ruminate on her kiss.

He does anyway.

The kiss. 

There was real passion there, even if her intention was to use it as a distraction. The kind of kiss that cannot be faked. It is tangible proof that she cares, that she is sexually attracted to him. She knows he owns her, that he claimed her. 

It must drive her mad. 

It provokes the primal beast within Kylo. 

She is going to pay for the deception, for her lies. The way she thwart’s him, challenges his authority. The way she fucking _ wins _ every time.

No more.

Kylo’s rage awakens and increases until he can think of nothing else. Something inside him severs and he freezes Max. With a low growl the saber flies from the Knight’s hand and spears the man behind him. Kylo calls the bloody saber to him while the force maintains its hold on the Knight.

Max’s hands grab at his throat, desperately tearing.

Kylo feels his stormtroopers behind him, the air tense and thick as they await his command to attack.

“Anyone else?” He bellows as Max’s windpipe cracks. 

Kylo knows firsthand that psychological warfare is an effective tool. A few drunks stagger forward with blasters and Kylo cuts them down, bored that this is the best his Knight’s have to offer. 

“I said,” he raises his voice, “Does anyone else want to challenge me?” 

No one speaks. Kylo resolves to have them all killed even if they return their loyalties to him. Traitors do not get second chances. 

Kylo presses his comlink.

“General Krog I want you to keep an eye out for any crafts leaving the hangar. Rey has escaped and she knows how to navigate ships.” 

“Supreme Leader?” Kylo hears the alarm in Krog’s voice, “We - we are are firing in sixty seconds. The scavenger relayed your orders. She informed us you were injured. We are in the process of dropping our class-A bombs. I can’t buy anymore time, Sir.”

Max hits the floor with a thud, dead. 

Kylo calls on the force to slam anyone near him against the wall. He leaps into furious action.

Kylo bolts to the hangar to find his shuttle gone. He jumps into a small escape pod, barely able to stuff in his powerful body.

Rey is behind this - she means to _ kill _ him. 

It is not like her to be so calculating, so dark. Kylo’s pod hurls into space and he tells himself Rose is behind this devious plot. Rose poisons Rey’s mind. 

It is dumb luck that he escapes.

Or, Kylo muses, it is the will of the force.

The pod lands violently in the First Order’s hangar and Kylo pounces out. General Krog crosses the hangar, heavy lines drawn around his frowning mouth.

“Supreme Leader…”

“General Krog,” Kylo's lightsaber crackles at his side, “You made a mistake.”

Krog’s forehead lifts.

“Yes, Supreme Leader, please accept my deepest…”

"You fell for a trick. From the scavenger. You are supposed to be experienced."

Krog licks his lips. 

"Supreme Leader if I may..."

Kylo does not want to hear it. He rams the saber through Krog’s chest, twisting it. Kylo’s nose upturns at the smell of burning flesh.

“Never fire without my direct command,” Kylo finishes quietly, staring at the body.

“You,” he points his saber at Captain Witt. She closes her eyes, sure that she is about to meet the same fate as Krog. The entire hangar is nervous. She scurries over.

“Supreme Leader Ren.”

“Witt, you are promoted to General. Meet me in my private chamber in an hour.” Kylo turns away from her as he watches the Knight’s flagship explode. Shrapnel spreads throughout space.

It goes against Kylo's personal philosophy, but a female General might have insights into Rey that only a woman can uncover. He needs help understanding women. He thought he understood everything about Rey until now. 

At least, he soothes himself, Rey and Rose help him destroy his traitors. The Knights are no more. He can rebuild the First Order. 

Kylo keeps his fuse under control when he enters his private quarters. He walks the length of the room, willing himself to remain calm for this. 

_ Rey. _

He knows she can hear him. 

_ Rey. Answer me. I know you meant to kill me. I’m alive. Unharmed. _

Oh yes...a sweet mixture of shock, horror, fear, guilt, and terror permeate the force link. Kylo latches onto her guilt.

_ That’s enough rebelling Rey. Don’t worry, I forgive you. I know Rose made you do it. _

He is doing well. He is calm. He conceals the rage from his tone.

_ Rey. You’re going to be a mother. It’s time to stop fighting and let me take care of you. Rose told me you cry at night. I am sorry I hurt you. I want to be the one to hold you, to comfort you. You do not need to raise the baby alone. _

There. How can she reject such a sincere apology?

Nothing.

Kylo’s anger simmers. She thinks she can get away with ignoring him? 

His anger quells when he remembers she flies his shuttle. Frantic, he swipes his datapad, searching for the ship’s tracker. 

Oh, Rey. 

She is so intelligent, usually so fastidious in her planning. She is also pregnant and ever-so-slightly-forgetful. 

Kylo knows exactly where she is. Rey's little rebellion is over. With General Witt's help, he is going to pick up his little scavenger. 

No - Kylo replaces the dirty word.

He is going to pick up the mother of his child. The woman who will be his wife. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -What are Rey and Rose gonna do? Will they escape before crazypants arrives?  
-Is Kylo redeemable?  
(I model him after the bad guys I see in court who are clever at being cruel, but otherwise really stupid).
> 
> i'm motivated to complete this story.
> 
> your comments/kudos keep that motivation alive and give me fuzzies. thank you ☺️ 💕


	22. Never going to be good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments/kudos on the previous chapter :)
> 
> My husband is out of town so I can’t indulge in my nocturnal habits. Gotta be semi-awake for the toddler.  
This is 2 chapters in one. I have no self control so you get them both at once lol.  
Proofreading this thing after work is 🙈😬
> 
> TL;DR  
The POV menu for chapter 22 is:  
Kylo, Rey, Kylo.  


***

The walls of Kylo’s private quarters are stifling. 

He is anxious for General Witt to arrive, he is restless when not actively pursuing Rey. It is hard for him not to blow through the force and meet her face to face. He needs to read it in her eyes if she truly meant to kill him. 

Kylo has an idea of how he will punish her when she is back in his bed. He does not think of it as a punishment, really. 

He wants to chip away at Rey’s innocence. Everything they have done together is traditional and natural. Rey will never be a whore. He will kill anyone who suggests otherwise. 

In private he wants her to be a whore, just a little bit, and only for him. Kylo wants to try something a little less natural and more primal. He has thought about it before, and now he has a good reason to do it. 

He does not want it to come as a total shock - he does not want to be _ that word _ Rose calls him. 

He will never hurt Rey, will never make her bleed. 

She will know what is coming when he starts preparing her from behind. He is not averse to tasting her there - he will have scrubbed her clean in the fresher. 

Kylo knows Rey will try to get away, try to squirm out from under him. He won’t let her - he will hold her in place and reassure her that everything will be okay. More than okay. That it will feel incredible. 

He might have to tie her to the bed frame to be safe.

Inch by inch, he will push into her tight, round ass until he is fully sheathed inside.

He will ask her what she is and she will answer scavenger. He will ask her who she answers to and she will moan his name.

He will establish and exert his dominance over her. 

Kylo wrestles with getting his lust under control.

He is shrewd enough not to reveal to Rey that he knows her location. He senses Rey trying to dull their connection and he plays along. He forces himself to ponder where she might be - he comes to a false conclusion that she is at a Resistance base. Her relief through the force almost makes him smile. Max was wrong. Rey is crafty, but Kylo is capable of maintaining one step ahead every now and then.

_ Where are you, Rey? Which Resistance base? _

Nothing. 

He hopes she buys it long enough for him to formulate a plan to capture her for good.

One of his biggest failings has been his transparency. He is too honest with Rey about his intentions - he gloats too much around her.

Kylo runs a hand through his hair and feels grime and blood in it. He does not know exactly how much time has passed since he was at the Resistance base. A shower is a good idea, but then there is a knock at his door. 

Captain - no - General Witt. He has questions for her.

Kylo flicks his wrist and the chamber doors open. He postures.

If he has known failure in his life, it does not show now. Everything from the way he holds himself, to the way he speaks, to that look of unassailable confidence in his gaze says he is not to be challenged. He is the Supreme Leader.

“You wanted to see me, Supreme Leader,” Witt states.

“Yes.” The doors slam shut and he gestures for her to sit on a dark leather ottoman.

“I have questions for you, General. I want you to answer as a…” Kylo pauses, “Do you have children, Witt?”

She nods. 

“Yes, four. All grown.”

Kylo feels oddly competitive that Witt has four children and he is expecting his first. No matter. Rey is young. He won’t miss taking advantage of her most fertile years. And she _ is _fertile. Against all probability she conceives the first time she loses her virginity.

Kylo returns his attention to Witt. He can sense her fear that she will say the wrong thing. That she will end up like Krog.

It is not an unreasonable fear. 

“I want you to answer me as a woman and a mother. I want you to be honest.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo paces in front of her.

“Rey is halfway through her pregnancy. I expected her to be cautious but she is reckless and partakes in dangerous activities. Why is she not docile like other pregnant women?”

Witt’s mouth opens and closes.

“Sir, every pregnancy is different…”

“I want a clear answer,” he snaps. 

Witt clears her throat.

“She is probably…”

“_Probably? _” Kylo wants to deal with absolutes, with facts.

“She is protective of the baby. She will do anything to keep it safe. She is going to put the baby first before anything else.”

“Hmm,” Kylo plods in front of Witt, her nerves fraying through the force. 

“I want you to help me develop a different strategy, Witt. Everything I have tried never holds Rey for long. I know where she is, and I cannot lose her this time.” 

_ I can’t screw up again_. 

“Sir, have you tried...showing her kindness?” 

“Yes.”

Kylo bristles. 

She thinks he does not know the meaning of the word. 

“I am _kind_, Witt. I do not beat her, I don’t rape her.” He tries not to think about their last sexual encounter. He tells himself he does not regret it. 

“I could,” he concedes, “be kinder with my words.”

“She is going to be very sensitive right now,” Witt agrees, “I do have an idea, sir.”

Kylo pauses in front of the General. He waits expectantly.

“You might soften her regard if you behave in a manner opposite to your….your natural instincts. Actions speak louder than words.”

“Continue,” he orders. Witt is a woman and he needs her insight.

“You have her location. Bring her supplies. Food, pillows, comforts. Have you been able to find out what she craves?”

_ “What?” _

Witt cowers at the edge in his voice.

“It is common for pregnant women to have specific food cravings and aversions.”

“Of course I know what she craves.”

He has no idea. He wishes he knew. 

“And after I bring her supplies? What then?” He is already thinking this idea is idiotic. 

“You leave.”

Kylo snorts. 

“Supreme Leader, please hear me out. You leave and return a few days later with more supplies. Take care of her. Provide for her. Show her you’re thinking of the baby. Bring the infant items I ordered. Get her to focus on the child, not the Resistance. Keep her on the island. Not all prisons have walls. Contain her there as long as possible while we annihilate the Resistance. By the time she remembers they exist they will all be dead. She will have no where else to go. Supreme Leader, this plan does not display weakness. It will prove your ability to apprehend her at any cost.”

"What's to stop Rey from fleeing the moment I step onto the island? The moment after I leave?"

"You. You have to sell it. You have to give her hope. Rey's file states that she is unbearably hopeful and impossibly optimistic. The pregnancy will make her emotional. She is likely scared of giving birth, of parenting alone. Lean into these fears."

Witt’s nefarious mind puts Krog to shame. Witt educates herself on Rey before meeting with him - Kylo is impressed. 

Kylo knows it is because of men that the galaxy is in a sorry state. The male ego, the territorial bloodlust, the instinct to dominate and destroy.

Listening to Witt’s plan Kylo realizes women can be equally toxic, equally cunning and destructive.

“General Witt, I want to implement your unique plan. Keep in mind your life depends on its success.”

“Yes Sir.”

Kylo keeps his expression unreadable.

“Tell me exactly what needs to be done.”

General Witt is at her core, a devout member of the First Order. She is as cutthroat as the rest of them. 

*****

Rey lands the shuttle as the storm above threatens to break. She finds it hard to reveal to Rose that Kylo Ren is alive.

All the people she ordered to be killed, and for nothing. Kylo is not only alive, he escapes without injury. 

The force delivers his so-called apology to her. He says that he forgives her.

Right.

Rey knows Kylo well enough to hear the promise of retribution in his words. He tries to mask it, but she senses his true intentions. He manages to find the most intimate of ways to hurt her, and Rey knows this will be no exception. His anger fuels him, pushes him to keep plowing forward. 

This time, Rey worries his punishment will go beyond her. She fears he will hurt the baby. Her reasoning is that he shows no concern, no care for the child - what is to stop him from taking the person she cherishes most? 

The weight of everything seems to press down on her shoulders. The darkness inside her grows blacker; the pain sharper; and she begins to wonder if things will ever get better. Rey struggles to take a single step forward off the ship. It is too much. All of it. Trying to fend off Kylo Ren, trying to get through the pregnancy, trying to keep the baby healthy. Trying to stay alive.

Somehow she keeps moving, leading Rose away from the shuttle and up the narrow winding steps. She cannot race up them the way she did years ago - now she stops at every other step to catch her breath. Below her the sea rises in choppy waves. Anger in the form of water, turbulent and unforgiving.

“Can we go inside any of the huts?” Rose shouts above the wind.

Rey nods vigorously and they stumble inside one of the stone dwellings. The wind slams the door shut as thick sheets of rain fall. Rey takes in her surroundings and notes how entire sections of the stone wall do not match. The old grey blends into a recent white stone and it dawns on her why. 

This is the hut Luke destroyed with the force, the hut she and Kylo bonded in. The caretakers have restored it.

Rey falls forward, catching herself on the stone sink as she bows her head, shoulders shaking. A sense of deja vu sweeps over her, as the ghosts of her past parade around and within her. All reminders of the nights she spent here, nights talking with him. Here, neither of them had been reluctant to appear vulnerable. Rey would push aside her own fears to comfort him, to show Kylo that he was worthy of love. 

She let her love for him shine in her eyes for him to see. Love that he uses as a tool to use and abuse her. 

Rey struggles as her entire body sags with fatigue and numb agony.

“Hang on Rey, I’ve almost got it,” Rose says, lips set thin as she lights a fire. The warmth helps Rey recover from the dizzying nausea - a little. 

“Thanks Rose. Do you mind if I meditate?” Rey’s heartbeat is quick and furious. “I need to cut myself off from the force, temporarily, like Luke Skywalker did. I know it’s difficult but Ahch-To is the birth of the Jedi Order. I should be able to figure it out. I _ have _ to. If Kylo tracks me through our force link…’

Tracks her. A horrible, twisted knot tightens in Rey’s stomach.

“Did we turn off the shuttle’s tracking device?” 

Rose’s face is stark-white.

“No.”

“Oh _force_,” Rey says softly. She begrudgingly taps into the force and he is there, the unwanted presence forever in her mind. She needs to cut him off from any and all pathways he can use to reach her.

“Does Kylo know where we are?”

“If he doesn’t he will soon.”

Rose picks up her bag.

“I’m taking the shuttle. I’ll leave the tracking device on and lead him far away from you. Let him think he is clever. I’ll - I’ll lead him to a Resistance base.”

“No! It’s _ me _ he wants.” Rey cries out in dismay. “I’m a liability to the Resistance. Everything that happened at the base is because I rejected him.” She omits the part where she slept with Kylo in the hope that he would keep the baby’s paternity a secret. In the end his malevolence at her rebuff erupted into violence. 

Rose cuts her off.

“He’s a danger to us all, Rey. And you’re pregnant - I won’t forgive myself if I don’t do everything I can to help. I’ll come back to get you with the Resistance. _ Soon_. Promise me you will not to sever yourself from the force. That's crazy talk. Don’t let him take that from you. Without the force he…

Without the force she stands little to no chance against Kylo.

“All right.” 

Rose is still pale but composed. Their hug is hurried, neither wants to say goodbye so soon after being reunited. Rey watches Rose leave as quickly as she can in the pounding rain. Her companion, her friend. Someone who loves her and is willing to sacrifice it all. 

Rey vows to make sure it is not in vain.

After the shuttle takes off, Rey continues to debate a force sever. Not an indefinite sever - she knows Rose is right - it is a risky choice to disconnect.

When she first met Skywalker she did not understand his choice to withdraw and hide from the galaxy. His need to disappear. She does now, Rey thinks wearily. The events of the last few days combined with her pregnancy wear down her stamina. Rey wants to disappear. She wants to become invisible to Kylo Ren. 

Legs crossed, she mediates in the glow of the firelight.

Disconnecting from the force is excruciating. She can’t do it. She dulls it, turns the intensity of it down to a low hum. She fails at severing herself from the force, but she has fractured it. Rey hopes it is enough to keep Kylo from communicating with her, hopes it is enough to keep him from her nightmares.

****

Kylo arrives on Ahch-To.

The planet's energy is powerful like Dathomir, but not as unbalanced. Darkness and light live here. Even during a storm he can see it is a beautiful place. A peaceful place.

He loathes Luke Skywalker all over again. While his mother toiled through war Luke hid like a worm on this island. Not a care in the galaxy. Luke Skywalker was, and always will be a coward. General Organa might be on the wrong side, but at least she continues to fight. 

Kylo seeks out Rey.

Rey’s essence in the force is buried, almost undetectable. Kylo is unsure if he senses Rey or only the memory of her being here. He sees the native lifeforms that reside on Ahch-To and no shuttle. 

Kylo frowns.

He was sure she would stay for sentimental reasons.

He concentrates, one more time, and feels the tiny beat of someone familiar within the force. Someone he knows, but has yet to meet. His son. 

She _ is _ here.

Kylo wonders if she is as foolish as Skywalker and cuts herself off from the force. A bad move for her, a stroke of luck for him. There is no hesitation as he bounds up the steps three at a time. He reminds himself to slow down. This is not a grab and run. He will do as Witt advised. 

Kylo comes to a halt at the top of the staircase.

He is here to show that he cares. Kylo’s face hardens as he imagines Rey defenseless. It will be easy to carry out his punishment if she can’t fight back with the force.

He is conflicted.

Kylo follows his son’s life force to a hut that feels more than familiar. A place where they sought each other’s company. He kept their connection hidden away from Snoke. 

Kept _ her _ hidden away.

Kylo opens the door and finds her curled into a ball, asleep. The fire next to her consists of slowly burning embers. 

“Rey.” 

She continues sleeping.

“_Rey.” _

Kylo sits near the fire when she wakes. The flames gild his face, casting gold shadows on his curling dark hair.

Their eyes meet.

“Are you...are you really here?”

“Yes. You tried to kill me, Rey. Did you think I'd let you get away with such an attempt?"

He can't help but to try and intimidate her. Old habits die hard. Witt would not approve. 

Rey rushes to get away from him. In a frenzy she runs past him, flying out the door. Kylo stands in the doorway and watches her climb up the grassy hill dotted with rocks. She does not activate her lightsaber. It stays on the floor, forgotten. How unhinged _is_ she?

Kylo smirks. Scaring her has never been so easy. Where is her defiant streak now?

Rey's center of gravity is off. She tries to create a shortcut by clambering up a short cliff but her belly won’t allow it. Kylo takes his time as he closes the gap between them. 

“No...no...” Rey stands, facing him, closing her eyes, “Please, don’t hurt the baby. Don’t hurt him Kylo. Just get it over with, whatever you want to do to me. I won’t...I won’t fight you,” her voice breaks at the end and she dissolves into tears. 

Kylo shifts, uncomfortable. He does not expect to feel such intense shame.

He watches her desperately use her arm to dry her face, but she’s shaking, she’s crying too hard. Her gasps cause her to suck in too much air and she lets out a hiccup. 

Kylo decides to save his punishment for another time.

Witt told him to do the opposite of his impulses. 

Kylo tosses his lightsaber to the ground. He takes off his cloak and cautiously approaches Rey. He drapes the cloak gently around her shoulders. 

“I won’t hurt our baby. And I won’t hurt you, Rey.”

Rey parts her lips to respond but her reply gets stuck in her throat. She averts her eyes; her chest rising and falling with every deep intake of breath. 

Seeing her so overcome with fear and failing to stay calm makes Kylo feel powerful. 

He escorts her back to the hut, closing the door against the wind. A boom sounds from above and more rain falls. 

Rey seems resigned to whatever fate he has in store for her. Kylo does not need the force to know what she fears. He will prove her wrong. 

He guides her to the bed and carefully sets her on it. She braces, expecting him to crawl on top of her. Kylo does not care for the revulsion in her expression.

He ignores it - he _ has _ to.

Instead he drops to the floor and kneels in front of her. Rey’s eyes track every move he makes.

He slides the soaked boots off her feet, one at a time.

“Why are you dragging this out? I know what you want.”

She has no idea.

“Do you? I brought provisions. Food, clothing, blankets. I won’t let you hurt yourself on this island searching for food. And...I want to honor my promise to you.”

Rey does not stifle her disdain.

“What _ promise_? You don't keep promises.”

Kylo takes hold of her hand.

“My promise to leave you alone until our son is born. You held up your end of the deal. I didn’t. I put both of you in danger because of it. I am sorry, Rey. I am sorry for failing you and our son. I want to keep you safe."

Her eyes are heavy with moisture. 

“You’re a liar. It must kill you to pretend to care.”

Kylo grapples to restrain himself as Rey’s anger overpowers her fear. He exhales.

“I am never going to be good Rey, but I’m trying. For you and the baby.”

“You’re not fit to be a father. You have no idea how to put someone else first.”

That stings. She touches on one of his deepest insecurities: fatherhood.

Kylo fights the urge to throw her over his shoulder and haul her off to the flagship.

“Snoke taught me that love is a weakness. That it is conditional. My love for you is unconditional, Rey. It always has been.”

“Don’t say you love me. Not _here_.” 

Rey’s voice quakes again, the tears start. Kylo is confused. He did not say anything cruel, he did not threaten her. This is not in the script Witt provided him with.

He hears the ache in her voice.

“I wish you didn’t love me. I wish you didn’t _ think _ you loved me. Because you don’t. You love humiliating and controlling me. You view me as an object to possess.”

Kylo does not have an answer for Rey because what she says is true. Mostly. The humiliation, no. The control, the dominance, yes. 

Is she an object? No - but she is _ his_. 

Kylo stands.

“I _ do _ love you. And you loved Kylo Ren first - in this very hut - before you thought I could be Ben. Don’t forget that, Rey.”

Kylo is pleased when Rey glowers in response. She knows he is right.

“Here,” he bends to pull a bottle out of the supply bag, “Drink this. It will hydrate you faster than water. The baby needs the fluid.” He adds when she hesitates.

“Am I going to wake up on your flagship after I drink this?”

“No.”

“It's poisoned, isn't it? The Resistance is coming back to get me, you know. They _know_ I am here," she says, suddenly fierce. She almost sounds convincing. 

“It is not poisoned, Rey." 

Kylo lies, but only partially. The liquid is not poison. It _is_ infused with a serum that will knock her out. An innocuous concoction - he wants her to relax, and it will replenish the vitamins her body needs. It’s safe for the baby.

Kylo does not tell Rey that the First Order tracks the shuttle, tracks down Rose. 

He can tell she wants to drink. Even through their splintered force connection he senses her lack of nourishment. 

“Go on."

She never has been one to waste food or drink.

The effects begin rapidly. Rey blinks, unable to keep her eyes open.

“This is...this tastes nice...” Her tone is airy as she falls onto her side. Her eyes flutter. Rey succumbs to a deep sleep.

Kylo knows this is when he should leave. Leave, and return in a few days.

Witt told him that Rey needs to witness him exercise self control. He needs to demonstrate he is capable of walking away from the person he wants more than anything. 

Kylo thinks about the ropes and binders he brings along in case he changes his mind. He thinks about tying her up. 

He imagines Rey waking to find herself tied to his bed, feeling incredibly stupid at accepting a drink from _him_ of all people. He imagines Rey crying the way she did outside in the rain, broken and crushed, falling apart and ready to accept defeat. 

Kylo’s throat works at the thought. He hated Snoke, and his inner demons whisper that he treats Rey in the same manner Snoke treated him. 

He banishes the thought.

Instead Kylo removes his tunic and climbs into the bed. Rey is none the wiser as he positions himself behind her, molding his body against hers. He finds her waist below her belly and curls an arm around her. Kylo stiffens when a faint movement brushes against his hand. For a moment he panics until he realizes what he feels. The baby. There is an _actual person_ in there. Someone who is half Rey and half him.

He hopes the baby is more like Rey.

Kylo has every intention of leaving before she wakes. He will earn her trust before he captures her again.

Kylo nuzzles into her neck, inhaling her scent before he gives into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anything about Kylo’s behavior towards the end genuine?  
thanks for being on this angsty-ass train ride with me. what the F am i gonna do to decompress when this is over 😂  
your support is always noted and appreciated 🧡


	23. Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Note: I am not against medicine or hospital births. I had a high risk pregnancy and am glad for the care I received. Just wanted to put that out there since attitudes in this chapter may convey otherwise. And if you had a lovely home birth that’s great too :)  
*Trigger warning for needles if they make you squeamish.
> 
> I keep adding potential chapters b/c even though I’ve been sitting on the final chapter for freakin’ 5 weeks the build up has to be right. woweee fanfic is serious business amirite? 😂 
> 
> TL;DR  
Kylo POV with a touch of Rey at the end.  
***

Kylo wakes before Rey. He knows he has slept too long. 

Sunlight spills through the bottom crack of the door. The comlink on his wrist flashes. Witt is probably wondering if he abandoned their plan. 

Why shouldn’t he?

Kylo silently pulls his tunic over his head and stares at Rey. He has a hard time remembering why he is supposed to walk away right now. 

Her force abilities are fractured. He has more serum in his bag to drug her into an extended sleep. No one is here to stop him from transporting her to his flagship.

Again, he wonders: what is the_ point _ of leaving? His goal is to obtain her: here she is. 

Why risk her escaping, why risk the Resistance coming to rescue her?

The latter is unlikely. 

Kylo holds Rose prisoner and the Resistance chatter about Rey is not kind. He hears through various sources that Resistance leaders are divided on what to do with her. 

So much for her family. Rey should be grateful that he exposes how little the concept of family means. Families betray and hurt each other. 

Kylo supposes he needs to leave so that Rey can trust him. So that she will stop looking at him with contempt. So that she will stop fighting him tooth and nail.

Kylo hates how submissive this feels. 

He digs around in his bag and pulls out cameras. He installs them in discreet places, cursing himself for not doing this last night. For being distracted by _ her. _ He is about finished when he hears a rustle and turns to see Rey sitting up. She looks sick at the sight of him. 

_ Shit. _

“Rey…”

She shakes her head and holds a hand out in his direction. That does not stop Kylo. He is one stride away from her. He ignores her waving him away as he hovers over her. 

With a heave she vomits all over the floor. 

All over his boots. 

Her eyes are glassy when she looks up at him. 

“It happens every morning. All day, actually.” 

This is not how Kylo thought the morning was going to go. 

Even through their fragmented force link he senses her nausea. He immediately retreats from their connection, not caring for the way the nausea makes him groggy. He does not know how Rey lives with it. 

He does not move away fast enough and she vomits for a second time. The rancid smell of bile permeates the space. 

Kylo turns to the sink and wets a cool rag for her, he fills a cup with water. 

It is what a good person would do. 

“Why are you here? You promised to leave me alone,” Rey glares as he hands the cup to her, “And don’t look so smug. You don’t get an award for basic human decency.”

“It is hard for me to leave you.”

“Right. I learned a while ago you do the exact opposite of what you say, Kylo.” She stands and walks to the sink. 

He lets her words roll off his back. 

“Have you been this ill the entire time? You need medicine, Rey. You need to be able to keep food down.”

She shoots him a dark stare over her shoulder as she retches into the sink. It goes on like this for five minutes until he cannot take it anymore. 

Kylo locates the medical kit the First Order provides him with. Vitamins, serums, medicine - all things a pregnant woman might need. Kylo carefully removes a needle from the case, shifting it away from Rey so she cannot see him prep it.

“My doctor said I’m fine. Nausea is normal,” Rey answers when the symptoms subside. Kylo waits until she is preoccupied with washing her mouth, and scrubbing her face clean before he approaches her from behind.

“I can’t tolerate watching you suffer," Kylo mutters into her ear as one hand passes low around her arms, holding them flat against her waist. 

“Get _ off_,” Rey stomps down hard on his boot, causing Kylo to flinch. He hates to use the force to restrain her, but he does. He holds the vial in his free hand, the needle visible.

“I _ knew _ it!” Her voice is strained as she bucks against him. “You’re drugging me, you mean to force yourself on me!” She scuffles, trying to head butt him, trying to bite at him - anything to get away.

“I am not,” Kylo fastens his grip. “Damnit Rey, stop fighting,” he pushes her forward against the sink as his thumb hooks the side of her trousers down, “This will stop the vomiting. It’s safe for the baby.”

“I don’t want drugs in my body! I want a drug free pregnancy! Stop it!” She squirms desperately against his chest.

“I said hold _ still_,” with a steady hand Kylo jams the needle into her upper thigh. He waits until the vial is empty and quickly pulls her trousers up. He spins her around to face him.

Tears well up in her eyes.

“You’re unbelievable,” she says through clenched teeth. She shakes with outrage. “My body does not belong to you! Do you have any idea how much it scares me when you act like that?” 

For a second Kylo is conflicted. His jaw works, the muscles pulled tight. He opens his mouth to speak but no more than a syllable comes out. Finally, he manages to string together a sentence.

“I’m sorry. But I would rather take action than engage in an endless debate. It is the most effective way to handle you. You’re too stubborn. Once the medicine kicks in you will thank me. Your health isn’t a joke, Rey.”

“_Handle me_? You just didn’t like your boots getting soiled.”

She has the gall to shove his shoulder - _ hard _ \- as she stalks past him. The drink last night not only replenishes her vitamins but her bold attitude as well.

She thinks she can rough him up? Can push him around, and in her current condition?

Her drive to be independent, to be dominant - it angers and turns him on. Kylo consciously buckles down on his self control.

His comlink flashes. He needs to leave. 

“Where did you hide my lightsaber?”

“I did not hide it. It’s up there,” Kylo points at the highest shelf in the kitchen space. He placed it there knowing she cannot reach it. He wants to see if Rey’s force abilities are so diminished that she cannot call it to her. A simple task. 

Rey stands on her tiptoes, reaching for her lightsaber. She huffs, not able to acquire it. 

She refuses to look at Kylo and slams a stool in front of her. Even with the added height she cannot grasp it. The saber rests against the stone wall. Kylo hears Rey talk under her breath about being huge and useless, about her growing belly getting in the way.

“It looks like you could use help,” Kylo states placidly.

He should be ashamed of these microaggressions, the methods he uses to toy with her in the smallest of ways. How he uses her for his amusement. 

“Once I reconnect with the force it won’t be a problem,” she spits as he calls the lightsaber down. She aggressively pulls the floating saber from the air. 

“You’re not useless. You’re beautiful, Rey. Pregnancy becomes you,” Kylo begins unpacking the goods he brought. A task he should have completed last night. He looks at the fullness of her belly and muses. 

“It’s hard to imagine you’ll only get bigger.”

Kylo realizes his blunder as the words leave his mouth. Rey’s face flushes bright red. 

“I can’t_ believe _ Han and Leia raised you. The way you speak to me, Kylo….” she shakes her head.

“I wouldn’t say they raised me,” he responds dryly, “Their favored child was the Resistance. I only meant…” Kylo can’t think of a way to salvage his comment. He only means he cannot believe how incredible it is that her body is able to change to accommodate their son. He thinks it is extraordinary. Kylo flips the focus back to her health.

“Rey, tell me you plan on giving birth in a hospital.”

She does not have a choice - Kylo will watch his son be born in the medic ward on the First Order Flagship. If she is anti-medicine this will be considerably more challenging than it needs to be. 

He resumes unpacking and awaits her answer.

The silence is uncomfortably long and he finally looks at her face. Her expression is dark and furious. She storms over and pokes him hard in the chest. 

“You have absolutely no say in how I give birth. I won’t be in a hospital unless there is a problem. I want my midwife at my side - who is a doctor, by the way.”

Kylo almost drops the food he unpacks. Raisa. His undercover First Order agent. Rey’s doctor and midwife. Even now Rey assumes she will be returning to the Resistance base.

Kylo keeps a cool expression. Rey has no idea how deep his control runs.

He follows Witt’s advice. 

“Fine. But I’m entitled to ask. It’s my baby too. I’m the reason…” Kylo wants to say he is the reason she is pregnant. Bringing up sex, especially sex with him, upsets her and his sentence ends there.

The fight brewing in Rey’s face diminishes - a little. 

Kylo makes a show of displaying the food. He ordered Witt to gather items that might appeal to a pregnant woman, along with gourmet foods he is sure Rey has never heard of. 

“I’ll never be able to eat all of this,” she says, distracted by the bottles and jars that vary in height and color; the piles of bread, fruits, and vegetables. Meat and fish packed between chunks of ice, desserts that make her mouth water. 

“Why are you doing this again?” Her hungry gaze lingers on the jar of sparkbee honey. A delicacy and near impossible to find.

“I told you,” Kylo twists the jar lid off, “I am trying to better. I am trying to take care of you.”

Kylo unwraps a loaf of bread and tears off a chunk. He is about to dip it into the honey for her when Rey plunges two fingers into the jar. 

He watches, entranced as she licks the sweet liquid off her fingers. This action is innocent and too much for him to endure.

“You couldn’t wait?” Kylo can’t keep the irritation out of his voice. Irritation that something as innocuous as her simply _ eating _sets his insides on fire. 

Rey shrugs.

“I’m a dirty scavenger. This is how I eat.”

Kylo sets the jar down. She _ enrages _ him.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

She dips her fingers in for a second time.

“Why not? You do. All the time.”

Kylo catches her wrist before she dives in for a third time.

His eyes flick up to hers, and he is _ positive _she is going to try and wiggle from his grip.

She doesn’t. 

It feels natural to step forward and place a hand in the small of her back, to draw her closer. To use the other to trace the line of her jaw. 

To lean down and catch her soft lips in a kiss that's warm and slow and sweet. It is not because of the honey - Rey always tastes sweet. He’s told her as much.

His hands travel from her waist to her backside. He slips his hands under the waistband of her pants, past her undergarments. Her ass is tight, supple. Kylo kisses her harder, walking her back to the bed. She isn’t fighting this.

Kylo pulls back to catch his breath. 

The tears swelling in her eyes are not what he hoped to see. Disappointment crushes him.

Her eyes are downcast.

“I knew in the end you would want this.”

He removes his hands from her body.

“And you don’t.”

The expression on her face is one of unreadable torment. Rey’s eyes veer back up to meet his. “I’ve endured all the lies and hurt you’ve spewed at me for...for longer than I care to think about. I’ve endured your abuse and nastiness to try and survive. To try and find some peace. Can’t you let me have some of that peace? I can’t bear it, Kylo. I can’t bear being pushed into sleeping with you again. I am so tired.”

Kylo retreats. He stops crowding her. 

Rey will not always reject him, deny him.

“I understand,” his voice is soothing, sympathetic. His dark eyes seem to fill his face. 

Rey protectively covers her abdomen. 

“I won’t push you into going to bed with me. I_ am _ trying to give you peace. By keeping you safe on this island and bringing you goods. Please don’t think of going back to the Resistance. It’s dangerous Rey - you will end up in the crossfire of battle.”

“It wouldn’t be dangerous if you stopped bombing us. If you stopped assaulting the Resistance. You have your title and your army Kylo. Why can’t you retreat to the outer rim and rule there? Leave us alone.” 

Kylo is prepared for this argument. He rolls up his sleeve to reveal his comlink.

“The Resistance is no friend of yours, Rey. Watch.” He pushes a button and a miniature hologram manifests. 

A man Rey saw briefly in Leia’s office appears. He speaks in front of a crowd of Resistance leaders.

“_I have been informed Rey fled the attack with Kylo Ren. Shortly after she helped him destroy the Knight’s flagship. It is a low blow, that one of our most trusted Resistance members betrays us in this manner. For now we must treat her as an adversary. Unfortunately, it is not surprising since she carries his child. Her change in allegiance wounds us all, deeply._

Rey gasps loudly in shock. 

“That - that’s not what happened!” She cries, “Tell them Kylo, you have to tell them the truth! The Resistance has to know I would never cross them! Oh _ force!_ What am I going to do?” She rubs her temple.

Kylo thinks it is cute the way she uses_ force _ as a curse. She is capable of formidable anger, but pregnant and helpless, he finds her dismay adorable...alluring even.

He turns off the comlink and looks at her with what he hopes passes for a sad expression. 

“The Resistance does not trust anything I say. I am sorry Rey. Please, stay here - just for a little while longer.”

A little while longer until she is near her time, until she loses herself in the comfort of items he will deliver. Until she grows so lonely that she aches for his companionship.

“Here,” he hands her a sack of fragrant soaps, shampoos, scrubs, and oils. “Bathe yourself. Eat. Get some rest. Think of the baby, Rey. We can at least be united in that.”

Kylo leaves her in privacy to digest his words. He steps outside. The fresh sea air startles his senses. 

At least he managed to get some medicine in her body. At least, he managed to get away with a kiss. 

A paltry payment for his efforts.

He calls his discarded saber to his hand and makes for his shuttle.

Kylo will not let himself fall into a false sense of security. He flips a few switches in the shuttle and Rey appears on the screen in front of him. The surveillance cameras are a good idea. 

She begins to undress and Kylo grows hot at the thought of watching her bathe, of watching her touch herself. 

A familiar sensation spreads in his groin until Rey exits the confines of the hut. 

He surmises she has gone to bathe outside.

Kylo sighs. He can’t get his way every time.

******

A shocked feeling rumbles around Rey’s brain as she submerges herself into a small pool of water. 

When she comes up she floats on her back, tracing the dark line that spreads from her belly button to her pubic area. 

“What am I going to do? What are _ we _ going to do?” 

She has taken to talking to the baby. She feels a light kick but Rey knows he is not answering her question. This child of hers - he moves non-stop in her womb. 

Rey is grateful that however broken her force abilities are, her bond with her son remains intact and strong. She senses him, his energy healthy and bright.

An unexpected feeling of serenity floods her as rays of sunlight dance delicately across the water. She cannot indulge herself in this tranquility for too long. Rey’s fingertips caress the spot on her thigh where Kylo stuck her with a needle.

Allowing him to act out his performance takes a toll on her. That’s all it is. Rey will not allow herself to be fooled into thinking his change in demeanor is genuine.

The Resistance would never think her a traitor if Rose made it back safely to them. 

Kylo holds her in a cell, Rey is certain of it. 

She cannot let on that she knows - she needs to combat him with a plan of her own.

Rey is not sure how she can play along until he notices her behavior is out of character. She is not submissive and never will be.

Immersing herself in the water once more, she constructs a plot to rescue Rose - and herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will always thank you all for reading/commenting/kudos because my appreciation never lessens. 😊🧡
> 
> So many of the comments crack me up (the creative insults for Kylo) and I nod my head in agreement at your analysis.


	24. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow teething is no joke. My son has been up every 2 hours at night this past week O.o And that's after he has motrin. I am a mombie (mom joke for zombie). 
> 
> the comment about being Kylo's relationship guide being the worst job ever: amen to that 😂
> 
> Part of this chapter is inspired by the pilot doll Rey made on Jakku in TFA.
> 
> TL;DR  
Rey POV  
***

The caretakers are different this time with Rey. Their annoyance at her presence evaporates.

Albeit the spirited, clumsy women who first came here is gone. Rey is cautious. She spends the last few nights unable to sleep, every new noise setting her on edge. She worries Kylo will manifest with his volatile temper and unpredictable behavior.

Rey peers up into the sky. The First Order flagship is suspended in space somewhere above her. What she would not give for a radio, an old comink - _ any _ piece of technology would do. The Lanai are simple creatures - not stupid, but simple - and mechanical parts are hard to come by. They have lived here for hundreds, if not thousands of generations. They have found a way of life that works and there is no reason to complicate it.

Rey watches them perform the laborious task of hauling laundry in wheelbarrows up and down the island hills, hour after hour. Her own clothes grow tight and Rey knows it is not long before she outgrows them completely. 

The caretakers are wise, they read her precarious situation easily. One morning an ancient female shows up with a basket of soft fabric, sewing materials, and dyes. A little bit of the weight resting on Rey’s shoulders lifts. She almost forgets what real joy feels like.

She runs inside, hoping to repay them with some of the extravagant food from Kylo Ren, but they will not take it. Taking food from a pregnant woman in their culture is a taboo. 

They regard her with care and tenderness. Rey appreciates it. 

Kylo’s counterfeit sympathy is anything but consoling.

She spends as much time outdoors as she can. She needs to assume that Kylo finds a way to observe her from his throne. There is no way he can relinquish control and give her true privacy.

Rey’s third day on Ahch-To, the day she sets out to complete her clothes, a heatwave settles over the island. She is caught off guard. Blustery winds, chilly rain, and a general dampness are what she expects - what she experienced the first night with Rose. But this muggy, sweltering heat reminds her of how short her time with Luke Skywalker was. She was not here even for the span of one season.

Luke. His presence here must be felt by Kylo. She wonders if it wounds him.

Rey files the thought away and smoothes out her dress.

Holding up the airy, billowing dress she cocks at eyebrow. It will do. It is not constructed for battle or to show off her shape; it is pure comfort. 

And force help her, she has seen the clothes _ he _ left for her in the hut.

Quickly checking all directions - including above her - Rey puts on her latest creation. It hits at the knees and fans out around her belly. Satisfied, she decides to take a break from her personal clothing and focus on the baby.

If Kylo tries to discard the clothes she sews, she will throw _him_ into the sea. This time she will not idly stand by while he insults her.

_ Oh force, what am I going to do. _

She ponders this question all day until it feels oppressive.

The other questions that flood her mind are not helpful. She worries for her son, what his life will be if she escapes. No - _ when _ she escapes.

Rey frets that he will be targeted. She naturally worries that he will be preyed upon by powerful agents. She can see society ostracizing him for having Kylo Ren as a father.

His peers teasing and bullying him.

What if he is pushed to the dark side? What if she fails to keep her son balanced? 

Rey will not ban him from exploring the darkness that resides in all of them; but what is to prevent him from falling from grace the way his father and great-grandfather did?

Please, _ please _ let him be more like Han. Like Leia. Like Padme. These extraordinary people race through her mind, but she decides the baby’s name cannot be tied to his infamous legacy. She wants him to be free and independent. He deserves to be his own person.

A pang hits Rey deep in her heart. She wishes Leia were here. Without a doubt Leia had these same fears about the boy she named Ben Solo. It is terrifying to admit that in the end, she cannot control who her son turns out to be.

Even if she could, Rey does not want to conceal her son’s paternity from him. Not anymore. Lies and deception open doors to toxic people and paths. A shiver travels down her spine, even in the scorching heat, at the thought that she almost killed Kylo. That she would need to explain to her son that she murdered his father. What would that do to him?

_ Force_...Rey shakes her head. Unless it is in self defense, she promises to her child not to kill Kylo. The violent cycle in the Solo and Skywalker family has to end with her. It has to end with her son. Her son might be born into a broken family, but she cannot harbor hate or revenge. She cannot pass that onto him. It is a challenge.

If not death, then what cage is formidable enough to hold Kylo Ren?

If she had known during those lonely years on Jakku that she would catch the Supreme Leader’s eye - would she still have left with Finn? 

“Ouch,” Rey accidentally pricks the tip of her finger with a needle. She sucks on it, stopping the blood. These fears barrel down on her faster than she can control. She drops the project in her lap, sighing. Rey absently rests a hand on her round midsection.

“I’m so sorry for all this, baby. Your father...I think he loves you, in his own way. But he’s sick…very sick, in his mind. The dark side twists people until they are unrecognizable.” 

Deep breath. Rey exhales. She tries to relax. 

Nothing is going to be solved by wallowing in self pity. 

Set on finishing her projects, Rey threads another needle when tension creeps up her neck. A smooth, velvet voice startles her from behind.

“_That_ is what you plan on telling our son? That I am mentally unfit? Shameful, Rey.”

Kylo stands directly behind her.

Rey does not react.

She watches as his boots leave imprints in the dirt as he steps around to look at her.

Rey brandishes the needle like a weapon. Pathetic, but it is all she has. Her lightsaber is in the hut._ Idiot_, she chastises herself. She thought she would not be out long.

Heat crawls across her cheeks.

“I...yes. That is what I will tell him. You are ill, Kylo.”

Kylo stares down at her, his posture authoritative.

“And I do love him. The baby.” The words come out tight, controlled.

“Sure.”

Like he knows what love is.

Rey cups her hand to shade her eyes, looking up at him. His stormy gaze collides with hers. 

“You’re sewing again,” he observes.

Rey prepares for him to swoop in and discard her hard work. Frantically she gathers her materials.

“I am. I need something to do. And I won’t have you toss them away. I have every right to make clothing for the baby,” she snaps defensively.

“And dolls.”

“What?” Rey squints.

“Those,” Kylo nods, “You’re not only making clothes. You’re making dolls. Is that..._ FN 2187_?” He sounds incredulous as he sits down to examine the toys.

Rey has been making soft dolls for herself since she was ten years old. She uses the scraps along with various materials to create dolls in the likeness of the people she misses most. She made Finn first: using plants and berries from the island to dye his clothing, finesse the defining details. The jacket he adopts from Poe. She creates these heroes for her son. 

An adult woman sewing dolls while talking to herself: Rey knows how it makes her look.

She braces for Kylo’s cruel, demoralizing comments. 

He handles a second creation with a dawning realization.

“Is this my _ fath..Han Solo_?” He sounds horrified.

“The baby’s grandfather? Yes,” Rey says as he turns it over.

Kylo drops the doll like a poisonous snake. He looks haunted.

“Well,” Rey finishes shoving everything into two sacks, “I’m waiting,” she stands and slings them over her shoulders.

“Waiting for what? You shouldn't carry those bags while pregnant."

“I'm_ fine._ I'm waiting for your commentary about the dolls. My clothing. My _ rags_. I know you disapprove.” 

His jaw sets.

“Why don’t you wear the clothes I brought? You look overheated, Rey,” he follows her back to the hut. The sun has moved from its high position in the sky and sits low, hovering above the calm sea. 

Rey notices the door to the hut is ajar. Another example of how he disregards her privacy.

“Have you already been inside?” She crosses the threshold and rests her bags on a stone bench.

“Yes,” Kylo answers, “I brought you more food. More honey.”

“I don’t _ need _ any more food. It’s only been a few days, Kylo. I could use technical items to make the time go by faster. I like to tinker.”

Rey does not like the way he closes the door, the way his critical eyes meet hers. Rey is all too aware that the glistening water covering her skin is sweat, that she empties her canteen of water in a few gulps.

“Nice try, Rey. I know you are a talented mechanic. You won’t be getting your hands on any machinery or computers. I’m not stupid.”

Kylo does not look happy with her appearance.

“You _ are _ overheated. Put this on,” Kylo produces a floor-length white dress from a bag. It is sheer and low cut with delicate shoulder straps. It is obvious to Rey that this is not something to be worn in public - this is an intimate item of clothing. 

Rey is anxious about saying no. She is anxious he will try to _ handle _ her again - will grab at her and force it on her himself. 

Rey hates the appeasing words that come out of her mouth. 

“Fine. But you don’t get to watch me dress. You don’t get to see me in it,” she snatches it from his hand. She feels ridiculous holding a garment that probably costs more than three months rations on Jakku. 

“I am not leaving until you put it on. I won't have you sick from the heat.”

There is a note of distrust in Kylo’s voice. He faces the door and folds his arms, “You have your privacy. Get dressed. Now.”

The way he _ commands _ her. Rey aggressively strips out of her homemade dress, hot with frustration. She has no underwear on, no bands to cover her chest. For a minute she searches for them until...

“Hurry up, Rey. Before I turn around,” Kylo’s statement is pompous and uttered with such seriousness that Rey fumes. 

“Don’t rush me. You try moving quickly while…” she does not want to bring up her body or her belly to him.

He gets the gist of her scolding.

“Sorry.” 

Kylo turns just as she slips the last strap over her shoulder. She feels exposed, practically naked standing in front of him. The fabric is so thin she may as well _ be _ naked. 

“I said you don't get to see me in this. You can _ go _ now,” She waves her arms, exasperated. 

Her words have no effect on him. Kylo stares, slowly drinking her in. His eyes lock onto her as if in a trance.

“My god, Rey,” Kylo's voice is strangled. He continues staring in awe, in bewilderment. His mouth drops, hanging open as he searches for more words. 

“You are such a beauty, Rey. If you could see yourself the way I see you. You’re flawless...you always have been.”

Rey crosses her arms around her chest, acutely aware of the way her nipples harden against the lace of the gown.

Kylo kicks off his boots, his cloak falls to the ground. He takes a step forward, hand outstretched. “Rey...can I have you? I’ll go slow. I’ll be gentle. Please...let me have you.”

With him it always comes down to this. Every interaction ends in his lust, his need to consume and bury himself inside her. 

Rey nervously licks her lips. She bunches the bottom of the dress, pulling it up, trying to block the most vulnerable part of herself from his view.

Her dignity will not allow her to say yes. She needs to out maneuver Kylo, but she cannot bring herself to use sex as a diversion - as a tool, a power play. Maybe if she thought of herself as a sexual being she could do it. But she is someone who once flustered at seeing him shirtless.

Maybe if sex wasn’t just an act to her, if it didn’t mean so much, she could go through with it.

“No. No, Kylo. You can't have me. I've taken a vow of celibacy."

“Why?” With one hand Kylo lifts his shirt over his head. His muscular strength shows in the breadth of his chest as he moves.

“Celibacy? That's Jedi nonsense. What are you afraid of?” He stands in front of her now. 

Rey breaks into a fresh sweat. He peels his gloves off one finger at a time. 

His casual, languid approach frightens her more than his violent outbursts. He is fully cognizant of the choices he makes, of the things he says. 

Kylo’s hands settle on either side of her waist, near her belly. His thumbs gently stroke her.

“I want to be inside you, Rey. You have to admit it feels right when we are together. What better place than here?” His lips are close to hers, she can feel his warm breath. 

Rey wishes she knew what it felt like to have a man respect her. She wishes she knew what it felt like to have a lover honor and cherish her. The thought lodges in her throat.

“Come on now, don't be like this,” Kylo whispers, voice husky against her neck.

What is she afraid of? All Rey can think of is their last encounter. The way he blackmailed her into his bed, her shame afterwards.

“You’re upset,” Kylo dips his head down, trying to make eye contact with her, “You’re trembling, Rey.”

Is she?

Rey is trying to be indifferent, trying to be strong. It doesn't do to let someone with an ego like his know how much power he has. 

It’s not working. He won't back down. 

She might shake apart and shatter into a million pieces from trembling. Dimly in the very back of her mind Rey is aware of the tears running down her cheeks. She wants to wipe them away but she can’t manage it just now.

Her chest jumps as she tries to get some air - even a little breath would be an accomplishment.

Fear, sharper than any blade, stabs at her heart. 

Kylo’s smoldering features turn somber.

“I’m pushing too hard, aren’t I? You’re afraid to let me touch you.” 

“Yes,” Rey whispers.

Kylo’s arms drop to his side but his proximity does not change. Desperation clouds around him. 

“Everything that is wrong between us...can it ever be mended, Rey?”

“No.” 

No hesitation, no second thought. She shuts him down.

“I see. You meant it, when you said I destroyed your love for me.”

His eyes are deep and dark, pools of spinning thoughts and silent apologies.

“I did.”

Rey watches her confirmation damage something inside him. She wonders how someone so cruel, so barbaric, has anything left inside to break.

Her lightsaber rests on the table to her left. Rey draws her body upright, ready to lunge for it. Kylo does not accept rejection. She expects to pay dearly for the raw hurt on his face. Moisture pools in his eyes.

“I regret that,” a lone tear traces down his cheek.

“You regret what?” 

She needs to hear him say it.

“That I’ve hurt you. Deeply. That there is no way I can earn your heart back.”

Rey will not let him back in. Not after the trauma he has caused her - that he continues to cause.

Not now that she has a baby to protect.

“You could still commit a selfless act - for once in your life, Kylo. If you love me as much as you claim to. You could let _ us _ go. You’re no good for me or the baby. You only hurt us," she speaks earnestly, eyes wide.

A debate seems to dance in his eyes; his internal dialogue constantly at war. Kylo's hands open and close, rhythmically clenching as if there could be some violent solution to his pain.

Light is entombed somewhere in him. Rey knows this. There always will be. But she is finished trying to coax it out, trying to change him into the man she wants him to be.

His transformation needs to come from within.

“Let you go? But what would I do without you?” Tears choke his voice, “I _ can’t _ let you go. I’m sorry. I can’t. I will not entertain abandoning you or my son.” 

Kylo reaches into his pocket. Rey panics, worried at what possible weapon he will wield. 

She bolts for her lightsaber.

Kylo easily bars her with his arm and catches her by the waist. He seizes her wrist and holds it still as his free hand slips a heavy gold ring onto her finger. It pinches into her skin and Rey winces. Kylo’s tone is vehement as he twists it on.

“You won’t be leaving - you are not going anywhere. You will be my wife Rey. You are the mother of my child and the woman I love. There will be a wedding and it will be broadcast for the entire galaxy to witness. Do you understand?”

She stares in horror at the jewelry adorning her hand.

“The pain from the ring won’t last long. It is embedded into your skin. Don’t get any ideas about removing it - only a doctor can do that.” 

“It’s a tracking device,” Rey says.

“Yes. I learned my lesson last time with the necklace.” 

Bile rises in Rey’s throat despite the injection he forced on her.

"Let go of me," she hisses.

“This is not how I wanted to propose, but your lack of faith leaves me no choice. I will prove to you that I can be a good husband. A good father.”

Kylo's hold on her wrist is about to leave a bruise. He releases her and presses a faint kiss on the tender area.

“Tomorrow you will return with me to the flagship. For a short time. I want you fitted for a wedding gown. I want you to visit the medic. You’re overdue for a prenatal assessment and I will accompany you.”

Rey stands frozen in place. All his begging for forgiveness and the entire time he hides a ring with a tracking device.

She is right not to trust him.

Kylo brushes a stray hair from her face before crossing the room. He stands in the doorframe, turning slightly to face her. The tears in his eyes are gone. His gaze is narrowed, rigid, cold.

“There are a few things I wish I approached differently. I wish I married you before getting you pregnant. I am going to set things right. You'll get the wedding you deserve. And Rey?" He adds softly, "You would be wise not to refuse me on our wedding night. It will be my right to have you. I want you to submit willingly.”

The door closes with a click. 

Iron-clad determination hardens in Rey. Her hands ball into small fists. She takes the first thing she looks at - the jar of honey - and smashes it against the door. 

Rey rips off the gown and tosses it into the fire pit. She lights a match and watches it burn.

Wearing her homemade dress, she crosses her legs and concentrates. She wills the force to strengthen and flow through her once more.

Kylo Ren is delusional if he thinks he can make her his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Kylo POV. As usual we get his feelings on what just happened, wedding prep, baby appointment etc.  
Yeaaah how’s that gonna go 😅
> 
>   
still soo humbled you guys like this dark dark story. I’m always curious to know who likes to read angst/hurt as much as me. Though I’m antsy for Rey to take some of her power back. Don’t worry it’s not a spoiler.
> 
> your comments/kudos keep the motivation going. 💜
> 
> (Imma detox for a minute and finish part 2 of Bedsharing. I need to write a nice Kylo Ren 😂)


	25. Nesting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did you know if I go more than 2 days without updating this I get twitchy? 😂 this fic is how I de-stress. But it’s your support that makes it happen.  
it's b/c I wrote the sequel to bedsharing (which is called Babywearing. It’s posted now, thanku zenjen for beta-ing). 
> 
> There are some questions about Kylo dying and if the ending will be happy. Without spoilers I can only say there is 1) no major character death and 2) I think the characters will get the endings they deserve.
> 
> Is anyone here in the Galatic Fempire FB group? Yall should join it's great fun. 
> 
> TL;DR  
Kylo POV. A rather mellow chapter for your sunday reading (if it’s sunday where you are) before the shitshow continues.  
***

The thrill, the rush that Kylo feels after threatening Rey never lasts long.

He used the same terror tactics at his uncle’s Jedi school after he had experienced enough of Skywalker’s antics.

Luke Skywalker, trotting his nephew out like a prize fathier in front of his pupils. Boasting about the balance of the force, the energy between all things. Ben Solo, a lost boy churning with light and darkness. And Skywalker, the teacher who would pass on all he knew to Ben Solo.

Skywalker's personal pet project to prove that the Jedi would rise again and continue to restore peace to the galaxy.

How _ wrong _ Skywalker had been. How _ arrogant_. 

Kylo rebelled in small ways at first. He would find covert opportunities to antagonize his peers. A lightsaber gone missing, students dangerously misstepping during practice. Kylo seized opportunities to lean into his darkness, to humiliate Skywalker. Especially when he expected him to perform. 

He’d made them pay - all of them. Screams, dreadful screams curling upwards into the air as he slaughtered those who refused allegiance to Kylo and the Knights of Ren.

The path he chose led to this, Kylo thinks, as the flagship looms above him. To becoming Supreme Leader of the galaxy. He is no longer lost.

The shuttle lands in the flagship’s hangar.

Rey is not one of Skywalker’s slack jawed, awestruck pupils. She is a tenacious survivor strong with the force. Kylo is sure she gave the old man hell. The ancient Jedi was probably envious of her raw power, probably wanted her for himself.

It is a disgusting thought. 

Kylo roughly palms his eyes. Visiting Ahch-To fucks with him. The aura of Luke, the bad memories of his past. It all comes hurling back, unwanted into his mind. 

He struggles to organize his thoughts.

The way he had to force the ring on her finger - it was crude, there was nothing chivalrous about it.

But Rey thinks nothing can be fixed between them? That hurt. He had to inflict a little of his pain on her, had to turn it around and show her what it felt like.

As he waits for the shuttle’s ramp to lower Kylo tries to recall the last time Rey spoke a kind word to him. He remembers.

_ I’m coming. I won’t leave you._

Rey’s last frantic message when she thought he needed to be rescued. 

Her unwavering loyalty to him, the hunger at which she returned his touch - the way she was ready to _ die _ saving him. 

How does that kind of love just vanish?

It doesn’t. She is being stubborn to spite him. She withholds her love and body to punish him. 

General Witt stands at attention as he steps into the hangar. A complacent expression graces her face, her hands delicately folded in front. 

“Supreme Leader Ren…”

“My quarters. Now.”

Kylo surveys his flagship as Witt scurries to keep up with him. He makes every one of his soldiers toe the mark - right down to the last centimeter. 

He expects blind, unquestioning obedience; demands the strictest conformity to the rules. He will not tolerate the slightest deviation from his orders.

Fuck. He sounds like Hux.

In his private quarters Kylo unhooks his cloak and tosses it on the floor. He ignites his lightsaber and spins it in his hand. A tiny yelp sounds from behind and the crackling laser disappears. 

Kylo turns to see Witt’s ashen face.

“My apologies. Come in, Witt. We have quite the agenda to discuss.”

“Indeed,” she responds. Kylo calls on the force to slam the chamber doors shut. 

“Supreme Leader, I have gathered items I believe you will need for the infant. Would you like to inspect them before bringing them to Rey?”

Baby items. His son. Kylo can still feel the movement of the baby under his hand. In a few months, his son will be here - in Rey’s arms, in _ his _ arms. He is going to be a father. He is going to have to put someone else first - his son will come before him, before Rey. 

Kylo breaks out into a cold sweat. 

“Rey will view the items on the flagship. I will bring her aboard tomorrow. Right now there are more pressing matters. Did you manage to locate Raisa from the Resistance base?” 

“Yes sir. Her time in the bacta tank should be completed in a few more hours.”

“Good.”

Kylo considered using the First Order’s most qualified and accomplished doctor to track Rey’s health. An older man who makes no time for niceties or smalltalk. Cold, precise, efficient - there is something reptilian about the man. 

Reviving Raisa as Rey’s doctor will reveal how deep Kylo’s manipulation goes, will make her all the more defiant. Yet, Kylo reminds himself, Rey was adamant that Raisa attend the birth. 

Surely that indicates a bond formed between the women. If Rey developed a sincere relationship with her doctor, is that not a good sign? Most importantly, Raisa cared for Rey since the beginning of the pregnancy - she knows Rey intimately. She knows the history of her health. 

Rey is a person who needs warm and nourishing relationships. If Raisa can provide some of that warmth then perhaps it will restore some of Rey’s faith in him. Perhaps the two will grow close enough for him to dispose of Rose. 

He does not risk torturing or killing Rose off - not yet. 

“...Is there anything else Sir?” 

Kylo is still distracted, off balance. He needs to stop losing himself in his thoughts. 

“Yes. Your plan. It’s not working.”

“If I may sir, a week has not even gone by…” 

“And _ already _ your plan is a dismal failure,” Kylo talks over her, bored, “The scavenger is more adverse to me than ever. I took care of her. I administered an injection to stop her nausea. I brought her food. Clothing. I offered my affections but I did not force myself on her.”

“Do I have permission to speak candidly, sir?” General Witt asks. 

“By all means,” he can’t keep the sarcasm from his tone, “Please _ do _.”

“Did Rey initiate affection towards you?”

“No. The scavenger did not.”

“Supreme Leader, we agreed not to call her scavenger.”

Kylo wonders if General Witt has a death wish. 

“My recommendation is to slow it down. Slow down your pace ten-fold. She needs to feel safe. Approach her as you would a child.”

Kylo is close to losing control. 

He cannot abide _ two _ women admonishing him in one day. 

“Supreme Leader, this plan will not work unless you play a more...accommodating role. Rey needs…”

“She needs to know her place when it comes to me,” Kylo says, terse. “You don’t know her like I do. You haven’t seen her in battle. Rey is compassionate and kind, but she is ruthless. Or have you forgotten what she did to the Knight’s flagship? Have you forgotten who gave me this scar?”

His hand clenches.

“Supreme Leader, if you maintain your current behavior this will be a lost mission.”

Kylo's muscles flex as if readying for a fight. He does not care for her insinuations about his impulse control. 

“I apologize if what I say displeases you, Supreme Leader. I take my role as General seriously. I want the First Order to succeed. I _ know _you are capable of setting aside your lust for her company.”

Does she?

A man who goes to war must wear a savage mask that is to be removed in the presence of women. Kylo has been at war with himself for so long that he can no longer separate the mask from the man.

He waves her words away. 

“Enough, Witt. Have the infant items brought in.” 

Some of the lines in Witt’s face relax as she speaks orders into her comlink. 

Minutes later officers appear parading a number of contraptions into his chambers. Droids that perform infant specific care, cribs, chairs with wheels. Kylo’s attention is held hostage by these strange items. 

“Is this to your taste, Supreme Leader?” Witt’s hands rest on the top bar of a crib. The paint is black and lacquered, the bars sturdy.

“My preference does not matter. Send the droids away.” 

Wheels turn and beeps fade as the droids are dismissed. Witt smiles. Kylo bristles. He does not need her approval. 

“This one will do. Place it next to my bed. Remove the side.”

A natural wood crib is pushed flush against the side of his mattress. The side-bar is removed, allowing for easy access to the baby. 

Kylo selects a bassinet, a few tiny infant loungers, and a stroller. He thinks he is done when more carts are wheeled in, loaded to the hilt with clothes, blankets, wraps, bottles, and a pump that appears to be made specifically for Rey’s breasts. 

It is a foreign, overwhelming world.

Witt nods encouragingly when he picks items that favor Rey’s taste. He hates feeling like a child, hates her patronizing manner.

He does not need her validation. She is not his goddamn _mother. _

Kylo swallows the lump in his throat. He excuses himself - he needs a break from all of this - from his ever impending new reality. 

He logs onto his datapad and turns the screen away from any potential leering eyes. Rey appears. 

She tosses and turns in bed, one pillow resting under her belly. For support, he guesses. 

Kylo spares a glance at his bed to see if there are enough pillows for her. There aren't. He orders more. Kylo notices she is back in her home-sewn clothing. He notices - 

Kylo stops. He did not acknowledge the change in the force earlier because it felt natural. 

Rey reunites with the force, with him. 

Kylo's gaze returns to his bed. Rey belongs there. He wants to hold her again. Kylo can make out the ring on her finger as her hand hangs off of the mattress. Would it be such a bad idea to turn around and take her now?

“Tomorrow. You can go to her tomorrow. Right now she needs to rest,” Witt says slowly, under her breath. She stands at his side, silently staring at the screen. 

Kylo reminds himself not to underestimate the General. Not to underestimate women. 

“Yes. Tomorrow. You will accompany me Witt, when I fetch Rey and bring her aboard.”

“When you _ invite _ her to view the baby items.”

Kylo frowns.

“Right. When I invite her.”

He watches the final touches as his room transforms into a space he does not recognize. They are going to have a baby, and that baby will have everything he needs, from _ both _of his parents. Kylo will get his way for once, he will have his happy ending. 

He sifts through a basket of toys and thinks of the dolls Rey crafted. He sensed how the likeness of her friends brought comfort to her. How she preferred an inanimate object to him.

Witt would tell him to let Rey keep the dolls. He orders one of his officers to purchase fabric and sewing implements. Only the finest quality, nothing like the raw material from the primitive island creatures.

Kylo senses a question in the recesses of Witt’s mind. 

“What is it, General?”

“Did you propose to her, Sir?” 

“Yes.”

“And?” General Witt prompts.

“She accepted.”

Kylo's focus remains locked on Rey. An idea comes to him.

He banishes the remaining officers from his quarters. 

Kylo patches himself through to the Resistance. He announces his engagement to their fallen hero and informs them that the wedding will take place in two weeks time.

They are cordially invited to view the event via holonet. No gifts are necessary.

Tomorrow, Kylo repeats internally, tomorrow will be better. With Witt by his side he will coax Rey back into his arms. Gradually, slowly. 

She can even pay Rose a visit in her cell. That will lift her spirits. 

Kylo does not sleep that night. Face basking in the glow of his datapad, he watches Rey until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx for reading.  
Your commentary/kudos/thoughts are always appreciated. 💜


	26. A different proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AW MAN I miss the summer days when I had more time to write. I know no one expects multiple updates a week but I do 😂 Most of the chapters in this fic are 1100-1300 words. For a while they were longer but I have to go back to shorter chapters with my schedule. This impacts how many chapters are left but at least the rest of this fic is outlined until the very end (meaning nothing new is being added to the plot).
> 
> You’re all awesome (as usual!) thanks for the support on the last chapter.
> 
> TL;DR  
Kylo Ren POV with a hint of Rey.  
trigger: kylo ren's behavior is very typical of an abusive partner who keeps their victim in the cycle of abuse.  
***

Ahch-To. Skywalker's island. 

The shuttle docks. Kylo disembarks, leaving Witt to scurry behind him. 

“You stay here,” he growls, “I don’t want her overwhelmed.” 

Kylo does not need a reason to enter the hut alone. Rey is not weak, the presence of a First Order General will not rattle her nerves. But he wants General Witt outside. He wants to be alone with Rey. He wants some privacy. 

It is dark out with sunrise fast approaching and he has not had a lick of sleep.

Rey is his last loose end - all others holding him back have been done away with. Anyone who deemed themselves above him is dead. 

Rey is the only one left. The only one as powerful as he is - the only person who knows what it feels like to possess such strength. The only one who understands what it is to feel crushing loneliness.

She is in theory, his opposite in the force. But Kylo thinks the veil between them is thin - Rey can be just as hot headed. When she stunted her force abilities he enjoyed the upper hand it afforded him over her. For a while. Until it grew boring - knowing he could win against her every time. He wants a woman with some fight in her.

There is one thing preventing Rey from unleashing on him completely. 

The baby.

Kylo reminds himself that Rey will not engage in direct combat because she worries for the baby's life. Kylo scoffs - as if he could raise a hand to her. She thinks of the baby as _ hers, _ not _ theirs_. He is a threat, an enemy. She tries not to think of him as the father.

An interesting psychological defense. Rey is skilled at coming up with those. And yet, she speaks to the baby about him.

Kylo checks to confirm that General Witt remains at an appropriate distance. She does.

The door creaks as he opens it.

Rey is currently cuddling a pillow, asleep. Her soft lashes tickling her cheeks, a strand of hair caressing her face. 

Kylo feels the return of the static again, that crackling in the air that happens when the distance between them closes. It is enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. 

The Force. 

He tries to tame his obsessive nature. It is nearly impossible.

The force wills it - he has to have her. Rey has to be his. The desire is beyond a want, it is a need. The need to touch Rey, feel her warm breath on his neck, her soft lips pressing against his. To look in her eyes and see the lust burn in there. To feel her body pressed next to his, skin to skin, heat to heat. To be tangled within her arms and legs, touch, kissing, caressing her. Hear her moans and sighs, whispers and whimpers, make her scream in utter ecstasy. To make Rey need him, only him, always him.

Kylo almost feels shame for his insanity, but he can't. The want, the desire, the need is too strong.

Even as Rey sleeps Kylo can sift through her emotions. He realizes how blind to her he became when she severed the force. Painful, unnatural. She had to feel it too.

“Rey,” he places a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes open and she blinks furiously.

“_You_,” she calls on the force to throw his hand off her body. Her foot kicks at him as she shuffles to the other end of the bed. It makes little difference.

Kylo senses the anger welling up in her - she wants to hurl things at him, scream, and run.

“Keep your hands to yourself,” Rey’s lightsaber flies across the room and into her hand. She stares at Kylo.

The energy between them is disorienting. Kylo feels her emotions, he views himself through her eyes. 

“You feel it, don’t you?” He asks, “The force. The link between us only grows stronger. I couldn’t sleep all night, I only thought of you, Rey. I am sorry about this, about how I went about it,” he lifts her hand and examines the ring on her finger. 

"The Resistance knows now. About our engagement," he kisses her hand.

“Get _ off_.”

Anger. It courses through her veins and Kylo feels it. Overflowing anger. Her anger at how she could have possibly fallen for him in the first place. 

Kylo feels her maddening, blistering, _ pain _directed at him.

He does not want Rey to go mad. He wants her to join him, but he does not want her to be _ like _ him. 

Rey’s anger culminates in hot tears streaming down her face - rivers of sadness. She looks away from him and hugs her legs against her chest. She rests a cheek against one of her knees.

“Rey,” Kylo whispers, his expression utterly serious, “I wish you would at least look at me.” 

He walks around the bed to sit so he can face her. Rey automatically turns her head and rests her cheek on her opposite knee.

Frustration creeps into Kylo’s bones.

“I know you didn't mean what you said before. That I am no good for you and the baby. That I am unable to fix my mistakes. That I’ve ruined everything good between us.”

That elicits a reaction. 

“_Good? _Between us? When were things ever _ good _ Kylo?”

“Isn’t it obvious Rey?” Kylo’s big hands press gently on her belly. A light flickers in his dark eyes when the baby kicks under his touch. Rey’s heart beats faster and warmth spreads through her.

Kylo feels it. His brows press together, his eyes narrowing in amazement.

“You _ like _ that,” intrigue fills his voice, “you like it when I bond with the baby. When you sense that I care about him. That I love him. I overheard you say as much when you spoke to him earlier,” Kylo says thickly, remembering.

Kylo’s hands trace the contours of her pregnant belly and trail down to her thighs. “And I love his mother too. You're so strong, so _ damn _ beautiful…but I hate seeing you in this state, Rey. Constantly crying and in pain. Why do you inflict this on yourself? You have to be exhausted.”

”I brought this on _myself?”_

There is a metallic taste in his mouth as her hand comes into contact with his face. He stands and wipes blood from his chin. 

“You have to stop hitting me, Rey,” he says quietly. “I don’t want our son growing up in an abusive household.”

“Oh, that’s _rich_ coming from you! And I only feel relief that you don’t want to hurt my baby.”

“Our baby, Rey.”

“Right,” she stands, clenching her saber, “Our baby. Conceived through lies and deception. I know you only fucked me out of hatred, to punish me. I know you did it so you could have a laugh with your Knights at how stupid and gullible I am - how gullible I _ was_. And this ring is not a symbol of love, you forced it on me. What a _great_ foundation for our child. You can never be a part of his life, Kylo Ren. I will make sure of it.”

"Is that so?" He cannot believe how bold she is, the things she _says. _The hurtful words that sting. 

The force returns a bit of her spark. 

With one swift stride Kylo covers the distance between them, squeezing her upper arms. Rey bites the inside of her mouth as the pressure increases, thrashing against his grip, fingers trying to ignite her saber.

They both call on the force - Kylo to control and still her, Rey to escape.

“I do love you. You sense it. Do not lie to yourself,” Kylo's voice is a low rumble. His massive body towers over hers, engulfing it, “There is no need to be so dramatic. I will let you go if you promise to stop spouting such ugly lies. Promise me.”

“_Force_, Kylo! They aren’t lies, I’m telling the truth!”

In response Kylo yanks her harder against him, a bit rougher than he intends. For a split second she flinches, bracing for either his lust or his fist. Shaking from the realization, he releases her. He looks down at his hands, at how easily he lost control with her. 

Rey backs up, panting. She ignites her lightsaber and points it at him. “See? You can’t help but react with violence when I speak the truth.”

They watch each other warily. Kylo thinks of General Witt standing at attention outside. He thinks of their plan. 

Slowly, Kylo places his lightsaber on the ground. He keeps his hands in the air as he moves away from Rey. 

“You’re right,” he breathes, “I lost control. I am…”

“You’re sorry. I _ know_,” she grinds her teeth, “I am tired of your hollow apologies.”

"They are never hollow. I mean every word, Rey." 

He feels her stress. Her instinct to flee, to fight.

Kylo tries to distract her. He tilts his head sideways.

“Rey. The cave, here on Ahch-To. The one you faced yourself in. Where is it?”

The one she emerged dripping wet from. Her white tunic clinging to her body. 

“What? Why?”

Kylo opens the door. He orders Witt to come inside. 

“It is strong with the dark side of the force. I intend to investigate it.” 

“You might not like what you see,” Rey says, suspicious. “And I _won’t_ come with you.”

“No,” Kylo motions to Witt, “You will stay here with General Witt. I can find the cave on my own.” 

Kylo picks up his saber and glances between the women. His gaze rests on Rey. 

“Don’t try anything. I’ll know if you do.” 

He abruptly stalks outside. Let her cool down with General Witt. The General has a way with people - Kylo is mostly sure Rey will not slay her. 

He descends down the rocky island to face whatever waits for him inside the cave. 

Kylo knows it will be illuminating.

*****

Rey sinks to the floor.

Her knuckles return to their usual color as she sets down her saber. 

The sun shines bright in the sky now. All Rey can feel is the fatigue behind her eyes. Kept awake all night by a kicking baby only to be jerked out of sleep by Kylo Ren. She runs a hand through her hair - this was not how she wanted to start the day.

“Can I make you some tea, Rey?” General Witt busies herself in the kitchen space. 

Rey does not answer. 

“I remember how hard the second half of pregnancy is.”

Rey thinks Kylo’s choice of General is very odd. Krog must be dead. It is the only explanation.

“Here,” Witt places tea in front of Rey, “This will settle you.”

Rey does not trust the matronly act that Witt puts on - except she is not sure how much of an act it is. To become a General in the First Order you must be ruthless, without morals. What game is this?

She sniffs the tea. It smells safe enough to drink. 

Witt sighs.

“Did the Supreme Leader harm you?”

“It depends on your definition of harm. I don’t need medical attention,” Rey clarifies. She delves a little deeper into Witt’s psyche. What she finds alarms her.

“It’s wrong, the way he treats you,” Witt carries over a plate with bread smothered in honey. 

“Everything about the way he rules is disordered, chaotic. I don’t expect you to join the First Order, Rey, but perhaps we can reach a mutually beneficial agreement. I can help you escape if you assist me in implementing a new Supreme Leader. Let’s see how the First Order operates with a woman at the helm.”

Rey nearly chokes on her food. 

This is treason of the highest form. Witt takes a huge risk propositioning her. If Rey refuses, it means certain death for the General. And why should she want the First Order to continue? How has Kylo not sensed her intentions?

She remembers that he did not foresee his Knight’s mutiny. He was preoccupied with her. 

Witt’s wide smile is tactfully maternal. 

“I don't mean to cause you stress, Rey. This might be our only opportunity to be alone - for a while. Just think about it. You wouldn't have to worry about that man taking your baby away. You know he will.”

Rey conceals any expression on her face as she eats.

It is not enough that Kylo Ren wants to use her - now another ambitious First Order member thinks she can be manipulated.

_ Force. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and any comments/kudos. i am still humbled at chapter 26. 
> 
> the next chapter is called The Cave. Any guesses as to what Kylo will see?


	27. The Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my husband took our toddler to the park for a couple hours today so I got to write this. gotta grab the chance to write when i can 😂  
ahh it feels good to be back in the angst lane.
> 
> Warning: This chapter has light spoilers from the comic: Age of Resistance: Supreme Leader Snoke issue. Nothing too detailed, but it does touch on what happens when Snoke takes Kylo to Dagobah.
> 
> Rey POV and Kylo POV.  
****

Dozens of possibilities race through Rey’s mind. 

Her bread suddenly tastes too dry, the honey too sweet. She stares into her empty mug and considers her options. 

She could easily kill General Witt. Run to the shuttle, send the Resistance her coordinates. Hope that she can persuade them she is _ not _ a traitor - surely Leia does not believe it. 

Navigate the shuttle to the flagship and rescue Rose. Jump into hyperspace as the Resistance descends upon the First Order. 

Rescuing Rose - that is the tricky bit. 

No, Rey shakes her head, they would both be caught before the Resistance arrives. The plan is too hasty, too short sighted. 

Leaving without Rose is out of the question. 

Rey could tell Kylo right now, through the force, that he better prepare for another mutiny. General Witt is no ally of his. 

But why? So he can murder Witt and clamp down on his control over her?

Rey wants to carry out a plan that will devastate the First Order, not just Kylo Ren. She lifts herself to her feet and opens a window for fresh air. Hot wind gusts inside. 

Another thought hits Rey. 

Declining Witt’s offer will have a fallout. She bets it includes not letting her remain alive, let alone escape. Rey turns to the General. 

“How long have you thought about this? Replacing Kylo Ren, I mean. It is dangerous. He must sense your disloyalty.”

Witt chuckles softly. 

“First Order members are loyal to the Order. To each other?” She shrugs, “It’s merely a formality. Relationships, if you can call them that, are forged out of necessity. As for how long? Krog and I talked about it but he never had the guts to execute it.” 

“It is impossible to sustain an organization without loyalty,” Rey speaks with conviction,“There must be _ some _ form of trust among you.”

Witt pours herself a cup of tea.

“You tell me, Rey. You were there when Kylo Ren bisected Snoke. He destroyed the Supreme Leader for you. Snoke and Kylo were supposed to share the deepest of bonds: Master and apprentice. Trust disappears when opportunity presents itself.” 

“Which is what this is - what I am. An opportunity for you to overthrow Kylo Ren,” Rey responds. 

“Exactly. You are in a unique position to kill him Rey. I honestly don’t know why you haven’t already.”

It’s a loaded statement. Rey does not take the bait. Witt tries again. 

“My proposition is a win-win. You help me and I release you, unharmed.”

“And the First Order continues its assault on free life forms everywhere. Including the Resistance - which I am a part of.”

“Yes,” Witt says, “You would need to leave the Resistance. Hide yourself and the child in the outer rim. I’ll avoid the planet you live on - out of goodwill. As one mother to another.”

Rey tries to suppress a near-hysterical laugh. She finds it ironic how Witt waxes on about disloyalty yet expects Rey to believe she will keep her promise.

It is a wonder to her that the First Order exists at all. 

Rey brushes inside Witt’s head. She senses the woman’s determination, her strong will. Rey will not be able to influence her actions through the force. The General is not weak minded. 

_ Force_. 

“I will help you. But I need your word that my friend Rose Tico will escape with me unharmed. I know Kylo captured her, even if he hasn’t told me.”

Witt nods. 

“Yes. He holds her. He keeps her as a gift for you.”

Rey rubs her eyes and groans. It is too much. All of it.

But she can do this - with Rose’s help she can pull off the plan forming in her mind. She can escape Kylo Ren and deliver a blow heavy enough to disable, if not destroy, the First Order.

Witt means to use her, and Rey will use her right back. 

General Witt is just another person to dismiss her as a frightened pregnant woman willing to do anything to survive. Rey might be frightened, but she isn't broken, and she _is_ a survivor.

The baby kicks and she reassuringly pats her belly.

“It’s okay little one,” she whispers, “I’ll keep you safe.”

***

Kylo does not fear the cave.

He has been inside a cave like this before, with Snoke. He faced his fears once and he can do it again. Kylo already knows what he fears, he is no fool: loss of power, loss of control. 

He dares the cave to enlighten him, to expose fears lying dormant in his mind. Kylo will face and eviscerate them. 

And, as he did on Dagobah, he will destroy the cave if he dislikes what he sees. 

Kylo stares into the circular mouth of impenetrable darkness. It beckons to him. 

He kicks off his boots and removes his shirt, not wanting to be weighed down in the water. 

In one fluid movement he dives headfirst into the gaping pit. 

To enter the cave is to become submersed in chilling blackness. The absence of light means the absence of warmth and the freezing water shocks Kylo’s lungs. He emerges with a shout, his senses set ablaze by the frigid temperature. 

Kylo shakes his wet hair from his face and treads water. How did Rey, his desert scavenger, survive this?

He makes for the slick stone shore and easily lifts himself out of the deep pool. Water outlines the planes of his body and his hand drifts to his lightsaber. Kylo saw the bones lodged between the subterranean boulders - the massive skeletal jaws belonging to a ferocious creature. One might lurk in the murky depths, hungry and waiting. 

Kylo’s ears strain and he only hears the drip of water echo off the dense walls. 

Ahead of him he spots the mirror that Rey described through their force connection three years ago. Kylo’s shadow dissolves into the surrounding darkness as he approaches the glass facade. Strangely, he feels a sense of relief as he reaches his destination for one reason: the mirror conveys a promise of knowledge. 

Kylo’s heart hammers in his chest from anticipation. He plants his feet firmly and looks into the reflective glass.

A blurred shadow of a figure approaches. He wonders what person left in the galaxy can instill fear in him. 

Kylo inhales sharply as the apparition gives way to the appearance of a young man. He strides closer to Kylo with leonine power, with purpose, with authority. With a stance that demands respect. 

The young man’s expression is electrifying and charismatic. He is tall, his height greater than Kylo’s. His broad shoulders and corded muscles send a warning to all he meets: this is a warrior.

Light brown hair, almost blonde, falls in waves around his shoulders. Hazel eyes bore into Kylo’s obsidian ones. 

Out of shock Kylo’s vision obscures, a red haze temporarily blinding his view.

He knows this man. 

He has seen him in the archive records, he has watched footage from the era of the Clone Wars. 

“Grandfather,” Kylo exhales reverently. He bows and falls to his knees, “I do not fear you. But Grandfather, I do not understand...why does the force send your likeness to me?” Kylo glances up, his eyes pleading.

For years he begs Darth Vader to speak to him, to make contact. And now the force brings forth Anakin Skywalker?

Something is wrong.

The eyes - the eyes that belong to the man are not yellow, as they should be. As Darth Vader’s eyes should be. Neither are they blue, as Anakin Skywalker’s once were.

They are hazel.

Kylo examines the man’s face, the differences becoming more noticeable.

This is not his Grandfather.

Kylo feels a sickening hum vibrate throughout his body.

There is condemnation in the man’s expression, when Kylo looks harder. The wry smile reveals dimples, and Kylo would recognize that smile anywhere. He has caught it fleetingly on another face: Rey. 

“No…” Kylo mutters, quaking as he stands, “No...this cannot be right.”

In a trance he watches as a second figure appears. He swallows, throat bobbing. 

Rey. 

She is older. Not ancient and weathered, but mature and approaching middle age. Fine lines begin to form around her eyes, the grey in her hair more prominent. Her features are relaxed, serene. She still has the exuberance of youth in her body, her face. She stares, eyes filled to the brim with adoration and love for the man next to her. 

She gives no acknowledgement or attention to Kylo; she seems completely unaware of his presence.

The man, however, frees his lightsaber from his belt and ignities it. The glow from its blue crystal casts a glow on his face. 

“No…” is all Kylo can manage when he recognizes the laser sword as Skywalker’s saber. The one that now belongs to Rey.

Fueled by confusion and panic Kylo bellows, “This is a trick, an illusion! I do not fear you! Why are _ you _ here?” His fist pounds on the glass.

The man is resolute, his regard of Kylo unwavering.

The only sounds to be heard are the soft noises of water gently licking at the Kylo’s ankles and his breathing, labored and heavy. He looks down at the water lapping at his feet. The tide is rising.

The light haired man opens his jacket to show Kylo a patch sewn on the inside. In fact, he sees dozens of patches - all of them with variations of the Resistance insignia. All of them are high ranking military badges. He is a decorated hero. 

The man locks eyes with Kylo.

“You’re alone, father. You always will be. She kept me safe from you. She doesn’t want me to hate you, but I do. I feel what she feels. I feel the pain and heartache you inflict on her. Now it is my turn to protect her. You will never have us. I am my mother’s legacy. Rey’s legacy. You will have no legacy, father.”

The flesh on Kylo’s neck rises. 

The man speaks with a silk voice similar to his own. He speaks with certainty and conviction, like Rey. 

The apparitions fade and another haze clouds Kylo’s vision.

_ You will never have us. _

Those are Rey’s words. 

Red. Everything goes red. A flame curls in the pit of his stomach. 

Kylo’s saber thrashes at the mirror in crude, violent strokes. His face turns a mottled crimson color as he screams in rage. But unlike the tree on Dagobah, the mirror remains intact, mocking his rampage.

The metallic tang of blood returns to his mouth. It coats his tongue, choking him. 

Kylo reaches out to steady himself on the wall, dizzy with confusion. His breath catches in his throat. 

There is no oracle here, no magic - the mirror cannot predict the future. That is not the _ purpose _ of this place. 

“The future is not set in stone!” Kylo yells to no one, whipping around the cave in a fury.

He has _ not _ seen the future. He does not fear his son, a being yet to be born.

His son does not hate him. His son is _his_ legacy, _his_ heir.

Kylo is not alone. He has Rey, he _ will _ have a family. 

Luke Skywalker meddled in this place, Kylo decides. He cast a Jedi mind trick, manipulated it so that Kylo would never be able to confront his fears.

“Lies,” he snarls, “All lies. Skywalker’s island is tainted by them.”

Deactivating his lightsaber he dives into the swelling tide. 

*

Kylo squints as he returns to the hut, the contrast of the heat against his cool skin turning sticky and humid. 

Rey sits outside the dwelling, her hands around a cup as she sips. Tendrils of hair blow around her face, her sweet pink lips chapped from the warm wind.

Her belly, more prominent than ever, rests under the homemade dress. When she spots him her eyes widen and she stands, cup dropping to the ground. 

She must sense his urgency.

“The baby, Rey,” Kylo barks, “Let me feel him.” 

“Kylo…”

Before she can do anything Kylo has his hands on her. He shuts his eyes and all he can sense is light. Light, innocence, love. Love for Rey. 

Kylo removes his hands. 

His son _ feels _nothing like him.

“What did you see in the cave?” Rey asks.

Kylo’s head snaps back up. He looks at her.

“Nothing of importance. I’ve wasted enough time here. There are more pressing matters to attend to on the flagship. Follow me.” Kylo grabs her by the wrist. 

“I’m going to move up our wedding date, Rey. I want you as my wife in three days time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaaat’s gonna happen? 😬
> 
> thanks for reading! your support/comments/kudos are always motivating and appreciated 💜


	28. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> updating late at night like old times. well this fic is only 2 months old so maybe it's current times 😂
> 
> thanks for supporting the previous chapter, you are all awesome.
> 
> this whole fic is a giant trigger warning. remember this story is not a romance. 
> 
>   
Kylo POV/Rey POV.  
***

Kylo is never able to master the cold, quiet detachment Snoke and Hux embodied.

He can exude arrogance, he can manage aloofness, but he can never disengage completely. Kylo is aware he that he is an emotional person. He admits, begrudgingly, that he is sensitive. 

Rey is similar to him in this way - she feels deeply, as he does. Yet she has a resilience that he lacks, that he envies.

She is not tainted by the dark side, she was never seduced by a dark master. She survives abandonment, loneliness, war, and manages to preserve her compassion and trust in humanity and all life forms. Even droids.

He can never admit this to her. 

Kylo is a maelstrom inside. He feels defeated. 

Inside the cave he did not conquer his fears, let alone face them.

Kylo sneaks a glance over his shoulder at Rey. She hugs herself tightly, staring straight ahead. She is free to roam about the shuttle. It’s bigger than the last one he used to navigate. An upgrade once he became Supreme Leader. Kylo snorts. A lot of good becoming the Supreme Leader has done him.

The thought is banished as soon as it enters his mind.

He goes against his better judgement and does not lock binders around her wrists. Though, he is not a complete idiot - he does confiscate her lightsaber.

Kylo does not _ want _ to keep Rey’s wrists in binders. He tires of trying to control her. The permanent ache she instills in him wears him down.

The strange cave vision combined with the infant items delivered to his chambers rattles him. He eyes Rey’s belly suspiciously.

Who is in there? Who will they become? Not _ they, _ Kylo thinks - but _ him. _

His son.

It hits Kylo all over again: fatherhood is rapidly descending. He turns his mask over in his hand. He debates disappearing behind it. 

“Supreme Leader,” Witt shakes him out of his reverie. “I would like to consult with you in private.”

“Can it wait?” Kylo asks flatly. He goes back to staring at Rey, trying to understand her despondent expression.

“Did something happen while I was away?” There is a rough edge to his voice.

“No,” Witt responds quickly, “She was not hurt. But there is something urgent I need to share with you. Sir.”

“Fine.”

It comes out as a grumble, and he orders his troops to observe Rey closely. He steps into a private space with Witt. It is tight, very tight, and he can smell her breath on his face.

“If I may speak candidly, Supreme Leader."

"You may."

"While you were gone, I had a chance to talk with Rey.”

“Did you now?”

“Yes,” Witt says sincerely, “There is a natural camaraderie between women. It becomes easier for us to open up when men are not around.”

Kylo’s blank stare reveals nothing.

He does not need a lecture from Witt about women, about what they are capable of. He already knows. 

“Continue.”

“She cares for you, sir. Yes, she is hurting, and angry. But she still loves you.”

Kylo’s body goes tense.

"Did she say those exact words?"

Witt licks her lips.

"Not verbatim. But it is obvious, sir..."

Kylo waves her away. He doesn't want to hear any of this. Not right now.

“Lies,” despite his best effort Kylo’s heartbeat quickens, “Most likely a Jedi trick. Don’t let her fool you. She’s more than capable of controlling you with her mind. Of influencing what you think.” Kylo turns to leave and Witt dares to pull at his cuff.

“Sir, please _ listen_. If anything, wouldn’t she try to hide her true feelings? She is hormonal - she is lonely. She told me," Witt's breath brushes against his ear, “that she still has hope that fatherhood will change you.”

Kylo shakes Witt’s hand off his sleeve.

“Why would she confess this to you?”

He can’t bring himself to believe such a ridiculous notion. Not when all he senses from Rey is disappointment and hurt. And above all else, righteous anger. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Witt says, “Rey’s pride might not allow her to admit that you belong together, but deep down she wants a family. She wants her child to have a father. I believe if you handle her with tenderness that her oppositional facade will crack.” 

Kylo’s heart feels like an iron grip is squeezing it.

Witt does not know what happened inside the hut. She does not know how he shook Rey. How instead of using the force, his fist curled in response to her rejection. How he almost lost control and reached a new low point. The absolute lowest, he thinks, as he sneaks another glance at the beautiful woman carrying his child.

The vision of his grown son, strong and powerful, telling him he will protect Rey floods Kylo’s mind. _ He _ is the one who is supposed to protect Rey.

Kylo feels nauseous. Unhinged. Unbalanced. He turns to the General. 

“She’s playing you. She is using you Witt. She tells you these lies knowing you will come tattling to me. She’s only wants me to lower my guard.”

Witt’s next sentence has a motherly tone to it. 

“Surely sir, you do not think you are unlovable. Just look at her. How long did it take her to trust you the night you conceived the baby? One _ evening_? Years of regarding each other as enemies and she throws herself at you the first chance she gets? She might not openly admit it, but she loves you.”

How does she know about the forest? _Is_ it possible Rey opened up to her? 

Kylo does not want Witt to see the moisture gathering in his eyes. 

Instead he looks at Rey. She appears as miserable and defeated as he feels. Her love has never been more remote, more beyond his grasp. 

Kylo wonders why he thought leaving two women alone was a good idea. 

He storms over to Rey. One hand grips the back of the chair she sits on. He leans in so close to her that their foreheads nearly touch. His eyes lock onto hers, burning ferociously.

“Stop it.”

The quiet words laced with venom take her by surprise.

“Stop what?” Rey asks, breathless, confused.

“Stop trying to take control.”

“I’m not –”

His other arm braces against the wall, effectively blocking any escape. 

“You’d be wise not to toy with my feelings, Rey. Not to give me false hope.”

Rey seems to be trying to muster something within herself. Courage, Kylo thinks.

She uses the force to bat his hands away from her.

“_You_ saw something in the cave that scared you,” she accuses, "don't take it out on me." Her face contorts into the familiar combative expression he knows so well.

Kylo takes Rey by the forearm and pulls her to stand with him.

“We will discuss it in my private chambers. In _ our _ private chambers.”

A thrill runs through him. His bedroom is hers now, his bed is _ their _ bed. 

General Witt clears her throat. 

During their exchange neither of them notices the shuttle land in the hangar, the hiss of the ramp lowering.

“We have much to discuss, Rey. Follow me.”

Kylo intends to find out if what Witt tells him has any shred of truth to it.

*****

Rey massages her forearm where Kylo gripped it as she walks beside him. She is back on this cursed flagship.

The floors gleam shades of black and grey. There are no noises save for officers talking in low voices, droids occasionally beeping and the hum of electricity. It is impossible to miss the advanced weaponry and the massive holo-map in the center of the room. As it circles Rey notices the various planetary systems. The systems Kylo controls. 

Kylo’s anxiety rubs off on her, it sets her on edge. She is not sure what Witt whispered to him but it can’t be good.

Witt shared, step by step, how she planned to overthrow Kylo Ren. Rey assumes those same steps are being put into motion now. She knows the part Witt expects her to play, but Rey isn’t sure of too much right now. 

When the chamber doors slide open, Rey gasps. She takes in the crib, the rocking chair, the changing table. There are blankets, toys, and bags of diapers. Grief rises like a tidal wave inside of her. 

To Rey, the room represents a grotesque mockery of everything she’s ever wanted. The nursery for her baby is aboard a ship run by a fascist organization. The baby's father is a violent tyrant. It hurts, to see everything gone so wrong. So twisted. 

Tears stream down her cheeks. She'll be damned if any child of hers sleeps in a crib on the flagship of the First Order.

When she looks at Kylo she can read how nervous he is, how he desperately wants her to approve of the changes he made.

She tries to pass off her tears as happy ones.

“Do you like it?” Kylo moves towards her, a quiver in his voice, “this is all for you. For the baby. You can change anything you want, of course. I told you that I love you Rey...both of you.”

“I…” Rey searches for words. She strides over to the crib, running her hands across the top bar, “I like this. I like the items you chose.”

At least, she thinks, he will sense the truth in her words. 

Relief appears on his face, but not for long.

Kylo sits on his massive bed and it creaks under his weight.

“Rey,” his eyes divert to the floor, then back up to her. “Do you communicate with him? With the baby? Through the force.”

The question surprises her. Rey answers honestly but carefully. 

“I sense him. I like knowing that he is healthy. But I don’t actively seek him out. I don’t want to create any preconceived notions about him. I don’t want to place expectations on who he might become.” 

“That’s good,” Kylo nods, “That’s good. Letting him be an individual - letting him define himself.”

A rare moment when Kylo says something rational, Rey thinks.

“Do you see visions of him in your dreams?”

Rey swallows. 

“I see flashes, but not the whole picture.”

“Tell me what you’ve seen,” Kylo sounds urgent. Rey blows out a puff of air.

“Ah...just that he’s strong with the force. And I...I think he will favor your mother’s side. I keep dreaming of hazel eyes. Just the eyes. They’re kind.” She smiles at the memory.

Kylo’s anxiety spikes. He runs a hand through his dark hair. He rises from the bed, taking his time walking towards her. When Kylo reaches her, he takes hold of her hands. He kisses each fingertip delicately. Then his jaw works, his eyes flutter down for a moment before he speaks. 

“Rey. Do you still...do you still harbor feelings for me?”

Rey straightens, her spine rigid. If the discussion about the baby was uneasy for her, this is downright frightening.

She knows the part Witt wants her to play. The part anyone would expect her to play in a situation like this. A part she fails at time and time again. A part that at this point is too predictable.

Seductress.

She hates it.

Kylo strokes the engagement ring on her finger with his thumb.

“I could,” Rey’s throat is dry, “it’s not impossible.”

She pleads with the universe to sound believable. To sound convincing. She chooses words that in theory might be true, if he attempted the impossible.

Impossible being the key word.

She thinks her best shot at pulling this off is his desperation. He must be desperate enough to believe her.

A part of her feels pity for him.

Rey watches as Kylo fails to conceal the intense swirl of emotions building inside him. His throat works.

“But how? How could you love me again?" His question is less than a whisper, “After the way I’ve treated you?”

Rey picks up one of the infant toys. It is soft and she glances at it with what she hopes is a gaze full of longing.

“Because we’re going to have a baby. And the baby will need his family. On the island I've had time to contemplate. I want our baby to have the childhood I never had. I want him to have parents." Her eyes flit back up to look at him. 

Kylo looks as if he might die from shock at her declaration. She feels it through the force. He blinks and tears cling to his dark lashes.

He lifts his hands to cup Rey’s face. 

“I love you," he says softly, “And I won’t force myself on you."

Rey does not trust him. She has heard these same lines from him before.

"Will you go to bed with me, Rey? Will you let me make love to you? We're balanced when we are one. Please."

Rey's heart skips a beat.

She thinks of the poison Witt has yet to give her. She hopes it will kick in before he has a chance to bed her. She can't deny him forever after her confession. He cannot know she lies.

“Not tonight. I’m tired, Kylo.” She stares into his shadowed face, his dark eyes. 

“I understand. We have a big day tomorrow. Prenatal appointments. Wedding preparations. And I have a special gift for you.”

“Oh?” Rey can’t let on that she knows her so-called gift is Rose. She filters what he can sense through their force connection.

Force help her, she needs to see Rose. She needs to untangle herself from these messy lies, from Witt and Kylo. 

She needs to set her own plan into action before she slips up, before she makes a mistake. 

“At least let me kiss you,” Kylo says. He searches her face, taking her lack of protest as a yes.

Kylo kisses her slow, his hand on the back of her head, angling her mouth to deepen the kiss. He brushes a lock of loose hair behind her ear, running the soft tresses through his fingers. He breaks the kiss and looks at her. She sees his unbridled hunger, his raw _need_ for her.

“I can’t wait to have all of you, Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will Rey be able to pull off her plan? (whatever it is)  
will kylo continue to believe she cares for him?
> 
>   
thanks for reading. your support/comments/kudos keep this angst train going. we're almost at the end! 💜


	29. Rey's Performance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the kind comments and kudos on the last chapter. I appreciate each one, you guys are the best. 🧡  
Most of this chapter was written in august and was supposed to be longer. then i got a migraine. migraines last days for me so i'm just going to post it.  
warning: there's some limey times ahead 😬🙈
> 
> Kylo POV/Rey POV  
***

Rey permeates his every thought. He has trouble sleeping again, with her in his bed. 

Each time Kylo looks at her he feels the rush of warmth, the spark of hope that her love for him is returning. 

He is glad the wedding date was moved forward. When their wedding is projected over holonet he wants the Resistance to witness the real love Rey has for him reflected in her eyes. He wants them to see that his pursuit for her was never in vain or driven by madness. 

Kylo is not returning Rey to Ahch-To. She is perfect right where she is.

With him.

He wants every morning to be as peaceful as this one.

Kylo shifts a little to look at Rey while she sleeps. He cranes his neck to get a better view of her face without disturbing her. She is curled against his bare chest, snoring softly. Her hair is loose and messy with strands falling around her face. Her hands curl under her chin, knees drawn up to her chest. She sighs, rubbing her cheek into the pillow. 

Kylo finds her desperately cute.

He pulls back the blankets and his gaze travels downwards. She is dressed in a nightgown she made. It is conservative but not completely asexual in design - and he thinks he might still be dreaming because she is wearing it in _ his bed._

Kylo’s eyes follow the curves of Rey’s body from her waist and hips and down to her ass. He can’t help himself - he presses a soft kiss onto her shoulder blade.

Her lips curve upward in a smile, and another sigh escapes her. Kylo tightens his arm around her, breathing her in.

“You're mine," his whisper brushes against the back of her neck.

Rey’s eyes fly open and he feels her stiffen for half a heartbeat. The smile vanishes and she wiggles against him.

“You have that _ look _ in your eyes, Rey,” Kylo says lazily as he turns her by the shoulder to face him. She braces her hands on his chest.

“What _ look_?” 

It stings that she says this defensively and tries to create space between them.

“The one that says you still don’t completely trust me."

Does she not realize she spent the entire night in his bed and he didn’t touch her?

Well. 

He didn’t touch her like _ that_. He did, however, hold her.

“You don’t have to be so possessive Kylo,” says Rey. 

Kylo runs a hand down her thigh. He likes how flushed her face is in the morning, how dishevelled her hair is. 

“Yes I do. You’re hard to tame.” 

“I wasn’t aware you wanted me _ tamed_.” 

“Only outside of the bedroom, Rey.”

“Just because...because I care for you doesn’t mean you _ own _ me.” 

Kylo blinks hard and tries to focus. Her admission that she cares for him throws him off kilter. He isn’t sure how to respond.

Oh, he has fantasized how he would respond. But now he finds himself frozen. 

Rey still behaves like herself - opinionated, defiant, stubborn. She has no problem letting him know when she disapproves of his behavior.

Kylo finds it a relief. 

It is this normalcy, this consistency in her personality that leads Kylo to believe she loves him. If Rey suddenly let him get away with his antics, if she turned into a submissive pet, he would be suspicious.

But she isn’t fighting _ them _ anymore.

It feels incredible, but fuck.

How is he supposed to treat her now? Intimidation, blackmail, deceit - they all come naturally to him. He strokes her cheek. 

“I’m sorry.”

Kylo leans in and captures her mouth with his, trying to convey everything he does not know how to say with a gentle kiss. They are both a little sleepy and the kiss is slow, wet, and sloppy. Kylo can’t get enough because she is reciprocating.

Rey breaks the kiss, out of breath.

A jittery, nervous excitement pulses through Kylo’s body. He can’t stop noticing how lovely she is as she looks at him through long dark lashes.

“Kylo.”

“Yes?” He struggles to contain his thrill that she is here.

“I need to tell you what I want.”

“Okay,” he breathes. 

“I’m serious.”

Kylo barely manages a nod. 

“I need to know you love me for more than my body. For more than what I look like. Not that I’m any great prize,” she mumbles. Kylo has to stop himself from protesting. 

Rey is without a doubt the most beautiful creature he has ever seen.

“I want a man who treats me like a person - not an object. If we never had sex again, would you still want me?”

He does not know how to communicate that becoming one with her completes him. Sex is an effective way to remind her that she belongs to him, but there is more to it than that. Kylo wants to make her feel good, to demonstrate with his body that he loves her. Instead, he gives her the answer she wants.

“Yes,” he says with a desperate fervor, “I want to be with you, Rey. Forever. I regret that I ever made you feel used.” 

Kylo will agree to anything. Especially if it means she will stop saying he is no good for her or the baby. If it means she accepts that her place is with him. 

Rey rests her hand on top of his and squeezes it.

“I know. And I don’t want the baby born to parents who resent each other. I want to put an end to the tragic cycle that follows your family. The Skywalkers, the Solos.”

Kylo hardly registers that she speaks his natural surname aloud. 

He forces himself to ask the question he dreads. 

“Are you forgiving me, Rey?” His heart clenches and he tries to hide the tremor in his voice, but that somehow makes it more noticable.

“I can’t condone or forget everything you have done, but ...yes. I am. I forgive you.” 

Kylo has known so little forgiveness in his life, he has forgotten what unconditional love feels like. Again, he is faced with not knowing how to respond.

Monsters are not worthy of forgiveness or love. 

Rey truly is the Light. 

She is and will always be superior to him. 

“Rey,” Kylo says as tears begin to bead down his face, “You deserve better.”

“Look at me,” she tells him gently. Her hands roam everywhere, smoothing against his chest, running through his mussed hair.

Kylo has yearned for this, to feel touch her again without their burdens standing between them. 

“I don't want better," Rey whispers, "I want you.” 

Kylo looks away for a moment, jaw clenching with unsaid words.

“Do you mean that? Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Rey. I would rather you openly disdain me if that’s how you felt. You know I’ll never be good in the way you want. But I can’t....if you don’t mean this...I’m not resilient in the same ways that you are.”

“I mean it, Kylo.”

Rey, he realizes, is more powerful than he thought. He is in awe that she still has the power to forgive.

“This is all I want Rey. To stand united, with you. With our family.”

Kylo brings his hand to the side of her face and pulls Rey into a kiss. The kiss becomes frantic as he releases all of his pent up longing. He deepens it, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip, tugging and running his tongue along it.

His hands grip her tightly, pulling her body flush against his. Kylo lets out a moan and gently runs his fingers through her scalp before taking a fistful of her hair and tugging. His free hand fiddles with the band of her underwear, trying to pull it down. 

“Rey,” Kylo pants, “_please.”_

He doesn’t care that he’s begging, that he is the needy sounding one this time. 

Rey pulls back, her lips swollen and pink from his onslaught. 

“I need to take this slow, Kylo. Can we just...kiss?”

“Ah,” Kylo watches, entranced, as her small soft hands run over his torso, tracing his battle scars.

He can’t just kiss - he is ready to explode. 

But she’s not _ fighting _ him anymore.

Kylo brushes inside her mind and finds no falsehood in her intentions. He is still on a high from her forgiveness, from her admission that she wants him, even if he is broken and imperfect.

In his current state, Kylo might agree to anything she asks of him.

It is dangerous, this love he has for her. Kylo sighs. 

“Taking it slow,” he repeats, “I understand. I suppose we should eat, it's getting late. Then we will meet with the doctor. Unless, you want your gift first?”

A new alertness crosses her face.

“I am curious about the gift. I can sense that the baby is fine, the appointment can wait. Can I see the gift?”

“Yes.”

His reward is a relieved - no, a relaxed - smile from Rey. 

Kylo reluctantly takes his hands off her body and enters the fresher.

Ice cold water blasts his chest and Kylo tries to abstain from touching himself. It does not matter that Rey is already pregnant - he doesn't want a drop to go to waste. He wants to save everything he has and spill it inside her, claiming her as his again.

Kylo groans at the thought, unable to follow through. His arm braces on the wall, as he’s done so many times. He squeezes his eyes shut and strokes himself. 

Rey is too far along to lay on her back now, and she was very angry with him after he fucked her from behind. 

This time, Kylo imagines her straddling him as she pins his wrists above his head using the force. She trails wet kisses down his chest, stopping to take him in her mouth. He imagines her mouth sliding up and down his length before crawling on top of him. He imagines her riding him slow at first, then rotating her hips until neither of them can take it.

Kylo never thought he would want her in such a dominant position, but he does. He thinks the view will be incredible. Her breasts bouncing above him, her belly in his face. Kylo will like seeing what he’s done to her.

He recalls her words that she wants _ him_.

He comes hard. 

*****

The fresher door slams shut and Rey closes her eyes. She tries to center herself. 

Rey feels like she is holding a starving beast at bay, one ready to devour her. Rolling around in his bed, kissing him, putting on airs for him - it is exhausting.

She is putting on the performance of her life, and it feels all too real. 

When Witt told her to distract Kylo by seducing him, Rey assumed she meant sex. 

She never thought that emotional seduction would be the key to undoing Kylo Ren. That more than her body, he craves emotional intimacy. Human connection.

He uses lust as a weapon so often that she didn’t even consider it.

Kylo is ignorant to this - to his blindspot. And Rey? She does not like watching his eyes light up, full of hope when she says she wants him. When she knows she does not mean it.

If compassion is considered a strength, a virtue, then why does she feel like in this situation it is her weakness? 

“Get it together,” Rey whispers to herself. 

She felt the mess of emotions warring inside him: his confusion at her cooperation, his shy embarrassment at crying in front of her, the way she coaxed out his vulnerability. Rey tries to sound convincing by inserting small grains of truth in her words. 

His desperation, thankfully, fills in the rest. Just as she hoped it would.

If he finds out her plan, if he finds out this is all a lie...force help her, it might be the final blow. Kylo might kill her. He might decide that if he can’t have her, then no one will. That she shouldn’t exist in the same space as him. That she shouldn’t exist at all. 

On top of everything she still has to deal with Witt.

Rey hates this. She prefers to face her opponent head on, she prefers honest fights. But there is nothing normal about this situation. Her opponent is the father of her child.

And Kylo doesn’t prefer honest fights - she reminds herself that his betrayal started all of this. 

She dresses quickly as he showers. Rey’s cheeks burn at the thought that he is probably doing more than washing. In fact, her entire body seems to be turning bright red.

“Oh no no no…” Rey examines her arms, her chest. The rash spreads rapidly. She has not responded to stress like this in years. 

“Rey?” Kylo appears with a towel wrapped around his waist. His dark hair, usually wild and unruly is wet against his head. He rushes to her side and runs a hand over her arm.

“What is this?”

“It’s...it happens when I….” Rey’s stomach lurches and Kylo’s body becomes a hulking blurry outline. She feels his arm around her waist, guiding her to the bed. She hears his fist slam on something next to her. The desk? No, the comlink. Static adds to the roaring buzz in her ears.

“Send a medic to my chambers immediately. And bring Rose Tico. Keep her in binders.”

“Rose?” 

Lying down, the world looks a little more clear.

“Yes. She’s my gift to you.”

“Oh Kylo,” Rey groans, “_People _ aren’t gifts. Is she hurt?” 

Kylo frowns.

“No. I made sure her cell was comfortable. As insufferable as she is, I thought you might like her as your female companion. Someone from your old life. She might bring you comfort when you don’t feel well.”

“I see.”

The chamber doors open and a weathered old man strides inside, a medical droid rolling at his side. His skin is pale, almost grey, his body skeletal in appearance.

“Doctor Furlong,” Kylo motions towards Rey, “what is wrong with her?”

Doctor Furlong, Rey thinks, has an even haughtier expression than the late Armitage Hux. His nostrils flair and his lip curls. 

“Hives. A common reaction in young brides-to-be. Nothing more than wedding jitters.”

The droid takes her vitals while he diagnoses her, something Rey is grateful for. She does not want the ghoulish doctor touching her.

The droid produces a tiny needle and pokes her arm. 

“The medicine will stop the itching and lessen the redness. The baby should be fine, though I do recommend her personal doctor perform a thorough examination.” 

Kylo does not need to be told twice. He is already speaking into the comlink when someone else appears in the doorway flanked by four stormtroopers.

Rey sits up as the droid finishes placing a bandage where the needle stuck her. 

“Rose!” 

She bursts into tears.

“Hormones, sir,” Furlong says. Distaste is evident in his tone.

The stormtroopers thrust her forward and Rose almost trips. Her hands are bound in binders, her ankles in shackles. She must have been in binders the entire time because Rey spots the bruises underneath them. 

With a flick of her wrist Rey sends the stormtroopers flying backwards. She may be under deep cover, but not at the expense of her friend being abused.

“You said she wasn’t hurt!” She shouts at Kylo. He turns to the troopers.

“Remove her constraints,” he says quietly.

Rose glares at the stormtroopers as they free her. 

“Bastards,” she mutters. 

Rey watches Rose take in the scene in front of her: Kylo still in his towel, Rey on his bed. 

“Kylo?” Rey stands and crosses the room. She wishes Rose did not have to witness this, but it is the only way he might leave them alone. Rey widens her gaze, she licks her lips, she plays with the top of his towel.

She feels so _ stupid _ acting like this.

Rey senses his shock and pleasure that she is flirting with him in front of Rose.

Good, Rey thinks. It makes her performance all the more convincing. 

“Can Rose and I talk alone? Just for a few minutes. There are some things - female things - that I prefer to talk about in private.”

“You know I can’t…”

Rey stops him short with a kiss. She tries not to let the gagging noise from Rose distract her from her goal, “Please, Kylo? You know I’m not going anywhere. She’s not comfortable around you.”

She senses that he wants to shut her down, but he also wants to please her. Rey bites her bottom lip. Kylo relents.

“No more than five minutes. I will be outside the door the entire time.”

_ Force, yes! _

Kylo dresses inside the fresher and pauses in front of Rose before he leaves. 

“Don’t think to try anything, rebel scum. She is mine now, and you can’t change that.” 

The doors slam shut.

Rey runs to Rose, her belly preventing her from full-on body slamming her friend in a hug. Rose tentatively wraps her arms around around Rey.

“What the _ hell _ was that?”

“Rose, I am so sorry you had to see that. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. But seriously Rey - what is going on with you and Kylo Ren?”

“I’m…” Rey chokes on a sob. Even if it's an act, she's ashamed. “Nothing is going on. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.”

Rose lets out a huge gasp of air. She draws Rey back into a hug.

“You’re faking it? Fuck. You had _ me _ fooled, Rey.”

“I am so _ so _ sorry…”

Rose holds up a hand.

“No apologies - I get it. And you heard him, we have five minutes. What’s the plan? Do you have one?”

Five minutes. Not nearly enough time for a proper reunion, to explain everything that has happened. Rey swallows.

“I do. I am going to need your expertise on flagship mechanics. The entire fleet is going to be here for our wedding,” Rey cringes at the word, “And I...I want to disable them all.”

“You mean blow them up?”

“Ah...that would be a bonus, but yes.”

Rose rubs her face.

“That’s...kind of crazy. Like, really crazy. I like it. Has he hurt you?”

Rey does not want Rose to know the extent of her deception.

“No. He’s been calm.”

“For now. He is calm because he is getting his way. You remember the cycle, don’t you Rey?”

“I know the cycle,” Rey snaps. She was _ there _ when the Resistance shrink presented a seminar on healthy and unhealthy relationships. Another one of the Resistance’s attempts to improve healthcare. 

“He doesn’t have a hold over me,” Rey can’t help but repeat the words she overheard Rose speaking to Finn. “I haven’t forgotten what he is capable of.”

Rose nods solemnly.

“I know, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

There is more to it. Rey can sense that deep down, Rose worries that she still hopes Kylo will redeem himself. Rey wants to scream that it is not true, but the last thing her friend deserves is defensive tirade.

“You’re a good friend, Rose. The best, actually.” She’s crying again.

Rose holds her face, her expression soft. She looks straight into Rey’s eyes.

“And you can do this. _ We _ can do this. Now, back to your plan: it involves disabling and blowing up Starships?”

“Yes.”

“Does it include breaking Kylo Ren’s heart? Does he still_ have _ one left to break?”

Rey winces. 

“Yes. And I know the steps we need to take.”

Rose smiles.

“Brutal. He deserves it. Let’s do this.”

"Yes," Rey echoes, "let's do this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx again for reading :)


	30. The Appointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being supportive and kind readers :)
> 
> trigger warning: Kylo's behavior is typical of an abusive person when they are on their "good behavior high." 
> 
> Kylo POV with a little Rey POV.
> 
> *i did it again. I hit post instead of save. why are those buttons so close 😂 *proofreads*  
***

Kylo stands outside his bedroom chamber wondering if it is too late to dispose of Tico.

As usual, Rey was right. 

People do not make good gifts. Especially when that gift is a Resistance brat. 

It was a mistake to keep Tico alive. He should have executed her the moment she mouthed off to him after he repossessed the shuttle. Rey’s other scum friends - the Idiot Pilot and FN-2187 - had the smarts to appear afraid in his presence. They at least showed some respect. 

He can sense Tico’s hate and disgust for him. She makes no effort to hide her firm belief that he is evil. Her attitude towards him cannot sit well Rey anymore. Can it?

The uncivilized rebel will try to turn Rey against him. He felt it through the force. Tico entered his quarters brimming with anticipation that she and Rey would hatch an escape plan.

Kylo smirks. 

Tico is a fool. 

The dynamic between the two women will change now that Rey admits she loves Kylo Ren - that she always _ did _love Kylo Ren instead of Ben Solo.

Did she say love? She communicated forgiveness, desire, and that she cares for him. The word love has yet to leave her lips.

All in good time. 

He wishes he could witness Tico’s face morph into shock and horror when she realizes that Rey enjoys the warmth of his bed. 

Kylo touches the hilt of his lightsaber.

He is in a tough position. He _ can’t _kill Tico now. Rey was too excited to see her, too overjoyed at seeing a familiar face. Kylo briefly toys with the idea of orchestrating an accident that would permanently disable Tico. He trashes the idea. Rey would figure out he was behind it.

What to do with her?

“Supreme Leader.”

Kylo turns to see Witt approaching. 

“Doctor Veduta is ready to examine Rey. Would you rather she come to your private quarters?”

“No. I will escort her to medbay. I am assigning you to personally watch over Tico. I have no doubt she wants to flee and take Rey with her. Keep her as complacent as you can. It is no easy task. She has a demanding mouth on her. Try to refrain from smacking her.”

“Very good sir.”

Kylo enters the room and finds Rey composed. Her rash is almost gone but she looks tired, pale. Some of the fight seems to have left Tico’s face and she regards Kylo silently. With a gesture Kylo signals for Witt to come in. The General deserves a bonus, Kylo thinks, at her willingness to tolerate Tico. It is her _ job _to do as he bids, but still.

“General Witt will shadow you, _ Rose. _” He speaks her first name.

It is a delicate, feminine name for such an ill-mannered woman. She would make a terrible spouse. No one wants to bed an uncouth creature, no one wants a disobedient wife. Rey is strong willed, but she is beginning to accept that he controls their relationship. He is in charge, _ he _ is the head of the household they are building. 

“Witt will act as your guide and security. She will meet any needs you have and protect you from harm.” 

There is a chance that someone in the First Order will not like seeing rebel scum dirtying the flagship. Kylo wistfully hopes one of his troops will find a clever way to make her disappear.

Rose huffs under her breath.

“Any need, huh? Does that include my freedom? You might have _ her _ brainwashed, but not me, Kylo-Ren.”

Brainwashed. That accusation can only mean one thing: Rey is coming clean about them.

For years Kylo was not sure there would be a _ them. _

“Take her Witt,” He orders, his tone level and calm. General Witt briskly crosses the room and leaves with Tico. 

“Rey?”

It takes Kylo two steps to reach her and he rests his hands on her waist. His grip is not whisked away by the force, she does not throw him off. A breath he did not know he was holding leaves his chest. Kylo takes it a step further, wanting to test how far she will let him go.

This compliance is still so new to him.

His arms move up her back and his hands close tenderly on her neck, stroking her hair. The feeling of skin on skin is always too much for him, it is overwhelming in the most delicious way.

Kylo does not wear the black leather gloves. Not anymore. He wants as few barriers between them as possible. 

He kisses her gently, relieved when her lips brush against his, when she allows his tongue to slip into her mouth. She pulls him closer and Kylo’s heart skips a beat. Her scent overwhelms his senses.

He can’t fight against the thoughts going through him and he doesn’t want to. 

They pull apart and take shaky, shallow breaths. Rey’s forehead rests against his and for a moment they close their eyes to steady themselves. 

“Rey,” Kylo whispers, voice barely audible “Thank you.”

"For what?"

"For being you. For giving me a second chance." His voice wavers, exhilarated from the tension between them. He softly kisses up and down her neck.

“More like the third or fourth chance…”

Kylo looks into her eyes as her sentence trails off; one hand resting below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek. 

“Rey. I love you. Please trust me,” his voice sounds foreign to him, he hears how heartbreakingly sincere he sounds.

“I’m trying to,” Rey replies. 

Kylo nods. It is the best, honest answer he could hope for right now.

“Food will be waiting for us in my private dining room. Afterwards we will go to your doctor. And Rey?”

“Yes?”

Shame paralyzes Kylo.

“Your doctor...she is the same one you had at the Resistance base.”

“Oh Kylo. Not more kidnapping…”

“No. I had her planted. So that I would know you and the baby were healthy. I thought of replacing her so you wouldn’t find out, but she knows your health history.”

Rey shakes her head, her shoulders slouching. 

“Is she even a real doctor? Are there any more lies I should know about?”

“She _ is _a real doctor,” Kylo insists, “you think I would be careless with your health? With the baby’s health?” 

He tries to recall other ways he has deceived Rey. There are so many. 

Rey makes an exasperated sound. 

“I don’t know how you can ask me to trust you and then tell me you planted a spy to keep tabs on me.” 

“But you know now, don’t you?" Kylo says, "And you like her. You told me you wanted her present at the birth.”

The reminder doesn’t seem to help.

“I’m sorry Rey," Kylo says, when the lines around her eyes tighten. "Let's not fight. Please."

She nods stiffly, accepting the truce. 

“There is one more thing,” Kylo says, “I hate your friend. Rose. I can’t pretend to like her, Rey. I regret bringing her on board.”

“That,” Rey responds, “is no secret. I need your word that you won’t harm her, Kylo. She has good reason to dislike you.”

“You have my word.”

With shaking fingers, he reaches for Rey and takes her by the hand. Kylo isn’t sure how to handle her physically if they aren’t kissing or embracing in his bed. 

Hand holding should feel juvenile. He knows he should have done this years ago when young people experiment with such things. 

But old man Skywalker, ever the hypocrite, discouraged expressing romantic feelings. There was no outright ban, but it was clear the old Jedi disapproved.

None of that matters now.

When their hands join, an electric spark runs up his arm and he closes his eyes in reaction to the sensation.

Together, they walk down the corridor.

*

The examination room is cold and Kylo watches Rey shiver. 

The thin, paper-like gown she wears crinkles every time she shifts. Kylo is surprised at how uncomfortable he is when the nurse asks Rey to pee in a cup, asks her about her last cycle (isn’t it obvious?) and other probing questions. It is intimate in a way that has nothing to do with him. 

“Have you thought of a name?" He asks, desperate to cut the tension.

Rey shakes her head. Her feet swing off the end of the medical bed. 

“I want him to have a name that is entirely his own. I don’t want your family’s legacy to influence his identity. Or give him the idea that he needs to live up to something.”

“I agree,” Kylo says, because he does. There is a reason he chose his own name and renounced Ben Solo.

Another example demonstrating that Rey will be the perfect mother. 

Besides, his son will carry on the legacy of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

The door opens and a stout woman in a lab coat steps inside.

Dr. Veduta.

“Supreme Leader,” she inclines her head, “and Rey. I am glad we have the chance to meet again. How have you been feeling?” 

The doctor has the posture of a soldier. The friendly persona she put on to gain Rey’s friendship is no longer needed. Every action she takes is now precise and purposeful. She smiles in the cold and distant way professionals do.

Rey’s jaw is resolute, her knuckles turn white from gripping the underside of the cot. Kylo doesn’t need the force to know that she wants to scream from frustration. Another day, another betrayal. But Rey pushes the anger aside. The health of someone else matters more than the deception. Right now, all that matters is their son.

Her fists relax, she works her jaw.

“I’m tired. I have trouble sleeping.”

A droid rolls to Rey’s side, taking her vitals for a second time. Dr Veduta types on the datapad attached to the machine.

“Gestational insomnia is typical at this stage,” she says as she brings up Rey’s chart, “do you still experience heartburn?”

“Yes,” Rey leans forward, “it is the _ worst. _”

Kylo's features darken. 

“Why haven't you given her something to help with the pain? I was able to cure her nausea.”

Dr. Veduta stares at the screen as she responds. Her tone is professional.

“The First Order does not stock a diverse array of medication that is safe during pregnancy.” 

Rey shoots him a glance.

“The Resistance does.” There is something smug about the way she says it. 

Kylo raises an eyebrow and looks away.

“Do you at least have the implant or contraceptive shot?” Rey asks, “After the baby is born I want to get whichever one you have available.”

“No,” Kylo's tone is final, “You are not getting the implant or shot.”

Both Rey and Doctor Veduta turn to him. Kylo decides to elaborate. This has been on his mind for a while. He covers Rey's hand with his.

“I want to expand our family as soon as possible. You’re good at this, Rey. Getting pregnant, I mean. When is it safe for her to conceive again after birth?”

Rey protests and Doctor Veduta offers what he swears is an apologetic glance.

“It varies from woman to woman, but I would estimate between eighteen months to two years.” 

Rey recoils her hand.

“This isn’t up to you, Kylo. I _ will _ get the implant. This is what I mean - about you being possessive. I won't tolerate it.”

Not wanting to upset the fragile peace between them, Kylo shrugs. Let her think she's won this round. 

“Alright.”

It is _ not _alright. Kylo will not allow her access to birth control. He wants her safe on his flagship while he commands the galaxy. The more her pregnancy shows, the less he wants her ruling at his side. Kylo thinks her future role with him is obvious: wife and mother to his children.

To allow her to fight in battle, to participate in conflict is too great a risk. She might die. She might leave their family motherless. 

“Now,” Dr. Veduta places a sheet of paper over Rey and lifts up the gown. A gel substance is squirted onto Rey’s belly and Veduta rolls a wand over her stomach.

“Let’s see what the baby is up to.”

Curiosity grips Kylo, and he turns to monitor screen in an effort to see what what might appear. 

“Just a moment,” Dr. Veduta says, noticing his impatience. Finally, she turns the monitor around. An image of a baby fills the screen. His baby. 

Kylo exhales slowly.

“Hear that? That's the heartbeat,” Veduta says, and Kylo does hear it. A fast paced, rhythmic thump. A myriad of emotions cross his face: wonder, pride, and amazement. 

He looks to Rey and finds her staring at the screen. Love radiates out of her. 

Kylo places his hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. This time she doesn’t recoil.

Something inside of Kylo spreads like a warm glow. Pure, raw emotion fills him as he watches the tiny being kicking and moving inside of Rey.

"Do you feel that?" He asks. 

"I do. All the time."

His son does not seem so foreboding, so frightening anymore. His son is no longer an idea buried inside Rey's body. He is real, he exists. 

Kylo feels a different kind of appreciation for Rey. No matter how vehemently he disagrees with her light-side philosophy and her alliances, he will always remember that she carried and created something beautiful for him. Something perfect.

"I love you," he speaks softly, meeting her eyes.

Rey smiles in response. A real, genuine smile that comes from deep inside her.

“I know."

Veduta squints as she reads Rey’s test results. She is all business. 

“Okay Rey. Baby’s movement looks great. Heart rate is good. Your blood pressure _ is _ on the higher side. Not unusual during pregnancy, but I want you to take this twice a day after eating. I don’t want to have to induce you early due to hypertension. Do you understand my instructions?”

“I do,” Rey accepts the vial, “I understand your instructions.” 

“See,” Kylo says as if to prove a point, “The First Order has prenatal medicine.” He notices how tightly Rey holds onto the vial, how she is suddenly sweating. She gives him a nervous smile. He chalks it up to the adrenaline of seeing their son, of their upcoming wedding. 

The only sound that fills the room is their son’s heartbeat. 

***

Rey clutches the vial to her chest as she follows Kylo back to his chambers. The look in his eyes during the appointment unnerved her. There was no malice, no lust. Just bewilderment and love. For her, for the baby.

A love she can’t return. Not when it is tainted by darkness, by obsession. 

Whatever the future holds for them, she is grateful for the moment they bonded over the baby. Rey at least will be able to tell her son that there was one rare instance in which his father expressed the deepest love for him. A moment when his father displayed a shred of humanity. 

That is all she will allow her son to know of his father. She does not want to breed hatred in her son. Unlike Witt, Rey would rather take Kylo back to the Resistance to answer and pay for his crimes. She does not know if it's possible. If he will _ allow _ himself to be captured alive.

Kylo is still dangerous, still unpredictable. He desperately wants to control her. It takes everything inside of Rey to cloak her thoughts, to tolerate his behavior. 

It still hurts. Like the baby items, the appointment was an example of what could have been between them. Does he even realize it? Probably not, Rey thinks. Because he is living his fantasy right now. He thinks he's won. 

Rey knew General Witt would get the poison to her through an informant, but she did not anticipate that informant being her doctor. It makes sense. Doctors, surrounded by medicine. Medicine that can heal - or kill. Witt is clever. 

And it is warped on so many levels. 

The realization that her doctor was undercover in the first place. The realization that General Witt involves Dr. Veduta in her assassination plot.

How Kylo manages to stay alive is a mystery. Can he not sense their corruption? Is he so used to it, so corrupt himself, that he finds it normal?

The thought gives Rey chills. The image of her son becoming another Vader, another Kylo Ren, terrifies her. It makes her heart ache. She has to protect him. 

“Kylo?”

“Yes?”

Rey holds up her engaged hand.

“Can you have the ring removed? If we’re going to trust each other, we have to start somewhere.”

“I…no. I will not have it removed. I trust you, but it’s just...not a good idea. The Resistance could capture you. I need to be able to locate you, Rey."

“I see.”

Rey tries not to let her anger show. 

She places the vial safely away in a nightstand drawer and thinks of Rose. She checks the time and waits for the next phase of her plan to fall into place. 

Keeping track of two parallel plots - Witt’s and her own - is mentally exhausting. 

“Do you need to rest?” Kylo asks. He looks worried. 

Rey nods, crawling onto the bed. She sinks into the mattress, not moving. For once the baby is not kicking his feet into her ribs or pelvic area. As she drifts off, she catches a glimpse of Kylo's frame standing beside her.

She tries to gage his intent when she feels a soft blanket cover her body. 

She surrenders to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thaaaaanks for reading. any comments/kudos are noted and appreciated. 🧡


	31. Rey goes Rogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to Reylogo and Suzeraine for helping me decide how to end this fic. You both came to the same conclusions for the same reasons and I’m very grateful. And thank you again Suzeraine for beta-ing this chapter. 🧡🙏
> 
> Geez how did 2 weeks go by?! I maaay have spent a bit of time on my Rey costume for the Rebel Legion. We get to troop the tros premiere in my town and I'm stoked about it. I also got lost in the fluff-writing zone for the Bedsharing series 😂
> 
> Thank you for your kudos and comments on the last chapter. They are *so* motivating.
> 
> TL;DR  
Kylo POV/Rey POV.  
******

“It is perfect.”

There is no mistaking the note of satisfaction in his voice. 

Kylo stands in the command center, his attention split between the two holograms circling in front of him.

The most important hologram is of Rey, fast asleep, unaware that she is being watched. 

The second displays a sprawling fortress. The fortress is perched on top of a mountain surrounded by steep slopes. Sleet and snow pile against massive, half-ruined walls, the structure crumbling, but still impressive.

It is the abandoned fortress of the Sith Lord, Ludo Kressh. It was not built to showcase finery or demonstrate frivolous displays of power: the fortress was intended to act as a military stronghold in order to overpower Kresshs’ nemesis Naga Sadow. 

Kressh and Sadow reigned during the golden age of the Sith, and though somewhat forgotten, the fortress is a testament to the legacy of the dark side.

Kylo thinks it will make a fine home for his family, he can protect them there. The fortress is difficult to reach, the terrain is harsh and unforgiving. It is also located on one of the few Sith Holy worlds: Rhelg.

Kylo turns to the officer standing silently behind him.

“Have you sent the team I assembled?” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Good.”

Kylo turns back to the hologram. Rey will not like Rhelg anymore than she liked Dathomir. It is no secret that dark adepts have attempted to raid the fortress in search of precious artifacts and weapons. Each one of them fails. In the end they return stuttering with stories of ghosts and dark magic.

Nothing more than ridiculous over-dramatized stories. Kylo doesn’t buy any of it, he is not superstitious. 

All the same, he senses the hesitation and fear in the team he assembles to repair the fortress. They fear going mad or falling under a dark spell, and Kylo chuckles softly at how weak they are.

Rey and his son will be safe behind its walls and terrifying reputation. There is potential for the darkness to overwhelm the light in Rey, but he will keep her too busy to notice. She will have a baby to care for, and then he’ll give her another one. She will lose herself in her love for her family. 

Kylo’s attention is drawn to the hologram of Rey. She sits up for a moment and shifts, seemingly trying to find a position that is comfortable. Her belly is proportionally larger than her slender frame and Kylo wonders how she will make it through the next few months. She is going to depend on him more and more. He rather likes the idea of her at his mercy.

No - Kylo reprimands himself - not mercy. He has to stop thinking like that. 

Rey’s tunic hikes over her belly and her breasts spill halfway out. His mouth goes dry. She is stunning. His need for Rey increased exponentially since she became pregnant, and even more so since she began to show. 

Aware of how exposed she is, Kylo dismisses the officers and remaining stormtroopers from the command center. 

He switches off the hologram of the fortress and searches the security footage from his private chamber. Only he has access to these files, only he knows the code. 

Snoke was a fool not to have cameras in his throne room. An oversight Kylo is glad for, but a mistake he will not repeat.

The first hologram he pulls up is the one of Rey kissing him in front of Rose.

Kylo likes it because it shows his shock at her initiating the kiss. Rey is obviously pregnant, it is obviously his doing, and he wears nothing but a towel. It is an intimate, private moment between them. 

In the background Rose’s genuine disgust is a bonus. Her horror at Rey’s behavior confirms that Rey is not being held against her will. 

Kylo imagines the Resistance will have a similar response when he sends a copy of the holo to them. 

He replays the holo and feels conflicted. What goes on in their bedroom is private. But she is dressed, she is decent - he would never dream of sending an explicit video. 

Not unless circumstances demanded it. 

Kylo can’t help feeling proud that he has her. He wants to show her off, he wants to gloat, he wants to flaunt his victory: Rey loves him, she wants him.

For once in his life _ someone _ wants and accepts him.

The Resistance thinks she is a traitor - why not reinforce their stance? Kylo does not want the Resistance to think she is worth rescuing. He wants them to believe she is too far gone. 

He sends it. 

The guilt he prepares to feel never comes. Kylo exhales sharply. 

For a long time guilt was all he felt, it was the biggest obstacle he had to push through in order to pursue Rey. 

His constant inner turmoil over his methods almost cost him everything - he can never forget how he was a hair’s breadth from letting Rey escape with Rose in the forest.

Watching her heart break in his throne room when she realized his deception - now that was hard. Kylo still feels guilty about that. 

But he no longer feels regret, and that is for one simple reason: his perseverance has paid off. 

Every atrocious move he made against her, every betrayal, every lie, every hurtful word he wounded her with has played out in his favor.

Because she’s here, isn’t she?

She’s sleeping in his bed, she’s kissing him. Kylo caught her examining and organizing some of the infant items in the room earlier - an act he finds surprisingly intimate.

Kylo never wants to hurt her again. He hopes she never gives him a reason to hurt her. 

He is about to leave the command center when he remembers that Rose Tico still exists. 

Irritation pulses through his veins. 

Rey is attached to her rebellious little friend and Kylo is skeptical about the _ female issues _Rey wanted to discuss with Tico. 

Kylo needs to make sure Tico does not plant seeds of doubt in her mind, so he searches for the hologram of the discussion that took place between the two women in his bedroom. 

Well. 

Rey is a woman. He does not know what category of creature Tico falls under.

He finds the holo, increases the volume, and is about to let it play when a flicker of movement catches his eye. 

Rey is awake.

She looks concerned, disoriented. He dips into their bond and feels her apprehension. About what? The wedding? Did Doctor Veduta scare her with the talk of high blood pressure?

Kylo saves a copy of the hologram before turning off the holoprojector. It can wait. 

Right now he needs to go to Rey.

He steps out of the command center and orders the first officer he sees to have food sent to his quarters. It is imperative that Rey takes her medicine, even if he has to administer it himself. The minor spike in blood pressure might be an insignificant symptom right now, but Kylo will not lose Rey to a pregnancy-related complication.

He makes his way to the turbolift while speaking into the comlink on his wrist.

“General Witt, where is Tico?” 

“Supreme Leader Ren, I have her separating the parts of disassembled droids. She is a quick and efficient worker.”

“Keep her occupied. Don’t leave her alone with Rey.” 

“Yes sir.”

Kylo exits the turbolift and walks in long rapid strides to his chambers. He can’t get to her fast enough. He shouldn’t leave her alone. The loss of control he feels at not being able to monitor her every move makes him anxious. 

The crease in his brow relaxes when he unlocks his door and spots Rey. She is awake and standing, facing away from him. She is in a state of undress and he catches the naked skin of her back as she slips on one of _ his _ dark tunics over her head.

Kylo could swear his heart stops at the sight. 

Is she_ trying _ to be ridiculously appealing or is it just her nature to be irresistible to him?

He comes up behind her and gently wraps his arms around her waist before she gets the chance to turn her head.

“Rey,” he murmurs, kissing her hair, her ear. He loves the way she smells, he loves the way she looks and feels in his clothing, “Why are you wearing my shirt?”

She leans against his chest and tilts her head up to look at him.

“It’s comfortable. Large. I think the baby went through a growth spurt because my clothes feel too constricting.”

Large is one way to describe his clothing on her. The tunic sleeves are about ten sizes too long and he pulls them up to her elbows. He thinks she looks adorable.

“Where were you, Kylo?” She asks.

Her voice is the sweetest sound in the galaxy to him, especially when she says his name without the vitriol he grew so used to hearing. 

“Making preparations,” Kylo answers, and his hands glide past her waist and down her bare thighs, “the wedding is tomorrow.”

“So soon?” Rey’s catches his hands before they drift underneath the tunic.

“Yes,” he kisses the nape of her neck, “It’s going to be us, the officiant, and the general as our witness.”

“But you said the First Order fleet -”

“The fleet will join us in orbit. For show, more than anything. The entire galaxy will witness the ceremony through holonet. I thought you would prefer a simple wedding.”

Rey weaves her fingers with his as she holds his hands. 

“What if I want a larger ceremony? I’d like Rose to be there, and you promised me a dress.” 

Kylo’s mouth sets into a firm line. He isn’t sure where the motivation for a big wedding is coming from. Rey is practical, not extravagant. She cares for him, but she does not approve of the First Order. That much is obvious.

Rey lets out an exasperated sigh at his prolonged silence.

“Please, Kylo? I would like to have a say in how our wedding day goes. I’m your partner.”

“You’re my future wife,” he corrects.

She makes a disapproving noise.

“Is there really a difference?”

Kylo is about to tell her the word _ partner _ makes them equals, whereas _ wife _means she belongs to him. It means he owns her and she will submit to him. 

It’s a bad idea to try and explain his thought process to Rey. She won’t understand. He responds with a hint of reluctance in his voice.

“I suppose there isn’t much difference.”

Rey smiles. 

It’s a lovely sight, her smile.

“It’s just, I could do with a day of feeling special, Kylo. Especially with this,” she frees a hand to run over her stomach, “making me more uncomfortable each day.”

Kylo thinks it’s an honest appeal. He never pegged Rey for one of those women who would obsess over a wedding, but maybe that’s a good thing. She needs to keep her mind engaged. 

“I could delay it for another two days. You have been on your best behavior, afterall.”

“Kylo,” the way she says his name expresses her annoyance. She arches away from him, “You’re doing it _ again. _ You’re acting like I am your -”

“Possession. I know. But Rey, you don’t have to worry anymore. I will protect you, I’ll provide for you. I’ll give you anything you want. Doesn’t it feel good, not to have to worry?”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

Kylo pulls her closer, afraid that if he lets go she will disappear as she has so many times in his dreams. He is afraid of returning to a life without her; a life that for him is empty without her in it.

Three consecutive knocks at the door cause Kylo to begrudgingly pull away from Rey. A droid rolls inside, delivering a tray of food and drink. 

“It’s all for you,” He motions as the tray is placed on the nightstand, “You need to take your medicine twice a day with food.”

“You remembered,” Rey pads over to examine the ample food and drink offerings.

Kylo shucks off his trousers and unzips his tunic. He slides open a lacquered dresser drawer while Rey fiddles with her food. He finds what he is searching for and looks at Rey. 

“I remember everything that relates to you,” he says, taking his time walking over to her. This time, he rests one hand on her belly, “No one understands you like I do, Rey. No one loves you the way I love you. That’s why I want you to have this.”

He carefully loops a necklace around her neck, clasping it in the back. She tenses and he leans in to rest his cheek against hers. 

“It’s not a tracking device. It was my grandmother’s necklace. I wanted to give it to you after the baby was born but…I couldn’t wait.”

Rey turns around, still in his arms. The necklace is a simple silver chain. There are no markings, no ornate designs. Unusual, given the planet it originates from is known for flamboyant fashion. Kylo reads her curiosity. 

“The necklace wasn’t made to display wealth or power. It was a personal gift from my grandfather. It suits you.” 

“Oh,” her eyes widen, “This is...it is beautiful, Kylo. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” She leans up on her tiptoes to kiss him. 

“Rey,” he whispers against her lips, “you don’t have to thank me. I love you.”

“I love you too, Kylo.”

He freezes.

“What?” The word is a broken whisper. His throat tightens a little, his eyes sting.

Rey’s gaze is deep and serious.

“I _ love _you.”

Kylo is vaguely cognizant of hot tears running down his cheeks. He doesn’t care. 

She said the three words he never thought he’d hear again.

“It’s okay,” she pushes his hair back from his brow, “You’re not alone anymore. I’m here.”

Her words cause each tear to fall harder and she touches the warm place behind his jaw and hollow of his throat before her fingers rest on his chest. Their lips touch, his eyes close, and Kylo just lets himself feel. He never wants this moment between them to end.

************

Rey tastes the salt of Kylo’s tears mixed in with her own. She can’t help but shed a few tears.

She had hoped to find a way to stop Kylo, but not like this. Not at all like this.

Rey thrusts her fingers into the thickness of his black hair, angling her mouth to explore him deeper. She is clearly the dominant one in this pairing and Kylo moans, his arms tightening around her. 

As they kiss she feels a calmness spread inside of him, washing away years of rejection and depression.

She buries a wave of sadness, a pang of shame. 

Kylo believes her love for him is true.

Rey knew her timing would have to be perfect, her delivery impeccable. Above all else, he would need to feel her love through their bond. She dug deep into the recesses of her mind, willing herself to pretend she was speaking to Ben. 

It left her feeling more than a little sick. 

A string tugs at her heart, warning her that this level of deception is wrong. Did that warning ever pull at Kylo’s heartstrings when he lied to her all those months ago?

Rey doubts she will ever know. 

She does not want to feel compassion for him, it’s the last thing he deserves. Compassion will be her undoing, she will never escape him if - 

Rey stops. Under normal circumstances she considers compassion her greatest strength. If she tries to extinguish it, even temporarily, what does that make her?

No. She can’t dwell on that right now - she needs to focus. She needs to commit herself to her plan and follow it through. 

_ Don’t feel, don't think, just act, _the mantra repeats in her mind.

But it doesn’t work - losing herself to her guilt costs her. Her dominant display falters and Kylo is more than ready to pick up the slack. 

He lifts her onto the bed like she weighs nothing and Rey is suddenly aware of his hand inching up her inner thigh, pulling down her shorts.

Right.

Rey expected this to happen after she confessed her love. She meant for Kylo to consume a minor amount of the poison before any intimacy started, but events escalated faster than she anticipated. 

Now she is in a bind - she can’t refuse him, she can’t raise his suspicions. 

Rey tells herself that it will be fine. They’ve had sex before. He’s never been violent or sadistic in bed. She can do this - she can mentally transport herself somewhere outside of her body.

Now that it’s happening, she’s not so sure that she can. 

Kylo easily lifts the tunic over her shoulders and she is naked. If Kylo senses her unease he gives no indication, he simply starts to kiss his way down her body: along her throat, over her breasts, down the bulge of her belly to her thighs. He kisses the inner softness of her knees and moves to part her legs. 

Rey clutches at his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin. Kylo glances up. 

“What's wrong?”

"Nothing," she quickly assures him, but her legs are stiff. They refuse to move when he tries to pry them apart. He is so close, his warm breath stirs her curls down there.

“Rey...tell me what's wrong.”

Kylo moves above her and catches her bottom lip with his mouth, tugging on it lightly, almost playfully. Their noses brush together in a movement that is gentle. His eyes bore into hers.

“Tell me.”

Rey backs up against the headboard, trying to formulate an acceptable answer.

“I...Kylo, it’s been so long since we...and I’m bigger now…”

A darkness rises in him as she fumbles her way through an excuse. For a split second Rey is sure he sees through her charade.

Instead his features soften. He reaches across her chest and grabs a cup filled with liquid from the nightstand. 

“Drink this,” he says, “I don’t want you having another panic attack. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Rey. Of your body, I mean. You’ll always be beautiful to me.” 

The thundering in her heart eases. He senses her shame and interprets it as bashfulness - as embarrassment.

“Go on, drink. It will calm you, and then we will continue,” he states, pushing the cup towards her. 

That particular cup, the one with the strange orange liquid, contains a drop of the poison in it. 

And now he offers it to her, holding it right under her chin. This is an opportunity.

Rey wrinkles her nose.

“I don’t like how that one smells.”

“Smells?”

“It’s probably a pregnancy related aversion,” she explains, “Though I hate to see any food or drink go to waste.”

“It won’t,” Kylo says and swallows it in one gulp.

The act elicits a small gasp from Rey. She underestimates how much he wants to please her. 

As she watches him set the cup down, she finds herself hoping she put enough serum in the beverage. Kylo is enormous and she has no idea how much his body can tolerate. There is also the possibility that any amount of the poison could kill him. The realization hits her in a way she doesn’t expect.

It’s a gamble she has to take. 

Kylo stands and makes a face. 

“That _ is _ rather sweet tasting.”

Rey nods and drinks clean water from a canteen. The baby begins to kick wildly and she wonders if he can sense that something is wrong - that his mother is poisoning his father. She rubs her stomach, trying to soothe the baby when she notices Kylo sway from side to side. 

He can barely stand and it takes her a second to realize he is moving towards her in unsteady staggers.

“Rey…” Kylo’s voice fades in and out of fluctuating consciousness. He braces himself against the wall for support, suddenly unable to stay up any longer. 

He starts to fall and Rey reacts instantly.

She is there to catch him, calling on the Force to prevent him from hitting the floor. Even so, she struggles with his body as she drags him towards the bed. With one last heave she has him resting on the mattress.

Force he is _ heavy_. All muscle and mass. 

Rey dresses while watching him for any signs of movement. She shovels food into her mouth while she yanks her leggings up, not wanting to waste any time. 

She does not need to feel his pulse to know he is still alive. His life force vibrates through their connection and the baby calms. 

_ Your father is fine _.

In her darker moments of self doubt, Rey asks herself the same question Witt posed to her: why doesn’t she kill Kylo and move on with her life? 

But then she feels the protest from her son, she feels his alarm that his mother is unbalanced.

“I’m _ not _ going to kill your father,” she says it out loud, “I’m _ not _ like him. He will answer for his crimes after I apprehend him.”

Hearing the strength and conviction in her voice does something to Rey. Her survival instincts overpower her angst and she sprints over to Kylo’s desk. She takes his datapad and lightsaber. It is a bold maneuver, but she doesn’t have time to search for her saber. 

Rey is fairly confident she will be able to move throughout the flagship without being harassed. Everyone on board knows she is betrothed to Kylo Ren. They will not risk disturbing her and awakening his wrath. 

If their allegiance is not to Kylo Ren, if any First Order members are in on Witt’s plot to overthrow him, she won’t be bothered either. She is essential to Witt’s coup.

Still, she needs to be prepared for anything. Rey lifts Kylo’s arm and presses a button on the comlink attached to his wrist.

“Supreme Leader Ren,” Witt’s voice answers.

“This is Rey. Kylo is indisposed. I need to meet with you and Rose.”

“Come to my office.”

The comlink disconnects. 

With a quiet click of the bedchamber doors, Rey begins moving swiftly through the corridors. She follows the map on the datapad to Witt’s headquarters.

The biggest question is not knowing when Kylo will wake up. Will he know he was poisoned? Rey needs to make it back in time to allay his fears, to field his queries.

There is one thing she can do, one course of action she can take that will ensure Kylo never doubts her trust or dedication to him again. 

The baby flails at her scheme, kicking and rolling. Rey tries to ignore it. 

She keeps her link to Kylo open, hoping to know the moment he begins to stir. 

Right now every second counts. 

Rey exudes confidence and authority as she advances throughout the ship. A few dubious glances are thrown her way but she keeps moving, not stopping once, not even to catch her breath. 

When she arrives at Witt’s office the doors open before she can knock.

There must be cameras. A chill creeps up her spine. How much can Witt see of her interactions with Kylo? She assumed because Snoke had sparse camera surveillance that Kylo would do the same. 

Not so.

Thankfully, her anxiety decreases when she sees Rose standing at Witt’s side, in one piece and unharmed. 

“Is he dead?” Rose blurts out.

“Not yet,” Rey responds cooly. She stares at Witt. “I won’t kill him until you make good on your promise. When do Rose and I escape?”

Witt seems surprised by her forwardness and commanding tone. She strokes the hilt of her blaster as her stony stare fixates on Rey.

“I expected you to come here informing me of Kylo Ren’s death. You’ve had the poison in your possession for hours. Why are you hesitating?” Her eyes narrow. 

“How do I know you’ll let us escape?” Rey counters and nods towards Rose, “Prove to me that you won’t betray us.”

General Witt stomps out from behind her desk and strikes Rey with the handle of her blaster, hard.

“You think you are in a position to make demands?” 

She sniffs. 

“I don’t take orders from the slut carrying Kylo Ren’s bastard child. You answer to me, Rey.”

For a moment Rey is stunned. Her mind is fuzzy, she tastes blood in her mouth, she feels blood run down her temple. It stings, but her expression remains neutral. Her misgivings about Witt were right: The woman cannot be trusted. She wants to rule the First Order by any means necessary.

Rey needs to be strong. She needs to save herself, her friends, her son.

She sucks in a deep breath.

“I don’t answer to you.” 

She ignites Kylo’s lightsaber and drives the red blade through Witt’s chest. Rose stifles a yelp and jumps back.

“_That _ wasn’t a part of the original plan, Rey!”

“I know,” Rey shakes badly. She deactivates the saber and watches as Witt’s body convulses one last time. 

“But she wasn’t going to let us go Rose. She didn’t plan on letting us live.”

“You could sense it?”

“Yes. And Kylo needs to trust me. He can’t question my loyalty to him. I need to convince him that Witt meant to poison us both - that I killed her in our defense.” 

The only noise in the office is the sizzle of Witt’s flesh.

“Rose, I need you to contact the Resistance and tell them to arrive in two-days time. Tell them the entire First Order fleet will be in orbit. The wedding will be a huge distraction and hopefully,” she stares at Witt’s body, “I’ll convince Kylo to let us access the command center. We need to break into the system and disable the firing system - or at least scramble it.”

Rose continues to appear stunned. 

“Okay. Alright, so...Kylo is going to find out you killed Witt. And you expect him to believe you did it in self defense. To protect him and yourself?”

“Yes,” Rey answers, “He will believe me. I’ll show him Witt’s plan through the Force. I’ll filter out bits of it,” she adds hastily.

“Why not kill him, Rey?” Rose asks quietly, “I understand why you need him alive for now, but why bring him back to the Resistance? You meant to blow him up on the Knight’s flagship.”

Bringing up the flagship debacle makes Rey cringe. 

“I don’t want to have to explain to my son why I killed his father.”

Rose sits in the former General’s chair, working on logging into the computer system. She does not glance up as she types. 

“But it’s okay if your son knows you’ve killed other people?”

“I don’t enjoy killing, Rose.”

“Never said you did.”

A beat of silence.

“Nice necklace. A gift from Kylo Ren?”

Rey sets her jaw.

“Sorry,” Rose sighs, “I just think you’ll regret letting him live.” 

There is truth in the words she speaks, but Rey doesn’t know how to explain her choices to Rose.

She’s trying her best, but it doesn’t seem to be good enough. 

Instead Rey opts to listen as Rose successfully makes contact with the Resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading 💜  
what’s Kylo gonna think when he wakes up? 😬😬  
If the next few chapters are as long as this one, the fic will end at chapter 35.  
If they are shorter I’ll have to add more.  
Now imma go watch the tros trailer again.


	32. Fingerprints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> holy crap chapter 32. thanks to all my readers hanging in there:)  
I remember when I thought this would end at 25 chapters. Hahahaha. Omg it has to end before chapter 40.  
anyways  
Trigger warning. IMO this is one of Kylo’s darker interactions with Rey.  
I know this fic is not as graphic as some dark fics, but Kylo’s behavior is triggering if you’re a survivor of abuse (or even if you’re not). I'm a broken record but this is exactly why this fic is not a love story.  
Darkfic is dark...
> 
> TL;DR  
Kylo POV.  
Big thanks to Suzeraine for beta-ing :)
> 
> *********

Kylo tries to rouse himself only to be pulled under again. His head feels heavy and drowsy, his mouth hot and dry. It feels like he swallowed fire and it is searing into every cell in his body.

Rey - he needs Rey. He tries to call out her name, he tries to reach for her. She isn’t there. The mattress is cold. 

Dry. His throat is dry. He needs water.

Kylo blindly tosses out an arm to locate the canteen on his nightstand, knocking over the tray of food in the process.

Something is wrong. Very wrong.

Rey. 

Terror overwhelms Kylo. If someone has managed to incapacitate him, she doesn’t stand a chance. She might be dead. 

Sweat covers every inch of his body, his heart feels like it is going to explode. 

_ Rey_.

He seeks her through the Force. 

_ Rey. REY_. 

The thought of her in peril is too much and Kylo staggers to his feet. At the very least he can sense her. She is alive. 

She - 

Kylo stares at the sight in front of him.

Rey stands at the foot of his bed, panting. Her lip is split and bleeding. The left side of her face is bloody and puffy. 

Fucking _ Tico _ is at her side.

That alone is enough to sober Kylo up. 

“Rey,” he roughly shoves Tico to the side. She stumbles and curses. 

“Rey, are you okay? Is the baby alright?” Kylo’s fingers tremble as they frame her cheeks. He searches her vital signs through their bond, desperate to know if she needs serious medical attention.

He is so focused on her that he forgets the more pertinent questions: why was he drugged and where is General Witt? 

But someone has laid a hand on Rey. Kylo’s blood boils. 

“I’m fine,” she says evenly, “You know I can handle myself.”

“Is it the Resistance?” He asks sharply. His eyes dart towards Tico. “Are they here? Did _ you _ call the Resistance here?”

His mind registers that Rey is holding his saber and he snatches it from her hands. He ignites it and takes a deliberate step towards Tico.

“If you did, you’ll pay for it with your life.”

Rey runs around him, barring his path to Rose.

“The Resistance is _ not _ here. General Witt meant to betray you, Kylo. I killed her.”

She’s not lying. The stench of death hangs heavy around Rey. 

Kylo considers her words and strides over to a panel embedded into the wall. He pushes it and it opens, revealing a closet full of binders, gags, ropes, and other restraints.

Items he keeps close at hand for situations like these.

“Keep talking,” he orders as he binds Tico’s wrists and ankles. With a flick of his hand he sends her across the room when she suddenly halts midair.

“She had no hand in this, Kylo. Leave her alone.” 

Rey’s anger sparks as she uses the Force to slowly lower Tico to the ground. He allows her this act of disobedience. 

“General Witt wanted to poison you. She wanted me to help, but I saw it in her mind - she meant to kill us both.” 

Kylo circles around Rey.

“How long have you known about this?”

“She shared her plan with me on the island.”

Ahch-To was the last time Rey and Witt were alone. The gears turn in Kylo’s head.

Somehow, he has forgotten that Rey is dangerous. 

Now he sees it in the way she stands, not breaking eye contact with him. He sees the strength that shines in her eyes.

Trust is essential to the survival of love. The thought that Rey might betray him is unfathomable, unbearable. 

Kylo senses her heart pound faster as he closes the gap between them. He brings his hand to her face, gently caressing her bruised cheek with his thumb. His tall frame arches down so that his mouth is next to the curve of her ear.

“How did she plan on using you to poison me?”

Turbulence gathers in the air between them, intensifying and thick.

Rey’s mouth opens and closes.

“She promised to get the poison to me through an informant. She didn’t name them, and I never received the poison.” 

“I see,” he paces, “And yet, you didn’t think to warn me about her plot. A day and-a-half has passed since you learned of it. I could have died, Rey.” 

“I didn’t know the poison was in the drink,” she says passionately, “I can show you through the Force - ”

Kylo cuts her off.

“The drink _ you _ did not want to consume. You also,” he stops in front of her, “did not want it to go to waste. Interesting how the canteen you drank from was safe.”

“What are you implying?” Rey asks. 

“All I’m saying,” Kylo slowly tilts her chin up. He traces his fingers down to her throat until they close around her neck, “Is that you better get your story straight. You told me you loved me, and _ still _you did not share her true intent. Is that because you were considering it, Rey? Killing me?” He murmurs, voice deep and low, and above all, dangerous.

“Never,” she whispers.

She is trying to act defiant even though it is painfully obvious that she is afraid. 

“Did you poison me, Rey?” Kylo squeezes, ever so slightly. He feels the silver necklace cutting into her skin.

Rey looks up at him through dark wet lashes.

“No,” she insists, voice firm, “You have to believe me when I say that I love you.” 

He tightens his grip around her throat.

“You can love someone and still want to kill them.”

Rey gasps. Her hands fly to his wrist, calling on the Force to pry him off. 

“Stop it, Kylo.”

He is unyielding. 

“Kylo, I’m _ pregnant. _I am pregnant with your _ son," _she resorts to begging, "don’t be like this. Please.”

Kylo finds her pleading endearing. He tells himself it is his predators’ instinct that is pleased with her reaction, that perhaps she is learning her proper place with him. 

His arm drops to his side.

“I could never hurt you. It was merely a warning.”

A lesson in submission, he wants to tell her. 

Kylo stares at his hand, the one he had around her neck, and closes it into a fist. He looks at her swollen lip, at the dried blood on her temple, at the red ring blossoming around her neck. 

He thought they were past all this. He thought he was past treating her this way. 

“Answer me honestly,” Kylo asks quietly, “Why did you wait so long to tell me?” 

“Don’t you understand,” Rey draws in a harsh breath, coughing out the words. After she recovers her voice rises in frustration, her nostrils flare. 

“I _ was _ going to tell you. When I was sure of my love for you.”

“Prove it,” he grabs her hands and images flood his mind.

Kylo sees Witt proposing her plan to Rey. He feels Rey’s shock. There is inner conflict inside of her - oh there is conflict. 

He senses Rey’s disappointment in him, her fear that he will snap and harm the baby. 

It hurts. 

She has no reason to fear him. Not truly. 

Their link shows him the very bedchamber they stand in as Rey breaks out in a rash. 

Ah.

Kylo understands now. The anxiety attack was a physical manifestation of her anguish over deciding to kill him. 

She was still conflicted.

Through the Force, Rey communicates the journey of her emotions until she confesses her love for him. Her conflict evaporates and Rey’s mind is made up: she will not do Witt’s bidding.

But then he drinks and she panics. 

She shows Kylo that didn’t let him fall - she catches him. She stops to make sure he’s alive. 

And then she takes revenge. For him. Like a dark angel, she slays Witt.

“Rey…” Kylo’s outstretched arm reaches for her.

_ “_No,” She jerks away, “You don’t get to touch me. Not after what you just did.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you. You have to know that.”

“I don’t.”

Anger rages in Kylo at her words but instead of reacting, he forces himself to calm down.

“Rey. All I want to do is love you and make you happy.”

Kylo approaches her again and presses his hand against the small of her back.

“No,” she pushes against his chest.

“_Yes_,” Kylo uses his height to his advantage and towers over her, settling both hands on her hips. She takes a step back, glaring at him and ready to fight. Kylo feels the Force storming inside of her, but then it stills as quickly as it starts.

She does not try to recoil from him or shout.

A good sign. 

“I can’t tell you what it means to me, Rey. That you would risk your life to defend me. But it shouldn’t be that way. You should have told me.”

Her gaze lowers.

“I’m sorry.”

An apology from Rey. Kylo commits the rare occurrence to memory. 

“My precious little scavenger,” he wipes a tendril of hair from her sweaty face, “I forgive you. After all, you’ve already forgiven me for so much,” he kisses the top of her head gently. 

His eyes sweep over her again.

One-on-one, Witt was never going to be a threat to Rey. He has no doubt. But seeing Rey pregnant and battered kills him. 

He sees the fingerprints again - his fingerprints - red and blotchy around her neck.

Self loathing creeps into his body, it eats away at him. 

It’s not his fault. He didn’t really hurt her. He was just holding her still. 

He is not a monster. He isn’t. 

“You need bacta treatment, Rey.”

The bacta formula will wipe away the evidence of his failure to control his temper.

It will be a fresh start. For both of them. She won’t hide information from him anymore, and he will try to be more gentle when he needs to teach her a lesson. 

“And Rose?”

“Tico will be sent back to her cell. I will allow her to attend the wedding - I know it’s important to you.”

Kylo thinks his compromise is beyond generous. 

“I don’t need bacta right now,” Rey says, “I’ve been through worse.”

Doesn’t he know it.

“I should be with you, Kylo,” she answers simply, "I should be standing by your side. You can’t afford to miss any more signs of betrayal. First the Knights and now Witt. And, I...I still love you. This misunderstanding doesn’t change that," she finishes, her last few words coming out broken and stuttering.

Pointing out his _ multiple _ failures should be humiliating, but Kylo only feels relief at her declaration of love.

She understands him. She understands that he didn’t mean to frighten her. Kylo leans down, pressing his lips to her forehead. 

"Do you mean that?"

“I do.”

At least he has Rey. Together they are unstoppable.

Although, he realizes, the energy he devotes to monitoring Rey must be dispersed. His hold on the First Order is sloppy. It is not sustainable. 

Kylo does not know who Witt recruited or who currently stands with or against him. All high ranking officials must be kept in close proximity and monitored.

He wants them all on the flagship for the wedding. If any officials are planning a coup, he wants to be the first to sense their intent.

Then, a monumental realization hits him. 

Rey had the opportunity to flee after delivering justice to Witt, but she chose to stay.

That alone is enough to warrant her joining him at the helm of the flagship. If anything, Kylo needs her Force abilities to uncover any more conspirators. Dealing with the aftermath of Witt’s treachery will be a messy task. 

But he can’t have her looking like _ this _at their wedding. 

“You will accompany me after you’ve had bacta treatment, and after you check in with Doctor Veduta. And Rey?”

“Yes?”

Kylo has one last test for her. He wants to do away with a certain insecurity festering in his mind.

“Tonight, after things have settled, you will go to bed with me. Because you want to. Don’t you?”

He spells it out for her. He wants no misunderstandings, no miscommunications. If she loves him, she should want him in every way possible.

Tico makes a small noise from the corner of the room. He shoots her a look and she quiets. Kylo turns back to Rey and for a fleeting moment she appears outraged, but as soon as he spots it, it’s gone.

Maybe he imagined it.

“Yes,” she says softly, “because I want to.”

Something tugs at the corner of Kylo’s mouth.

A smile.

“You’re going to make a beautiful bride, Rey.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's no Rey POV in this chapter but I'm sure you can imagine how she was feeling.
> 
> thanks for reading, and as always, every kudos/comment is humbling and appreciated. it really does help with cranking out these chapters 😅


	33. Rey's Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hihi, this chapter was supposed to be longer but I am on the struggle bus. I don't have writer's block, but my toddler wakes up all night. I'm pretty sure I gave birth to a vampire :) good thing he's cute...  
big thanks to Suzeraine for beta-ing and being my sounding board.  
thanks to all of you for reading.  
💜
> 
> This chap is Rey's POV.
> 
> trigger warnings for Kylo's usual sexist attitude/coercive/asshole behaviors. 
> 
> *******

Rey uses her fingers to comb through her wet hair.

She rejected the droids’ attempt to groom her after the bacta cycle competed, though, she may have reacted a little too aggressively. Rey glances at the droid lying on the floor, its lights flashing intermittently while the occasional fading beep sounds.

Bacta is supposed to heal and repair damage, but her body feels limp with exhaustion and overwhelming disappointment.

She is damn tired of people putting their hands on her, and now she is supposed to muster the mental and physical fortitude to go to bed with Kylo Ren.

Kylo has the _ audacity _ to assume she wants to have _ sex _ with him after he held her by the throat and threatened her - and by proxy, threatened the baby.

He said those haunting words, that you can love someone and still want to kill them. She takes his threat seriously.

Kylo has lived those words: he loved his father, but that did not stop him from murdering Han. 

In his darkest rage, what would stop him from ending her life?

For years Rey knew there was a chance that they might lose themselves in the heat of battle and kill each other. She hoped Kylo would at least have enough self control not to harm her while she was pregnant. She hoped he loved the baby enough not to place him in danger. That maybe, he would realize depriving her of oxygen was essentially the same as suffocating their child. 

As usual, he let her down.

The excitement, wonder, and love she sensed coming from Kylo for the baby during the prenatal appointment is overshadowed by his need to control her. Rey feels a deep sadness that his rage is more powerful than his love for his son. 

She didn’t know he could continue to break her heart, and she feels like a fool. 

She needs to stop expecting him to do _ one _ decent thing, even if that decent thing is keeping his child safe. 

Rey lets out a depressed sigh and massages her temples in an attempt to comfort herself. 

It is utterly useless. 

All of the negative thoughts come flooding back, along with some tears. She just presses her eyes tighter together, trying not to imagine the life they might have had. She tries not to imagine the family they could have created together.

Family, belonging, love. The three things she wants the most. Three things, that now feel out of her reach.

Fresh anger at Kylo churns in her stomach.

Rey is furious, she is more furious than afraid, and she is having a hard time hiding it. 

Her anger is fueled by the grief that still burns through her veins. This baby is a life-long reminder of what she and Kylo once had - even if it was only for one night. This baby is a reminder of what almost existed between them but never will. 

Rey exhales and stares blankly at the ceiling. 

She’s been inside the medbay fresher for far longer than is necessary, and _ he _ will be standing outside waiting for her.

And she just...she just wants to walk out there and scream at him, she wants to force him to see reason.

But she won’t.

It’s an impossible task. Kylo is incapable of being reasonable, and she cannot put the baby in harm’s way.

There is only one more full day of acting like she loves him, of behaving docile and subservient. Only one more day before the Resistance arrives and brings the First Order to its knees.

Before she brings Kylo Ren to his knees. 

“Oh,” Rey feels the baby move and a weak smile graces her face. She glances down at her abdomen, allowing her hands to brush across it lightly with affection.

_ These stupid hormones, _ she thinks. _ They amplify everything. _

“Rey?”

Sure enough, she hears Kylo’s voice through the door. 

“Doctor Veduta is waiting for you,” he says in that maddening flat tone of his. Rey pulls her tunic on without much thought, wrestling to get it over her belly, and opens the door. 

Kylo is busy talking into his comlink, something about setting up interrogation rooms for his staff, and Rey tries to stalk past him. 

Except she can’t. 

The doorway is narrow and her belly does not allow her to pass by him without some effort. She finds herself wedged between the wall and his chest, and she fumes at the unfairness of it. 

It is a blatant reminder of her changing body and the new the limitations she finds herself adjusting to. 

In some parallel life she might have soaked in the phases of pregnancy, but right now she only feels at a severe disadvantage.

Rey’s frustration surges. 

“Can you _ move_?” She hisses, not bothering to hide the hostility in her voice. She glances up, glowering at him and - 

Why is Kylo looking at her that way?

He looks as if he’s trying to hold something back.

“Your shirt is on backwards. And,” his mouth quirks, “It’s inside out. Doctor Veduta said pregnancy might make you forgetful.”

Kylo laughs. It might be the first time she's _ever_ heard him laugh.

“Don’t worry,” he gathers himself, “It’s cute.”

Rey feels a hot flush creeping up her neck as she scoots by him, slowly. 

“Don't talk to me, Kylo. Just. Don't. Talk.” She holds up her hand to stop him from continuing.

She might not be yelling or screaming, but he can take a little of her anger, of her heat. He deserves it. 

Kylo’s boots hit the floor heavily as he follows her.

“I don’t like your tone.”

Rey turns sharply on her heel.

“Too bad,” she enjoys the look of shock on his face, “Because I’m still mad at you for choking me.”

“_What?” _There is no laughter in his voice now. “That is behind us, Rey. I thought we came to an understanding.” 

“Well I can’t forget about it that easily. You could have hurt the baby,” Rey snaps, watching him search for an excuse, a nasty retort, an argument, but he comes up with nothing.

Kylo is used to justifying his abuse of her, but when it comes to their baby?

His face is blank.

He averts his eyes to the ground.

The entire floor observes their exchange, unsure if they need to take a step back in anticipation of the Supreme Leader’s temper.

Rey walks quickly to Doctor Veduta’s office, her hand poised to knock when Kylo catches her wrist. One arm slides around her waist and he leans down to softly nuzzle against her cheek.

“I won’t lay a hand on you again. Not like that. I’m sorry.”

“You’re only sorry that I’m still angry.”

Rey squirms out of his arms as Doctor Veduta greets her with an impersonal smile. The smile vanishes when she picks up on the mood between the two Force users.

“I don’t want you in here,” Rey starts to close the door and Kylo jams his foot in the doorway to prevent it from closing.

“Rey,” he growls, “You’re acting irrational. Calm down.”

_ Calm down_? The comment inspires her to continue hurling her anger at him.

“I’m going to have Doctor Veduta remove this tracking device,” she flashes her finger at him.

Oh, that’s the wrong finger.

She holds up the correct one with the gold ring around it.

Kylo looks ready to explode. His neck is bright red under his collar, the Force bond hums with agitation.

Doctor Veduta places a hand on Rey’s shoulder but her words are directed at Kylo. 

“Supreme Leader, it is typical for pregnant women to have mood swings.”

Kylo sucks in a shaky breath. 

“Of course.” 

He steps back, giving her some space, “Rey. I know women have a hard time with their emotions, but you’re behaving like a child.”

Rey senses how much of a strain it is for him to hold back and present himself as understanding.

Understanding. Right. 

“I’ll allow your outburst, but only because you are young and inexperienced when it comes to relationships.”

Rey gapes at the absurdity of that statement. 

“She’s still a little wild from growing up on a desert world, isn’t she?” Doctor Veduta says. 

“Yes,” Kylo’s gaze centers on Rey, his tone amused, “She_ is _ a little wild.”

The concept seems to excite him. Rey senses how he intends to draw out her wild side. 

She’s heard enough.

Rey grips the door and slams it in his face. 

She braces for him to retaliate, to break the door down, to put her in her _ place_, but nothing happens.

Another moment passes. Nothing.

Maybe she can draw on some of this anger when she has to face him in the bedroom.

Doctor Veduta clears her throat and Rey remembers that Veduta gave her the poison to kill Kylo. She is an accomplice of Witt and she must know that Rey killed the general. 

Rey probes the doctor’s mind, needing to know if Veduta will avenge Witt’s death. Instead she finds that Veduta is frightened of her.

A surprising revelation. 

And unlike Witt, the doctor’s mental fortitude is not strong. She can be manipulated.

Rey’s brow creases as she considers that Veduta might have been coerced into Witt’s plan. She might be a victim of her scheme, a pawn.

Keeping track of traitors, liars, and underhanded plots has not gotten any easier. 

Rey does not want to waste time. 

Sitting in the doctor’s chair instead of the patient cot, Rey rests her hands on her belly.

“Kylo Ren does not know you gave me the poison. I’ve kept your name out of all this.”

Veduta breaths an audible sigh of relief.

“In return, I think it is more than fair that you remove my tracker,” Rey twists her hand, displaying the ring. 

The other woman turns her nose up.

“The Supreme Leader would not approve.”

Rey angles in closer, holding Veduta’s gaze.

“You will remove this tracking device.”

“I will remove the tracking device.”

A vacant, absent expression takes over Veduta’s features and she rolls over a small cart. 

“Place your hand on the tray. You will feel a sharp prick and nothing more. Though,” she adds as she puts on gloves, “you will have a scar.”

Rey grinds her teeth.

“Fine. Just remove it.” 

Veduta operates meticulously, her touch precise and elegant.

A surgeon’s touch.

When she finishes Rey studies the faint white line around her finger. It is not as bad as she thought, but then indulging in vanity has never been a priority for her. 

She wonders how livid Kylo will be.

Odd, that she can’t sense his rage through their bond.

Rey’s eyes flicker from her hand and up to Veduta. Her tone is calm, soothing.

“Doctor Veduta, a time will come when I will ask for your help. You will help me, and you will tell no one.”

“Yes,” Veduta nods, “I will help you. I will tell no one.”

Rey is satisfied.

When the Resistance arrives she will need a First Order accomplice, and she hopes her mind trick will last long enough to see her plan through.

“Would you still like me to monitor the baby?” Veduta asks. 

Rey feels a series of sharp kicks, turns, and _force,_ was that a somersault?

This child never rests. 

“No. He’s fine.” 

Veduta is puzzled. She cannot fathom how Rey uses the Force to connect with her baby, to know that he is healthy. Even with the First Order being commanded by a strong Force user, she is skeptical of its abilities.

If she only knew. 

Rey excuses herself and prepares to face Kylo outside the examination room. 

First, she rights her tunic. The last thing she needs to hear is Kylo Ren’s laughter before he humiliates her in his private chambers.

Rey shakes her head. She can’t have a meek, defeatist attitude when it comes to being in his bed. Not if she hopes to hang onto her sanity.

Rey is so close, so very close to eviscerating _ all _ of this. She can sacrifice a little more of her dignity, her self respect. It is for a cause greater than herself.

She tries to convince herself that it’s true.

Rey has seen inside Kylo’s mind when he kisses her. She has seen the things he wants to try with her in bed. 

For all her self-talk about sacrifice, Rey can’t bring herself to just let him have his way with her.

No, that cannot happen.

Her stomach twists with familiar nausea and dread. Is there no way out of this?

He _ has _ to believe that she wants him. He has to believe she enjoys him inside of her body. 

Her skin prickles, adrenaline torrents through her veins as she fights the urge to flee. Maybe if she pretends he isn’t Kylo Ren, she can survive this. 

Rey closes her eyes.

In the deep pervasive silence of her mind she transports herself to her old Resistance dwelling in the forest. 

She pictures Ben: his eyes kind and warm. His love for her rings true and she senses the internal promise he makes to himself that he will never hurt her. She remembers the way she curled into his chest after they made love. 

She remembers feeling so _ sure _ that he was returning to the light. 

The gravity of his lie is enough to shake Rey out of her meditative state.

She can’t believe he ever pulled off feigning such light, such goodness. 

Rey opens the door and Kylo stands tall, almost statuesque. There is no anger in his Force imprint, she does not detect any malicious intent.

Rey’s heart leaps. 

Still reeling from her memory of Ben Solo, she dares to hope he will understand the weight of his transgressions against her, against the baby. She dares to hope that he will admit he is beyond redemption, that she and the baby are only safe if they are out of his grasp.

Instead he looks down at her and says, “We are going to my bedroom.”

Her heartbeat increases.

“I thought you had to get the First Order under control.” 

He grips her forearm.

“I’ve taken steps to secure it’s stability. I need to get you under control first, Rey.”

Rey's hopes are dashed. All of them.

She receives his message loud and clear. This is his reprisal for her defiance after the bacta treatment.

It is late in the day and he means to claim her all afternoon, evening, and Force help her, all night. 

She feels pathetically naive for assuming it was going to happen only once.

“Rey,” Kylo strokes her cheek, voice tender, “Don't be afraid, I love you. I’ll be gentle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger. It was either post or wait another week. 😬
> 
> Thanks for reading.  
Your kudos/comments are a real bright spot in the midst of my sleep deprivation. 😅🧡


	34. The Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter...just..why am I like this. why do I write this stuff 😂 😬
> 
> Direwolves_Unite described Kylo as a bag of d*cks (um best insult ever) and this chapter really embodies that comment. This chapter is sexually explicit and told from Kylo’s POV. Warning: he is as pervy as ever. 
> 
> **Triggers: If the explicit sexual content is triggering you can skip and read a summary of what happens in the end notes.  
There is also a pregnancy related issue and talk of infant mortality that could be triggering and that is also summarized in the end notes. (No babies are harmed in this fic).**
> 
> Thank you to Suzeraine for beta-ing. Without her I would not be able to get these chapters out on a weekly basis (ah I miss the summer days of updating every couple days).
> 
> omg sorry for the mini novel. Thank you for reading you’re all awesome.

Kylo buries his rage as they walk in silence to his private chambers.

This is not the mood he envisioned for their coupling.

He does not want to take out his anger on Rey in the bedroom. She will pay for her disobedience in medbay, but he will save that for later.

Right now his mind races to find a way to calm her as he senses the residual anger rolling off her in thick waves.

He can’t risk upsetting her further - she might change her mind about going to bed with him. 

And if she does change her mind, she puts him in a difficult position. He either has to bear the humiliation of her rejection or take her by force.

Taking her by force does not sound appealing. As much as he enjoys the thrill of threatening her with violence, he doesn’t mean it.

Mostly.

It’s effective at maintaining his domination over her, but he would rather she come willingly. He thinks enthusiastic sex is so much better than lackluster, clench-your-teeth and bear it sex. 

Kylo reaches for Rey and takes her by the hand. Her palm is cold, clammy, and for the first time he realizes how tiny her hand feels in his grasp. How fragile it is, how fragile _ she _ is.

His regard softens. He remembers that she is only twenty-two and that her only sexual experience is with him. He remembers that Rey is not her typical self right now: she is pregnant, emotional, and in need of guidance. _ His _ guidance.

Kylo realizes that he has to make good on his promise to be gentle. He had hoped to take her carnally, passionately, but being rough with her in bed might shatter her completely. 

He can’t have that. Kylo needs to prove to her that he isn’t the beast she thinks he is - he would never truly choke her. 

The winding journey to his chambers feels like eons, but it gives Kylo plenty of time to fabricate sweet lies to warm up his little wife.

Soon to be wife.

“After you,” he motions for Rey to enter first. He locks the door behind him and turns to find her nervous energy replaced by determination.

But why? She said she wanted him. 

“I don’t know why you’re in such a rush, Kylo. I’m not going anywhere. There are ways other than...you know...to show people that you love them.”

“You mean sex,” he walks slowly towards her, intending to herd her towards the bed. Rey stands her ground.

“Of course I mean sex,” she snaps.

She’s nervous again. Nervous because this _ is _ going to happen, and she knows it.

Kylo relaxes his predatory stance when he realizes she isn’t going to put up a fight. Good. 

She loves him, and she wants this.

But he needs her to fucking _ relax _.

Kylo steps around her and begins untying her tunic, slipping it down her shoulders. 

“Would you like to talk first, Rey? About the baby or your...feelings?”

Fuck that’s hard to get out. He hopes it doesn’t sound as forced as it feels.

If he’s learned anything about women, it’s that they like to talk. A lot. He’ll endure it if it helps settle Rey, if it gets her into his bed.

Once her tunic is on the ground he leads her to the bed. 

“You can’t seriously want to talk about my _ feelings_.”

“I do.” 

“Right.” She starts to chuckle softly and Kylo stops short. As her laughter increases he grows more troubled. There is an ache to her laugh, a sadness, and he sees the tears trickle down her cheeks as she buries her face in her hands. 

She is weeping.

Kylo closes his eyes. Weeping. She is shaking from the suppressed sounds.

It is everywhere in his bedchamber and it makes his heart clench.

He doesn’t know what to say. 

Kylo _ wants _ to blow up at Rey for ruining the mood. He is angry at himself for asking how she feels - for fucking caring. He wants to scream and destroy something, but he can do neither. 

Not if he means to successfully get this mess under control.

“Rey -”

“I love you, but why do you have to act this way Kylo?”

A lump forms in his throat.

“Act in what way?”

Her eyes shimmer with grief. 

“You _ know_.” Rey’s voice takes on a low, hard tone. “The threats, the way you speak to me. You _ forced _ an embedded tracking device on my finger. Kylo, why?” She whispers, “Why do you always give in to the monster inside?”

There is a tight constricting feeling that burns in Kylo's chest when he hears her accusation. When he hears her speak that _ word_.

Monster.

“You claim to love me, Rey.”

“And _ you _ claim to love me, but I cannot abide it when you give into your darkness.”

Kylo rubs his palms and up and down his face. The woman is impossible.

“Is that what this is all about? The light and the dark?” He sits in front of her, fighting to keep his voice from rising, but he cannot keep the harsh edge from his tone. 

“Those labels mean nothing, Rey. Let it _ go_. The Light and the Dark are sides of the same coin. You need my darkness just as I need your light.”

He exhales sharply. It is nerve-wracking, saying this out loud. 

"I need _ you_, Rey. I am sorry for all of the ways I’ve mishandled you, for the mistakes I’ve made. For the mistakes I am still making," he says, head dropping a little. Kylo holds his breath and closes his eyes, hoping to pull this off.

“Which is why I want to end some of the bloodshed between the First Order and the Resistance. I don’t want our son born into war anymore than you do.” He moves behind her and places his hands on her shoulders. Rey tenses, and he smooths his hands down her arms.

“What are you saying?”

Kylo’s hands begin to knead her back, working out the knots. He moves his hands to her lower back, working the muscles there, and then moves up again.

“I’m saying that I will agree to a ceasefire with the Resistance. The Resistance must accept that the First Order will continue to command the planets we currently control, but I will not actively seek them out.”

“That’s most of the galaxy!”

“It’s a ceasefire, Rey.”

Kylo’s strong hands skip her neck and move up to her scalp, deeply massaging her temple.

“How can I be sure you’re telling the truth?”

“I kept my word about not abducting anymore children to become stormtroopers, didn’t I?”

His arms wrap around her middle and gently stroke her belly. His chin rests on her shoulder as he murmurs his deceit into her ear.

“Would I lie to you about the baby? About keeping our son safe?”

Rey looks at him over her shoulder. Kylo’s heart beats, expectant and nervous.

“You would do that for the baby?”

“Yes. I love him, and you.”

Kylo is so close to her mouth that can almost taste her. So he does - he captures her mouth in a full, deep kiss. 

He can’t definitively sense if she believes him, but she is kissing him back, she is letting him remove what remains of her clothing.

Kylo deems himself forgiven, silently applauding his performance skills. Rey’s love for him, for the baby, makes it all too easy to manipulate her. In time she will come to understand their son is safest in a galaxy dominated by a singular superpower: the First Order. 

Right now he is about to get what he wants, and he’s earned it.

Kylo lightly pushes Rey onto her side. He settles alongside her, his chest flush against her back. 

His hands caress her round belly, relishing in the fact that he did this to her. He places a kiss on the underside of her jaw, trailing kisses until he reaches her ear.

“I love you Rey,” he continues stroking her belly in slow, languid circles, “I love that you’re carrying this baby. Our baby.”

He leaves feather light touches across her upper thigh, “Is there anything in particular that you’d like?" he inquires in a low voice.

He watches the hollow of her throat as she swallows. 

“I liked how it was in the forest.”

Kylo feels her retreating into the past, into a fantasy. 

“I can do that,” he leans in to kiss her as his hand slides down her belly and between her soft thighs.

“Always so wet,” he murmurs, his fingers running over the slickness between her folds as he brushes against her clit. 

He finds her slick and throbbing as he makes room for a second finger, his thumb slowly circling her most sensitive point. Rey’s breathing gets heavier, choppier as he rolls over her, kissing his way down the arc of her pregnant belly.

"You're beautiful," he mutters between kisses. 

Rey is flushed and panting, and her response makes him feel bold as he licks his way down to her inner thigh. 

Rey shuts her eyes, biting her bottom lip as if trying to stay quiet.

Kylo speaks to her in a soft, silken tone. "I want you to look at me, Rey."

Her eyes open and look into his through a sweep of long lashes.

Kylo watches her belly and breasts rise and fall from exertion. Soon he realizes, she will be huge and eye contact will be impossible. 

He savors this moment before his head disappears between her legs. His tongue is warm inside her, and even after all this time he remembers how she likes slow, smooth laps. Kylo takes his time kissing and licking her, sucking at her clit and kneading the tiny bundle of nerves. 

He pins down her thighs as they tremble around his neck, her body arching and writhing: he can tell she is close. 

But he doesn’t want her to come yet. Not this way.

Kylo retreats and she makes a pleading noise - a sound that makes him impossibly hard.

He lays down beside her, swallowing her in his embrace.

“Are you okay?”

Rey gives a slight nod.

“Was that how you remember it being - in the forest?”

“Yes,” she answers, voice hoarse. 

Through the fog of lust and desire, he smiles into her neck - she is enjoying this as much as he is.

Kylo takes a deep breath and then turns his attention to her neck, licking, nibbling, teasing. She squirms delightfully against him making small, whimpering noises.

“Rey,” he demands, nipping her earlobe, “tell me you love me.”

As he pushes into her he hears a loud gasp.

“I love you.”

When he takes her this time it's better. Easier. There is a moment of adjusting, of finding the right position, and he lifts up her leg, pushing in deeper. Their bodies lock together and he finds it difficult to be aware of anything but the rhythm of moving inside of her.

"Oh," she whimpers, moving one arm up to touch his face, her warm fingers against his cheek. 

“Say it,” his breath is hot in her ear, “say my name.”

“Oh,_ ” _ Rey’s mouth becomes round as she moans, _ “Ben_.”

Hearing that name nearly stops him midthrust. Instead, he fucks her harder.

“Is that what gets you off?” Kylo pants, “You want me to be Ben Solo?”

Rey makes a sound that is somewhere between a sob and a gasp.

“Is that what you want to hear? That I’m stepping down as Supreme Leader?”

“_Yes,_” she arches against him.

Kylo rolls halfway on top of her, spreading her as far as her body will allow. He increases his pace, his breathing harsh and unsteady.

“You want me to tell you that we’ll find a little planet of our own and raise a family?”

“_Yes_.”

Rey’s breathing is quick and shallow.

“Do you need to hear that I’d do anything for you, that I’d embrace the light?” 

“Oh Ben, yes.”

Her head rolls back and she moans, a low guttural sound that he hasn’t heard from her before. It arouses him deeply and Kylo holds her steady against his thrusts as she ascends higher and higher. 

When she comes, she cries out that name again, _ Ben_, and she shudders around him, her hands scrambling to pull him closer.

Kylo does not come. 

He is hard, furious, and confused.

In one swift motion he flips her onto her hands and knees. He will remind her what his name is with the sweetest pain. 

She glances back at him, still lost in the afterglow of her fantasy, lost in her _ fucking forest _ fantasy.

Panic suddenly floods her features.

“I didn’t - I didn’t mean to...”

“You’ve never known Ben Solo, Rey. You fell in love with Kylo Ren, through our bond,” he looks down at her, gaze dark and smoldering. 

He guides her hips closer to him, not bothering to mask his intent.

“Don’t! Kylo, you promised to be gentle -”

He rubs circles in the middle of her back.

“I will be. You’ll like it.”

“If Ben and Kylo are the same, does it really matter what I call you?”

“It absolutely matters.”

Kylo runs one finger along the length of her cunt, gathering her slick to use as lubricant. 

“If you love me, you’ll call me by my true name,” Kylo draws wet circles around the hole between her cheeks, not penetrating just yet, when Rey’s head snaps back violently to look at him.

“_Don’t.” _

Kylo hesitates. His fingers brush with caution against her for a second time and she buckles beneath him, lunging forward before he can strengthen his grip on her body.

“Stop it,” she hisses, sharp and cold.

Kylo remains quiet under the heat of her gaze. Rey has her limits and he has overstepped them in the worst way.

She is another person he’s let down. He is acting like the the monster she claims he is, a monster who will never be saved. He wipes her slick off on the bedsheet.

“I thought you wanted me, Rey. Don’t you? Because I want you,” Kylo rasps out, “I need to feel you, to have you…I need to own you. If you refuse to do things my way, then show me how much you love me.” 

His last sentence is an order.

Rey never looks away from him – so small and so stubborn – instead she sits up and sets her shoulders straight. 

“Lay down on the bed, Kylo.”

She calls on the Force and the ropes he used to bind Rose fly into her hands.

Kylo is suspicious and intrigued by her attempt to take the lead. He wonders what she is playing at, still expecting to feel the brunt of her anger. 

“The bed, Kylo,” she repeats, “You said we can do things my way.”

“That is _ not _ what I -”

“Force, Kylo! Do you want to do this or not?”

She’s feisty. He likes it.

Kylo shuts up and stretches out on the mattress. His smirk dares her to continue, not believing her dominance is genuine, when Rey suddenly straddles his narrow hips.

For one unbelievable moment Kylo thinks she is about to ride him - when she leans over his body and begins tying his wrists to the bedpost. 

The coils burn against his skin as her nimble fingers secure the knots. 

“You know these will never hold me.”

“They aren’t meant to.”

“If you wanted to involve ropes, you only needed to say something. After this, you will do as_ I _ command, Rey.” 

“Never give me orders, Kylo.” 

Rey flattens her palms and her hands smooth down his chest, the tips of her fingers tracing the grooves of his muscles. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips parted and glistening, and he understands what she is about to do.

Kylo never thought - not in a million years - that she would be the one to initiate _ this. _

He is hypnotized by the view of Rey’s mouth opening, moving closer, and he can feel her breath on his skin. She reaches his cock and he watches, entranced as she attempts to take him into her mouth. 

It is sloppy and wet, and she pulls back, gagging. 

Kylo desperately tries to remind himself to breathe as he gasps out a helpless shudder.

“Are you...alright?” The words sound strangled.

Her eyes flutter up to meet his gaze.

“You’re a lot to take in.”

She is going to be the end of him.

Kylo growls low in his throat; his erection swelling as she slowly slides her mouth over the head of his cock, pink lips parting even wider to accommodate his girth. She gags a second time, but does not stop. 

Kylo swears at the sight, at the _ sounds _ that come from her mouth. 

"_Rey_," he moans as she swipes her tongue right fucking _ there _ – and he pants, his eyes clinching shut.

She’s acting like a whore, and he loves it.

Because it’s just for him. 

Kylo is paralyzed by pleasure as her head bobs up and down, her name is the only thing he is sure of, and he tugs at the ropes, wishing he could run his hands through her hair.

He is_ so fucking close _ as he bucks into her, urging her to move faster, when it hits him. 

She is stalling. 

She means for him to finish while she has him at her mercy, and that just won’t do.

Rey’s beautiful mouth wrapped around him is a sight to behold, but she doesn’t get to make the call on how - or where - he comes.

The crack of something breaking echoes in the bedchamber.

“Kylo, wait -” Rey backs up but he is all over her in mere seconds; his knees still quaking from her sinful mouth, the room spinning from the way her tongue felt. 

Kylo handles her gently but with purpose, pushing her onto the bed like she weighs nothing. He positions himself behind her, his body warm and hard. 

“I want you to come for me again," Kylo says into her ear before leaving a trail of wet kisses down her spine, “I want you to say my name.” 

His hands rove all over her body, satisfied one moment and then seeking something else to rub, to grab, and he resolves to wrap one arm around her belly. He’s close, so fucking close, and he knows he won’t last long.

“Kylo, please -” she starts, looking over her shoulder and he silences her with a bruising kiss.

“I told you,” he breaks the kiss, “I’ll be gentle.” 

He pants hard, his eyes fixed on her with fiery intensity.

Kylo looks down at her heat, at how tender and soaking she is from her first climax. He takes a moment to appreciate the new width of her hips, the thickness of her thighs, her ass. 

“You’re so perfect, Rey.”

With a fierce thrust he is inside and Rey yelps.

“S-s-slow down,” she rasps, “you said, _ gentle_.”

“So I did.”

Kylo’s next thrust is slower. 

He takes his time as she constricts around him, warm and slick. In this position, on her hands and knees, he can see and feel how her round belly dips down, brushing against the mattress.

“I love seeing you so full Rey,” his index finger follows the dark line on her abdomen, “I’m going to give you so many babies. Tell me,” his voice is husky and he sinks deeper inside, “tell me that’s what you want.”

Kylo fucks her nice and slow, giving her a moment to respond.

“Come on,” he growls, “tell me what you want.” 

“I want,” Rey’s jaw drops as she moans, her breathing uneven, “I want to have your babies.”

It’s everything Kylo wants to hear from her as he continues fucking her into submission. 

Almost everything.

“That’s right,” he looms above her with feverish intent, “you were made for this.” 

Kylo carefully builds up his momentum until the wet sounds of sex and skin slapping against skin burn in his ears. Rey knuckles the sheets as Kylo’s thrusts turn into a relentless rhythm, her hips rolling back to match his pace.

They move as one, and he bends forward to nip the soft skin on her neck.

“Say _ my name_, Rey.” 

She screws her eyes shut, teeth clenched as Kylo’s hand dips between her thighs, stroking her.

“Be a good girl for me,” he commands, “_Say it_.” 

“_Kylo_.” 

"Yes," he breathes out, his thrusts swift and deep, “_again_, say it again.”

_ “Kylo.” _

Their mouths open in a heavy gasps, the heat building between them amplified by the Force.

His name on her lips, her scent, the stickiness of their shared sweat - all of it drives him into oblivion. Kylo comes hard, pumping everything he has into her.

His arms brace on either side of her body, not wanting to crush her with his weight, and he can’t stop thinking about how drenched she is - how messy she is. 

How hard she must have come. 

Kylo glances between her thighs as he unsheathes his cock from her body, wanting to admire his handiwork.

He blinks and then draws back.

The sight in front of him is wrong.

Kylo’s euphoria is ripped away by a torrent of shock. His breath quickens and he feels a bead of sweat wander down the side of his forehead. 

“Rey,” he keeps his tone steady, “Are you okay?”

Her head is resting on a pillow as she sucks in deep, meditative breaths. Her eyes open and she lifts her head.

“I - I suppose so. Why?”

A metallic smell invades Kylo’s nostrils. His groin is not soaked in the fluids of her orgasm. The fear that travels through his veins do not quite make it to his face, but he fights to sound calm when he speaks.

“I don’t want you to panic, but there’s a bit of blood. I’m contacting Doctor Veduta-”

Rey inspects her body and examines Kylo. She spots the bright red smears on his thighs, on the mattress.

“I’m bleeding,” Rey says softly. She looks up at Kylo, “Why am I bleeding? What did you do to me?” Her breathing comes out in wrenching gasps.

“I didn’t _ do _ anything, you were more than ready to take it…” Kylo stops when her lower lip trembles. This isn’t the time to argue. He lowers his voice. 

“I only meant that I would have stopped if I noticed you bleeding.

“But you didn’t, did you? You were too busy trying to control everything. Trying to control me.”

That remark smarts, but he brushes it aside.

“Are you in pain?”

“No.”

She refuses to look at him.

“Just be still, Rey. Don’t move.”

Kylo is surprised at how frightened he is for her - for the baby - as he contacts medbay to come to his chambers. He makes it known that this is an emergency and orders practically everyone to come _ now_. 

“Can you sense him?” Kylo asks, anxious, as he dresses. Rey looks between her legs as blood continues to trickle down.

“Rey - the baby - can you sense him?” He asks again, urgent. 

“I can’t sense any distress,” she says, “but what if this is just the beginning of whatever is wrong?”

“We don’t know that anything is wrong,” Kylo’s response is firm and sure. 

He is trying to sound confident for her sake.

Rey’s face is pale and worried as she hugs her arms around her belly.

“Rey -”

He reaches for her and she flinches.

“Don’t touch me.” 

Rey is tough, but her eyes are puffy and red, her nose runny, and she sniffs loudly. 

Kylo refuses to leave her side when there is a knock followed by an announcement that Doctor Veduta has arrived.

He uses the Force to sweep the doors open and it _ does _ seem like the entire medbay crowds into the bedchamber.

Veduta hurries over, a droid rolling behind her. Two nurses set up a barrier for privacy and the droid automatically assesses Rey’s vital signs. Everything happens quickly and she nods in acknowledgement towards Kylo before turning to Rey.

“Are you experiencing any cramping Rey? Contractions?” Veduta crouches in front of her while holding a datapad. 

“No and no.”

“Sharp pains?”

“No.”

Kylo paces, his impatience increasing at Veduta’s list of endless questions. Can’t they see the blood coming out of her?

“Dizziness, nausea?”

“No.”

“Did you experience bleeding immediately after sexual intercourse?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” she closes the datapad, “It’s a good sign that you’re not experiencing any other symptoms, but I’d like you to come to medbay so I can check your cervix in a sterile environment.”

“My cervix?”

“To make sure you’re not in premature labor. There are a few other possibilities I want to rule out as well. It is also convenient in case you need immediate surgery.”

Rey wets her lips nervously.

“Surgery?”

“In some cases surgery or delivery is the only way to save the mother,” Veduta says gently.

Rey shakes her head, scooting away from the doctor.

“No. It’s too soon. The baby can’t... he wouldn’t make it this early.”

“It’s a precaution, Rey. I am not saying we will need to deliver him, but you need to be aware of what might happen. And yes, it is too soon. His chance of survival would be very low.”

There is a ball in Kylo’s gut, a knot in his throat, and the doctor’s words lance through his heart. He looks at Rey and her stoic exterior cracks. Everything she has been holding back breaks as she gives into uncontrollable sobs.

“That’s _ enough! _” Kylo bellows, stepping in front of Veduta to block her from Rey, “You’re scaring her,” he lashes out, unaware of how hard he is shaking, of how his chest heaves with fear.

Doctor Veduta is remarkably unflusted.

“She needs to hear the facts. You both do, Supreme Leader.” 

“Just get her to medbay,” Kylo snarls, unable to tolerate looking at the doctor. Nurses are already swarming around Rey, dressing her in a robe before carefully settling her onto a stretcher.

Kylo follows the medical entourage as they wheel her out of the room and to the floor where the medbay is located. 

If the unimaginable happens, if they lose the baby, if it’s his fault - the thought causes Kylo to choke back an unwelcome tidal wave of emotions. 

It can’t happen.

Rey will never forgive him, just as he won’t be able to forgive himself. If there is anything in the universe that warrants unforgiveness, this is it.

Kylo thinks of the countless times in his life when fear consumed him: Luke Skywalker intending to murder him, Snoke mercilessly hurling him off a cliff, driving his saber through Han Solo, and finally, Rey being thrown around Snoke’s throne room like a rag doll.

They all pale in comparison to this new type of fear that threatens to swallow him whole.

But it is nothing compared to what Rey is feeling, and Kylo keeps a sharp eye on her as they arrive at the medical center. 

Nurses and droids work to transfer Rey into a large room with white walls. Veduta hands him scrubs. He roughly pulls them on and sits down next to Rey.

“The baby will be fine,” Kylo says as Veduta puts on a mask and drapes a sheet of crinkled paper across Rey’s lower waist.

“I saw him in my vision in the cave on Ahch-To. He will grow to be strong and powerful.”

“You don’t know that,” Rey’s eyes are watery, “Visions change and babies die, Kylo. It happens.”

Kylo doesn’t like the resignation in her voice - the way she steels herself for the worst possible outcome.

“Not our baby,” he answers flatly, and they stare at each other, stone-faced. He drags his stool closer to Rey and this time she lets him hold her hand.

Doctor Veduta begins her examination and anxiety numbs Kylo. 

“Rey, if anything happens -”

_ I’ll let you go, he wants to say. If I killed our child, I don’t deserve you. Maybe I never did. _

Doctor Veduta looks up from between Rey’s legs.

“Your cervix is closed, which is good. You’re not in early labor. Since you have no other symptoms, I would say this type of bleeding is normal during or after sex. Blood flow increases during pregnancy and blood vessels rupture easily during intercourse,” she snaps off her gloves and discards them into a bin.

The relief Kylo feels is profound. She is safe, the baby is healthy. 

He can keep Rey. He doesn’t need to let her go.

“That’s it? Everything’s really alright?” There is the faintest tremor in Rey’s voice. 

“Yes. But expect to see old blood for the next couple of days, and come see me if fresh bleeding occurs. You can resume sexual activity after the bleeding subsides.”

A muscle twitches in Kylo’s face. There will be no more sexual activity until after the birth. He doesn’t share his decision with Rey - he does not want to appear weak. Kylo knows without a doubt that he does not want to experience this horror again. He never wants to see Rey bleed, and especially not while pregnant. 

He feels hot tears against his shoulder and realizes Rey is leaning against him, trembling with relief.

“See? It’s all okay,” Kylo mumbles into Rey’s hair, barely believing it himself. He can’t stop himself from kissing her impossibly soft lips, his palm settling over the swell of her belly that contains the life they created together.

“I love you, Rey.”

He orders a droid to bring her a hot tea with honey. He is about to insist she rest when Rey turns to him and says,“I want Rose. I need to see her.”

It stings that she wants someone other than him, but he knows he can’t deny her the comfort of her friend after what she’s just been through.

Kylo raises his wrist and presses his comlink.

“Bring me Tico.”

“Thank you,” Rey lets out a shaky breath. 

“Anything for you, Rey.”

He almost means it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of sexual content:
> 
> Instead of having empathy for Rey, Kylo is angry that she is not in the mood to have sex. His attempts to make her feel better are selfish and coercive.  
There is dialogue where Rey pushes back and asks Kylo why he acts like a douchelord and that he needs years of therapy before she considers being with him (OK she doesn’t say that but she does ask why he is bad to her). Kylo does not like her calling out his bad behavior.  
Kylo tells her lies, trying to calm her down. He thinks she believes his lies when she kisses him back, but does she? It’s an open ended question for the reader.  
When they have sex, Kylo senses Rey mentally retreating into a fantasy of them in the forest. It’s her safe mental space. During sex she says Ben instead of Kylo and he’s pissed.  
Kylo decides he will punish her with anal sex (he fantasized about that many chapters ago).  
It doesn’t happen. Rey protests and she gets control of the situation by going down on him. Kylo is flattered until he realizes that she might be doing this to avoid [vaginal] sex with him. So he stops her and they end up having sex.
> 
> Summary of pregnancy drama:  
Kylo thinks Rey had another powerful orgasm because everything feels wet, but she is bleeding. It scares the crap out of both of them. Her bleeding after sex turns out to be normal and nothing is wrong with Rey or the baby.  
It does scare Kylo to his core. While it’s nice to see him care, I mostly find it sad that it takes Rey or the baby potentially dying to make him act kind of decent.  
Rey asks to see Rose, insinuating that it will help her feel better. Kylo reluctantly agrees.
> 
> *******  
Thanks for reading. Your comments/kudos did help me last time, and I'm very appreciative. Thanks a bunch 💜


	35. Kylo on Parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support on the last chapter, it means a lot! Seriously. 🧡
> 
> Getting down to the wire with this fic, but plz keep in mind I like slow-burn climaxes (sry for the vague statement).
> 
> Important: I've included a scene in this chapter from the book "Last Shot" by Daniel Jose Older. I take absolutely no credit for Older's concept/idea or written work. You can read the exact excerpt on page 453 of "Last Shot." It has to do with Ben Solo and it's canon. It's also canon that toddler Ben pronounced "Lando" like "Wando" and that kind of wrecked me because it's so adorable. 😭
> 
> Thank you to Suzeraine for beta-ing and keeping me on track.  
Rey POV with a touch of Kylo at the end.
> 
> ***

Like a bad horror film on holonet, Rey finds herself back in a fresher room on the medbay floor. 

Except this is not a holonet film. 

This is her life, and the horror that is bent on terrorizing her is pacing outside the door. 

_Calm down_, Rey chants, _Calm down. It's okay. As long as the baby is healthy_ _nothing else matters, _she tells herself. 

She has to get out of here. Apprehending Kylo and turning him over to the Resistance is no longer a priority. Let him burn in the wreckage of his Flagship when the Resistance is through with his fleet. Let him watch her leave, let some other good soldier from the Resistance take him out.

Rey winces at the thought.

They wouldn’t stand a chance.

For a moment she briefly entertains castrating him before she flees - and quickly banishes the thought. She will not stoop to his level. She will not engage in needless humiliation and violence the way he does. 

The baby kicks, and Rey blinks through her blurred vision. 

_As long as the baby is healthy_ _nothing else matters. Nothing else matters except you, baby. _

Her greatest mission is, and always has been, to protect her son.

She thinks of Kylo’s admission that he had seen their son in a vision on Ahch-To and it explains so much. He was shaken, frightened when he emerged from the cave. What could have unnerved him?

He said their son would be strong and powerful. 

Strong in a way that frightens Kylo. Powerful in a way that makes her son a rival, a threat to Kylo Ren. 

She wonders if this means her son will be strong with the light side of the Force. He does feel overwhelmingly light, but then, he’s a _ baby_. He is innocent. Even Kylo couldn’t have been steeped in darkness inside Leia’s womb.

Leia. 

Rey has an intimate understanding of the pain that Leia carries. If her son, Force forbid, were to turn dark, she would still love him. Just as Leia still loves Kylo - Rey_ knows _she does, even if she dares not say it aloud. 

It is her first lesson, Rey realizes, that parenthood will be equal parts excruciating love and pain. 

_ Please, please let my baby be balanced._ Her son does not need to be extraordinary in his abilities, he does not need to go through the trials and tribulations that his ancestors have been through. She just wants him to be healthy, kind, and happy.

A simple life - is that too much to ask? 

Rey lightly smoothes her fingers over the necklace Kylo gifted her. Padme’s necklace. His obsession with his family history, his drive to own and consume it runs deeper than she thought. 

Trauma, Rey believes, can be inherited. It does not stop at one person, it rolls down through the generations. It has the potential to ruin lives yet to be called into existence. Vader’s dark legacy holds a tight grip on Kylo, and unless someone in the family line breaks the cycle, it will drag her son under as well. 

It can’t happen. She cannot allow Kylo Ren to corrupt their son. 

Rey touches the necklace again, tempted to tear it off to spite him. She closes a hand around the chain, ready to yank when she falters. Padme’s image fills her mind, and she can’t do it. 

From what she’s read and heard, Padme was a strong and capable woman. An intelligent, empathetic person destroyed by Anakin Skywalker's betrayal and fall to the dark side. She never had a chance to see her children smile for the first time, never had the chance to hear their laughter or hold them at night.

Padme was robbed of everything and the parallels of their lives are not lost on Rey.

_ Padme, your great grandson will not go the way of your husband or grandson. I promise. _

Rey sits with her vow for a moment, and then gently pokes her belly. She smiles when seconds later the baby pushes back. He’s getting bigger, more cognizant, and responsive to the outside world.

“I can’t wait to meet you. But_ not _ until you’re good and ready. No coming early, you hear?” She says out loud.

“Rey? Who are you talking to?”

Kylo. She won’t answer him.

“Are you talking to yourself?”

Let him wonder.

“Are you talking to the baby?”

Is he incapable of taking a hint? 

“So what if I am,” she calls and slides the fresher door open. It connects to a private room on the medbay floor, one not as depressingly stark as the surgical room. Doctor Veduta had cleared her to go, but Rey does not feel safe going back to Kylo’s bedroom.

It seems like ages have passed since the last time she felt safe. With something, or rather _someone,_ always looming around the corner like a deadly shadow in her peripheral vision.

Kylo stands in front of her, trying to appear authoritative and imposing. But Rey can sense he’s a little nervous. Through their bond she senses him squirming with guilt. For her? For the baby? She doubts it. 

Rey knows not to get her hopes up. 

Instead she steels herself for another self serving apology from Kylo Ren. She knows his patterns by now. He only wants to apologize so he can move on to his next offense. 

At least she is wise enough not to fall for his lies anymore. 

Once she might have believed he was going to request a ceasefire with the Resistance, but not anymore. Not when nearly every word out of his mouth drips with deception. 

Does he think she is an idiot? Rey carefully studies his face. 

No, it’s not that. 

Rey looks into his dark, depthless gaze and sees the answer in the soft way he stares at her.

Kylo thinks she loves him back. He thinks her love blinds her to his motives and behavior.

He takes a step forward, holding a small datapad in his hand.

“You talked to the baby all the time on Ahch-To.”

“I did.” 

“It’s nice,” he says when she does not elaborate. “You’re a good mother.”

“I’m not a mother yet,” a stubborn fear lingers in Rey’s voice; a fear that if she stops worrying about the pregnancy, about the baby, that something bad _ will _ happen. 

Kylo sets down the datapad and cradles her face.

“But you _ are_. You’re a wonderful mother, Rey,” he states. “You already love him with everything that you have. No harm will come to either of you. I won't _ let _ anything happen to you or the baby. I promise.” 

This is one of the worst parts of Kylo Ren. 

When every so often, between the lies, she senses the truth in his words, his absolute conviction. He means every word but Rey knows he lacks the strength to follow through. She hates the glimpses into his lighter side, because it never sticks. As hard as he tries to emulate being good, he just can’t manage it.

He will end up hurting her again and again.

Rey feels his lips gently press against her forehead, her nose, and finally, her lips.

“Here,” Kylo lets go of her and reaches for the datapad, “It’s for you. I had Veduta transfer the files from your last appointment. I thought it might help you feel better after...everything.” 

And when Rey’s eyes land on the small black and white screen, they fill with tears. It’s her baby. The images are not photographs, they are holos from the last ultrasound of her baby moving, rolling, sucking his thumb. His tiny heart beats, a flutter of valves opening and closing and Rey’s restraint breaks.

“He’s so precious,” she says softly, touching the screen, tears cascading down her cheeks. “I just want him to be okay.”

Kylo places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. 

“He will be. You’re taking good care of him. Look at his profile,” he nods at the moving image, “he definitely has your nose.”

Rey squints.

“You think?”

“It’s a good thing.”

Rey gives him a side glance, “Your nose is fine. I still think he will favor your mother’s side. I just wish,” she stares wistfully at the baby, speaking softly, “I wish Leia could see this. She is his grandmother, after all.”

It is a dangerous comment to make and Kylo’s hand stiffens on her shoulder.

“General Organa, a grandmother?” He scoffs bitterly, “She hardly deserves the title. She hardly deserves the title of _ mother_.”

“Don’t say that, Kylo.”

“I know you think she is without fault -”

“_No one _ is without fault,” Rey’s nostrils flare at his patronizing tone, “but she is your mother and she loves you.”

Kylo pulls up a chair.

“Have a seat, Rey.” 

She doesn’t like his expression. He’s harboring a secret, a terrible piece of information that he has been saving for the right moment. He almost looks _ amused. _

A ball of dread settles in her stomach. Whatever she’s triggered in him, it can’t be good. 

Kylo sits across from her, resting his elbows on his thighs.

“You admire the general, and she feels like family to you. I understand that. But you have no idea, Rey, what having her for a mother was like. Let me ask, would you leave a two-year old alone with only a kitchen droid for supervision?”

Rey frowns.

“No.”

Kylo nods.

“Exactly. Parents who love their children would never do such a thing. There is something you need to see,” Kylo holds out his hands and Rey hesitantly places her hands on his open palms. His mind is blown wide open and she waits as he wades through memories, stopping at the one he wants to share.

_ A young boy, no a toddler - practically still a baby - appears in her mind. Dark hair falls in waves around his face, his chubby cheeks bright red and wet from sobbing. The boy cries, yelling mama, dada, wando. Rey can feel Ben’s terror that he is abandoned, that he is forgotten and unloved. _

_ Feelings she knows all too well. _

_ Her view changes, and she suddenly sees little Ben turned away from her, his shoulders still heaving with sobs. _

_ A kitchen droid - BX - is rolling up from behind with a knife. _

_ BX advances, his serrated blade arm unfolding with a quiet whir, when Ben spins around. And the world flashes into a pale emptiness, bright light pouring in from everywhere. _

_ A voice whimpers nearby. Soft sniffles fill the air. _

_ BX stops and resumes its normal programming. _

_ But Ben Solo doesn’t forget. _

The memory fades, and Rey finds herself staring at Kylo in horror. She’s more than sensitive right now, still reeling from the scare with her baby. And watching Ben so small, sad and alone, drives the knife in deeper. Her emotions spiral, and she can’t help but let out a sob as she speaks.

“You - you were just a _ baby_, and you had to defend yourself from being murdered?”

“One example of Han Solo and Leia Organa’s finest parenting moments.”

“Oh Kylo,” Rey shakes her head, “That’s just - it’s awful. If you hadn’t used the Force to defend yourself - ”

“I would have died,” he finishes for her, “I would have been murdered by the kitchen droid my parents left me alone with.”

“Surely there was someone else in the house with you?”

“No,” Kylo replies tersely, “there was a second droid, but it left for the senate.”

Rey isn’t sure what to say. She wants to bring up that perhaps, finding a balance between work and parenting was more than a challenge for his parents. That rebuilding the galaxy after a devastating war took its toll and bad decisions were made.

But then she pictures the sobbing two year old, wearing only a diaper and t-shirt, defending himself against a murderous droid and her heart breaks.

That can’t have been what his entire childhood was like, can it?

There is no amusement in Kylo’s face now. Only a serious, hard set to his jaw.

“Growing up, I couldn’t understand why no one wanted to be around me. Why no one loved me.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is,” he insists, “My father hated being burdened with a child. He took every chance he got to escape his parental duties. And if my mother still claims to love me, it’s her guilt talking. The New Republic, the Resistance, those are her beloved children. But you,” Kylo looks at her longingly, “You still love me, don’t you Rey?”

She should tell him that she loves him, she should say what he wants to hear. She’s escaping in just over twenty-four hours. What does it matter how she answers him?

But instead, Rey finds herself asking, “Why wouldn’t I, Kylo?”

He swallows, not expecting her to turn his question around. 

“Because of how...because you didn’t approve of some things that happened in the bedroom.”

Rey should know better than to engage in conversations about his treatment of her. He’s never going to change, so why try?

Rey knows why. She can’t let any injustice slide. 

“You meant to punish me, Kylo. You talk about protecting me but you meant to hurt me. You wanted to see me in pain.”

Rey watches the twitch under his left eye, the way he shifts in the chair with unease. She is directly calling him out, and he is struggling to answer her. He knows what he did was wrong, but that somehow makes it worse. 

“But I didn’t, did I?”

“Only because I moved.”

“No. There were other times I could have taken you that way, but I chose not to. I don’t _ like _ seeing you in pain. You just - sometimes you make me angry and I lose myself. I regret that. I’m sorry.”

“I need more than just empty apologies.”

“They aren't empty. They are never empty,” Kylo reaches over and brushes his fingertips against the chain around her neck. 

“Rey, do you know why I gave you this necklace?”

“You said it was a gift that you were saving for after the baby’s birth.”

“Yes, but do you know why it matters to me that it belonged to my grandmother?”

“No,” Rey isn’t sure she wants to hear this, “Why?”

Kylo’s voice takes on a reverent tone.

“Padme loved my grandfather. She loved him unconditionally, even when he committed unforgivable atrocities. Padme’s love was so true that she loved him regardless of his mistakes. It is the same kind of love you have for me.”

“It was a love that ended up killing her, Kylo.”

Kylo stares at her curiously, digesting her response, puzzled by her reasoning.

“No,” he starts, “Padme died due to childbirth complications. Which will _ not _happen to you. I plan on finishing what my grandfather started, Rey. I will expand his legacy by creating a family with you. I will succeed where my parents failed - I’ll be a good husband and father.”

A coil twists inside of Rey’s stomach. She feels ill. She wishes that she hadn’t bothered to ask about his motivations in the bedroom. She wishes she hadn’t heard his warped view of Padme or his deeply rooted misunderstanding of Anakin and Padme’s tragic relationship.

His interpretation of love chills Rey to the bone.

Kylo thinks unconditional love means he can do whatever he wants and she should have to take it.

It is as if somewhere along the way he misplaced part of his brain - the one responsible for sane thinking and rational behavior. She forces out her next question. 

“What _does_ being a good husband and father mean Kylo?” 

Rey already knows what kind of husband he would be, but she wants to apply a little pressure. 

A mixture of fear and apprehension flashes across Kylo's face. 

Fatherhood, she knows, is a touchy subject for him. The timbre of his voice is low and serious when he answers. 

“It means taking responsibility for my family. Unlike Han Solo, I won’t resent my parental duties. I won’t pass our son off to you the second he starts crying or complain about being up all night with an infant. I’ll provide everything for you, Rey. All you should have to concern yourself with is caring for our children and staying healthy when you’re pregnant. I’ll take care of the rest. I’ll take care of you.” 

He’s thought about this, Rey realizes. His resentment and rage over his parent’s perceived failings have resulted in the deranged future he envisions for them.

“Shouldn't I get to decide that?" Rey asks, “Shouldn't I be given the chance to make a choice on how I live my life? I thought you wanted me ruling by your side. Together.”

“No,” his reply is solid with no hesitation, “You are far too important. Our son will grow to be strong and powerful because you will be there for him. Fathers are expendable, mothers are not. Boys need their mothers. I won’t have him feeling neglected and abandoned. You are superior to any other person or droid who could raise him.” 

Rey’s hands twist together. Kylo isn’t bent on destroying the past - he is obsessed with reliving it, with reconstructing it in the hope that he can erase his pain, his inner turmoil. He looks at her belly, still talking.

“Besides, I know it’s what you want. Family, belonging. I’m giving all of that to you. I liked hearing that you want a large family, Rey.”

“What?” 

“When we were together. You said you wanted to have my -”

“I remember,” she says quickly, heat warming her face. 

“No need to be shy,” Kylo says, “you were anything _ but _shy in bed.”

Rey senses his adrenaline building as he recalls their most intimate moments. In his mind she sees her mouth on him, her hips rolling back to take him in deeper, the sloppy kisses they exchanged.

She feels filthy. She feels ruined. 

Kylo must sense the dark shift in her mood because his forehead creases in concern.

“You have to admit that most of it was good. More than good. You were incredible,” he runs his hands up and down her thighs, “I loved making you come. Hearing you say my name. Rey, you were frightened at times, and I know why. I know the truth.”

“You do?” Her heart pounds in her chest.

“I do. It scares you that you’re attracted to my darkness, that you crave it.”

Rey swallows back her humiliation and shame. Her shame that she broke her promise to herself, a promise not to let him touch her.

“Kylo, please stop. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

The things she did, the words she said - if she could, she would have the entire experience wiped from her memory. 

Kylo tilts her chin up.

“Why not? Being inside of you feels _ right_. It feels balanced. I know you felt it too, Rey.”

Tears fall from her eyes and self-loathing weighs heavy in her chest. She can't look at him, so she focuses on the datapad, trying not to feel like a distortion of the person she once was.

Sex was tolerable when she thought of him as Ben, when she retreated into her fantasy.

It scared her, how much she still wanted him to be Ben.

And then she screwed up by saying his name - his birth name - and her safe place crumbled. Kylo destroyed her mental defenses, he reminded her of everything she would never have. 

She focused on getting through the rest of it moment-by-moment, giving him what he wanted in the hope that it would end soon. Not knowing if he would suddenly decide to hurt her, punish her, do whatever he wanted.

It was terrifying.

Rey tries to alleviate her guilt by telling herself she had little choice in the matter. That to Kylo love and sex are the same, that sleeping with him was a necessary strategic move.

She locks away her feelings, hiding them away in the recesses of her mind to be dealt with later.

Or never.

_ The baby. The baby is healthy, and that’s all that matters. That’s all that matters. _

Her son is the light at the end of this nightmare.

“Rey?” Kylo thumbs away her tears, “You never answered my question.”

Force this man is insecure.

“Yes, I still I love you, Kylo,” Rey’s tone is flat and frankly, she feels exhausted.

His face relaxes and he kisses her.

“Not as much as I love you.” 

Rey’s breath catches when he lifts her to her feet. He guides her to her to the bed and helps her onto it. He positions her so she is propped up on a mountain of pillows and he covers her in blankets.

“Are you still bleeding?”

“Not much.”

“Good. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

Rey isn’t sure she understands correctly. 

Is he saying he won’t bed her again? Impossible. Rey almost asks him to clarify what he means, and then stops short. His answers never fail to disappoint.

And Kylo might seem sincere now - she senses his sincerity - but what about when she is in his bed? How genuine is his promise is when she is warm and pressed against his chest?

A sharp rap on the door diverts his attention.

“Supreme Leader, we have retrieved Tico.”

_ Force, yes. _

This is exactly what Rey needs right now. She needs Rose. 

And she needs to get Kylo out of the room. She has to find a way to speak privately with Rose, to go over the finer points of their plan.

“I don’t think it is wise to exert yourself right now, Rey. Tico can visit you another time.”

She glares.

“I _ will _ see Rose.”

Kylo senses that this is non-negotiable, that she will put up a fight. 

“Very well. But just know she is not the friend you think she is. She is disgusted that you’re carrying my baby. It is abhorrent to her, she cannot fathom how you can love a child sired by the Supreme Leader.”

If his aim is to hurt her, to prey on her insecurities, it works. Rey tries not to think about what the Resistance will think of her, if they will judge her for loving and cherishing a child of Ren.

She is trying not to cry in front of him again.

“Rey,” Kylo says gently, “No one in the Resistance understands why you’ve chosen to carry this baby to term. But I do. It is undeniable proof that you love me.”

Just when Rey can’t take anymore, when she is running out of emotional runway, the door swings open. Two officers - an upgrade from stormtroopers - usher Rose inside. Rose scowls at Kylo through her bangs.

“Why is Rey always in the medbay? What did you do to her now, you kriffing ass-”

Rey scoots up in her bed, panicked, “Rose, don’t!”

Rose looks from Kylo to Rey and then silently mouths, _ Asshole. _

The repercussions are instant when with a lazy flick of his wrist Kylo has Rose floating in the air. 

“Listen here, scum. If you upset her in _ any _ way -”

“Stop it Kylo.”

He throws her a glance over his shoulder.

“I won’t tolerate disrespect, Rey.”

Oh, that’s ironic.

“Put her down or I will.”

Kylo huffs and lowers Rose to the ground.

“Tico, if you upset her in anyway, I will kill you. If you disrespect me again, I will kill you,” he finishes in a calm voice.

“You will do _ no _ such thing,” Rey flares with anger.

“I will. And you will not defy me, Rey. Remember your place.”

His arrogant command pushes her over the edge.

“Defending my friend _ is _ my place,” she seethes, “And it upsets me when you threaten her.”

Rey watches the classic tells of Kylo’s anger: his hand curls into a fist, his muscles tense, his entire body going rigid. He bares his teeth as he speaks, his outrage boiling hot through the force.

“I’m _ sorry_. It was not my intention to upset you.”

Rey senses resentment. Resentment that he has to apologize in front of Rose, that he has to apologize at all.

Kylo retreats, standing against the wall with his feet planted apart.

“Well. Go on then. Talk.”

Rey smoothes out her blankets, she licks her lips. The bastard, the absolute _ bastard_.

How to get him out of the room?

Rose is first to break the icy silence.

“Are you and the baby okay?”

“Yeah,” she adjusts her pillows, “I had a bit of a scare - some bleeding - but I’m told it’s normal.”

Rose’s expression buckles and she pulls Rey inside a side hug.

“Oh, Rey. That sounds really scary. You’re sure you’re okay?”

She looks up at Rose and offers a shaky nod. 

“I’m sure. And I - I thought a visit with you would help cheer me up. I know it will, actually.”

Force, this is awkward. Kylo is studying her every move, he’s trying to probe her mind to read her intent. She can’t afford to slip up.

What can she say to drive him off without sending him into a rage? That won’t raise his suspicions?

“Rose,” she begins, “back on the base, I kept my distance from everyone. I didn’t have a chance to witness Poe’s proposal to Finn. Did you?”

She didn’t even have time to congratulate them, Rey thinks sadly. 

Rose breaks out into a huge grin.

“Oh yeah. It was glorious. Finn never saw it coming. I mean - he knew they were headed in that direction, but kriff was he was surprised.”

“Ah,” Rey’s remorse is sincere, “I’m sorry I missed it. Can you tell me how it happened?”

Rose doesn’t miss a beat. She catches on fast. 

“Sure. But can I just say - the kiss afterwards - oh my god, what a _ kiss_.”

Kylo’s face is unreadable, but Rey senses his revulsion. He has very clear ideas about men, women, and the roles they should fill. Rey is willing to bet he has similar attitudes about sexuality.

“It happened at Leia’s debriefing. Everyone was there - well, almost everyone. Poe got up to present and instead of talking about tactics, he started talking about Finn. About their relationship. Poe had him come forward and then he got down on one knee. And BB-8,” Rose glows at the memory, “he rolled up and popped out the ring for Poe to put on Finn’s finger. Rey, I almost _ died _ at how sweet it was.”

Rey dies a little too, thinking about how romantic and loving Poe’s proposal sounds. She can’t bear to compare it to Kylo’s proposal, but she does. She can’t help it.

Kylo isn’t budging, so she channels her pain, her envy, her disappointment at his proposal through the Force. His ego can afford to take the hit. Kylo’s eyes dart across the room to meet hers and she feels a throb of contrition through their bond.

Good. Let his regret plague him - he brought it on himself. Rey is about to ask for more details about the proposal, when Kylo clears his throat. Loudly.

“Is _ this _ why you requested Rose? For idle chatter? To gossip?”

Rey’s mind hastens for a solution. 

Rose’s story is not having the effect she hoped it would. Not at all. Kylo is not repulsed by their talk of Finn and Poe’s love enough to leave. 

He’s only annoyed and skeptical.

“I miss my friends,” Rey quips, “is it really so hard to understand why I would want to talk about them with Rose? You can leave if it’s boring.”

Kylo doesn’t have friends, he doesn’t _do_ friendship. She senses him grappling to relate to her explanation. 

“Fine,” he says, “continue your gossip, but hurry up. You need to rest.”

By Force, if he refuses to leave then she needs to find a way out of this room.

Rey runs her hand over the datapad. She thinks of the baby. She gives Kylo her best wide-eyed expression.

“I was hoping to show Rose the items for the baby. I thought, perhaps, she could help me organize his things in our bedchamber.” 

_ Our _ bedchamber - her word choice excites Kylo but he stares, unfazed. 

“His things are organized.”

“Not the way I _ want_,” Rey pushes back, “and I’d like to do it without you hovering. Please,” she adds, knowing how perilously close she is to sounding defiant. Trying to take total control will backfire.

A long silence follows. 

Kylo looks again from Rey to Rose, trying to figure out what the _ fuck _ is going on, when she suddenly senses him relent.

“Alright. If that’s what you want. If it will help you feel better.”

Kylo opens the door and gestures for the officers to enter. 

“You will escort my fiance and the prisoner to my quarters. Stand guard, but they are to be left alone.”

“Thank you,” Rey says, not believing her stroke of luck. She _ can’t _ believe Kylo trusts her enough to leave her unsupervised with Rose, but he does. It’s a small victory and she internally celebrates it. Rey shoves the blankets covering her to the side and dangles her legs off the bed.

Kylo remains silent and picks up her boots. He begins slipping them onto her feet and Rey peers down at him.

“You’re going to be a good father.”

Kylo pauses his lacing.

“Really?” He breathes, shocked by her compliment, “You mean that?”

Rey realizes with a pang how desperate he is to be a father, how afraid he is that he will fail at it. He hungers for her approval and he doesn’t just cling to her flattery: he laps it up.

“I mean it.” 

Rey can’t bring herself to shower him with more false praise, not when he looks at her so earnestly. One compliment is more than enough to distract him from changing his mind.

Kylo wraps an arm around her waist and effortlessly helps her to her feet. He pulls her in for a kiss, a full one she is sure he draws out for Rose’s benefit.

And then, flanked by the officers, they make their way out of the medbay floor.

It is her last chance to map out the destruction of the First Order with Rose, and by Force, she’s plotting it from inside Kylo Ren’s bedchamber. 

************************

Kylo watches Rey and Tico until they round a corner and disappear. It’s only fair that Rey enjoys Roses’ company before the rebel is executed.

Kylo drums his fingers on the hilt of his lightsaber. It will have to take place after the wedding and after Rey feels confident that the baby is safe.

She is so dedicated to their son, so loving.

He agrees with Rey’s observation from the other day: the baby_ has _ gone through a growth spurt. Kylo can see it in the way she walks: Rey is starting to meander the way pregnant women do when they grow bigger. Soon she will _ waddle_. 

Rey will be cross if he points this out. She’ll think he is making fun of her. She always has to assume the worst.

Kylo wondered if he would miss the trim build of her body, but he doesn’t.

He loves her pregnant.

She was reckless to traipse around the galaxy without an implant or birth control injection. Anyone could have gotten her this way, and it’s good he got to her first. 

Kylo rolls his shoulders and thinks about what needs to be done.

Right now he needs to assess the interrogation rooms that will be used to flush out traitors within the First Order. Preparations need to be made for the wedding, and the fleet will be arriving soon. He needs an update on the ancient Sith fortress.

There is so much to do, but it is worth the hassle.

One more day and Rey will be his wife. 

“Supreme Leader, General Fletcher is requesting contact.”

Kylo turns to address the captain standing behind him. 

“Patch him through.”

He is not worried about what the women might get up to. Their excitement over the proposal between the Traitor and the Idiot was real enough, but he sensed the show they were putting on. Especially from Tico. She’s an easy read.

Kylo surmises that Rey is trying to help Tico escape. It’s noble, and a very Rey thing to do, but it won’t happen. He can always check in on them using the security cameras. 

At least this way, he is demonstrating to Rey that he trusts her enough to be alone with Tico. 

Well.

She will_ think _ he trusts her to be alone. 

With one last look down the hallway, Kylo turns and heads for the command center. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading. your comments/kudos are always humbling. annd they give me life when my toddler wakes up at 3am (tips for teething welcome). 😂


	36. Space Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ughh guyssss I’m sorry I couldn’t fit the wedding into this chapter (which is 15 pages long @.@)  
I hate letting you down, but it felt like too much to place it here. You guys deserve better than being rushed through the storyline.
> 
> On the plus side I am 12+ pages into the wedding chapter so yay? and since when are my chapters so long? 
> 
> Also: did you know women (and men) leave their abusive partners around the holidays more than any other time of year? It’s the reason why my work is hella busy, but i’m glad to be busy if that’s the reason. It is intense tho, so any good vibes are appreciated.
> 
> Big thanks to Suzeraine for beta-ing when she has her own busy life :) 
> 
> mygawwwd that’s the end of my ramblings. 
> 
> Kylo POV/Rey POV.  
****

“Execute them all.”

Kylo Ren stands at the center of the command bridge facing a massive live hologram. Thirty-two high ranking First Order officials are being held and interrogated in the deepest confinements of his Flagship. Two of them are undeniably guilty, both active cohorts of Witt’s foiled coup, and the rest are hard to read. His insubordinates report that the thirty remaining officials do not have confidence in Kylo’s leadership abilities, but that is the extent of their disloyalty. 

For Kylo Ren, it is enough. He considers their lack of faith in him treasonous. 

If he were there, if he was torturing them, he would know beyond a doubt how deep their betrayal runs. As things currently stand, he is stretched too thin. Sentencing them all to death is the safest protocol. 

Kylo is devoid of any expression as he watches the thirty-two individuals straining against the binders around their ankles and wrists. Thin wires creep out of the prison walls and are attached to each prisoners head, neck, and heart. They radiate fear, and Kylo’s nose wrinkles in revulsion.

Pathetic. Have they no pride when facing death? 

The bodies suddenly convulse, their faces contorting into something ugly and grotesque, and then they go still. For the most part. A twitch here, an arch of the back - the body’s demise can be quite the process. 

“When is the next interrogation scheduled?” Kylo asks in a dull tone. The officer to his left frantically swipes through his datapad.

“In precisely one hour, Supreme Leader.”

“How many?”

“Forty.”

Kylo lazily sweeps his hand through the air.

“Execute them. Everyone of them.”

“Yes sir.” 

The First Order has legions of members, but very few ascend to the elite ranks. He risks sustaining heavy losses to his leadership if he continues issuing death sentences at this rate. 

It is inconsequential. 

Kylo’s eyes shift perceptibly away from the holodeck, his focus turning to contemplation. He will restore the strength of the First Order, he can reestablish absolute loyalty. He can use Rey’s image to his advantage. She is pleasant to look at, her disposition friendly and tender. Her smile is absolutely stunning.

Once the baby is born she will be undeniably maternal. Kylo holds steadfast to the belief that while Rey will never rule as his equal, he can make her the face of the First Order. 

What is threatening about a mother and her child?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

It will be all too easy after he conquers and obliterates the Resistance. Yet it is the lie he fed to Rey in the bedroom that has been nagging at him. He is going to have to answer for it, eventually.

But then it dawns on Kylo. He is a_ genius. _

He had not been looking forward to the moment when Rey realized there would be no ceasefire between the First Order and the Resistance. It would have been a substantial setback to their relationship after all the progress they had made. But - Kylo struggles fights down his excitement - there is another way.

The Resistance has a pulse, and that pulse is General Organa. 

Rey can watch as he contacts the Resistance, as he contacts his _ mother_, and requests a ceasefire. True, Leia Organa is no fool. She is not easily manipulated. She is so unlike Han Solo, the galaxy’s biggest coward. She never would have survived this long if she was _ anything _like his late father.

Kylo clears his throat, sucks in a breath, and ignores the guilt seeping into his core. He wants to dive into a darkness so deep that he will stop caring about Leia Organa altogether. 

He will appeal to Leia Organa as though she is a grandmother. And she technically is one, isn’t she? It must kill her that Rey is pregnant, that if Rey were still a part of the Resistance she would have a second chance at helping to raise her grandson. A chance to not make irreversible mistakes the way she did with him.

Yes, Rey can watch as he asks General Organa for a ceasefire in the name of peace for her grandson. General Organa is a devout believer in hope, and deep down she _ must _hope that her son can rise above his darkness for his child. 

It is the only way he will convince her to dismantle her weapons, to close down their bases across the galaxy, to relax her guard. The Resistance is strong, but they are nothing compared to the might of the First Order.

Still - Kylo is no idiot - he knows his mother will want him to provide proof he is serious. And he will. Partly. 

He will make a show of retiring some of his ships, of pulling troops from planets that do not benefit the First Order anymore. He will even go as far as retiring the current Flagship. No one but Kylo and a select few know of the Sith Fortress on Rhelg. He has big plans.

Rhelg will become the new headquarters for the First Order. The surrounding planets will have weapon factories and produce endless amounts of ammunitions, ships, and soldiers. The Esstran sector is rich with ancient Sith worlds. Finally, Kylo can reach his full potential with the dark side of the Force. That, he thinks, is the key to securing the First Order as the only government system in the galaxy. 

Most importantly, his precious possessions will be kept from harm: Rey and the baby will be safely sequestered away on Rhelg. His little family. 

Kylo smiles.

He will wait for the perfect moment to strike the Resistance. When his mother’s heart is soft with thoughts of her grandson; when for a split second she thinks her son has a heart.

It’s not that he _ doesn’t _ have a heart. He does. But it beats only for Rey and their son. It is time for his mother to answer for all the sins she has committed against him.

Rey will be none the wiser. By the time the Resistance is blown to smithereens she will be preoccupied with caring for the baby. Kylo plans on confining her to the world of babies and child-rearing. Doctor Veduta stated at the earliest it would be safe for Rey to conceive at one year postpartum.

What a crock of shit.

Kylo conducted his own research. In most cases women are cleared to have sex at six weeks postpartum, and he thinks that will be a good time to start trying to get Rey pregnant again. He even put in an order for a specialized medication, one usually reserved for couples facing infertility. That is not a problem for Rey and him, but the medication will cause her to ovulate multiple eggs. 

Twins, even triplets, will keep her _ very _ distracted from the destruction of the Resistance. 

There are details to consider, minor holes in his newly devised plot to patch up, but Kylo will address them later.

He walks slowly to the edge of the command center, gazing out into space. The fleet is here, he is preemptively purging First Order traitors, and he is practically fucking _ giddy _ at the thought of taking out the Resistance.

But first, he has a wedding to attend. 

“Pull up the marriage license,” Kylo orders while staring straight ahead. Footsteps scurry across the floor and the officer presents him with a datapad.

“I hope everything is to your satisfaction, sir.”

Kylo delves into the marriage license. To him it is more than a document, it is a contract that gives him full ownership over Rey. Legal ownership. It will be recognized and honored in all parts of the galaxy ruled by the First Order. 

The ceremony and legality of marriage matters to Kylo. Rey deserves respect and protection, and as her official husband he can provide that. He wants their union recorded in the archives, he wants history to remember that Rey was legally married to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

He hands over the datapad and turns to the officer.

“It is very satisfactory.”

With a swish of his cloak, Kylo heads for his private quarters. The two women have been alone long enough, and he misses Rey.

*

When he reaches the corridor that leads to his chambers, he finds the guards standing at attention. They have nothing to report, and he senses nothing amiss.

Then Kylo opens the door, and what he sees inside stops him dead in his tracks. He turns to order the guards to stay outside, not wanting them to witness this. They do not need to see the state of his room. It is no chamber fit for the Supreme Leader. It is unrecognizable. 

Every inch of it is a fucking nursery.

Rey is wearing one of his oversized tunics _ and _ his black socks that come up to her knees. Her hair is tied back into a messy bun, and he wonders if she dresses like this to torture him. 

He watches as she uses the Force to finish adjusting a contraption with planets and moons dangling from multiple strings. It is one of _ four _ in the room but Kylo barely has time to register it - there is too much to take in. It is overwhelming, and cold sweat beads down his neck.

All First Order banners are covered with posters consisting of geometric shapes. And they - Kylo nearly loses it when he notices - they have removed all of his binders, ropes, and chains from the closet. Every inch of shelving is replaced with infant clothing and blankets. His restraints lay tossed unceremoniously on the floor in a heap.

And his mask - his _ fucking mask _ \- has been placed over a stuffed animals head. One guess who came up with that idea, and Kylo pictures himself decapitating Tico. They think they can mock him without retaliation?

“Rey -” Kylo takes one step forward and stumbles on what appears to be an activity center for infants. He shakes it off his boot.

“Do you like it?” Rey throws a glance his way before returning her focus to the mobile, “Did you know that newborns prefer high contrast patterns to bright colors?”

That explains the black and white posters plastered over the First Order banners - plastered all over the fucking _ room_. Kylo presses his lips together, he shakes his head. This is insanity. His quarters are in a state of baby mayhem.

“You placed my mask on a toy.”

“Oh,” Rey replies offhandedly, “I guess we did. Just trying to make space for everything.”

Kylo attempts to compose himself, but his voice comes out strangled. 

“Is he going to need all of this right away? It seems as though you unpacked...” Kylo surveys the bedroom again, “...everything.”

Rey’s gaze finds his and holds it. Her cheeks glow with perspiration and he realizes that she has been working hard to transform the bedroom. Kylo struggles to contain his anger. She has no business exerting herself after the scare with the baby.

“You need to rest, Rey,” he nearly bellows, and then remembers it is a bad idea to yell at a pregnant woman.

Rey’s nostrils flare, and it is his first warning that she is unhappy with his reaction.

“I had to unpack everything to figure out what we have. And I’d like you to put the swing together,” Rey nods at a pile of parts in the corner of the room. 

“What?”

“The swing. I would like you to assemble it.” 

The way she delegates him arouses Kylo’s need to reassert his position over her. She has no _ right _ to order him around. 

Kylo glowers at Tico as she folds clothes and thinks she is trying a little too hard to appear busy. He was right to presume that she would whisper poisonous words to Rey, encouraging her to rebel against him in small ways. Nothing but conflict arises between Rey and him when Rose is in their presence, and he itches for her execution date. 

“That is what droids are for, Rey. They will assemble anything you want. Besides, you have months to prepare for the baby’s arrival.”

Rose breaks her silence by letting out a low whistle as Rey crosses the room. She comes right up to his chest, angling her head up to look at him.

If Kylo were not so annoyed he would find her indignation cute. 

“_I _ have months to prepare for the baby?”

“You do.”

“No, Kylo. _ We _ have months to prepare for the baby. You want to be an involved father? Well, that starts before the baby is born. I’d like you, his _ father_, to assemble the swing.”

Kylo is silent, and carefully probes the Force to gage if her zeal is fueled by hormones. Rey folds her arms across her belly.

“Why are you so reluctant?_ You _ordered all of this.”

“I -” General Witt had ordered everything. Kylo clamps his mouth shut. “I did.” 

He watches Rey as she uncrosses her arms and drops them to her sides, her voice on the edge of exasperation.

“This is what having a child entails. You were the one in a rush to have a baby. I would like to enjoy the process of preparing for our son’s arrival.”

Kylo arches one dark brow.

“Is this enjoyable?” He asks quietly, “Yelling at me to construct infant furniture?”

“I - _ no_,” a puff of hot air, “But I sensed disgust when you walked in,” Rey stops, mouth buckling, eyes wet. A phantom emergency siren sounds off in Kylo’s brain.

Damage control, he has to do damage control. 

Kylo realizes that the mother of his child is asking to spend time with him, to work on something together. Usually when they come together it is for one of two reasons: war or sex. They excel at both. 

But this is something entirely different.

If her nesting rage is not motivated by an attempt to insult his masculinity and infantilize his chambers, then it is real.

Not wanting to appear petulant, Kylo opens the chamber doors. 

“Escort Tico back to her cell,” he barks at the officers. They hesitate in the doorway and Kylo’s mouth curls into a snarl. He senses their bewilderment at the state of his room. 

“Take the prisoner back to her cell,” he spits out each word, and Rey lets out a small frustrated sigh as binders are locked onto Tico’s wrists. She turns from Kylo as Rose is hastened away.

“Rey -”

“I still don’t approve of how you treat Rose.”

“I don’t like Rose.”

“You’ve made that very clear.” 

Kylo moves closer, resting his head against the back of Rey’s shoulder. His hands land on her abdomen, and he startles when the baby kicks against his open palm. Rey jumps too, and her hands quickly cover his in response.

“He’s strong. Was that his foot?

“I _ know _he’s strong. And yes, the baby is sideways right now.”

There is irritation in Rey’s voice, but Kylo is relieved when she doesn’t try to push him away.

"Rey. I know you’re upset with me," he murmurs as he kisses her temple, "But let me make it up to you. Please.”

“How?”

“I want you present when I request a ceasefire.”

“Cease - _ what? _” Rey turns in his arms and faces him, blinking furiously to stave off the tears that he can sense welling up from inside her aching heart.

How unbearably familiar this feels to his deception in the forest. The thought causes Kylo’s own heart to press tightly against his ribcage and he suddenly finds the room several degrees too warm. He can’t let her emotional reaction unsettle him.

Kylo regards her cryptically, and no matter how hard she tries to decipher his expression, he keeps it schooled into nothingness. He bows his head in the direction of his desk.

“I want to contact the Resistance directly and request a ceasefire, as I promised. It is important that you are a part of it, Rey. General Organa might not believe me - but she will have faith in your word.” 

Rey stares, unable to speak.

“Come on then,” Kylo opts for actions over words, and walks to his desk. Rey does not follow. Her feet remain frozen in place, disbelief filling the Force bond between them. Kylo begins the process of logging into the computer system - there is no indication that Rose sabotaged with it during her time here - and presses the comlink. His finger shakes as he does this, though he tells himself it is insignificant. An officer from the command bridge answers.

“Patch me through to the Resistance. Inform General Organa that I would like to speak with her privately.”

“Very good sir.” 

Shock is etched into Rey’s face and she still can’t seem to move. It is as though she fears any speech or movement will change his mind. She fiddles with the sleeves of his tunic, sleeves so long they come down well past her hands. When she finally speaks, a broken sound escapes her throat.

“You’re really - you’re requesting a ceasefire? Now?”

“I am. And I can’t do this without you.”

To his horror, Kylo realizes he is speaking the truth. To face his mother is to face someone who knows him intimately in a way that he can never sever. She is the woman who carried and birthed him, just as Rey carries and will birth his son. 

Kylo stares at the comlink and contemplates his situation with as much calm as he can muster. It is more than a challenge when his insides feel cramped and nervous knots of anxiety coil inside him.

“Rey?” He repeats, and she slowly pads across the room to stand at his side. Kylo’s heart pounds as he prepares for the comlink to turn green, signaling his mother is on the other line. 

His mother. Leia Organa.

He hates Leia Organa. _ Hates _ her. 

Kylo repeats this sentiment over and over, willing it to be true. When the time comes to strike her down he will not fail. Not again. Not like he did in his interceptor during the battle with the Resistance all those years ago. She holds no power over him, not anymore.

His rousing self pep-talk fails and Kylo is humiliated to find himself embroiled in a state of internal conflict so profound that he might burst at the seams. He is a fool to think that lying to his mother will be a simple task, but he has to try. His future, his family's future, depends on it.

This time it is Rey who takes his hand and squeezes it. 

“You can do this. For our son.” 

“Yes. For our son,” he agrees faintly, unable to hold Rey’s fierce gaze for long. The comlink turns green and Kylo decides to make this as brief as possible. 

This is business. Nothing more. 

“This is General Organa.”

Kylo finds himself wishing he was wearing his mask. He wishes he could conceal any signs of vulnerability. She has always been able to see straight through him.

“General, this is Supreme Leader Kylo Ren -”

“I know who you are.”

Kylo grinds his teeth together. Even now, she does not respect his authority or take him seriously. He quiets the outrage boiling in his blood at her interruption, at the absolute calm and assuredness in her voice. He tries to distance himself emotionally as much as possible.

“The First Order requests a ceasefire with the Resistance.” 

A long silence. Kylo continues.

“The First Order will not terminate its governance over the planetary systems it currently occupies. I will remain Supreme Leader.”

Kylo leans over the comlink when Organa responds, desperate to know if she believes him.

“The terms of a potential ceasefire may be discussed on a neutral planet. But I am curious, what is your motivation?” 

To his fury, she does not sound shocked _ or _ outwardly elated by his declaration. When she addresses him she is cool and detached. She is every inch the title she has earned: General.

Kylo’s chest tightens. She is doing this on purpose to throw him off balance. 

“I don’t - Rey and I do not want our son born into a galaxy strife with war. I will not risk him dying, or his mother. That alone should be reason enough.”

Kylo wants to dig into his mother’s guilt. He wants to ask her if she wishes he had been born long after the war ended, and not so soon after. He wants to rub her lapses in judgement in her face, but he can’t. It would make this too personal, and he does not want to call attention to those wounds right now.

Rey, who has been vibrating with apprehension throughout their exchange, bends over the comlink’s mouthpiece before Kylo can stop her.

“Leia, the baby and I are healthy. Rose Tico is unharmed. Please tell us what we can do prove our appeal for a ceasefire is genuine.”

Our. Us. We. 

Rey is using inclusive language. She is on his side. 

This is, without a doubt, one of the most bizarre experiences of his life.

Leia does not miss a beat.

“You can begin with releasing Rose Tico and all Resistance soldiers currently being held in captivity.”

General Organa would ask that of him. Ever the humanitarian, Kylo thinks bitterly. He reminds himself that this is a long-term play.

“I am able to meet your terms after the wedding,” Kylo states, “It is important to Rey that Tico attends the ceremony.”

He adds the last bit to see if Rey will argue for Tico’s freedom to be granted early. She doesn’t.

“After the wedding,” he says, “we will meet and discuss the ceasefire in detail.” 

Kylo should be used to this by now. Lying. Deception. But his heart hasn’t stopped racing. The comlink crackles before Organa speaks.

“The Resistance will draft a ceasefire treaty. I expect you to do the same, and after your nuptials we will convene.”

“Very well. Rey and I appreciate your willingness to…” Kylo searches for the right phrase to appeal to his mother’s emotions, “...to protect your grandson.”

“Protecting life is of utmost importance to Resistance,” Organa responds. 

The tinge of disappointment that runs through Kylo is unexpected. His mother’s communication is direct, impersonal, and unemotional. She is hard to read and gives nothing away. What did he expect? Tears at the mention of her grandchild? A desperate plea begging him to reconcile?

Praise?

Of course not. Nothing he does is ever good enough for General Organa. 

He _ has _ succeeded in keeping their conversation brief, but he finds the exchange woefully anticlimactic. He is a fool to expect anything more from her. 

With a heavy sigh and shoulders slumped, Kylo readies to turn off the comlink when he hears his mother’s voice once more. This time, her tone is warm and if he isn’t mistaken, a bit shaky. 

“This is a step in the right direction, Be -”

“Kylo Ren. It is still Kylo Ren, general,” he cuts her off, frustrated that she thinks only Ben Solo is capable of virtuous deeds. Angry that she thinks she has the right to switch from detached to casual. Rey rubs his back, as though she senses how hard this is for him, and he marvels at her empathy.

“Kylo Ren,” Organa says, “As a general, I view this as a step in the right direction. As your mother, I am proud of you for putting the well-being of others first. For setting your personal ambitions aside. We will be in touch. And Rey, it brings me unspeakable relief that you and the baby are well.”

“Good-bye, general,” Kylo disconnects the comlink, swallowing the lump in his dry throat.

He doesn’t feel well. He needs to lie down.

Rey pulls at his arm, and he forces himself to look at her.

“Kylo,” his name falls softly from Rey’s lips, “I am - I’m proud of you too. I didn’t think, not truly, that you would put our son first. That you would honor your word.” 

She slides her arms up to wrap around the back of his neck and pulls him into a kiss. Kylo puts a hand on her waist to steady himself. He kisses her back, slowly coaxing her mouth apart, their kisses lazy, deep, and languid. He could lose himself in her kiss, in her touch, and he wants to.

But he can’t shake the sick feeling that starts to twist in his stomach. He isn’t just lying to Rey and his mother. He is deceiving someone new: his son. Somehow, using his son’s safety as a method of manipulation leaves a bad aftertaste in his mouth.

Kylo cuts the kiss short. He is being foolish again - of course he isn’t betraying his son. He is working to build a better life for his family.

At the very least, Rey’s affection means his plan is working. Yet he hates that it reveals what she _ still _wants from him: surrendering to the Resistance. He brushes past her and briskly walks into the fresher, locking the door shut. 

Kylo presses his forehead against the wall, holding onto it with all his strength. He can’t stop the tremor running through him, the conflict raging in his mind. He is ashamed of his weakness, of the temptation to follow through on his promise to his mother, to Rey, to his son. The temptation of the Light.

This will all be worth it. It has to be. The Dark has gotten him this far, hasn’t it?

“Kylo?” Rey knocks lightly, “Is everything alright?”

“A minute,” he replies, shedding his pants and tunic. When he emerges from the fresher Rey stands in front of him, wide-eyed and worried. 

“Talking to your mother must have been trying.”

Kylo dips down and scoops her up into his arms. He carries her across the room to the bed.

“I’m fine,” he sets her down gently, and settles in next to her, drawing her against his chest. He can’t talk about Organa right now.

“I think she is happier than she let on.”

“Rey. I said I’m fine.”

“I think you and Leia are more alike -”

“Rey.”

“Okay,” she drops the subject, and nuzzles her head against a pillow. Before Kylo can say anything more, he hears the exhale of her breath and feels her muscles relax. She is out cold. Kylo rolls to lay flat on his back and finds himself staring directly at one of the infant mobiles.

He sighs.

His bedroom has been neutered. It is no longer _ his _ bedchamber. It belongs to the baby.

Weariness descends heavily on Kylo and his last train of thought is that everything will be better in the morning. 

All traces of conflict clinging onto his conscience will be gone.

*********

It is not the heartburn, aching joints, or incessant kicking on her bladder that wakes Rey up in the dead of night. It is not the fact that Kylo contacted his mother to request a ceasefire. 

Rey knows all too well the extreme lengths he will go to in order to manipulate her into trusting him. 

It is the raw conflict she senses, the sincere guilt that rushed through the Force as he lied to Leia that keeps her in a light, fitful state of sleep. 

His guilt deepened when Leia praised him, when Rey comforted him, and when she echoed Leia’s warm sentiments. Out of all the terrible lies he has fabricated, why does this one grate on his conscience? 

Rey chews on her bottom lip. It was soft of her to touch him, to console him while he talked to Leia. He really does not deserve any of her emotional support - not after the way he mentally drives her to exhaustion. And she kissed him, by Force, she _ kissed _ him.

The kiss was a tactical decision. Kylo cannot doubt her so-called love for him. As Rey continues justifying her actions, the sinking sensation in her stomach confirms her fear: she still cares too much.

She always will. 

But who is she, without her softness? Her kindness? Trying to heal Kylo Ren will break her, it will kill her, and she has to stop latching onto any sign of morality that peaks through his broken exterior. She is under _ no _ obligation to save a man who does not want saving.

These are not helpful questions to ponder. These are questions that will only delay her, and she hasn’t got much time. She has to find a way to contact Leia.

Rey knows Kylo’s mind, just as he knows hers. She knows he craves his mother’s love and validation in spite of the hate he spews about his parents. As much as he would deny it, his bond with his mother will not be easily broken. Murdering his father destroyed him spiritually, and Rey does not think he would risk repeating the same trauma by killing Leia.

Would he?

She doesn't plan on finding out. Rey buckles down on her decision to warn the general. Rey needs to confirm that the Resistance will resume their plan of attack on her wedding day. She can no longer risk hoping he will do the right thing and Leia shouldn’t either. Words and promises mean nothing to Kylo. His guilt never prevented him from hurting her. 

If Kylo means to uphold his commitment to a ceasefire, he can request a ceasefire immediately the moment the Resistance arrives. She'll call his bluff. 

Rey casts her eyes on Kylo. She pokes him, hard, and he does not move. 

Well then, she’s not the only one completely spent. Lightly placing her palms on his chest, she closes her eyes and concentrates. Their bond hums, and his conflict hits her even while he slumbers. Rey wills him into a deep sleep - not quite knocking him out - just drawing him down, down, deeper, and into a heavy dreamless sleep.

Content with the results, Rey sits up and pulls off Kylo’s socks, replacing them with her leggings. She begins to slide off the mattress, her feet centimeters from the floor, when a large, calloused hand snaps out and pulls her back in a vice-like hold, tugging her to a shocking halt.

“Rey. What are you doing.”

_ Force. _

He is groggy and trying to blink himself awake, but she hears the note of suspicion in his voice. Rey peels his hand off her body.

“I need to walk,” she replies truthfully, “My heartburn is keeping me up.” 

For a second she thinks he’s fallen back asleep. It’s quiet, and Rey peeks over her shoulder to see him staring at her with a creased brow. Her heart drops.

He is deliberating an idea, and she shudders to think what it could be.

“The doctor never could effectively treat your heartburn, could she? Let me take some of the pain away.”

Confusion plays across her face, and Rey ungracefully sputters a response.

“You? But - how?” She sinks into the mattress with the depressing realization that contacting Leia will have to wait. Kylo is fully aware and awake now.

“The pain. Let me siphon some of the pain away - or all of it - it won’t bother me.”

Is he talking about Force healing? Borderline-hysterical laughter bubbles up inside Rey. Force healing is associated with the Jedi, with the Light. 

Has he lost his mind?

“What if you make it worse?” Rey attempts to inch away but Kylo is already placing his hands on her shoulders.

“Tell me if it worsens and I’ll stop.”

"Fine."

Their bond opens, wide and unobstructed. Rey shuts her eyes and feels an imprint of darkness entering her own energy through the Force.

“Give into it, Rey,” he mutters, and Rey tries to relax. She meditates, focusing on her body, her breathing, and on the Light. When she hears a hiss from Kylo she knows it is working. The suffocating burning sensation in her chest lessens to a barely detectable throb. She twists around to find a triumphant expression on Kylo’s face.

“Have you done that before?” Rey inquires. They both know the real question she wants to ask: Did Ben Solo practice Force healing under Luke Skywalker’s guidance?

Kylo runs a hand through his hair.

“No,” he answers, retrieving an item from the floor using the Force. Something metal flies across the room and into his grasp. A pair of binders.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“No?” He locks one cuff around her wrist, “You’re a danger to yourself, Rey. You pushed yourself too hard preparing for the baby and -”

“I did _ not - _”

“You did. And I won’t have you sneaking off and finding trouble.”

Rey’s anger sparks within their bond. 

“This is ridiculous,” she removes the binder from her wrist and reigns in the impulse to chuck it at his face. Kylo effortlessly snaps it back on, and this time, he presses a series of buttons that circle around the binder’s cuff. 

“Do that again and an alarm will sound. I don’t want to do this Rey, but you leave me no choice.”

“You’re _ unbelievable_,” she shouts, “If you wanted a submissive partner then you chose the wrong woman.”

She watches, horrified, as he locks the second cusp around his own wrist. 

“The Force chose you, Rey. The Force wills us to be together. And you certainly _ can _ be submissive - at times.”

Kylo sends her images of their time together in bed, of her underneath him, of her whimpering as he touches her body.

Submissive in all the ways he likes. 

“Get out of my head,” Rey growls, shutting down his access to her mind.

“I’m only protecting you and the baby.”

Fighting is useless, and Rey opts for the silent treatment. Any positive interaction they have, be it bonding over the baby or Force healing, is tainted by his toxic behavior. He is willing to _ physically attach _himself to her body, and Rey knows that trying to flee Kylo will get ugly.

Very ugly.

The depth of his obsession for her, an obsession that he thinks is love, frightens Rey in a new way. It is vital that she locates her lightsaber before the wedding. Pregnant or not, she is sure that Kylo will resort to the worst kind of violence when he learns of her betrayal. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and keeping me motivated to write over the last few weeks. I appreciate you guys. 🧡
> 
> And shiiit TROS comes out next week.  
I'm hoping for bendemption, reylo, force ghost grandpa Annie, and a dignified ending for Leia.  
I can dream xD


	37. The Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers! I'm having a very hard time. 12 pages and still no ceremony :(  
I’m going to keep this as spoiler free as possible, but tros really sucked the motivation to write out of me. It’s hard to return to these characters.
> 
> Thank you suzeraine for betaing :) 
> 
> And thanks to everyone still reading this. Ultimately I write this for you all and that keeps me going lol. cheezus christ fanfic is srs business xD
> 
> *****

Warm. Rey likes feeling warm. As much as she loathed the desert heat, warmth feels familiar. She presses deeper into the mattress, tempted to drift off into another cycle of sleep. In space time often loses its meaning, and Rey has not yet found a way to quickly adjust her internal body clock. Waking proves to be disorienting, but then events from the previous day come flooding back. 

_ Leia, ceasefires, weddings, sabotage. _

Rey’s pulse quickens as the memories summon her to a fully awakened state. She realizes the source of the warmth must have come from Kylo’s body heat, but he is not in bed. The chrono reveals that it is midday, and her eyes frantically scan the room. The fresher door is shut, and she hears running water. 

Of course he would not leave her _ completely _ alone. 

Then, she spots the binders resting on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. 

_ His side of the bed. _

She needs to stop thinking like that. They are not a real couple. He is her greatest enemy and rival. A rival, who happens to be the father of her child. It does not matter that Kylo dipped into the Light by channeling her pain into his body. It does not matter that she sensed his yearning for his mother’s approval. He is determined to charge ahead with whatever warped plan he has for the three of them.

Kylo’s inner conflict makes his choice to remain dark all the more painful. It demonstrates his true nature and _ who _ he wants to be. It is almost enough to put off Rey’s appetite. Almost.

But then she smells food right before she spots the tray on the nightstand to her left, and her stomach rumbles in protest. She is starving. 

Rey lifts the lid off the tray to find a stack of steaming round cakes topped with fruit. Eggs and slices of meat rest on a smaller plate and she tears into the meal with vigor. The cakes are sweet and grainy, the eggs hot and fluffy. Her chewing slows and she swallows, realizing what this means.

If the food is _hot_ \- it was recently delivered. Rey finds it more than a bit worrisome that she slept through Kylo waking before her _and _through the food being delivered.

But she doesn’t feel drugged, and she doesn’t feel ill. She is just _ that _ worn down. There is a kind of tired that needs a good night's sleep, and another that needs so much more - but that is a luxury she cannot afford. 

Still. She _ had _ hoped her alertness would not be diminished by her mounting exhaustion. She needs to keep tabs on Kylo the same way he keeps tabs on her, and she can’t accomplish that by sleeping through his movements. And when was the last time she exercised her body? When did she last feel its strength? As if she _ could _physically take him on in her current state. 

With a sigh, Rey continues to eat and indulges in a bit of self pity. Plenty of pregnant women continued their training sessions - to a point - on the Resistance base. They were not expected to enter combat, but they did not fear putting themselves through familiar exercises. They were strong, capable, and never doubted the strength of their bodies.

Rey wishes she had a similar attitude. The hesitancy she feels is foreign and strange. Ordinarily she feels an obligation to approach every situation with fearlessness, to give every fight her all. But how can she give a fight her all if it means putting the baby in harm’s way? The sick irony of it all is not lost on her: she might pay for her hesitation with her life. Yet, her reasoning is not completely unfounded; this late in her pregnancy one violent blow could be all it takes to end her child’s life.

During her previous confrontations with Kylo Ren she never feared his power or the ruthless way he barreled down on her with a lightsaber. Rey is more than his equal and he never fought to kill. No, his goal was to disarm and capture her, and her fears were rooted in what he might do to her in private. Rey sensed his lust for her increase over the years, and the possibilities of what he might do were too terrible to dwell on.

He ultimately did succeed in seducing her to sleep with him _ and _continuing to coerce her into his bed. However, carnal pleasure was never a flippant part of his plan. 

What Rey did not count on was Kylo’s ultimate endgame: for her to conceive, knowing full well that she would fall in love with their child. A clever plan designed to give him the upper hand over her in a multitude of ways. She never would have guessed he had the patience to carry it out. 

But now she_ is _ afraid of his unbridled rage. She is afraid the last thing she will see is the glow of yellow rimmed eyes before he drives a saber through her and their baby.

The thought is so dark, so upsetting, that tears spring to her eyes and run in droplets down her face. Tears come all too easily these days, and she wipes away at them in frustration. White-hot outrage follows and replaces her wallowing: she _ will _ do whatever it takes to protect her son. 

Rey looks down at her tray to find both plates empty. She reaches for the glass on the nightstand and pauses, her hand hovering above it. The drawer below is slightly ajar and she spots the poison disguised as medicine through the crack. Her hand withdraws from the glass and she closes the drawer. 

She has every right to worry that Kylo would secretly try to administer the poison thinking it was medicine. His protectiveness constantly crosses the line and blurs into absolute control. Instead, Rey crawls across the mattress to drink from a glass of water on his nightstand.

The sustenance kicks in, restoring a bit of her energy, and Rey’s frame of mind begins to sharpen into focus. She meditates on the daunting tasks ahead of her.

Rey surveys the bedroom and tries to figure out how to contact the Resistance. Decking out the room in baby gear proved effective at distracting Kylo. The reality of fatherhood scares him, and exploiting Kylo’s anxieties surrounding fatherhood does make her feel dirty, but Rey sees no other option.

_ Playing dirty. _ She almost laughs. Why should that of all things bother her when underhanded, dirty behavior is Kylo Ren’s default setting?

Her gaze lands on his desk and her heart sinks. Kylo’s private quarters are a far cry from the command center, but he does have access to _ some _important security systems in the case of an emergency.

Rey untangles herself from the bedsheets and approaches his desk, ears perked for any sign of Kylo emerging from the fresher. She can still hear the shower, a good sign, and her eyes widen when she faces the screen.

The call with his mother has unhinged him more than she realized. What other reason could possibly explain the unsecured computer? Absent-mindedness is not a trait Kylo possesses. It is an unbelievable stroke of luck.

It feels too good to be true, and Rey wills herself to stop and think. Kylo is impulsive, but he _ has _ grown more cunning. This could be a trap, it could be one of his twisted trials that he set up to test if her loyalties lie with him. 

Rey exhales in disgust. It is a risk she is going to have to take. Time is simply not on her side. She is a far cry from being a slicer and possesses half the talent Rose has, but she can do this. Rey thinks back to the protocol Rose took so that Kylo’s live computer would not link up with the command center. Force, she wishes Rose were here. 

She made it look easy.

_ “Were you able to get in?” _

_ “Yes,” Rose’s tone is short, “But if I can’t find a way to hide our presence from the command center we’re screwed.” _

_ Rey stands frozen as Rose’s fingers fly across Kylo’s computer screen, holding her breath. At any second a bridge officer might make contact and request to know why Kylo is making nonsensical decisions from his massive datapad. Except it is not Kylo who is logged in, it is Rose who has bypassed his security system and is trying to find a way to sabotage the ship. _

_ “Are you able to -” _

_ “No,” Rose says with more than a hint of disappointment. They both had high hopes, hopes that are rapidly diminishing. _

_ “Kylo’s security system does not connect to any other crafts in his fleet. Only the flagship. At least, not that I can tell. Rey,” Rose looks up, “You have to make it look like we were busy, remember? I got this. Hopefully,” Rose grits her teeth and turns back to the computer. _

_ Rey swears and tosses another stuffed animal across the room. She had hoped they could find a way to break into the command’s main security system. Her grand plans of breeching vital security defenses seem stupid now. What did she think she was going to do? Sneak onto the bridge in the dead of night and mind-trick the entire crew? _

_ She can’t even manage to slip out of Kylo Ren’s bed in the dead of night. _

_ “Ah,” Rose hunches over the computer, her eyes aglow with excitement, “this could be good. Or bad, depending on what side you’re on. I disabeled access to the main hyperspace routes. For all his new tech, this is not a nav-computer system. No way for them to calculate new vectors and safely enter hyperspace now.” _

_ Rey walks over and studies the screen. _

_ “Won’t the command center get a warning that it’s been disabled?” _

_ “Nope,” Rose says proudly, “Not unless they manually check. I muted it.” _

_ “That’s good,” Rey says, “but how does this help us? Kylo won’t run from the Resistance. He won’t flee into hyperspace from his mother.” _

_ “I’m trying Rey,” Rose replies, offering a half-hearted shrug, “It’s hard to do any real damage when I can’t completely silence the alarm system.” _

_ “I know. I’m sorry,” Rey says, regretting her comment. She hesitates before asking her next question, afraid to hear the answer. _

_ “Is there any way we can drain the shields? Or disable life support?” _

_ “Mmmm,” Rose narrows her eyes in concentration and digs deeper into the system, “Maybe. I need time though, if we want to cover our asses. Oh,” Rose frowns, “Huh. That’s odd. Why would Kylo want control over the escape pods from his quarters? Well, the larger pods, anyways.” _

_ Because he is a control freak, Rey thinks. Rose glances at her. _

_ “Want me to try and render them useless? Scramble their ability to coordinate? Could stop the higher-ups from escaping.” _

_ The unspoken consequences of such an act hang in the air between them. How can they make a quick getaway if the pods are jammed? Rey isn’t confident in this choice, and she has a new kind of appreciation for the tactical decisions Leia and Poe have to make all the time. _

_ “I won’t leave without you Rose,” Rey declares firmly, “No matter what.” _

_ Rose twists her head and catches Rey’s eye, her face serious. _

_ “You have to take whatever chance you have to get the hell out of here Rey. If he finds out we brought the Resistance here…” _

_ “He won’t hurt the baby,” Rey says, wanting to believe it, “I can still get us out of here if he figures it out. He won’t come at me as hard as he normally would.” _

_ Rose stares at Rey, her expression skeptical and a little pitying. _

_ “Won’t he? I watched him put his hand around a pregnant woman’s throat. Your throat, Rey. He left bruises. And then he ordered you to go to bed with him. Just run. As soon as shit starts, just run, okay?” _

_ Rey knows that Rose is right. Kylo’s assault after she drugged him shattered her confidence that he would put the safety of their son above all else. She casts her gaze on the ground, not wanting Rose to see the on-going anguish it causes her. _

“I can do this,” Rey mutters to herself, and presses her lips together in concentration. There is no room for sloppiness or error. 

Contacting Leia through the comlink is a sure way to out herself, and she quickly discards that idea. Her only option is sending a coded message. Rey has a handful of codes memorized and the task itself is simple enough. It is not as if she hasn’t sent messages to allies and spies before, but there are two glaring risks: the message will be archived automatically, even if she deletes the message history. The second risk is that the codes are constantly changing. There is no guarantee that her message will _ reach _ the Resistance.

It takes Rey six attempts before one of her messages does not bounce back. The message is short and to the point - she sends coordinates for the First Order, the number of ships, and that the date of the wedding has not changed. Rey swallows thickly, hoping that the last bit of her message will be heeded: do not reply.

They _ should _ be able to see that the message is coming from the Flagship, and Rey can practically see the triumphant smile on Poe’s face when he realizes she is contacting them from Kylo Ren’s private quarters.

Well. She hopes they don’t linger _ too _ much on that thought.

Rey steps back and stares at the computer screen. Should she leave it unlocked? Lying on a shelf above the desk sits the datapad containing the video of her baby. Biting her bottom lip, she grabs it and uploads the file into Kylo’s computer system. She sends it to the Resistance with the added message that it is meant specifically for Leia.

Will it be enough? Will Kylo accept her explanation if he finds evidence of her tampering? That in a moment of emotional nostalgia she sent Leia a recording of her unborn grandson?

It all hinges on Kylo’s belief in her love. If he believes it to be as true and deep as he desires it to be, then she is safe. Maybe.

Rey returns the computer to its original state glances around the room. It is dead silent, and she realizes the shower has stopped.

Pretending to go back sleep will not work. She’s licked her plate clean of its contents, it is more than enough evidence that she has been awake for a while. What if he saunters out and senses that something is off?

Rey plays with the hem of her shirt - the hem of _ his _ tunic - and comes to a seedy decision. The tunic falls to the floor as she strips, and Rey gathers her wits. Entering the fresher naked feels akin to politely asking an acklay creature not to eat her.

But she knows Kylo. 

Though his lust motivates him to commit heinous offenses against her, it is also one of his greatest blindspots. She is one of his greatest blindspots. Rey blows out a nervous puff of air and slides the fresher door open. 

She takes one step forward and immediately comes into direct contact with a wet hard chest. Startled by the contact, Rey jumps back, her foot shooting out from under her on the slick floor. She nearly falls but avoids it by calling on the Force to steady her. 

Kylo’s face changes from one of surprise to anger? Concern?

“_Kriff, _ Rey,” Kylo swears, his expression stricken. His hand shoots out to catch her arm in a solid grasp, and he pulls her towards him, “What are you _ doing_?”

Rey snatches her arm back. 

“Isn’t it obvious? I’ve come to shower,” she responds after a tense silence stretches between them. His stricken expression confuses her, and she waits as Kylo’s gaze slowly drinks her in.

“Is that wise, Rey?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

She ignores the way he watches her as she scoots past him.

“How can I trust that you won’t fall again? You tripped over _ nothing_, Rey.” 

The source of his anger is confounding. Rey thought she would battle his advances, she assumed his vow not to bed her again would unravel just as all of his promises did. She did not expect such ire and protectiveness in response to her newfound clumsiness. 

“I _ did _catch myself,” Rey counters, punching a series of buttons on the shower wall. She closes her eyes and relishes the spray of warm water cascading down her body. But Kylo’s presence overshadows her ability to fully decompress, and she opens her eyes to see a glimmer of desire dance across his features as stares at her. 

Maybe she shouldn’t discount his lust just yet. 

Kylo returns to the shower and stands behind her. She feels the soft pressure of his hands on her shoulders, his fingertips moving down to caress her arms. He presses his mouth to the nape of her neck, and she can feel the warmth flood through her from the spot where his breath hits her.

"Rey," he speaks quietly, breathing into her ear as his hands pass over her hips to her midsection, his right hand lowering, lowering - 

“Easy,” Rey’s voice shakes slightly as she guides his wrist away from its destination, “you promised, remember? Not until after the baby is born.”

“I know,” resignation laces his tone. Kylo exhales heavily and tenderly strokes her swollen abdomen, spiraling outward from the center. Rey feels the baby move, swimming towards his touch and looks at Kylo from over her shoulder, eyes wide. 

“He senses you.”

“Of course he does. I’m his father.”

Rey does not know how to elaborate her thoughts without offending or stirring up trouble. The baby has always been aware of his father’s presence, but until now she had never sensed him make such_ direct _ contact with Kylo.

But why now? Despite her efforts to conceal her mind, Kylo picks up on her uncertainty. 

“I’ve started reaching out to him, Rey. Through the Force. I was hesitant earlier because -”

Kylo pauses, and Rey knows he will never admit that he wavered out of fear. Fear that his own son hates him, despises him.

Funny, how Kylo constantly seems to fear his guilt. 

“Why were you hesitant?” Rey turns and faces him, silently pushing him to be honest with her for once.

“It doesn’t matter,” he waves her question away, “what matters is that he’s safe. That you’re both kept safe. I am going to train him to wield his power in a way that surpasses both of us. You must know he possesses great Light _and_ Dark inside of him, Rey.”

"He's a baby," she counters hotly, "he's innocent."

A low rumble sounds in Kylo's throat. Laughter.

"It's not a bad thing. Everyone has the Dark inside of them. Don't deny it."

Kylo verbalizes one of her worst nightmares. Another powerful man descended from the Skywalker lineage fallen to the dark side, spreading pain and war across the galaxy. It doesn’t stop there. Kylo continues talking and Rey’s horror grows.

“Shortly after the wedding we will leave for our new home.”

“And where would that be?” Rey isn’t sure she wants to know. Kylo leans in to place a kiss on her forehead and brushes a strand of hair from her face.

“Rhelg. To a fortress that is being returned to its former glory as we speak.”

“_Rhelg? _” Rey sputters, incensed, “You can’t be serious. What good can possibly come from living on a broken Sith world?”

Kylo looks at her, yet beyond her, as if envisioning the future he has planned for them. Rey shakes her head. 

“You _ loathe _ the Sith, Kylo. Remember Dathomir? I sensed something wrong on that planet. I know you did too. Things that should have been long dead lurking in the shadows. If the Resistance hadn’t shown up -”

Kylo’s stare turns cold.

“Rhelg is not Dathomir. The Sith are extinct. The _ power _ of Rhelg will bolster our son, Rey. It will awaken his -”

“Awaken his Dark side,” Rey says, her voice dull and deflated, “You would have him consumed by rage and hate.” 

“No,” Kylo cups her face in his hands, “I would have him balanced. With you as his mother he is bound to be balanced. He will reach his full potential within the Dark and the Light. Our son will surpass the strength of any Force user in the history of the galaxy.”

A headache begins to throb behind Rey’s temple. She reels from another bout of emotional whiplash, caused by him waxing on about balance before effortlessly slipping into his delusional drivel about Rhelg.

“Rey,” Kylo angles his head downwards, trying to catch her line of sight, “I sense your anger with me.”

“You never asked if I wanted to live on Rhelg. My desires are never taken into consideration, Kylo. You just _ act _.”

Rey knows she shouldn’t argue with him, but her stubborn streak demands that she call him out. Kylo draws back, a demented fervor glossing over his eyes. 

“It is a wife’s duty to obey her husband, Rey. You won’t question my decisions.”

“That,” Rey says with a renewed spark to her tone, “is _ never _ going to happen. I will never stop challenging you. You have to know that, Kylo.” 

Is that a smirk she sees on his face?

“We’ll see,” is his only reply. 

Kylo thumbs her cheek, drawing circles around it. He isn’t just smirking at her, he is gazing at her as if he finds her outrage adorable. _ Amusing. _

He turns off the shower and Rey shivers as her warm skin comes into contact with the cool air. Kylo wraps a towel around her shoulders, then secures one around his waist. Rey is all too aware that her outspokenness might arouse suspicion in him. She mentally reigns herself in as he takes a step towards her.

“I only want to be treated like your equal. Kylo, I love you,” Rey speaks the sentence that is the most painful for her to say, “But even on a good day we are dysfunctional. How can this work?” 

The hard lines soften around Kylo’s eyes at her change in demeanor.

“I’ll tell you how,” he says softly, “We share a primal, unbreakable bond. To lose me would devastate you. However angry I make you, you know it to be true. We complete each other in every possible way, in every possible scenario. It is something beautiful to behold. Rey, I have been waiting a long time for the moment when you loved me as much as I love you,” Kylo’s arms circle around her hips, “We have a lifetime to figure out how to work together. Because when we _ do _, it is spectacular.”

Kylo’s eyes are glazed with tears, and the mood between them turns too intimate for Rey’s comfort. Before she can react Kylo’s lips are on hers and their mouths come together, gently at first, then more demanding as he slides his arms behind her back and molds her body against his. 

“Those sound an awful lot like wedding vows, Kylo,” she whispers when they break apart. 

“I would have said as much at our wedding.” 

“_ Would _ have?” Rey asks, not understanding, “Aren’t vows an essential part of any wedding ceremony?” 

“Yes. But our wedding will not be sentimental. It will not be like my parents.”

“You’ve _ seen _ it?” 

“The holos of it. When I was very young,” Kylo says and releases his hold on her. He walks over to his closet and pulls out two tunics. He hands one to Rey and she absently takes it, perplexed by his vision for their wedding.

“Rey, the entire galaxy will witness the uniting of our power. They will understand that opposing us is a foolish endeavor. Our ceremony -”

“Our ceremony is a display of strength,” Rey finishes.

“Exactly,” Kylo says, clearly pleased, “but it is important that you know how much I love you. _ Both _ of you.”

A hard knock calls Kylo’s attention away from her, and Rey watches as he unlocks the doors to reveal three droids. They roll into the bedchamber, their robotic arms carrying swaths of white silk fabric.

“You will stay here for the remainder of the day,” Kylo informs her, “The droids will take your measurements and construct your gown.”

“You would have me wear white?” Rey asks, walking over to smooth her hands over the fabric. It feels like liquid between her fingers, and it may very well be the finest material she has ever touched. 

“You deserve to wear white.” 

Rey scoffs. She doesn’t want to think about the indications of that comment. Rey knows he places her on a twisted pedestal, one where only he is allowed to touch and use her as he pleases.

“You’re going to leave me inside here all day? Alone?” 

It might not be such a bad thing. If she has more time to snoop around the computer system -

“Yes,” Kylo steps into his pants and yanks on his boots, “You will be safe. There are cameras in my quarters. I’ll check on you periodically.” 

Rey feels herself pale and bile rises in her throat. Kylo continues to methodically dress as though nothing is wrong. 

“And Rey,” Kylo stands in the open doorway, “Keep your hair down for the wedding. I prefer it long. Don’t touch her hair, understand?” he orders the droids.  As if she’s a doll. An object. Her life, her appearance, everything is controlled by him.

He leaves, and Rey stands frozen as measurements are taken for her wedding gown.


	38. Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guysss my family and I survived a stomach bug and bad bad allergies. IDK how your Jan/Feb was but that was mine.  
Oh but I did see Adam Driver at a film festival in January! That was cool before shit hit the fan. I hope you all have been well and healthy. 
> 
> this chapter: all aboard the angsty toxic hot mess train.  
darkfic is dark.  
trigger warnings abound.
> 
> Thank you Suzeraine for beta-ing. My dyslexia is bad when I'm stressed and she makes this fic readable. 
> 
> *****************

Kylo paces aggressively across the command center bridge. Back and forth, back and forth, his gaze unfocused, his heart pounding. He stops mid-stride to peer down as the main hangar opens to reveal a brilliant display of space: a dark eternity dotted with contrasting white and yellow stars. He never tires of looking at it.

It is the precise background he envisioned when marrying Rey.

_ Marrying Rey_.

In the span of his young life he had learned that love brought only pain and betrayal. Loving someone came with the risk of devastating loss. It came with the risk of learning you were nothing more than a tool or second place to a political ideology. 

Kylo sniffs. He is nearly rid of the second problem. Soon his mother won’t have to wring her hands over his inconvenient existence. How he must_ tarnish _her image.

“Supreme Leader, all of your - guests - are in attendance.” 

Lieutenant Garan trips over the use of _ guests _and Kylo’s eyes flash with dark amusement. Every major ranking official is on board the Flagship for the ceremony. The ones fortunate enough to have survived his on-going purge, that is.

“And the prisoner?” Kylo stares at the raised platform where the nuptials will take place. 

“Tico is being retrieved as we speak, sir. Would you prefer -”

“Bring her here. She can wait. And,” he raises a finger, “I want her executed first thing tomorrow. Cell 23. Don’t make a mess of it, and Rey is not to find out.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” 

Kylo does not want Rey or the baby stressed. Tico can quietly disappear to her grave. He wants to rid the First Order of its trash, and she has _ got _ to go. She is no good for Rey or their relationship.

“What is the crew status for the fleet?” He asks Garan. 

“Manned by skeleton crews, sir. All persons of importance are on board the Flagship and under surveillance.”

Kylo nods, mulling over his decision to keep his subordinates close. It is better to err on the side of caution, isn’t it? He’s heard the disgruntled rumblings in response to his mass executions. The last thing he needs is a _ third _ mutiny or rogue general firing on his ship during the ceremony. Or worse, the entire fleet banding together to launch an all-out attack. 

His paranoia is at an all time high, and he drums the hilt of his lightsaber. He won’t have their wedding day ruined. He won’t risk losing Rey.

Kylo turns to the lieutenant and lowers his voice.

“Monitor the movement of every guest in attendance. Anyone who makes a move towards me is to be stunned and put in binders.”

He prefers to personally snuff out the lives of those who betray him.

“And anyone who makes a questionable gesture towards Rey is to be killed on sight. Immediately. Understood?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Good. I want the wedding broadcast on every sector under our control - make it the only channel available on holonet.”

“Very good Sir.” 

“You are dismissed.”

Kylo walks past rows of chairs and through the corridors to his quarters. He refuses to leave Rey in the care of anyone else - human, alien, or droid - this close to the wedding. She has been restricted to the bedchamber for close to twenty-four hours and he knows she must be growing restless. This is a woman used to unrestrained freedom and Kylo reminds himself that the leash he intends to keep on her must be held by a gentle hand.

The room is quiet when he enters and Kylo finds Rey curled on her side, fast asleep. She always sleeps in this position and he attributes it to the years she spent in her hammock on Jakku.

The barren planet brings back complicated memories. He recalls how he ordered an entire village to be annihilated and silently thanks the Force that Rey was not an inhabitant, that she did not unintentionally die by his hand. 

She is his desert flower. Unpolished and wild, but beautiful. She looks effortlessly seductive in the sheer nightgown she _ finally _traded in for his tunic. Kylo’s eyes shine as he scrutinizes her. He can see the tantalizing curves of her figure; the way her perky nipples press against the muslin fabric, he spots the soft dark triangle between her thighs.

It is a _ delightful _ sight and his broad chest rises and falls with lust.

Maybe if he fucks her nice and slow, if he really takes his time, she won’t bleed. After all, doesn’t a man have the _ right _ to bed his wife after marriage? Kylo bites the inside of his cheek. He needs to watch it. She’s scared of sex right now, and he can’t be obvious about it. 

He will take her somewhere pleasant after the ceremony. Relaxing. Serene. Lots of green, lakes, maybe some mountains. Certainly the First Order occupies a planet that fits the picture in his mind. He will spoil her with food and gifts and he will be exceptionally kind. Romance, isn’t that what all women want? Rey makes it difficult for him to be romantic. She doesn’t like it when he asserts his dominant position in their relationship, but it is the only way to maintain order.

He has to admit, a part of him likes the pushback from Rey. It makes her submission all the sweeter.

Kylo gazes at the hope that blossoms in her belly and knows that this is the way things ought to be between them. It is the natural order of things.

By the time their honeymoon is over, the fortress on Rhelg will be suitable to live in. He did not sleep a wink last night, and the only practical solution was to keep busy. Rey had done her part to prepare for the baby, and he needed to do his.

In the dead of night, Kylo ordered Doctor Veduta and her medical team transported to Rhelg. Other doctors can attend to Rey on the flagship, but he wants the woman who knows her medical history delivering the baby. It is imperative that Rey gives birth in a safe environment. His little fiance, so used to independence, has ridiculous notions regarding birth. And he will not lose her or the baby to such frivolous female ideas. Rey will birth the baby in a hospital setting, even if he needs to strap her down to the bed.

Kylo frowns at the thought. 

Physically restraining a laboring woman is too much. He’ll drug her instead. Drugs will take the pain away - he wants her to enjoy birthing his babies.

Rey mumbles and squeezes her eyes shut as she slumbers. There is a wet stain on her pillow, and her mouth hangs open as she snores. Both are recent side effects of the pregnancy. Kylo runs a hand through his hair. She’s sacrificed her body, her mental energy, her entire self for this baby.

Rey _ is _ the definition of selfless - that he knows beyond a doubt. 

Her body is working overtime and she needs the rest. The ability to grow a human being is incredibly special; it is something that makes her sacred in his eyes. He is envious of that kind of power; the ability to grow and nurture life. 

Kylo quietly steps around the infant items to examine her wedding gown. The droids have outdone themselves. The dress is artfully displayed on a lifeless mannequin and Kylo circles around it. He notes the lace up closure in the back that allows for easy adjustment, the thick but finely crafted straps to support her breasts, the way the fabric will cascade over her abdomen. The style of it will highlight her pregnancy, and he likes that.

“Kylo?” Rey sits up and winces, one hand braced on her lower back. 

He is at her side in seconds.

“Are you alright?” He asks, lifting one hand to cup her cheek. Rey sighs, nuzzling against his palm. 

“I’m just tired.”

“I know,” he kisses the side of her head, “This won’t take long.”

Kylo just wants to be married to her. He’s ready. He is having a hard time keeping still, his body jittery with unspent energy.

Rey yawns and rubs her eyes.

“What won’t take long? The wedding? I thought you wanted,” she yawns again, “to display our power to the galaxy.”

She smacks her mouth together as she finishes waking, a habit Kylo finds adorable. She stares at his belt, and he senses an argument brewing in her mind.

“If you’re wearing your lightsaber during the ceremony, I want mine.”

An insane request. She nearly wiped out in the shower, she is not fit to wield a saber. 

“Absolutely not,” Kylo answers, huffing harshly through his nose, “besides, women have no business brandishing weapons. Especially not pregnant women.”

The room is silent as Rey looks around for a stunned moment - and then she laughs. 

“Are you_ serious_?”

Kylo finds nothing funny about his statement. He doesn’t care for the way she disrespects him with her fucking _ laughter_. 

“It’s not an insult. Women have no place in battle or war. It is beneath your sex. It upsets the natural balance of -”

“Balance of _ what_? I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” Rey slides off the bed and wraps a robe around her body, “You have female generals in the First Order. I’ve beaten you in battle more than once. Or have you forgotten?”

Kylo offers a half smile.

“I let you win. I never wanted to hurt or kill you, Rey.”

“Mmm. I see.”

He catches the grin she’s trying to hide and heat boils in the pit of his stomach. She’s not taking him seriously. She’s brushing him off, her expression smug, and he can’t have that. 

“I was hunting you,” Kylo’s tone intensifies as he rounds on her, “And you put up quite the chase. Come on,” he watches a gradual blush tint her cheeks, “Don’t pretend you didn’t know. You enjoyed being pursued.” 

Rey clears her throat. He senses how averse she is to this topic. But her competitive stubbornness wins out, and she straightens her back.

“I disagree. About women and war. Your mother -”

“General Organa was never a warrior.”

“Her title is _ General_.” 

“A formal title. She’s not a warrior, Rey. She’s a bureaucrat, a politician.”

Rey fumes, but lets the remark go.

“Fine. But Ahsoka Tano was your grandfather’s Padawan. She was a spectacular fighter. Sabine Wren, Asajj Ventress, Hera Syndulla, Darth Traya -”

“Traya never existed,” Kylo says a little too sharply.

“Oh, I believe she did,” Rey counters, “First of all…”

Force, she just keeps _ talking_. Kylo tunes her out.

He knows when she begins with _ First of all _ that he is about to endure a never ending lecture. Sure, it’s cute that she’s made the effort to educate herself. She has studied the history of the galaxy, but he doesn’t give a shit. She’s twenty-two. What does she know about the intricacies of war and the universe? He has _ years _ of higher education on her.

Kylo makes a note to ensure that only appropriate books are available to her on Rhelg. Rey is intelligent, but she only needs to focus on being a good wife and mother.

Kylo politely tries to wait out her argument. He presses his comlink and requests the droids come and style Rey for the wedding. Hurt flashes across her face when she realizes he isn’t listening, but miraculously, she _ keeps going _.

She chats away, citing her sources, giving concrete examples, and Kylo’s about had enough.

“All of those women were exceptions to the rule,” he says loudly, talking over her,“You’re pregnant, Rey -”

“I am _ well _ aware of how pregnant I am -”

Kylo presses a finger to her mouth and her voice fades. He has her full attention and he thumbs her bottom lip.

“You don’t need the protection of a lightsaber when you have me. I won’t hesitate to kill anyone who looks at you the wrong way. Please Rey,” he says, “no more disagreements on our wedding day.”

Rey mumbles something about killing not being necessary, but drops her argument about women and war. 

In the end she is always such a good, obedient girl for him.

Rey thinks they are a dysfunctional couple, but Kylo disagrees. They are a _ passionate _ couple, and he loves her fiery spirit. He doesn’t want her to become docile or meek. He just needs her to know that ultimately, he is in charge.

Kylo checks the chrono and is glad when the droids announce their arrival by beeping outside his quarters. They roll in and he turns to Rey.

“Sit down.”

Rey settles herself onto a stool, and Kylo watches. 

The droids untangle her hair, brushing it well past her shoulders. The taller one sprays a substance on her head and Kylo grunts in disapproval when it causes Rey to sputter and cough. These robots are supposed to be programmed specifically for grooming, and they can’t manage to keep a pregnant woman comfortable?

He adds another item to his ever expanding mental list: permanently retire the droids after they are finished with Rey.

“Not too much,” he quips when they begin applying color to her face. Rey needs no artificial enhancement, but she has to be visible over holonet. There will be ambiguity or doubt that Rey is the woman he is marrying. 

The droid adds a rosy touch to her cheeks, her lips, and her hair transforms into loose curls that cascade down her back. They help Rey into her gown and he tries not to intervene when she yelps that the dress is too tight. Final touches are added and a few locks of hair are pulled back and held in place by a simple but elegant comb. Kylo continues to stare boldly and unapologetically until the droids retract their tools and retreat to a respectable distance from Rey. She stands and looks at him, fidgeting with the train of her dress. Her eyes meet his, and there is no other word for the sensation Kylo feels: his heart completely melts.

She is the loveliest sight he has ever seen.

For all his power, he feels completely defenseless against her. He feels robbed of his ability to speak, and he clears his throat.

“Are you happy, Rey?” He asks. 

She nods, smoothing the front of her dress.

“It’s nice, for a dress. I’m not used to wearing -”

“No,” he walks towards her, “I asked if you’re happy.”

He wants to kiss her, but settles for sliding an arm around her waist. His grip is warm. Slightly rough. Masculine. Strong. He is afraid in some way still, that if he lets go she will vanish. Afraid that if he lets go, she will fade into nothingness and he will wake up in the galaxy where she no longer exists. A galaxy that for him is meaningless without her. 

The life-force of their child thrums through their bond and he knows he would do anything to keep them.

Rey slants her head upwards to look at him. Her gaze is sincere and she rests one hand on his chest.

“I am happy. I’m not alone anymore, and neither are you.”

It is everything he needs to hear from her. Kylo’s never been eloquent with words around Rey, so he responds with the only words that matter.

“I love you, Rey.”

And with that, he escorts her to the command center.

___________

  
  


When they arrive at the command center a hush falls over the crowd. Most people are seated and Kylo surveys his underlings with guarded eyes, his senses heightened to detect any ill intent. A mixture of curiosity and fascination floods the Force. Kylo knows Rey is the source of bewilderment for the First Order, and he smirks. They’re staring in wonderment at how well she cleans up, they approve of her good behavior. She’s caused a significant amount of trouble for the First Order, and now she is one of them. 

Kylo rather likes showing off his young, beautiful, and very pregnant mate. He parades her down the aisle, down the long black runner to the raised platform. The only thing preventing the scene from absolute perfection is Tico’s presence. She is tightly buttoned up in a black uniform, but he doesn’t miss the way her eyes blow open when she locates Rey. Kylo flicks his wrist and Tico’s head snaps down. 

He curls a finger and calls over one of his commanders, nodding his head at one of the seated officers. The officer radiates the _wrong_ kind of interest in Rey and Kylo mutters an order to have him removed from the ceremony. Admiring Rey is fine, openly lusting after her is not. 

Kylo glances at Rey to see her face covered in a sheen of sweat, her cheeks a little _ too _ pink. He takes her by the wrist and feels the way her pulse quickens.

Something about this situation is making her anxious - more anxious than she ought to be. She’s not in danger, and he’s never known Rey to suffer from stage fright.

Kylo’s eyes narrow and he sifts through her emotions. She must sense his attempt to read her, because she offers him a nervous smile.

“I’m still not sure what to expect,” Rey says, clasping and unclasping her hands, “do I need to say anything? I haven’t -”

Kylo cuts her sentence short. 

“All you need to do is sign your name on the marriage license and place the wedding band on my finger. Don’t worry,” he senses her apprehension, “your ring won’t have a tracking device this time.”

That bit of information seems to help. Her shoulders drop, her body posture relaxes. Her eyes are bright when she makes her next request.

“I _ would _ like to check in with -”

“Tico is off limits.”

“Kylo,” Rey sets her jaw, “You’re overreacting. Killing anyone who looks at me the wrong way? Terminating droids because I sneezed? Yes,” she says in a rushed, low tone, “I sensed your intent. Not letting me speak to Rose? You need to calm _ down_.” 

Under normal circumstances he would be furious at her attempt to undermine him in public. But he can’t hide his feelings from her, and he’s never wanted to. Rey can sense the way his nerves manifest as aggression and paranoia - at least, that is how _ she _ perceives it. 

Kylo disagrees. He is overprotective, but for good reason. The lights dim, and he runs his hands down her arms in a way that is meant to be soothing.

“It is time,” he looks sideways and Rey follows his gaze. The officiant joins them on the platform, a datapad in his hand. The officiant is an older gentleman who witnessed the glory days of the former Empire, and Kylo thinks it is fitting that he binds them in matrimony. 

Lieutenant Garan marches through the audience, shooting severe glances at anyone still standing. He finally makes his way to the front of the command center where Kylo gives him a nod. Garan activates and begins programming the hologram that will link up to holonet. 

Stormtroopers line the walls and Kylo waits as Garan steps onto the miniature stage. There is no need for him to clear his throat, his voice is crisp and sharp as he announces the union of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and Rey.

Just Rey. 

It’s never mattered to Kylo that she has no surname. She’s enough. 

Lieutenant Garan steps down and Kylo turns to face Rey. He takes her hands in his as the officiant speaks, feeling the immense power of a ceremony like this. The room is silent as the officiant lists numerous reasons why the union is a practical decision, that it will strengthen the First Order. There is no sentimentality, no romance or softness to his words. There are no flowery vows, no mentions of parting until death. 

The officiant passes the datapad to Rey, and Kylo watches her tremble as she signs the marriage license. He exhales a breath he did not know he was holding in when she finishes. She passes it to him, and he stares for a moment at her signature before signing his name. Next are the rings, and it all starts to feel real. He slips the smaller band onto Rey's hand, and in turn she slides the much larger ring onto his finger.

Kylo feels the weight of it. 

No matter what the future holds, she will always be his legal wife.

The final words are spoken under the high dome of the command center, and the officiant declares them bound together in marriage for eternity.

It is done. Kylo closes his eyes, hardly believing it.

Everything he has ever wanted is right here. The officiant mentions that it would be appropriate to kiss Rey, and Kylo agrees. A wedding should not be _ too _ business-like. He steps forward and leans down to kiss her. 

The kiss is brief and perfunctory, a duty done, a ritual performed.

It’s suddenly not enough.

He should know better. Openly displaying signs of love marks Rey as his weakness. Domination, control, those are fine. She is a trophy that he has rightfully won from the Resistance. A vessel to produce his heirs.

But Kylo’s brain is awash in emotion, driven by his inexplicable passion for his _ wife_.

He doesn’t care about displays of power or what others think. Not right now. He is overcome by his feelings, and he wants the galaxy to know the depth of his love for Rey. Kylo cradles her head in his hands and pulls her into a fiery kiss. His insistent mouth parts her lips, sending wild tremors through her body - or is it his? Kylo can’t tell where she starts and he begins as the Force weaves around them, their bond strong and pulsating. All he knows is that she kisses him back, and the kiss grows deeper, deeper than all the galaxies in the universe. 

They pull apart and take shaky, shallow breaths. Their foreheads touch and his fingers caress her face, they gently thread through her hair.

He realizes he’s smeared her lipstick, and Rey affectionately brushes a fingertip over his mouth. Kylo gets the message and uses the back of his arm to rid his face of her make up. She stifles a _ laugh _ as he does this, and Kylo cracks a smile. He didn’t foresee such levity during their wedding, such genuine intimacy. 

He still doesn’t care what the First Order thinks, and he hopes his mother is watching. He hopes General Organa realizes how much she’s lost by anchoring herself to a political cause over her own son. 

Ceremonial cannons fire as he glides with Rey down the aisle, relieved and elated that their relationship is official.

Kylo allows no one to shake her hand or congratulate her. His expression turns stony and he keeps Rey close, one arm around her waist. No one dares to challenge him. She will spend a few hours in their bedchamber while he organizes the departure of his fleet. Then he will take her away where they can be alone - or nearly alone. Security will be discreet. 

As they walk Kylo notices the way Rey wraps an arm around the bottom of her abdomen and slows her pace, as if she might topple forward. She winces and scrunches her face in pain, and Kylo stops immediately. His dark eyes search hers. 

“What is it?”

“My rib cage - the baby, he’s always kicking me in -”

She doesn’t have a chance to finish her sentence. 

A great rustling noise sweeps through the crowd, catching Kylo’s attention. People are standing and staring straight past him, and the murmurs turn to shouts. 

“Stay close,” he says to Rey, vexed by the disruption. Kylo stands to his full height and watches Resistance cruisers manifesting from hyperspace, their massive hulking ships surrounding his fleet. The crowd parts as he and Rey make their way to the end of the bridge. Kylo grips the rail in front of him, trying to focus through his shock.

It is so _ like _ his mother to try and upstage him. 

He should be issuing orders and taking charge of the situation. Generals and officers flood the room, but Kylo finds himself concerned with only one person’s safety.

Rey.

Perhaps he was wrong about his mother. Maybe he has been wrong to credit Organa with having _ noble _ morals. This move is aggressive, even for her, and he inwardly snarls that she would risk harming her own grandson. 

Then again, when has family ever come first for the aging Resistance general?

“Sir,” General Knapp jogs to his side, “General Organa is requesting to be patched through.”

A surprise attack _ and _ she wants to chat? Bold. Kylo refuses to bend to his mother’s will.

“I have no interest in speaking with General Organa.”

“Kylo,” Rey tugs on his sleeve, her voice a whisper, “I need to talk with you. Alone.”

“Not now,” he holds her back, and directs a suspicion laden glance across the room at Tico. He can’t figure out how the _ fuck _ the Resistance timed their arrival so impeccably. How they knew the _ precise _ location of his Flagship. If Tico found a way to contact the Resistance - if she has been conspiring _ with _ someone in the First Order - he grumbles and turns to General Knapp.

“Dispatch all able pilots. Contact the fleet and fire everything we have on those cruisers.”

“_No_,” Rey lunges forward, stepping between Kylo and Garan, “Kylo,” she sucks in a short breath, trying to steady herself, “Contact Leia. Request a ceasefire. I _ know _ that’s what she wants. She doesn’t want to fight.”

Kylo’s blood goes cold at her demand, and he senses Garan’s instinct to backhand her for such an insane, treasonous request. But Garan remembers that Rey is no longer a Resistance prisoner: she is Kylo’s wife. When it comes to the chain of command, she now outranks him. 

Theoretically.

Kylo takes Rey by the arm and drags her away from Garan. Undermining him in public will not stand, but he can excuse her behavior this time. She’s pregnant and hormonal. She’s not thinking straight.

“Kylo,” Rey struggles to keep up with his long strides, “You didn’t just make that promise to your mother. You made that promise to me. And our son.”

The inner conflict he felt over requesting a ceasefire is now a moot point. His mother has given him another reason not to trust her; she’s given him a solid excuse to back out of his agreement for a ceasefire. 

Rey never needs to know the chance of him honoring his promise was slim. Besides, General Organa is not stupid, and neither is he. Showing up with a barrage of warships ready for battle does not coincide with peace talks or ceasefires. He knows how the game is played.

“How can you still believe she wants peace, Rey? Look outside. Look at those warcrafts. She is here to kill us.” 

“You _ don’t _ know that!”

Kylo sighs. Rey often retreats into denial, into fantasies to help her cope with unwanted realities. She needs to accept that the Resistance is no longer her family - that they’d rather see her dead.

“General Knapp,” he shouts, “Fire the dreadnoughts at will. I want torpedoes utilized as soon as possible.” 

“Yes Supreme Leader. And Sir, our shields are slow to charge -”

“_Fix it_,” Kylo booms. General Knapp’s face turns a sickly pale color, but he does not speak again.

Kylo takes a step back. Rey is panicking - _ really _ panicking. The chaos around them increases, and Kylo realizes he can’t be distracted by Rey’s hysterics. Hesitation in battle means certain death, and he knows what he has to do. 

“I’m sending you to Rhelg.”

“What?” Her brow knits together in confusion, but Kylo is already dragging her down the hall. She digs her heels into the floor, trying to slow him down.

“Kylo stop, _ stop_,” she puts the Force behind her actions and frees herself from his grip. He whips around, agitation in his every movement. Rey is equally frustrated, but all Kylo can think is that he doesn’t have _ time _ for this shit.

Rey finds her voice, and gasps out a plea. 

“Just _ listen _ to what Leia has to say. Show her you can keep your word. Please.” 

She sounds absolutely miserable. Her tone is too similar to the one that begged him to come back to the light in Snoke’s throne room. It reminds him of the worst decision he ever made, one that he can’t come back from.

He hates it.

“No.”

Through the nearest window he watches as one of the cruisers destroys a torpedo in flash of blinding light, and the skirmish outside becomes vicious. Squadrons of x-wings zoom out from Resistance hangars, and soon there are too many starfighters to count. Kylo swears under his breath. The Resistance has come prepared. 

He shifts to look at Rey when the Flagship sways, and he hears a commander yell that the hangar below has sustained a hit. Kylo smells the burn of gasoline and metal, and a secondary blast is right behind it. 

He has to protect the only thing that truly matters to him. 

Kylo doesn’t think - he instinctively covers Rey as he pulls her to the ground, crouching behind her. He curls his body around hers, shielding her and the baby from the impact of the explosion. Heat warms his back as shrapnel blows around them and he draws her tightly against his chest. Kylo feels the baby move, and finds himself temporarily stunned.

His mother - the Resistance - is not holding back. As the air settles he tries to stand but Rey twists around to face him, fisting his tunic in her hands. She brushes away a dark curl from his cheek, eyes locked with his. 

“_Talk _ to Leia. Stop this madness. She would forgive you, Kylo.”

He lifts Rey to her feet.

“She started this madness. And her actions communicate anything but forgiveness,” Kylo inspects the level of destruction. Through the smoke and debris he can see that the damage is largely artificial; but Knapp’s update about the shields gnaws at him.

It reeks of sabotage.

Without a word he picks Rey up and dashes down the corridor towards the escape pods.

“You’ll be safe on Rhelg,” he sets her down and inputs a code. The Flagship rocks again, and he manhandles her inside of the pod before the door fully opens. He reaches over Rey for the programming pad and types in the exact coordinates for the Sith world. 

“I’ve sent First Order personnel ahead to prepare the fortress. You’ll be well cared for. I'll join you as soon as this is over.” 

“Kylo -”

The last thing he sees is Rey’s agonized expression as the door slides shut. With her safely tucked away, it is time to put an end to the Resistance once and for all.

Back at the bridge, he hears the reports from his subordinates. The battle is ongoing, and they’ve lost one of their biggest docking bays. Fortunately, the Resistance is in bad shape as well. Neither side is pulling through as victorious, and Kylo’s mood darkens even deeper.

He’s never been one to micromanage tactical decisions, he leaves that to his generals. He barks orders for his interceptor to be prepared for combat. This is personal. He wants to inflict revenge on his mother for ruining what should be the best day of his life. 

Kylo passes by the escape pods on his way to the turbolift and pauses. He backs up and mentally replays his actions of shoving Rey inside the pod. Yes, it was this exact one. And yes, it’s still here. She hasn’t left, and he opens it to find the pod empty. The screen flashes, indicating it has been disabled. 

“She’s been spotted in bay six, Sir,” Garan’s voice slither’s inside his head from behind, “And she has the prisoner with her. Tico. Did you order Rey to take custody of the prisoner?”

There is a judgmental air to Garan’s question. He _ knows _ Kylo would not place Tico in Rey’s care. But Rey is clever enough to use her new status of _ wife _to take Tico as her charge, and the First Order is too frightened of Kylo’s wrath to question it. 

Kylo’s chest tightens and he averts his gaze so Garan can’t witness the extent of his shock. He suddenly feels very far from himself. Rey’s defiance must be rooted in her desire to help Tico escape. The other option is unimaginable to him.

Rey couldn’t be the one behind this. She wouldn’t align her loyalties with Organa. It’s impossible. The thought of her conspiring with his mother doesn’t make sense. None of it does. Their bond would have given her away. He’s felt her love for him.

True, she disapproves of some of his methods, but he never questioned her love.

Something cracks inside of him, and Kylo doesn’t understand. 

They’re having a baby. Her mood during the wedding changed from one of nervous anticipation to happiness. She was downright _ giddy _when he kissed her. She’s always been open and honest with him. Rey is not a liar. She doesn’t stoop to underhanded maneuvers the way he does. She’s always been _ better _ than him. 

“Would you like us to stop her, Sir?” Garan asks. The lieutenant fucking knows. He has enough experience to sense when something is amiss. Stormtroopers gather behind him, their blasters set to stun. The voltage could kill the baby, and Kylo grits his teeth.

“No. No one is to touch her but me. Get back to the bridge.”

Kylo takes the turbolift to the bay where Rey was spotted. Smoke swirls thick and hot from an explosion mere minutes ago, and he catches the flash of white near a TIE fighter. Tico is nowhere to be found, but Kylo does not give a damn. 

He moves silently and swiftly through the hangar, his hulking figure slinking around the mangled debris and small ships until he can no longer conceal his approach. She’s trying to break into a TIE fighter, and he attempts to control his temper.

It doesn’t work.

“Have you lost your _ mind, _” he bellows, blocking her path, “Get back here Rey. Get back here and tell me the truth. What’s going on?”

Streaks of dried tears cut through the grime and dirt on her face.

“I didn’t believe that you’d call for a ceasefire, and I'm only sorry that you proved me right. You are not fit to raise a child, and I don’t want to raise my son in a galaxy where the First Order exists. Leia is right to launch a defensive attack.” 

Kylo’s vision is blurry, his nerves are frayed. The knot of grief inside of him unfurls and he bites his tongue to keep from calling her an ugly name. He glances from the TIE to Rey, and decides he will take her to Rhelg himself. 

“You contacted the Resistance,” he states, heart wrenching in his chest. Rey stares defiantly. 

“I did.”

“So you lied. About everything.”

A shadow of agony shimmers in his eyes. His saber sparks and burns at his side but Kylo can’t remember igniting it. He swings it through the air, spinning it close enough to cast a red glow on Rey’s face. He stares at the ring on her finger before raising his eyes to meet hers. 

“Did you mean any of it? When you said you loved me?”

Kylo fixes his gaze with hers as she slowly backs up, one step at a time.

“I loved Ben,” Rey’s voice is raw and pained, her chin wobbling as tears race down it, “Not this monstrous thing you’ve become. That you are so _ proud _ of becoming. You tell nothing but lies.”

Kylo’s heart twists viciously at the words leaving her mouth. Despair eats at him from the inside and all he feels is a squall of perfect, neon fury. 

He remembers her words of love, of forgiveness, her warm touch, her faith in his ability to be a father. To Kylo they are sacred, intimate moments between Rey and him. Moments burned into his mind, moments revealed to be nothing more than lies and deception.

Shame and humiliation pulses through Kylo. Some part of her must be amused, must revel and take pleasure in how easy he was to fool. 

And it hurts, it is an all encompassing pain. She is responsible for the destruction of their happy ending. His _ wife _, the mother of his child, has driven a sword through his heart, through the bond he thought they had mended.

Kylo drives his saber through the train of her gown, watching a wispy trail of smoke rise from the fabric. He stabs it a second time, on the verge of losing logical thought altogether.

“No,” Kylo shakes his head, his voice a hoarse whisper, "I _ never _lied about loving you,” his voice is cracking, breaking, shattering to pieces, because it's not right, not right at all. There are tears blazing down his face, hot and helpless and angry. Heartbreak turns into a rage he cannot suppress, and there is no other target but her.

Kylo raises his lightsaber to her dress and carefully cuts through the layers, higher and higher, until the crackling saber points directly at her belly. 

She often wins their duels but not this time. Not when she is heavily pregnant and without a blade. Kylo watches as sweat drenches her skin, he watches as red hives spread across her collarbone and arms.

She is afraid. Good. 

“You’re coming with me to Rhelg. Go on,” he elevates the blade, idling it below her chin, “Get in the TIE. Your little _ rebellion _ is over.”

Rey is not supposed to be capable of such treachery. She is goodness and honesty and Light, she is _ his _ Rey, and her tears infuriate Kylo. 

She has _ no right _ to tears when she is the one who orchestrated this nightmare. 

“Stop it,” she hisses, “The Ben I knew would never threaten his pregnant wife. This isn’t love.”

Kylo recoils as though he’s been slapped. 

The flagship groans and metal scrapes against metal, the whine of it echoing in his ears. Some large structure is collapsing and sparks explode in all directions. Kylo deactivates his saber and pushes her against the wall, raising one arm to block her from the pellets of fire raining down on them.

“You’re coming with me, Rey,” his voice cracks mid-sentence and he hates himself for the slip, he hates how desperate and broken he sounds, “You belong to me now.” 

She is a blur of white as she dives, ducking under his arm in an attempt to escape. 

Kylo is faster. Once she could have outrun him, but not anymore.

He catches her by the shoulders and pins her against the wall, hard. She tries to fight back by calling on the Force and he doubles down, digging into his rage to hold her in place. He clasps her jaw in one hand and tightly holds the back of her neck with the other. His breath is hot on her face as he leans forward, his lips brushing against her throat for a brief moment.

“I said you belong to _ me_.” 

“Stop,” she shakes, “You’re hurting me. You’re going to end up hurting our baby.” 

“_Our baby_?” He shouts, spitting mere inches from her face. 

It is only _ our _ baby, _ his _ baby, when she wants to manipulate him. She has no intention of letting him raise this baby.

He can’t help but see her as the worst kind of traitor. 

Kylo fists her hair and yanks her head back, forcing her neck to remain arched. Rey angles her jaw away from him, nostrils flaring in protest. He ignores the way she alternates between scrambling to wrap her arms protectively around her belly and trying to push him away.

Kylo yanks harder and she grimaces in pain. 

“Stop fighting me Rey.”

“_No_,” her voice is ragged as she punches at his chest, “let _ go _of me,” she uses all of her strength to deliver a hard slap to his face.

It doesn’t hurt. Not in the slightest.

But she won’t be doing it again. 

Kylo seizes both of her wrists in one hand. He slams her arms above her head and holds them there.

“Is that really how you want this to go?” His voice deepens to a near growl.

Rey’s eyes narrow as she considers his threat.

“Is this what gets you off? Makes you feel powerful? Roughing up the woman carrying your child? Your grandfather would be ashamed of you.” 

Kylo’s vision sparks red as she not only invokes his grandfather’s memory, but tries to draw out his sympathy by reminding him that she is pregnant.

Like he isn’t fucking _ aware _ of that fact.

She thinks she is entitled to destroy his heart without facing the consequences. She thinks she is the _ victim _ in all of this, when all he wanted to do was love her.

Kylo towers over her, hovering so close that he can see the actual beads of water clinging to her lashes. Rey flinches as he burrows his mouth and nose against her neck, biting and kissing her softly. He moves to the sweet spot below her ear before whispering a warning.

“Decide what role you’re playing, Rey. Are you my pathetic, _ helpless_, pregnant wife? Or my cunning little rebel snake?”

“I’m not yours.”

Kylo watches her pretty lips tremble as she speaks.

“I’m not your wife, your scavenger - I’m not something you _ own_. You don’t deserve my love or this baby. Your grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, turned back to the light - ”

“Stop it, Rey.”

“And you’ve done nothing but dishonor his memory with your atrocious behavior! You really think this is what he wanted? His grandson repeating his mistakes? You’re _ sick_.”

She’s _ yelling _ at him - she is actually raising her voice, eyes wide and wild as her cheeks flush with adrenaline, ranting with conviction about things she has _ no idea _ about. 

All of Kylo’s rage, self loathing, and hatred come back full force. His free hand collides dangerously close to her head as he smacks the wall.

“I said _ stop _ talking!” He slams the wall again and her head bounces against the metal, startling both of them. Her wrists are slippery with perspiration under his bare hands and her chest heaves as she pants out her next sentence.

“If you’re going to hit me - just hit _ me_, not the baby,” she says with an eerie calm, eyes fluttering from her belly to his face, “Don’t hurt him.”

At first a numbness takes over his entire body. After everything they have been through she thinks he would be the one to take her life - their son’s life. His head swims with half formed regrets and he struggles to form words. 

“Don’t be a fucking martyr Rey,” he snarls, “I would never hurt _ our _ baby. That is entirely up to you. I’ll never forgive myself if you _ make _ me hurt you.”

Rey looks at him with a new kind of devastation.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.”

“You would hurt our baby to stop me from leaving?” She asks, voice barely audible.

_ Never_, Kylo wants to say. She wounds the deepest part of him by assuming he will kill his own flesh and blood. His own son.

But her fear hinders her, it cripples her ability to summon the Force. Kylo wants to lasso that fear, he wants to push Rey over the edge and into submission. He wants her terrified. 

So he confirms her worst horror by answering with an unforgivable, evil lie. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” he starts slowly, “There will be plenty of other babies in your future.”

Kylo rests his palm on her belly, reminding her who gave her this baby in the first place. He senses something inside Rey fall apart as she shudders, her breath hitching in her throat. She fails to maintain control and her face crumples, her body wracked by slow and heavy sobs.

“All your talk of protecting him - of loving him - you never meant any of it,” she gasps for air between fragmented sobs, failing to catch her breath.

Kylo’s insides twist with something ugly he doesn’t want to name, his heart pounds and the lump in his throat makes it almost impossible to swallow. The victory he expects to feel never comes. Instead unwanted remorse washes over him, clawing at the sinews of his heart. He reaches to stroke her cheek, to remind her that he is capable of tenderness. 

“Rey, I didn’t -”

An instant later he is sliding across the floor, crashing hard against a wall with a sickening thud. He lifts his head only to be slammed against the wall a second time, his left arm throbbing so badly he is sure it is fractured.

Rey stands panting, her arm extended as she wields the Force to keep him on the floor. Her eyes are a maelstrom of savage ferocity he’s never seen before, and Kylo realizes his mistake. Rey is proving to be every bit the perfect mother he knew she would be. She will defend and fight to the death for their child.

His lightsaber. 

Kylo reaches for the hilt but it is already halfway across the room, flying into the palm of her hand. The image of her in a ruined gown, covered in grime and sweat, teeth bared as she ignites his saber takes his breath away for a third time.

“You’re never touching me again,” she hisses, anger boiling behind her corneas. She uses the Force to push her rage into him, scraping like talons. Kylo twitches, gasping at the pain that sears through his mind. The pain increases in waves, each peak robbing his ability to speak.

Her actions catch the attention of a few scattered stormtroopers, now unsure of Kylo’s orders not to touch her. One of them raises a blaster in her direction and a roar freezes in his throat: restrained by the Force, he is unable to warn her. 

But he needn’t have worried.

Rey deflects the blast and impales the troopers, one after the other like they are _ nothing_. However often Kylo tells himself that he will not allow her to be his equal, he cannot deny the truth: when it comes to the Force, they _ are _ equal in power and ability. 

Rey’s brief lapse in concentration allows him a sliver of freedom and Kylo takes it. He rises unsteadily to his feet and watches as she sprints, full tilt, for the TIE.

With a sweep of the Force he sends her back - as gently as he can - and she lands with a small cry on her back. The saber spins on its hilt and Kylo calls to it, a dark smile on his face as it returns to him at the same moment Rey rises to face him. 

He picks up on the subtle cues that the effort has cost her more energy than she lets on. The way she holds her chest as she crawls to her feet, the winded expression she tries to hide. He knows her joints must hurt, her lower back aches, and her center of gravity isn’t what it used to be.

All things a good husband should know about his pregnant wife.

Kylo makes a show of spinning the lightsaber and takes his time walking towards her. Directly attacking her isn’t necessary - he only needs to wear her down. 

He senses the instinct to protect the baby flaring inside Rey again, and he immediately deactivates the saber, clicking it into his belt. He shows her his hands, empty and open.

“Rey. I won’t hurt the baby. I only said it - ”

“I don’t believe you,” she cuts him off and picks up a blaster from the fallen stormtrooper, “I don’t trust _ anything _ you say.”

The barrel of the blaster is aimed at him and Kylo laughs.

“There is no scenario where you escape without me,” he says quietly. The only other sounds are the distant echoes of ships firing in space and the frantic scurrying of footsteps to join in the raging battle against the Resistance. The lights flicker, and Kylo’s face is cast in shadow as he approaches her. 

“You can’t run, Rey. Not from me,” impatience enters his tone, “Everything you try fails. You failed to convince Skywalker to properly train you. You failed to bring me to the Light. You failed - for an entire year - to sense my true motives. You let me impregnate you on a _ rebel base_,” he chuckles, his laughter cold and cruel, “The Resistance can’t be impressed with your performance. You led me straight to Ahch-To. Every _ single _ plan you made to evade me has backfired. Why should this be any different?”

Kylo steps into the light to see her lips pressed into a hard line, her small frame quaking from head to toe. The blaster hangs at her side, swinging listlessly. 

“Admit it,” he softens his stare, “You’re not strong enough to stand against me. You’re weak. You’re just...” he sighs and looks at her with pity, “You’re just not _smart_ enough, sweetheart.”

He’s never used that term of endearment with her before, but it feels appropriate now. The word drips with his condescending attitude, with his patronizing tone. He is spinning lies about her character, he is chipping away at her self esteem. Kylo holds steadfast to his belief that Rey is superior to him on every level, but that she is ultimately a woman made for conquest.

And he would be her conqueror.

Kylo looms over her as the blaster falls to the ground with a satisfying clang. Rey’s eyes are downcast, her head bowed in defeat. 

“See what I mean?” Kylo’s hand weaves through her hair for a moment, twisting the shining half-curls around his fingers, “You claimed I’d never touch you again. Yet another failure.” 

His hand moves lower to cup her cheek, inviting Rey to raise her head. Her eyes are the warmest shade of honey that he’s ever seen, and he exhales from between clenched teeth, desire swelling inside of him.

“I love you, Rey. And even if you don’t love me, I want to spend my life taking care of you,” Kylo leans down and his mouth descends on hers, his lips searingly hot, plundering, demanding nothing less than her total surrender. He feels her body yield in his arms, soft and giving, and it is so opposite of what he anticipated that he almost drops her. 

The change confounds him and he is unable to match her gentleness, her softness. His mouth can only seize and devour, fueled by anger at her betrayal. She may have broken his heart, but she is _ his. _

“Kylo,” Rey whispers when they pull apart. He keeps her close, one hand splayed on her back. They’re both panting from the extended kiss, the air between them too hot.

“What?” He answers, acutely aware of the way her hand toys with his belt buckle, the way her arm slowly circles around his waist.

“You keep making the same mistake with me.”

“Do I?” His hand slides under her chin, dampening with her tears, his eyes never leaving hers.

It is too late when he realizes what she means. 

He feels a rough tug at his side as Rey springs back, his lightsaber in her grip. He reaches out to retrieve it but there is no hesitation in her eyes: she screams as the saber slices through the air, setting fire to his shoulder, his ribcage, his leg - she crouches down for a split second, and slashes the saber across his thigh.

He nearly loses his leg, and Kylo falls to one knee, propping himself up with his arms, brain clouded by shock. He absorbs the trauma, he tries to push through the sensation of his body being torn in half. 

He mentally recites the training Snoke preached: pain is an illusory sensation that the mind can shut down if need be.

It doesn't help. He underestimated her. He always does. 

Red-faced and incoherent with rage, he lifts his head only to be met with a brutal, swift kick to the sternum. It paralyzes his diaphragm and he gasps, doubling over as he blindly pulls the Force inwards, willing it to sustain him.

“I’ve had enough.”

Kylo slowly glances up to see Rey standing over him, her face livid. He can feel the heat of the saber as she points it at the hollow of his throat. He can’t muster the strength to speak so he begs, he pleads with her through their bond.

_ I was wrong, I'm sorry - _

There is no forgiveness in her eyes, no trace of tears. The endless pools of compassion he took for granted are gone. Only unbearable sadness and anger remain. 

He never should have threatened the baby. It is a mistake he expects to pay for with his life. 

Kylo closes his eyes and braces for Rey to deliver the fatal blow. At least if he has to die, he dies as her husband. He dies as her Force-mate, as her soulmate. At least there is that. 

He hears the swish of the lightsaber cutting through the air, but the blow never comes. Kylo opens his eyes and squints.

Rey is running, _ flying _ across the hangar to the TIE. Kylo automatically tries to stand and falls back to the ground, his vision splintering with pain. Moving only widens the slash on the left side of his body, and he tries to shout her name. He finds his voice and chokes on his words, croaking that she’s leaving him to die. He begs, he pleads her for mercy.

She does not acknowledge him. Rey never looks back as she races across the hangar, lightsaber ignited as she blocks the shots from blasters directed at her.

Kylo’s heart roars in agony but he refuses to look away. His dark lashes brim heavy with tears; his hands clenching into shaking fists in a desperate battle against grief.

Rey drops something small before she boards the TIE, and it lands with a faint clink on the floor. Her wedding ring.

A lone tear traces down his cheek, and just like that, the floodgates open. Kylo weeps, tears streaming from his eyes, and still he does not look away.

Not until he loses sight of the craft does his determined gaze fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this chapter came off as more climax-y than I intended. I do have a very specific ending planned for this fic. 😬
> 
> Thank you for reading. Your kudos/comments are always a bright spot in my day and keep me motivated 💜


	39. Rough Landing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know how I used to update so quickly 😂 Chapters weren't so long. This one is like the chapters from olden times: much shorter.
> 
> Any mistakes are mine. I wanted to give my beta a well deserved break :)
> 
> Content warning for symptoms of PTSD and anxiety. IMO being around a personality like Kylo would mess with your mental health, and that does *not* make you weak. I really want to emphasize that for any readers here who are survivors.
> 
> also! Lauvamp (Instagram) is drawing an image for this fic. I’m so excited to see it and will share when she’s finished 😊
> 
> ************

A large part of training for battle is the ability to burn form and technique into muscle memory. How to position oneself, how to throw a punch or a combination, how to evade or block - until it becomes utterly unconscious and all attention is dedicated to higher-level decision making. The same must apply to flying a ship, because Rey does not remember navigating the TIE fighter. She vaguely recalls her hands on the controls, firing her way through space. But she has no memory of trying to patch through to a Resistance ship - any ship - to warn them that she will be landing in one of their docking bays.

It is a rough landing as the TIE skids across the floor of the hangar and slams into a wall. Rey is numb to the impact, but she runs her hands over her body, her belly - the baby is fine. Sweat runs in droplets down her face and onto her chest, accentuating her bright red rash. 

She’s dreamed about this moment more times than she can count. The thought of feeling safe again sustained her when Kylo wouldn’t keep his hands off her, the vision of reuniting with her real family kept the wavering flame of hope inside of her alive.

But now that it’s happening, his words ring like poison in her ears.

_ “No one in the Resistance understands why you’ve chosen to carry this baby to term.” _

Cruel warnings designed to bring her self esteem to zero.

_ “No one in the Resistance will help you. They understand what you really are. Discarded garbage. Dirty, discarded scavenger garbage.” _

His cautionary advice about Rose echoes in her mind - unwanted and brutal. 

_ “She is disgusted that you’re carrying my baby. It is abhorrent to her, she cannot fathom how you can love a child sired by the Supreme Leader.” _

It fills Rey with crippling self doubt, and her remaining thread of strength threatens to unravel. 

_ Do _ they all find her secretly abhorrent? She hates the power that his words still have over her. She hates the way he finds a way into her mind and exploits her deepest fears. 

Rey stares out of the cockpit, eyes darting wildly at the pandemonium her arrival has caused. She isn’t sure who to trust, if she even _ has _ the ability to trust anymore. How does she _ know _ that the Resistance no longer considers her a traitor?

She catches the flash of a general’s uniform and remembers General Holte accusing her of treason in a room full of Resistance leaders. 

Even Leia worried for her well-being.

_ “I cannot allow harm to come to you or my grandchild, whether it is at the hand of my son or someone within the Resistance." _

_ Someone within the Resistance. _

Panic settles in her chest, as if her muscles are trying not to let another breath in. She tries not to feel haunted by_ his _ recent remarks, dripping like acid from his lips.

_ “You failed - for an entire year - to sense my true motives. You let me impregnate you on a rebel base. The Resistance can’t be impressed with your performance.” _

Rey’s mind becomes static, thoughts making no sense, replaying horrors she wants to forget. She fights to reclaim control over her mind, over her sanity.

She’s fine. She’s been dealt a rough hand before and survived. She's _been_ surviving her entire life.

But then Rey touches the controls of the TIE and briefly considers going somewhere where no one can find her or the baby. Where there is no risk of being called a traitor.

But Leia knows. Leia knows she isn’t a traitor. She will have briefed the Resistance about the intricacies of this attack - and who helped coordinate it. 

Leia will vouch for her. She won’t let anyone take Rey or the baby away.

_ Kylo Ren’s _ baby. _ His _ son. 

Rey shakes. She has to stop that mental narrative. A baby can’t be taken away because his father is a tyrant. This is _ her _ child. Leia’s grandson.

Resistance officers are approaching her craft, trying to communicate with her through the exterior of the ship, and before she can change her mind Rey opens the hatch. Her knuckles are white from clutching the handle of Kylo’s lightsaber, and she drops softly to the ground.

She scans the crowd in front of her, trying to place a name to a face - any face. She recognizes no one.

“Rey,” a man in a general’s uniform addresses her, but everything that flows from his mouth sounds muffled and obscured. Rey struggles to remain upright but refuses to give in to her exhaustion - she won’t be seen as weak. 

The general stares at her, worried, and lifts his wrist to speak into a comlink. That’s when Rey notices - _ really _ notices the expressions on the people surrounding her. 

Shocked. Inquisitive. Vigilant.

They suddenly feel too close for comfort. Rey does not like the way an officer takes a step towards her, binders swinging from his belt. A nearby pilot asks if she is hurt, but only stares at the lightsaber as he speaks.

Whispers bounce off the walls and into her ears, muttering amazement that she survived - that she escaped. Someone calls out, asking if Kylo Ren is dead, and another shouts that she is a hero. 

Darker whispers speculate _how _ she escaped, especially in her condition. In the organized chaos of the hangar, they wonder if _ he _sent her. 

Then, a mechanic rolls out from under a ship, nodding at the general.

“How do we_ know _ that she’s on our side?” He turns his attention to the crowd, “We all watched the way he kissed her, didn’t we?”

“That’s quite enough,” the general orders, but the mechanic spins around to face Rey. 

“We all saw the way _ she _ looked at _ him _ after he kissed her. What if she’s a part of his trap?”

A tidal wave of voices rise to argue against the mechanic, but the Force around Rey darkens. She won’t be threatened again.

It doesn’t matter that the raving mechanic is hauled away by an officer. Her pupils dilate and her heart flutters perilously fast. She needs to see Leia.

“Rey,” the general talks slowly, as if soothing a frightened child, “we only want to take you to medbay and ask a few questions. Can you do that for me?” 

He advances, and Rey senses something - no someone - behind her. Her head turns slightly to the left, and she spots three officers approaching her from behind.

She doesn’t hesitate.

Rey ignites the red saber and braces it steadily in front of her. It feels foreign and shakes in her hand with barely contained fear.

“Stay back. I want to speak with Leia.” 

Her lips quiver slightly, and her skin feels clammy. Rey tries to calculate if she can jump back into the TIE, but twists around to find it already being assessed by a maintenance crew. 

The synapses in her brain fail to connect to rational thought - she only feels the instinct to fight or flee.

“No one is going to harm you, Rey. Set the laser sword on the ground - you don’t need it.”

Rey doesn’t like men telling her what she does or doesn’t need. She does not like men trying to control her; trying to take away her ability to defend herself.

She’s felt robbed of her own agency for a long time. 

The general’s disposition changes to one that’s hard to read. He mutters into his comlink in a way that is meant to be discreet but Rey hears every word.

“I need someone from medbay to bring a sedative and stretcher. I have a woman who is pregnant and suffering from extreme trauma -”

Is that what they think? That she’s gone mad? That they need to _drug_ her?

Rage unfurls inside of Rey as her throat constricts. Another memory, an ugly one, rears inside her head: Kylo forcefully restraining her on Ahch-To as he jams a needle into her thigh. Her screams begging him to stop, shouting that she doesn’t want drugs in her body. 

Kylo not giving a damn.

The grief inside protests against her strength, yearning to let loose, but Rey can’t let that happen. Not in front of the Resistance. She won’t let anyone, especially not another man, dictate what happens to her body.

“You’re not touching me,” Rey snaps at the general, jabbing the saber in his direction, “I _ need _ to see Leia. She is expecting me.”

Rey swallows painfully, wondering why Leia has not made contact yet. She tries to quiet her nerves by reprimanding herself for being selfish - they are currently at war. There is a crucial battle taking place and it calls for Leia’s full attention. This isn’t just about her. 

The mood in the hangar is tense, and the general awkwardly tries again. His words are well-meaning but stilted, and there is a hollowness to them that Rey can’t ignore.

“You’re safe here, Rey. Deactivate the sword. We want you to come willingly.”

She shakes her head and circles the saber around, frantic to know if any traps are being set to restrain her. Desperation and panic begin to override all other senses, when Rey spots a flash of blonde hair behind the general. The head bobs through the mass of bodies swiftly, and Rey’s eyes widen in relieved surprise. 

Connix?

“General Tan,” Lieutenant Kaydel Connix steps in front of him, “I can take things from here. I have direct orders from General Organa.”

General Tan reddens at being overridden by a lieutenant. Before he can formulate a reply, Kaydel amplifies her voice and frowns at the soldiers surrounding Rey.

“What are you standing around for? We’ve got a war to win. _ Go_,” Kaydel orders, and Rey hears the thunder of boots as they leave.

Gradually, she feels a blanket of calm flow over her, loosening her strained muscles and making her want nothing more than to slide slowly to the ground. She clamps her eyes shut and tears run unchecked down her cheeks. 

“Rey,” Kaydel offers her a small, genuine smile, “Leia is on the bridge. She’s glad you made it.”

Collapsing sounds more appealing by the second, and Rey turns off the lightsaber. Her grip relaxes and the saber falls to the ground. She massages her wrist, deciding it feels good not to be in possession of such a thing.

“What about Rose?”

She can’t focus until she knows Rose’s fate. If Rose was killed, if her friend was gravely injured -

“Rose is fine. She’s in medbay - for minor wounds.”

Rey nearly goes boneless as the fatigue and exhaustion she had been fighting overwhelms her. Loud noises are coming from her body, her small frame shaking violently as she weeps. 

Kaydel is just a few strides away now, and she bends to pick up the lightsaber. When she stands, she turns around and gives a group of personnel permission to come forward.

Rey draws back, but stops short when she notices they are all women, and none of them have binders or restraints.

Kaydel places a hand on her shoulder.

“Before you speak with Leia, would you like to change out of that gown?”

Oh. 

She blinks.That’s right. She is wearing a _ wedding _ dress. 

Rey’s eyes shift downward to catch her reflection through the grime and shoe prints on the floor. She sees the dirt and filth on her face, the gown that resembles rags is stained with blood, and her mouth is bruised from his rough, forced kisses.

“That’s - not a bad idea.”

She wants to say more, she has so many questions - but her surroundings tilt and sway and her vision becomes foggy. The last thing she remembers is a swarm of arms holding her up to prevent her from hitting the ground.

And then - darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be kylo and I anticipate it being longer 😬
> 
> As always, thank you for reading my messed up story. I'm humbled by your comments/kudos. Your interest keeps this hot mess going 😝 💜


	40. Rough Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So! I have a detailed outline of how this fic is going to end, and how I want every chapter to go. But I'm TERRIBLE at predicting how long chapters will be. thanks for bearing with me. 
> 
> This is Kylo's POV with a preview of Rey at the end.  
angst angst angst
> 
> 5/20/ 20 just another note to say chapter 41 is being written - it’s just kinda long and it’s hard to find time to write while working at home and watching my toddler :) ugh I’m so close though. stay safe and healthy everyone! 💕
> 
> *****

Kylo exhales rhythmic but ragged breaths. The air that enters his chest is thick smoke, and his eyes sting from the ash swirling around the hangar. 

He lays in a pile of his own blood, sweat, and tears. He fails to cough up the blood filling his mouth as he bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to roar out in pain.

Tendrils of darkness rage in his blood, angry and hateful. Rey’s lies and betrayal rip through him, tearing him apart in places he didn’t know were still capable of being broken. The scorched smell of his flesh burns his nostrils.

This is the second scar she’s carved into his skin, and he deserves it. He deserves both of them. 

And though the scars will fade, the emotional wounds - _ those _ will remain permanently engraved in his heart.

The battle drags on and a loud explosion sends a rumble throughout the ship. The area fills with more smoke and debris and a siren screams throughout the hangar. A disembodied blares through the speakers, heralding a warning about the flagship’s declining life support system. 

Kylo doesn’t care. The only thing he’s ever wanted was Rey. 

The First Order is - _ was _ \- a machine designed to dominate the galaxy, giving Rey nowhere to hide. But nothing seems to hold that determined woman for long. 

Kylo dives into darkness, a darkness so deep that he risks extinguishing the last flicker of light inside of him. He needs it, this dark side of the Force, to sustain him through his injuries. And he feels it pinching and twisting inside of him: the further he delves into darkness, the more the light burns. It fights to_ exist_. 

The outer fringes of his mind can still sense Rey through their bond, and he feels her fear. She is right to be afraid of the Resistance. Kylo knows he has been bad, but the Resistance will be worse. In the long run, they will hurt her far more grievously than he has. They will praise her for bringing the First Order to its knees, but Kylo understands the true nature of humanity: people remember bad choices far longer than good deeds.

Rey’s heroism will eventually be forgotten. She will be remembered as the woman who betrayed the Resistance by having a secret affair with Kylo Ren. The woman who willingly went to bed with him. She carries her greatest sin inside of her body, their son. How long will it take until the Resistance demonizes the innocent life growing in her belly, condemning him before he even has a chance to walk, to speak? How long until his son wakes up to see someone standing over him, ready to murder him because they fear his power?

His mother won’t be around forever to protect Rey and the baby. Her influence can only reach so far, and Kylo knows he is to blame. 

He blew the lid off Rey’s barely contained lie about the baby’s paternity _ months _ ago when he revealed himself to be the father. No more family secrets - his son will grow up knowing where he comes from. A direct descendant of Darth Vader and Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

And his son will answer to no one.

The days of dark masters are long over. 

As for Rey, no matter how far she runs, she will always be connected to him. The Force wills it, and so does he. 

Kylo grimaces as he tries to brace himself on his good arm and groans. He is met with a sharp, stabbing pain and hunches over his knees, his hands groping the floor. He flails, trying to find traction, trying to balance himself, and he pauses to pull in_ more _ of the Force.

At this angle, so close to the ground, Kylo spots a few strands of fine hair sticking between his sweaty fingers. He feels the phantom of Rey’s scalp in his grasp as he violently jerks her around the hangar, as he shoves her against the wall. 

Bile rises in his throat.

His assault was so effective that she thought her only option was to ask him to hit her everywhere _ but _ her abdomen. She would offer herself as a punching bag if it meant protecting their son.

The Rey he knows would never resign herself to such a fate. Not unless she was hopelessly desperate.

And it is all his doing - he pushed her to that desperate place and openly basked in her fear. He only wanted to punish her, to scare her. Instead, he was every inch the monster she accused him of being.

He _ is _ a monster. 

Kylo convulses and fire throbs in every part of his body. The contents of his stomach spew across the floor, the force of it knocking him back to the ground. He can’t bring himself to face all the ways he’s failed, but the images won’t leave his mind. Kylo retches again, soiling what is left of his clothing. He is too far past the days when his hands were not stained with blood and his soul blackened by the things he's said and done.

Kylo stretches himself thin through the Force, through their bond, to reach her again. To sense if she is still afraid, if she is in danger - he stops and hisses in pain. 

He is unable to focus on anything beyond forcing air into his lungs. In the haze of defeat he can’t calculate how much time has passed since her escape. He sluggishly attempts to rise to his feet, when he feels something hard press against the back of his head.

“If it isn’t _ the _ Supreme Leader, lying in a pool of his own vomit.”

Kylo recognizes the voice. General Knapp. 

“We received reports of a _ scuffle _ taking place in the hangar. I didn’t think it could be true. That you were wasting precious time chasing around that stupid _ girl_.” 

General Knapp walks around to face Kylo. He points electro-prongs at the fallen leader, _ delighting _ in his humiliation. 

“What a rather nasty laceration, Supreme Leader. Most wives don’t attempt to kill their husband’s _ immediately _ after the wedding,” Knapp’s eyes flicker past him and Kylo’s muddled mind makes the connection: the general is looking at the person digging the gun into the back of Kylo’s skull.

Both men laugh.

Kylo’s red-rimmed eyes glaze over with rage. 

“Ren, you are - how do I _ put _ this,” The general’s upper lip curls, “You’ve become a bit of a _ liability _ to the First Order.”

Knapp jabs the pronged weapon into Kylo’s good shoulder and his eyes roll back in agony - he isn’t sure how much longer he can use the Force to distribute the pain. The general sneers with satisfaction.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the executions started.”

He electrocutes Kylo again, longer this time, and he is partially immobilized. A heavy boot kicks Kylo between his shoulder blades and he hits the floor face first. The voice behind him speaks. 

“I’m going to do it. Blow his head off. Before he can start with his tricks and illusions.” 

A bleak chill runs through Kylo. 

Out of all the deaths he imagined for himself, he never guessed it would be like this. Stripped of his dignity, hanging onto his consciousness by a thread. His death will make Rey a young single mother, it will leave his son fatherless. Who will keep them safe? Kylo knows he is beyond redemption, but no one will protect her the way he can.

“Give me a moment,” General Knapp says, “Kylo Ren is just a _ man_. A dangerous one, but that’s all he is. I want to savor putting this beast out of its misery.”

So they mean to torture him first. Kylo closes his eyes and concentrates on his hatred. 

Hate is powerful. Hate fuels darkness. He feels it growing, expanding, threatening to erupt.

And like any violent eruption, hate kills. 

In a surge of blind will he hurls himself to his feet, ignoring the screaming pain of his injuries. He uses that pain and hatred, he sharpens it into a weapon. One enormous hand tears the pronged weapon from General Knapp and he swings it around, spearing the end through the general’s neck. Hot blood spurts everywhere but Kylo pays it no mind.

Everything he has been holding in, everything he _ couldn’t _take out on Rey is unleashed on the two men.

Any vestige of color drains from General Knapp’s face and Kylo doesn’t hesitate. He never does. The general barely has a second to reach for his blaster when Kylo impales the prongs through his stomach with unwavering precision, electrocuting him from the inside.

Kylo sucks in a deep breath and releases it slowly. What an _ unnecessary _ irritation, to have to deal with those two. Speculation floods his mind. 

Were they sent to finish him off, or acting of their own accord? The First Order has been thrown into chaos, and Kylo wonders if every man is out for himself. No decision he makes now can be rash.

He weighs the odds of going to Rhelg without succumbing to his injuries. Limping around the hangar, he avoids any of his crew and stormtroopers. He can’t rally through another fight, let alone participate in battle. Going to the flagship’s medbay leaves him susceptible to another assassination attempt.

Kylo blunders through the rubble as he searches for a way to flee his own regime, his senses drowning in pain. He only has one source of reassurance: in his attempt to rebuild the First Order, he sent his most ardent believers in the Force to Rhelg. That may very well be the problem. The remaining crew on the flagship are suspicious of the Force, they _ still _ deny its power.

Red alarms flash outside of the large escape pods, communicating their uselessness. Only a few single unit pods remain and they lack hyperdrive abilities. No interceptors are in sight, and the standard TIE fighters won’t get him to Rhelg fast enough.

Kylo curses and stares at the damaged assault shuttle across the hangar. It will have to do. He bounds to the craft the best he can and searches for the medical kit as it powers up. The bacta spray does nothing to lessen the severity of his wounds, but it will prevent most bacterial infections. The vial containing pain relief does a better job at masking the pain, but it is temporary. He jabs the needle into his arm and spurs into action. He has to get out of here. 

Shields activate, and he disables the ship’s tracking device. No one will be able to track him. The shuttle bursts from the hangar at a breakneck speed and Kylo relishes in firing at the x-wings in his path before inputting the coordinates to Rhelg.

At the same moment the comlink lights up, he launches into hyperdrive. The discord of battle melts away as he falls into a chair, completely spent. He isn’t sure what the landing situation will be like on Rhelg. The terrain is rough. And cold. 

Kylo leans back in the chair and empties his mind of nothing but the Force. He centers his energy on Rey, he imagines she is aboard one of the Resistance cruisers. A weightless sensation envelops him as he focuses on her, and she feels closer. The bond hums and then -

Kylo jolts upright in shock.

Their bond is open, and he probes it. He meticulously veils his presence, albeit it won’t do him much good. She’ll sense him. But for now he ever so slowly dips into the link that binds them.

The scene in front of him sets his heart pounding. 

Rey sits on a cot with his mother by her side. They are deep in conversation and she cradles a cup, sipping slowly. She’s been scrubbed clean, her long wet hair clinging to her shoulders. A blanket is draped over her but he can see her abdomen, full and round. Still pregnant.

Kylo shuts his eyes in relief. In his unbridled rage he did not hurt them. 

He watches his mother’s mouth move, trying to read her lips. The more he leans into their bond, the clearer her words become. Organa is making suggestions and giving advice. 

Kylo cannot _ believe _ what he overhears. He cannot _ accept _ it. General Organa is advising that Rey hide the baby, insisting that she place him with a secret family. Has she learned _ nothing? _

The instinct to protect his pregnant wife kicks into overdrive. With a flash of anger he fully materializes through their bond. 

_ “Rey.” _

In the span of a split-second they are looking straight at each other. 

The cup she is holding clatters to the ground, liquid spills everywhere. He knows how he must appear to her: covered in blood and gore, animalistic and brutal. He does nothing to temper his imposing, domineering stance.

“You don’t dare surrender that baby. _You hear me Rey_?” Kylo thunders, his guttural tone meant to command her. He pauses to inhale, struggling to hold the connection. Then his voice drops to a soft but predatory purr. He draws out and strokes her desperate desires.

“I know you want to keep the baby. I know how much you love him, Rey. I won’t let _ her _ take him from you. From us.”

A new energy intrudes into the Force between Rey and him. It is not foreign, it is familiar. One he has known his entire life. 

Kylo suddenly finds himself staring into a pair of dark eyes identical to his own.

General Organa. Leia. _ Mother. _ She can _ see _ him.

“Ben.”

The room spins and Kylo loses his hold on their connection, he feels it begin to dissolve and slip away. Rey’s earlier plea tugs at his conscience. 

_ “Talk to Leia...she would forgive you.”_

Would she?

How long has it been since he stood face to face with his mother? Does she even see her son in him anymore? Kylo takes a step back. He isn’t ready for this - being confronted by both of them. At the same time. An uncontrollable shiver runs through him, and Rey stands.

“Rey -” he starts. 

The last thing he sees is her hard expression before she severs their bond.

Anger. She is _ angry. _

She doesn’t seem so obedient now. That defiant glare has returned, the complete lack of fear she once held towards him is back. Kylo pushes against their bond and finds it barricaded. Rey has effectively shut him out. 

So that is how it’s going to be. She still has some fight in her. 

Kylo works his jaw. He’s never backed down from a challenge before. He pounds his fist on the wall of the ship and is swiftly reminded that his arm is fractured.

Rey can’t lock him out of their bond forever. It physically _ hurts _ when they cut each other off, it takes immeasurable energy and tension to keep it shut. Kylo knows in her weaker, tired moments he will be able to blow through the Force and confront her.

The craft heaves out of hyperdrive and Kylo finds himself looking down at Rhelg’s atmosphere. This will be good for him. He will plunder the former Sith Lord’s armory, his library, his hidden treasures. He will master his rage, his anger. No more will he behave violently towards Rey - he will become powerful enough to make her submit without a fight.

Kylo begins his descent, and the darkness coaxes him just as it did on Dathomir. Many failed to occupy this world after Lord Kressh’s reign. But not him. Not the blood heir to Lord Vader. He will succeed. Kylo considers the rumors about the ancient planet. 

Maybe the myths are true. Maybe the spirit of the old Sith resides here, perhaps other entities inhabit the walls of the old fortress.

He has every intention of finding out.

______________________

Rey closes her eyes for what feels like a long time before opening them again.

She should have known. Of course he would survive. _Of course._ Her gaze lingers on the empty spot where he stood. 

“You saw him, didn’t you?” She asks quietly. 

“I did.” Leia weighs heavily on her cane, turning away from Rey. Her shoulders hunch over and she braces both hands on top of the cane for support. Leia seems smaller, she seems to shrink into herself. Sorrow flows through the force, and it shakes Rey to her core. It hurts to see Leia this way. Grieving.

To see a man who looks like her son, masquerading around in his body, consumed by such dark venom. She cannot imagine Leia's grief. 

The baby begins to kick incessantly. It can't be because his father was just here. It _can't. _By the Force, her son can never turn dark. She won’t let it happen. An icy fear invades her thoughts. Leia made the same promise when she was expecting Ben. 

Rey fights the urge to go to her, sensing that Leia needs the space. She hears a sniffle from the older woman, and swallows back her own tears.

“It is difficult,” Leia stares at the ground as she speaks, “to love someone, despite the pain they cause. To feel an obligation to fix them, hoping each time that things will turn out differently. Hoping…” her voice fades. Leia clears her throat and shuffles back to Rey, fatigue evident in every fibre of her being.

Rey guides her to the cot, and Leia smiles sadly.

“Knowing when to let go of hope - hope of my son returning has not been easy.” 

Unshed tears gather in Leia’s eyes. 

“The way he talks to you. Treats you. That’s not the son I raised. I never thought - he was always a sensitive boy. Shy. I never predicted this, Rey. My son terrorizing the galaxy. Harming you, and while you're pregnant."

Han is too painful to bring up. Rey catches the flicker of his image in Leia's mind. 

Rey only nods, the dam of emotion building inside of her threatening to break. She is scared and ashamed to confess her own truth to Leia. But Leia is, truly, the only person in the universe who might understand.

“I fell in love with him on Ahch-To. As Kylo Ren. He liked to remind me of it all the time," she adds, "But there were times, when Kylo was gentle - when he was kind. I was convinced that he was Ben. That Kylo Ren was just the armor he wore against Snoke. I can’t -” she buries her face in her hands, “I can’t understand what was wrong with me. Why I fell for him in the first place. Why I thought he would return to the light. I couldn’t bring myself to kill him, and I’ll pay for that. He will never stop, not until one or both of us dies. I’m scared that I’ll never watch my son grow up, Leia.”

There is no judgment in Leia’s gaze. Her hands are warm as they grasp Rey’s. It feels good to be candid with Leia. To be vulnerable.

“You won’t lose your son. We will figure out a plan. Together.”

Rey has heard the plan, and she isn't sure she can give up her baby. Leia squeezes her hand. She understands.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! I mean it when I say I appreciate you all.


	41. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi out there to anyone still reading this fic!  
I severely underestimated how hard it would be to write while quarantined at home with a toddler lol. Damn, this took forever. Thank you so much for your feedback, it means a lot. 
> 
> Things to note: Kylo has a flashback in italics and there is a ton of reflecting on the past/internal dialogue.  
Triggers for disturbing content/themes of domestic violence.
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope everyone is safe and healthy during these weird times.
> 
> TL;DR:  
Rey POV/Kylo POV, chapter is about 12,000 words. Thank you to suzeraine for betaing!
> 
> Edit July 8, 2020: an update is coming! This is dark stuff and I have to psych myself up for writing dark stuff, heh. Thx for your patience. In the meantime I’m updating some lighter fics.
> 
> **************

“You’re sure I can’t see her?”

“I’m sorry. After her injuries are treated she needs to debrief with General Organa.”

Rey adjusts her satchel by hitching it higher up her shoulder and tries not to show her annoyance.

“I can wait. I just need -” 

The officer shakes his head and steps around her, increasing his pace as they walk down the long passageway. Rey exhales loudly. She doesn’t bother to hide her feelings. Not when it comes to the subject of her friends. 

“Miss, I am _ sorry_,” the officer repeats, though he doesn’t really sound apologetic, “General Organa was quite clear that you are to be transferred immediately.”

“Yes, I was _ there _, but -”

“General Organa issued strict orders,” he cuts her sentence short, “the general stressed the sensitive nature of your situation and I will see her orders carried out.”

Rey appreciates his tone less and less. She huffs out a rough breath and forces herself to keep up with his pace. It’s not easy with someone steadily kicking her bladder. 

“I understand, but I need to talk -”

Rey’s voice is drowned out when a group of soldiers joins them from the adjoining corridor. The officer turns to exchange information with them and points to Rey, explaining that they will escort her to the medical frigate. Her mouth opens to say something, but then she closes it.

_ What I need, _ Rey finishes internally _ is to see Rose. To talk with her. I need some sort of closure, and maybe she does too. _

They share the trauma of having survived Kylo Ren, though in very different ways. A lump forms in Rey’s throat. She doesn’t yet know the extent of what Rose may have endured while imprisoned by the First Order. Kylo’s affection for Rey, deranged as it was, protected her from any nefarious plots within the Order. She realizes the dark irony of Kylo working so vigilantly to protect her from harm, when the only true threat to her life was him.

Who was there to protect Rose from being tortured - from abuse, assault, or rape? 

No one.

She was kept in a cold cell and likely went days without food or drink while Rey slept in a warm bed in Kylo’s opulent - but minimalist - quarters. The price for such comfort was to play the part of Kylo’s willing lover. To tease and flirt with him the best she could. To make him feel loved. Nerves wriggle in Rey’s stomach. 

She hates what she was reduced to and tries to convince herself how vital her role was. Trying to reframe her time with Kylo as: _ could have been worse, at least I wasn’t in a cell, at least I’m alive, _treads dangerously close to denying reality, to compartmentalizing her emotions until she doesn’t feel them anymore. She needs to stop falling into that cognitive trap. It does her no good.

She thinks back to Rose. 

Rose doesn’t have superhuman strength or potent Force abilities. She can’t read minds or move objects without touching them. She’s the last person Kylo would expect to strike a fatal blow against the First Order, and she did it backed by sheer brainpower and raw courage. 

Rose deserves all of the accolades that will be bestowed upon her.

Rey could have pushed harder and insisted on seeing Rose before leaving - it’s what she _ should _ have done. It is leaving that has her mind wholly preoccupied. Rey sighs as she follows the soldiers onto a turbolift. She’s tired.

Rey reminds herself that this isn’t forever. She’s not being exiled, and everything in life is temporary. This path is _ her _ choice. No one is forcing her out of the Resistance, but she can read a room. Or rather, a hangar. It’s time to remove herself from the galactic spotlight as much as possible.

She’s simply taking a step back to get her life together, to have this baby on the planet Domah. Out of all the options she discussed with Leia this one seemed the most practical.

Living on Domah is not a prison sentence. There will be nothing to prevent her from leaving, or her friends from visiting. A program through the Resistance is helping to settle her into her new homeworld, she won’t be without help or resources. 

Even so, it hasn't quite sunk in that she is rebuilding her life. 

After fleeing Jakku her life took on a new meaning and purpose with the Resistance. In the company of her found family she became a part of something bigger. She found belonging and looked towards the future with hope. A future that did not include becoming a mother at twenty-two, and Force help her, she knows nothing about babies. On Jakku, pregnancy and additional mouths to feed were a death sentence. Childbirth was deadly, with more women dying from infection and neglect than the act of birth itself. 

Rey shudders at the thought, grateful that the Resistance has a safety net through their allies for members like her. They’re trying to give her compensation fit for a hero, though the label makes her squirm. She’s only done her duty to restore peace and equality to the galaxy. It’s what any decent person would do. The Resistance is made of heroes.

_ This is my decision to leave, _ she repeats, _ my choice. _

The turbolift takes them down several levels, deep into the belly of the cruiser. When Rey exits she spots the medical frigate in the process of powering up. The ramp is lowered and a steady stream of people check in with an officer before boarding. Some of the passengers are recovering from physical injuries and are helped on board by nurses and aides, while other injuries are not so obvious. But the vacant eyes, the blank faraway stares - Rey recognizes the hell they are reliving in their minds, the toll war has taken on them. They have served more than their share of tours with the Resistance.

It is also her first time mingling amongst a crowd of people who aren’t Kylo Ren or the First Order.

It’s slightly nerve wracking.

Rey squints and her lips press together as she tries to remember what the Resistance - what the galaxy - knows about her and Kylo Ren.

She thinks back to a time when her abdomen was much smaller, when she confessed and recorded everything into the archives in Leia’s office. She tried to be as honest and factual as possible. She was explicit and clear that this baby was conceived through a consensual act - that she indeed, did want Kylo Ren. Or rather, Ben Solo. 

It’s a distinction that might not mean much to the public. The public doesn’t care how the baby got here, just that he exists at all. But it matters to Rey. Should her son ever listen to or read the recordings, she wants him to know that for at least one night his parents loved each other the way people are supposed to. 

When it comes to her strange bond with Kylo, she has no idea how the galaxy perceives their mysterious link. That is, if they even care. For some it might be too bizarre, too mythological.

Hard facts are what matter in war, and the fact is that Rey once nurtured a secret relationship with Kylo Ren. Her personal feelings overrode all logic and reason as she waited for the man she glimpsed on Ahch-To to return. At the time it hadn’t felt so impossible. 

Leia had held onto hope that Ben would return, didn’t she? 

The general had told Rey as much after the Battle of Crait. Another hard lump forms in her throat at the memory. Luke also believed Ben wasn’t truly gone, sparking hope in Leia until he drew his last breath. 

How wrong they all were. The consequences of loving Kylo have proven to be devastating. 

_ Stupid, stupid_, Rey thinks, _ how could you throw yourself at him so easily? _

She hopes this blow against the First Order reminds the Resistance where her allegiances lie and always have. In the same vein of hoping, she prays that the Resistance never finds out that she chose to let Kylo live. It was a conscious choice, and she owns it. Her strike was debilitating but not lethal, and many would mistake it for the wrong kind of sympathy. Leia is the only other person who knows. For now.

Rey wavers between regret that she did not kill him, and gratitude that she did not stray too deep into the Dark side.

Everyone has darkness within them, and Rey _ knows _the attraction of the Dark. The temptation. The temptation to give into anger and impulse, to forbidden, selfish desires.

The Dark _ is _ defined by selfishness. 

She knows the temptation of fisting her hands through thick dark hair as she looks into even darker eyes illuminated by firelight. She knows what comes from giving into the dark, from being filled by it. 

Rey tenderly cradles her arms around her belly. 

In the end she did not give into hateful vengeance. The Jedi texts she took from Ahch-To warned about giving into hate and revenge.

_ A lot of good that philosophy did the Jedi _, she thinks, digging deeper into her bitterness. Maybe being the bigger person is not all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe all it does is prevent victims from rightfully defending themselves. Is that how she is supposed to feel right now? Righteous? Noble? Spiritually evolved because she did not murder her son’s father? 

He’s mad._ Insane. _ He is going to come for them again.

And damn him - nothing seems to keep Kylo down for long. Cutting him open was merciless, yet he bounced back through their bond like it was _ nothing_. Snarling and snapping commands at her like some kind of alpha loth wolf and expecting her to obey.

His delusion knows no bounds.

She had counted on his injury buying her a _ little _ more time. The only silver lining, if there is such a thing, was watching his surprise at seeing Leia. Watching him become _ intimidated _ and dwarfed by her presence. Ashamed, even. 

That was satisfying.

It is hard to comprehend that a few hours ago she was signing her name on a marriage license to Kylo Ren. That he was genuinely shocked by her sabotage.

Rey tries to shake the sensation of his lips on hers as a few of the officers guiding her fall back and she is left with one escort. The officer flashes a badge and that’s all the access she needs to board the frigate. They bypass the line and Rey enters, finding the inside layout organized amidst the chaos of war outside.

“Your contact will accompany you to your destination and assist you through the process of getting settled.”

It sounds like he’s given this speech before.

He guides Rey down a corridor and signals for her to enter into a room. Rows of seats line the walls and Rey notices individuals wearing uniforms helping people into the chairs and chatting intently with the passengers. One uniformed woman spots Rey and her eyes light up with recognition as she crosses the room. Her gaze flickers from Rey to the officer. 

“Officer Craine,” the woman says, “and Rey. Please call me Quinn. It’s nice to finally meet you. I think you will enjoy life on Domah. Our model for integration into civilian life thrives there.”

Rey shakes her hand and offers a polite nod. Officer Craine bows out of the conversation, his duty done, and Rey is left alone with Quinn.

“Do you have any questions?” Quinn asks, her tone sincere as Rey sits down. 

Questions? Rey has thousands of them. 

“I’d like to know what’s going on out there,” Rey lengthens the straps attached to the chair to fit around her body, “If the Resistance is pulling ahead and what state the First Order is in.” She tucks her satchel carefully beneath her seat and waits for an answer.

Quinn’s smile falters.

“Most of the First Order has retreated to the planets they occupy - though some of them are continuing to fight. We’ve had a few troopers defect but that happens every so often.”

“And Kylo Ren? Any news of him?” Rey asks, unable to bury her curiosity about what the public knows. She is only vaguely aware of the frigate leaving the hangar and the muffled announcement broadcasting their departure.

“I haven’t heard anything. I expect General Organa will keep you updated. Your datapad - may I?” Quinn inclines her head towards the ground. Rey shrugs.

“Sure.”

Quinn discreetly reaches inside of the satchel, removes the datapad and flips it open. She scoots closer to share the screen with Rey.

“Domah is one of our most desired worlds for resettlement, and you’ll be living in a housing community with other Resistance members. You have access to all of our services. Employment, a subsidy to get you on your feet -”

“Oh no,” Rey is quick to correct her, “I don’t need free credits if that’s what you mean. I’ll be working. I discussed it with General Organa. I’m going to translate languages that will be encoded into droids. I can work on the codes too, it’s something I did -”

_ On Jakku, when you were a dirty scavenger. Scraping around for old simulators, desperate to hear any voice that wasn’t yours or Unkars'. _

“It’s something I like doing,” she finishes, shaking away the belittling thoughts. Rey appreciates generosity, but handouts? That’s hard to digest. She’s always worked hard and _ wants _to earn her keep. Wants to prove she’s worthwhile.

“Yes,” Quinn agrees slowly, “But then you’ll have the baby, and -”

“And I’ll work when the baby sleeps.”

Quinn gives her a kind but sympathetic smile. Rey sits straighter and squares her shoulders. 

“Look, I know babies don’t sleep much,” she sighs, “But I can’t just -” she lets out a small exasperated noise, not sure how to articulate the feeling in her chest, “I’ll need to learn how to balance having a child and working eventually.” 

“That’s why you need to take advantage of our services,” Quinn pratters on eagerly, shoving the datapad under Rey’s nose. 

Well she doesn’t _ shove _ it - but Rey feels like the conversation is becoming rapidly intrusive.

“The birth and postpartum classes are excellent. General Organa spearheaded initiatives for quality healthcare on all free planets. I can sign you up - there are plenty of spaces available.” 

Rey stares at the datapad like it’s a moraband serpent. 

Birth classes.

The prenatal care she received from a _ real _ doctor already felt like a privilege. But classes? Isn’t that going a bit overboard? Rey has a hard time understanding the necessity of it. She will read books and watch holos about the gritty parts of birth. And her doctor, when she finds a new one, will help her along the way. 

Why subject herself to a room full of strangers who will undoubtedly judge her? Why sit alone in a class with happy couples surrounding her?

“I’ll -” Rey is about to reject the idea but the expression on Quinn’s face is so well meaning, so unaffected and honest that she softens her answer, “I’ll consider it. I’m not used to sharing the most private areas of my life with strangers.”

It feels nice to share her thoughts without fear of being hurt, ridiculed, or manipulated.

“Of course,” Quinn closes the datapad, and her voice drops, “Rey, if I may be candid for a moment - ”

Oh, great.

“You have every right to be cautious, but I hope you aren’t punishing yourself because the father is Kylo Ren.”

Blunt. To the point. Rey bristles uncomfortably in her seat.

What is she, a _ head doctor _in addition to being a resettlement aide? 

But like Leia, Quinn’s face is free of judgment as she speaks. 

“You are allowed to enjoy your pregnancy and motherhood. Don’t let guilt or gossip take that away from you. I want to help you move forward. Now,” Quinn places the datapad in the satchel, “We don’t have to talk about _ him _anymore. Not unless you want to.”

Rey thinks Quinn is a person who is very good at her job. 

Not just because she is empathetic, but because when Rey peeks through the sliver of a window she sees nothing but the blur of stars as they tear through hyperspace. No x-wings, no TIE fighters, no turrets of fire are visible. Quinn successfully kept Rey occupied as they made a harrowing departure. 

The sights and sounds of war are far behind them.

  
  


***

When the ship begins its planetfall, Rey looks out the window for a glimpse of her new home. Her mood lifts. Marginally. 

There’s an ocean. 

And it’s not the wild, turbulent dark water found on Ahch-To, though she’s under no misconception that the ocean below is peaceful at all times. But there are people swimming in the water, _ playing _in it, and Rey is in awe of such a carefree lifestyle.

The coastline curves gracefully, the golden sand making a thick band between the waves and the city beyond. It isn’t a large city in the traditional sense: there are no towering skyscrapers, no congested pod-lanes.

The small city is backed by chaparral covered mountains that rise quickly in the north and drop dramatically to the south. Rey can’t believe the town is nestled between the water and mountains. She wonders what the catch is. There always is one. 

The frigate touches down gracefully on the landing pad, and Rey disembarks with Quinn. The air smells crisp and fresh. It’s invigorating. 

They cross a short bridge to the shuttles waiting to take them to their housing, and Rey soaks in as much as she can. 

She notices how _ clean _ the town is. How even the eclectic mixture of buildings seem to compliment one another, how lush and green the foliage is. As far as her eye can tell, the gardens decorating the town are well taken care of. Unlike anything she’s ever seen.

What _ is _ this place?

Technology seamlessly blends in and she picks up on something else - how diverse the population appears to be. There are plenty of non-humans, something noticeably absent from the First Order’s highest ranks. 

This is a wealthy town. A place of luxury. Leia mentioned Domah was allied with the Resistance, and Rey now understands allied means credits. Funding.

Funding in exchange for what?

The politics and negotiations of war that take place during extravagant parties, over drinks made with exotic and rare substances are lost on Rey. Plenty of things are beautiful on the outside and rotten on the inside, and Rey wonders why the rich would invest in the Resistance over the First Order.

She wonders when she became such a cynic.

_ What is wrong with you. Get it together. You know nothing about this planet. Trust Leia. _

Of course Leia would send her to a safe, pleasant world. No matter how impartial Leia is supposed to be as a general when making decisions, the fact remains that Rey is carrying her grandson. Leia would never send them to an even remotely dangerous planet.

Hell - why would the Resistance send _ any _ of their veterans to a dangerous planet?

Especially since Leia could sense that Rey wants to keep the baby. No Force bond needed. Leia has decades of experience reading people, and she is a mother. Rey’s decision was written all over her face, impossible to mask.

“This way, Rey,” Quinn calls, “we aren’t far from your neighborhood. We will take the next shuttle.”

Rey boards the shuttle along with other members of the Resistance. The craft weaves through a labyrinth of streets, bustling with open air markets, food vendors, and shops selling fine wares. The atmosphere isn’t _ quite _ as snobbish as she expected it to be. Wealth isn’t flaunted in a dramatic or garish way, but it _ is _ there. Rey sees it in the shining crafts and pods that occasionally pass them, in the beautiful architecture of the buildings. Vines blooming with flowers climb the walls, and Rey imagines they smell just as lovely as they look.

This is a city made of old money. Of wealth passed down for generations.

She notices the lack of poverty and those who would be deemed the lower class. Do they not_ allow _ the impoverished to reside here? Do the rich hide their servants, or is everything taken care of by droids? _ Are _ droids respected here?

It’s a dark line of thought and suspicion clouds her opinion of Domah.

The shuttle hangs suspended in mid-air before landing, and the ramp lowers. All the passengers depart, and Rey stays close to Quinn. Rey follows her along a tree lined path as the other passengers and their guides disperse in different directions.

“I thought you said Resistance members stayed in a community?”

Rey envisioned identical houses locked behind a gate, not a quiet residential neighborhood. 

“This part of the city has been zoned for special housing, but our goal is for you to feel as integrated as possible. We tried to stay away from anything that felt institutional,” Quinn explains.

“Not like outsiders,” Rey mutters as their steps slow in front of a modest but well-kept house with whitewashed walls and a red tile roof. The yard is quaint and resembles a miniature meadow sprinkled with yellow, pink, and red flowers. After decades of living on a dusty planet, Rey is forever mesmerized by vibrant colors.

“Exactly. This is the home you’ve been assigned to,” Quinn says, “your identification card should grant you access.”

Rey is unexpectedly relieved that her dwelling is small. It doesn’t take much for a space to feel too big, too overwhelming and too lonely. A breath of warm wind blows through her hair as she makes her way to the door, her brain hardly processing that the front yard has _ fruit _ trees. Food out in the open that you can just pick.

Unreal.

“There’s a yard in the back as well,” Quinn adds, picking up on Rey’s amazement, “it is gated and has plenty of space for a garden. I’m sure you’ll find it a satisfactory place to raise your baby.”

“Right,” Rey digs in her satchel for her ID card, her mind a bit numb with shock that for a time, this place is hers. This is the place she will bring her _ baby _ home to.

He’s not going to be raised on a First Order Flagship or Rhelg, and he isn’t going to be brought home to a rusting AT-AT on Jakku. 

She waves her ID card in front of the scanner and the door slides open. A short hallway opens up into a generous living space. The inside is just as spotless as the outside, and Rey cranes her neck to see a well-stocked kitchen on her left. Down a second hall she finds the fresher and smaller room - perhaps an office or storage space? 

Rey plans on keeping the baby in her bedroom for as long as possible.

Quinn beckons for her to keep exploring, and Rey’s heart thuds as she enters the largest bedroom. There’s a crib, a pile of baby clothes, and a few other newborn necessities thoughtfully placed around the room. She opens a closet and finds essentials meant for her - dresses, shoes, coats and scarves.

It’s _ too _ much.

Emotions and hormones combine into something overwhelming. It’s more than Rey would ever dream of asking for herself. This is more than Quinn’s organization preparing a home for an expectant member of the Resistance.

Leia went out of her way to make this happen. This is the doting love of a grandmother to be.

Quinn assures Rey that she will return to assist in familiarizing her with Domah, but Rey’s mind tunes in and out of focus. She is overcome with the need to be alone, to process all of this.

“You’ll be alright for the night?” Quinn asks, sensing that it’s time for her to leave. 

“I will,” Rey feels the corners of her mouth tug upward into a real smile, “thank you so much. For everything.”

***

Rey spends the next hour trying to care for herself. A hot shower feels soothing on her skin: the heat is restorative to her muscles, it refreshes her mind and helps quell her ever-fluctuating emotions. She weaves her wet hair into a braid and puts on one of the dresses from the closet.

It’s unbearably maternal, large and billowing, but she doesn’t mind.

She steps out onto the small balcony that’s connected to her room, wanting to take in the sunset.

Without warning Rey discerns a shift in the Force. Like a lightning bolt, Kylo tries to crash into her consciousness.

Through their bond Kylo’s voice calls out her name, pleads with her, and the harder she shakes him out, the louder he gets. Rey stands on her balcony, watching the twinkle of lights brighten in the town below as the sun lowers. She tries to center herself and separate her mind from Kylo as a warm wind caresses her face.

She knows what he’s trying to do.

After he is frightening and violent, the deceptively gentle, guilt-ridden Kylo Ren follows. The Kylo who murmurs that Rey is too good for him, that he doesn’t deserve her. Sweet promises flow like wine from his mouth as he vows to change, that he will become a better man for her and the baby. Rey sighs in disgust at how much he _ enjoys _wallowing in his guilt until he feels absolved of his wrongdoings.

She resents having to clean up the damage his cruel words and actions might have. Her son will know the truth about his father, but there are lines Kylo never should have crossed. As reprehensible as he's been, she doesn’t want her son to think his father wanted him dead. That his father would kill his infant son. Rey can barely stomach the fact that her parents sold her for a drink. She can’t imagine learning that a parent cared _ so little _ for your life that they’d kill you on a whim. 

It isn’t the start in life she wants for her son. She is afraid Kylo’s hateful words will impact the baby’s psyche, his emotional state. Hot tears trickle down her face, tears that had stopped hours ago. Damn them for returning.

“Your father didn’t mean it. He’s just - very unwell,” she’s crying as she speaks, knowing how delusional and crazy she sounds. She would die from humiliation if Rose or Leia heard any of this.

Apologizing for him makes her queasy. How will her son believe her words if she doesn’t? Kylo could have killed them both. He still might. This whole parenting thing...maybe Quinn was right. Maybe real, professional help isn’t a bad idea. 

Because she is afraid of not knowing how to parent. Rey doesn’t know the precise circumstances she was sold under, or why. Just that her parents were junkies as Kylo so _ tactfully _ put it. Her earliest memories are the pungent smells of alcohol and yelling, objects slamming and breaking. There were a million better aliens to leave a child with than Unkar-Plutt, and Rey wonders how drunk her parents were when she was sold.

Motherhood is a complete unknown, and Rey’s examples of healthy parenthood are few-and-far between. Kylo was born with everything and he _ still _ hates his parents.

What if she can’t cope with a baby? What if she buckles under the pressure and turns to destructive measures like her parents? 

She’s worried the baby she’s grown so attached to in her belly will feel like a different baby once he’s born. The instant, over-the-moon-in-love bond she’s heard about might not come. What if she feels nothing towards her son, or animosity and regret? Instead of seeing _ her baby_, what if all she sees is Kylo Ren?

Rey flips open her datapad and finds the site Quinn showed her. She signs up for the birth and postpartum class without giving it another thought and tries not to let her fear spiral out of control. Taking action helps alleviate some of her doubts, and she accepts that life will be nothing like it was before.

Rey closes her eyes and feels the last of the sun’s rays on her face. She opens them to a gradient of pink and violent coloring the sky as stars emerge to create a glittering twilight. She inhales in a deep breath, smelling the salt air in the wind, and turns to meander back into her bedroom. Her home.

Rey wonders when it will start to _ feel _ like home.

She sighs and sets down the datapad. The screen lights up and her breath hitches - it’s a message from Finn, and she can’t - she just _ can’t _believe it. It’s been so long, and she never had the chance to talk with Finn about everything in person. 

Rey knows if she opens his message now she will stay up all night writing to him, asking about Poe and the proposal, lamenting Kylo Ren - all of it. Late night conversations with Finn are something she_ really _misses, and her eyes grow misty at his thoughtfulness. She doesn’t feel forgotten by her friends, and perhaps they aren’t angry with her. Whatever chasm that has widened between her and the Resistance does not extend to her closest friendships.

She clamps down on the bond, worried that Kylo will try to break through again. Knowing he will. 

That damn bond. 

On Ahch-To she came to think of it as a gift, but it’s become an ugly, convoluted thing: the bond is a curse. It makes Kylo inescapable, and she _ will _ have to face him.

When he does make an appearance, all she can do is ignore him. Just focus on locking him out, refuse to engage him, don’t provoke him. 

Rey is embarrassed to admit she’s scared of him, but she is.

_ Don’t let him mess with your head. He’s not worth the energy. You got away, and you’re never going back. You’ve beaten him countless times - don’t forget that. He should be afraid of you. _

The self-talk reels her in, and Rey stops by the kitchen to brew a cup of tea. The ritual helps iron out her nerves and she breathes in the aroma of her drink, the scent floral and soothing. Warmth spreads throughout her body and tranquility settles over her. Leia and Quinn are looking out for her, Kylo is out of her head, and her friends haven’t abandoned her. 

She feels much better. Grounded. 

Back in her bedroom, Rey takes out a notebook and makes her way to a huge chair. Writing with a pen is a bit dated, but the tactile nature of it feels good. She piles blankets and pillows onto the huge chair and sinks into the large, puffy cushions. She doodles pictures of her friends, of the worlds she has seen. She jots down her wishes for her birth, and tries to think of a name for her son. It’s harder than she expected. 

Rey sips her tea and dreams of oceans, of friends and mostly - a better future.

________________________________________________________________

Kylo’s shuttle ploughs through piles of snow, creating enormous walls of ice and sleet. Any landing pad that was prepared is covered in freezing white powder, the brightness of it blinding after the darkness of space. The ship grinds to a halt and with the Force as his aid, he violently kicks open the hatch and storms outside. 

The fortress towers high above him on the crest of a hill, magnificent and foreboding. Grey stone juts out of the land, unapologetic and crude, the once smooth rock pitted and scarred. A chilly frost bites at his wound and he pulls his cloak tighter around his shoulders. 

For a fleeting moment Kylo forgets everything as he senses the corrupt power of the planet. Lord Kressh’s fortress is more ancient than any bone left in the soil, and hatred has poured into this place. Kylo is in his element. 

A strong wind gusts down the steep slope and Kylo stumbles, light headed as he forges a path to the fortress. Blackness darts before his eyes as small figures appear, growing larger as they advance on speeders.

His devoted followers. Zealous believers in the Force. 

Even better - they are afraid of it. 

A man clad in a thick outer layer skids to a stop, panting and gasping for breath as he jumps off the speeder. He barely recovers by the time he reaches Kylo, sputtering and huffing.

“Supreme Leader, we are glad for your arrival. The First Order is scattered and in dire need of your guidance. It still has a stronghold on planets in the -” 

Kylo Force slams him out of the way. The First Order is _ over. _

It is time for a new galactic power.

“Get me to the medbay.” Kylo bellows as his followers arrive, climbing on the newly available speeder. He needs Veduta to stitch him back together so he can move on to more important things.

There is much to address on Rhelg, but Rey is the most time-sensitive priority. He needs to make sure his mother isn’t harassing his wife, isn’t pressuring her to give up the baby. Organa works quickly and Kylo is sure she is trying to whisk Rey off to some obscure planet to give birth.

Rey is strong, but he isn’t sure she is strong enough to withstand the willpower of his tenacious mother. Organa has poor maternal instincts, and she has no business giving parenting or relationship advice.

That’s part of the problem, Kylo thinks. Organa has turned Rey against him. Rey has been deluded by his mother’s ideals. Brainwashed by her misplaced admiration for Han Solo - a man who set a terrible example for fatherhood. Rey can’t see the truth: General Organa and Han Solo are perfect examples of how wrong a relationship can go when you defy the natural order of things. Han Solo, deadbeat father and lackluster husband. Forcing Organa to work to the bone and pushing her into political roles when she should have been mothering - and not leaving her two year old alone with a murderous droid. 

Not whispering with Han Solo about her fears that Ben was too sensitive, too strong with the Force, that he might become a monster. Ben eavesdropping outside the bedroom door, just a child, confused and hurt. 

Kylo turns too sharply and nearly flips the speeder as he imagines Rey alone and overwhelmed with a baby. He imagines her working long hours, barely able to find time to bond with their son as she reverts to her scavenger tendencies.

Horror of all horrors - he imagines her leaving their son alone with a droid as history repeats itself. 

Organa’s solution to this is to tear the baby from Rey’s arms. If he doesn’t accidentally kill Rey, that will.

The thought that he might kill her tempers his speed. He blames it on Rhelg’s dark energy, on the emotional turmoil raging inside of him.

Killing Rey. It’s never going to happen.

He struggles to contact Rey through their bond, he pleads with her to answer him. She’s the mother of his child and the woman who understands him better than anyone else. And she_ needs _ him to protect her. 

The bond is sealed shut, impenetrable, and Kylo can’t summon the strength to force it open. 

In fact, Kylo finds it hard to catch his breath at such a high altitude, and he heaves himself to the ground when he reaches the massive fortress gate. He commands his feet to move but his vision splinters, he sways too far and suddenly finds himself face down in the sleet. 

The last thing he hears is the rush of boots crunching through ice before everything goes dark.

***

Flashes of light through darkness, strangled screams and faint voices. Kylo’s eyelids twitch and flutter before they open. The nightmarish sounds fade, and he feels himself returning to his body. His blurred vision clears and Kylo finds himself staring at a stone ceiling. The smell of chemicals waft through his nose and he tries to sit up, finding that he cannot. He’s strapped down.

A face distorted by a mask comes into view, hovering over him.

Doctor Veduta. 

“V-34, more pain serum. Thought we had administered enough...” she doesn’t finish as a droid sticks a needle into Kylo’s shoulder.

His entire being feels as if it’s on fire. 

Lying flat on the operating table Kylo is at the mercy of his own mind, of his memories. He is here because Rey carved through his body with a lightsaber after he had barely processed her devious betrayal. He tries to ignore how much worse the pain in his heart is compared to the dull burning sensation in his side. 

Unfortunately, it is not possible. _ She _ consumes his thoughts.

Kylo remembers when Rey agreed to meet him in the forest. Not through the Force, but the two of them in the same physical space. Meeting under a temporary truce, one that Kylo hoped would become permanent.

It stings to remember the potential of his plan. How he fumbled and fucked it all up. His pride hates the assault of memories that follow, but he is powerless to stop them. 

He remembers.

________

_ "This is insane. I shouldn’t agree to any of this without your mother’s -” _

_ “Blessing?” He interjects, circling her. The word drips with bitter sarcasm. _

_ Rey holds his gaze, the muscles in her lithe arms strained as she grips her lightsaber. Of the two of them, she is the only one with an ignited lightsaber. Kylo’s cross saber swings from his belt as they appraise each other through their bond. She is captivating even in the midst of arguing. Especially when they argue, he thinks. _

_ “Does my mother know about our bond? Does she know we’ve been communicating daily for the better part of a year?” _

_ Rey’s chest swells. _

_ “No,” her answer is nearly lost in a whisper, the circle between them shrinking as they close in on each other. He is near enough to see the light peppering of freckles on her lovely face, and he leans in closer. _

_ Rey doesn’t flinch. She tries to bolster her height by angling her shoulders back and gazes up at him. _

_ “Until I see evidence of real change, I see no reason to tell her about us.” _

_ About us. _

_ Kylo wonders if Rey knows how that sounds. If she realizes she is rationalizing treasonous behavior. If she’s enjoying their dark little secret and covert encounters as much as he is. Kylo’s playing a dangerous game with her feelings and trust. This gamble will either yield everything he wants or be the end of him. _

_ Her eyes scrutinize him briefly before she speaks, and he can feel her warm breath on his neck. _

_ “If I agree to this - to meeting in person - no one can know. No one, Kylo. Leia doesn’t need to get her hopes up that you’re…” her voice trails off. _

_ Kylo knows exactly what Rey wants to say. Over the past year he’s conveyed his disillusion with the First Order. His unhappiness and complete dissatisfaction with ruling a galaxy that’s never done him any favors. _

_ He is never running back to his mother with his tail between his legs. Rey is right not to give Organa false hope. But General Organa cannot fathom what is about to hit her. His mother has no idea that her new golden child, his replacement, is smitten with her monster of a son. _

_ All the more reason it will kill her when Rey decides to join him. Organa will be forced to face her failures. No more excuses, no more hiding behind politics and bureaucracy. There will be no denying her dark heritage as Darth Vader’s daughter. _

_ Kylo chuckles to himself, a low and rumbling sound. The women in his life have a terrible habit of choosing bad men. _

_ And Rey is unaware of his real agenda. She dares to hope that he’s returning to the Light because that is what she wants to believe. That’s the promise he has been pouring into their bond for months. _

_ That, and she must sense Kylo's love for her. _

_ Rey’s request to tell no one about their meeting is fine. It’s more than fine. It works to his advantage. Maybe he ought to feel insulted that she wants to hide their bond, but it’s impossible to draw on self-pity right now. He basks in knowing that she’ll risk everything if it means him returning to the Light, if it means she can be with him. _

_ They’ve done this dance before when she shipped herself to Snoke’s flagship, but this time she will see reason. She will understand and accept that it is Kylo Ren she wants. _

_ Kylo realizes that neither of them has spoken for a while and he clears his throat. _

_ “I have more to lose than you do, Rey. Your Resistance friends would believe you if you told them I used the Force to trick you into meeting. They would believe anything. The First Order is not so forgiving.” _

_ Or naive. _

_ Her Resistance friends are also idiots, but Kylo doesn’t say that. _

_ How can she claim them as family when they don’t know who she truly is? Rey is terrified of abandonment, she thinks she needs to be perfect for her so-called family. The pressure she places on herself to live up to Luke Skywalker’s legacy and his mother’s standards is impossible to sustain. Kylo’s already lived through that hell. _

_ For a second Rey looks outraged by his easy dismissal of any challenges she may run up against. She looks as if she’s about to reply something scathing and horrid, so Kylo beats her to it and says,“No one would suspect you of meeting with me. They think we hate each other. Remember?" _

_ Rey’s eyes widen and her saber deactivates. _

_ “Don’t we?” _

_ Kylo can’t decipher if that’s an attempt at humor or if she’s being smart with him. It rouses something primal in him, and he pushes forward, not letting her deflect the seriousness of his question. He lightly brushes against her, his own body built like a wild animal. His chest hard and sculpted, biceps cords of unrelenting strength. Lengthy, muscular legs built to outpace her. She is a prey worthy of his pursuits, and Kylo envelops her in his personal space as his lips ghost her face. _

_ “You know how I feel.” _

_ Rey stands still, unmoved and composed. _

_ “I do.” _

_ “So then you’ll send me your coordinates. And we will meet.” _

_ The question hangs in the air for a moment. Kylo watches as her brow knits together and her lips purse into a scowl. An expression he’s seen countless times. She is weighing the consequences of the situation, debating what is at stake, and then she answers. _

_ “Yes.” _

_ For a minute Kylo’s mind is electrified with shock and he can’t think straight. He can’t think at all. His body goes numb and his heart pounds as his chest grows tight. On some level she trusts him. _

_ He manages to say something - maybe it’s her name he strangles out, and he realizes the impossible is about to become inevitable. She wants to see him. _

_ Kylo can sense her formulating the conditions and terms they will meet under, but right as her lips part his mouth comes crashing down on hers. Both of them are unprepared as the Force blazes hot and intense through their bond. Positively molten. _

_ He glides his hands down her sides, over her hips, around her waist. Her hands betray her and fist the nape of his tunic, pulling him closer. Their breathing grows labored as lips and teeth tangle frantically, tasting, exploring - and then she breaks the kiss, shaking her head. _

_ “This isn’t right.” _

_ “Trust me,” he strokes her hair and presses a kiss to her temple,“You won’t regret this.” _

_ Rey closes her fingers around his wrist and removes his hand, ceasing his caress. He looks from her kiss-stung lips to her gleaming eyes. _

_ “We’ll see.” _

_ Kylo suddenly finds himself alone in his quarters. Her scent lingers in the air, and his gaze turns into something dark and focused. He sucks in a slow breath, his body taut with tension. _

_ Temptress, he thinks. The way she teases and leads him on is wicked. She’s dangling what he wants right in front of him, enchanting him, leaving him hungry and hard. Hiding behind a front of virtue, of superior morality. _

_ Kylo sees past her facade. _

_ She wants it as badly as he does. He is going to be the first to taste her, to mount her. All of the energy they put into fighting will be channeled into something more productive. _

_ More pleasurable. _

_ The ache of longing to be with her throbs through the very marrow of his bones. It drives him to the brink of insanity. _

_ Patience. He can wait a little longer. _

_ And then, a few hours later she sends him her coordinates. Kylo almost smiles. Rey is torn between her feelings for him and her loyalty to the Resistance, and she is choosing him. _

_ Kylo knew she would do as he asked. She secretly loves it when he takes control. It is natural for her to turn to someone older and more experienced to make hard choices so she doesn’t have to. She wants a powerful man by her side. _

_ He smirks. _

_ Rey may have convinced herself that she wants Ben Solo, but she sure doesn’t mind kissing Kylo Ren. _

_ He contacts Krog through his comlink and informs the general that he is planning a highly sensitive mission. Information will be released on a need to know basis. _

_ Kylo hasn’t felt this sure of a plan - or himself - in a long time. _

***

  
  


He remembers all of it as he lies on the operating table. 

He remembers her pained expression mixed with hopeful anticipation as he alluded to becoming Ben Solo. All of the emotions she’d left untouched broke and flooded the Force in a torrential downpour. 

And he was ready. 

He remembers Rey’s kindness, her slight hesitation, and then her surrender. He remembers heavy kisses and sweaty skin; the way she flushed at her obvious arousal before he even touched her. Her body was wet and welcoming as he pressed inside her, as he rightly claimed her as his. They fit perfectly in every way, their connection undeniable as they finally succumbed to what they had both wanted for so long. 

She turned into a whimpering sticky mess beneath him, her own body stretching to accommodate him, her fingers clawing at his shoulders, pulling at his hair. They clung to each other desperately, each afraid the other would slip away if they dared to let go.

And he made her _ sing _. 

The best part came afterwards. When she curled against his chest, when she refused to move from his embrace. She was happy.

Kylo can’t recall the last time he made anyone feel _ happy. _

Their union was more than just sex to Kylo. It was the joining of their bodies, two physically becoming one, in the same way that they are two halves of one whole within the Force. She asked him not to come inside but he did - and he remembers pleading with the Force to create a child.

It is no small wonder that a beautiful miracle happens that night, that Rey conceives his child. His seed takes root in her womb and he watches as her once solid core stretches into something round and protruding, her breasts swell, and a new fullness softens her face. 

He shouldn’t have preferences about her body, but this is his favorite version of her. 

Kylo believes Rey would have become pregnant even if they had taken contraceptive measures. There is too much energy between them, too much life vibrating within their bond for it not to happen. 

When he discovers the baby is a boy, his world stops. He couldn’t be more proud that she is bearing him a son. 

A son he’s threatened to kill. 

Sorrow and pain and self disgust create a sickening mixture in the pit of Kylo’s stomach. An old fear begins to unravel, one he doesn’t want to face, but he is powerless to stop it. He fears his unborn son has heard his threat and has turned against him. 

A voice that holds a soft edge of authority emerges in his mind, becoming louder until Kylo is forced to listen to the words his son spoke in the cave on Ahch-To.

_ “You’re alone, father. You always will be. She kept me safe from you. I feel what she feels. I feel the pain and heartache you inflict on her. Now it is my turn to protect her. You will never have us.” _

Angst overwhelms him. The gears in his brain begin to turn, stuttering and twisting with the effort of piecing together the harsh reality that he is fulfilling the horrifying vision. Kylo fights against the depression, the pain. He tries to put a stop to this indulgent cycle of self flagellation.

He _ can _ change the course of the vision - the future is malleable. 

Kylo’s love for Rey is far greater than the trials they have suffered through. Their love is stronger than his deplorable behavior, than his cruelty. In his bones he knows what they have is soul-searing, unbreakable, true love.

She just wants him to stop hurting her.

And he _ is _going to stop hurting her. He will master ironclad self-control and restraint. He will learn to keep the violence from entering his words when she provokes his anger. Aggression and coercion work short term with Rey, and he needs results that will last forever.

The Dark side of the Force will guide him. It knew what it was doing when it bonded them, and he needs to approach this intentionally.

There used to be a perpetual sense of urgency burning inside of him when it came to having Rey, a fear that if he didn’t act quickly enough she would slip through his grasp and disappear forever. Now that urgency is replaced with a deep understanding that the Force will never separate them. She is with him, even when they are physically apart.

Though, he should not forget that Rey has an advantage over him. Kylo’s love for her blinds him, it turns him into a fool. Rey betrayed him without a_ hint _ of him knowing. 

Disturbing doesn’t begin to describe how well she excelled at distracting him. The lengths she went to. Rey isn’t nearly as innocent as she’d like to believe. She _ enjoyed _ getting on all fours for him. 

She was conniving and calculated. Cunning. She played a long-term game and left him for dead on a burning ship. 

Again.

Kylo inhales a ragged breath. 

It doesn’t matter how much finery he dresses her in, how elegant she looked in her wedding gown. Rey is a scavenger, programmed to survive. 

Underneath the doe-eyed expressions and delicate features she remains an untamed, feral thing. She was only on her best behavior because she had to be. It is cruel of the universe to make women beautiful and intelligent.

It isn’t _ right_. 

Anger flares inside of him. How did Rey _ expect _ him to react to her stabbing him in the back? If she was so upset, she should have confronted him directly. She should have pulled him aside and voiced her honest fears.

Kylo would have tried harder. To be better. To be good. He _ would _ have.

Instead she fled, taking his battered, crumbling heart with her. Kylo’s very essence aches to destroy, to burn everything around him to the ground. Blistering anger spreads, burning through his veins. 

He stomps down his rage before it can mutate into anything more dangerous.

He is starting to think Rey might not be so similar to his grandmother, Padme. He is starting to question everything he thought he knew about his maternal grandparents. Rey spoke with such certainty about Anakin Skywalker, with such confidence. 

How dare she presume to know how _ his _ grandfather would judge him. What could she possibly know about his family that he doesn’t?

“Finished,” Dr. Veduta’s voice is muffled by her surgical mask, “how does everything feel?”

Kylo quiets his mind and comes back to the present, so lost in his internal ranting that he had forgotten Veduta was mending his injury. 

Freed from his restraints, Kylo sits up on the table with a harsh huff, stiff from the pain and examines his left side. A thick line of raised red flesh travels from his shoulder and ends mid-thigh. A minor price to pay for his transgressions.

“Mind that you do not overexert yourself. The cut is deep and will take time to heal.” 

A droid meticulously bandages Kylo while another delivers a pile of neatly folded clothes. Kylo holds up a hand, indicating that he can dress himself. And he does. He pushes past the throbbing pain as he slides into garments meant for this cold planet. Black trousers, an undertunic, and a padded long-sleeved surcoat. The gloves come back on.

Kylo stands as he wraps a hooded cape around his shoulders, finding it ironic that his attire resembles what he was wearing when he abducted Rey on Takodana.

He pulls up boots that will exacerbate the height disparity between them. The sheer physicality of him intimidates Rey, especially in her vulnerable state. 

Without the Force she wouldn’t stand a chance against him.

He orders everyone out of the medbay and stands with his feet planted wide apart. Rey might not take their marriage vows seriously, but he does. The Force married them long before she legally bound herself to him and he has more than a duty to take care of his wife. It’s an obligation.

Kylo ponders the history of their bond. The complexities of it, the inconsistencies and seemingly random patterns. They are unable to harm each other with weapons: he once took a shot to the chest without a scratch. Yet they’ve been able to touch _ and _ fuck. Would the Force protect Rey from his bare hands around her neck? He doesn’t think so. 

Their surroundings are also fluid. Rey used to appear in his environment and he in hers, but not anymore. Kylo was able to see the room on the Resistance cruiser with General Organa sitting by her side. Previously the only other person to step into their bond was Luke Skywalker.

All four of them: Kylo, Rey, Organa, and Luke are Force sensitive, and that’s the only logic he can find in his musing.

What a mess it is to try and find logic in the Force. 

As riveting as it is to ponder the will of the Force, he needs to check on Rey. Kylo delves into their bond and finds himself within the flow of the energy that binds them. There is no gravity, no ground, no time. He is tethered by nothing but his connection to her.

There is no resistance as he pushes through, no barrier. Kylo pictures exactly where he wants to be. _ Who _ he wants to be with. 

And then he arrives. 

An unexpected thrill runs through him. He can see _ Rey’s _surroundings. Kylo inspects the space with a critical eye. The room is small and for lack of a better word, cozy. The yellow glow of a lamp casts a warm light, and as he steps farther into the room more is revealed. A bed, a dresser, a nondescript painting of a landscape. It’s decent. 

She must think it is a palace.

He stands in place for a few heartbeats, examining Rey.

She’s fallen asleep in a chair, her head cushioned against a pillow. Kylo watches as her chest gently rises and falls. She’s styled her hair into one long braid - that’s new. He usually doesn’t approve of her hair up, but he likes the braid. He still can’t get over how enormous her belly is, and for a moment is utterly fascinated that Rey is carrying an _ entire human being _ inside of her. 

As usual, she is undeniably alluring. 

One hand of hers is loosely wrapped around the handle of a cup of what he assumes to be tea.

He knows her preferences. 

Steam rises from the mug, and Kylo carefully removes it from her grasp. He inwardly exhales when she doesn’t wake, followed by a flash of anger. She’s such a danger to herself. Who is going to prevent her from making a clumsy mistake that might result in an injury?

This is wrong, it’s so _ fucking wrong _ that she is alone and pregnant and - 

Kylo pauses. There is a third energy in the room, another life pulsating through the Force. 

His son.

Kylo sinks to one knee and stares at Rey’s abdomen, the line between his brow deepening as he concentrates. How conscious is his son? _ Can _ he hear and understand what happens between his parents? Perhaps what Kylo is about to do is absurd, but he doesn’t care. He is terrified of the vision in the cave.

Kylo closes his eyes and places a gentle hand on her belly. 

_ I won’t hurt you. Be good to your mother. Go easy on her. She’s been through enough._

A strong kick pushes against his open palm and he draws back, his hand shaking.

It is either a coincidence, or his son has inherited a good dose of that stubborn, self-willed Skywalker blood. 

This child will do as he damn well pleases.

At least the kick doesn’t wake her, and he lifts a notebook from the side of the chair where it had fallen. It is unusual of her to use paper and pen, but then he had once taken up calligraphy. Kylo _ should _ be breaking into the datapad on the nightstand and using it to find her location, but the contents in the notebook demand his attention.

It appears to be some kind of birth plan, a series of unorganized scribbles and half thoughts. The more he reads, the worse it gets. 

_ Non-medicated birth unless necessary. Baby’s surname will be Solo. First name?? Prefer home environment for birth. _

Kylo stops reading. He’s going to be sick. The notebook shakes in his hand and rage roars inside of him. 

Rey intends to give their son the surname _ Solo_? 

The only thing that prevents him from screaming is the realization that Rey is going to keep the baby. Why else give the baby a surname connected to his bloodline? A weak, disgraceful bloodline. 

_ Solo. _

His father is undeserving of such a legacy.

Kylo sits in unmoving silence for what felt like an eternity. Once the shock lessens, he can appreciate that Rey is sticking to her convictions. She isn’t caving to his mother. He should have had more faith that she would make the right choice. Rey is all about family, about belonging. She would never cast out her own flesh and blood. 

Rey stirs, and Kylo makes sure he has a solid grip on their bond. He watches as her eyes open, still heavy with sleep. Then her face pales. With a shriek she leaps from the chair and Kylo senses her confusion, he feels the patter of her heart in his chest. 

He is in _ her _ home. What should be a safe hidden space is visible to him. 

Kylo tosses the notebook onto the chair. This isn’t the time for starting new battles when they haven’t resolved old ones. He isn’t going to bring up the ridiculous notion of giving his son the surname Solo.

Something pinches within their bond, just the barest puncture, and Kylo realizes she is trying to close it. Rey’s face is inscrutable and focused before she turns away from him.

Wordlessly, she crosses the room and stands in front of a dresser where a pile of clothes lie in a heap. She lifts up one article of clothing to fold it, and Kylo recognizes it as an infant shirt. 

Baby clothes.

And is she….? She _ is. _Rey is trying her damndest to ignore him while busying herself with the clothes.

The clothes do yield a clue - she plans of being here, wherever _ here _ is, for a while. She plans on caring for the baby here.

Perspiration trickles down Kylo’s spine. He needs to keep his renowned temper in check, but the baby is a ticking time bomb. When is she due again? He should know this. Rey is petite and pregnancy swallows her, making her appear further along than she is - but that baby_ is _ coming. In a couple of months a new person will be here: someone who is half Rey and half him.

It’s absolutely mind-boggling. Terrifying.

Kylo is thrown by the onslaught of anxiety that floods him when he thinks of fatherhood. It strikes at the most inconvenient of times, so he waits until his pulse doesn’t resemble a racing fathier before he advances on Rey.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” he says, “I was worried you would get caught in the crossfire of the battle.”

No response.

“This is like old times, isn’t it?” Kylo raises a brow, “When we used to only communicate through the Force. Just the two of us.”

She says nothing which irks him. At the very least she could_ try _ to contradict him. 

“You’re angry. About what I said on the flagship.”

Kylo is met with cold silence. Rey’s lower lip is slightly swollen as she gnaws at it, repressing her impulse to give him a reaction. Kylo takes it as an invitation to keep talking. He can push her into engaging with him. He _ knows _ he can.

“I only meant that your plans have failed because you are fighting the will of the Force. A bond like ours is rare - it is special, powerful. The Force doesn’t make mistakes, Rey. You know that. We are destined to be together.” 

Silence. She refuses to look at him. 

Again, the Force pinches and shutters around him as she attempts to close it. Kylo fights back, his hold on their bond tight as he focuses on keeping it open.

It is a strange thing, to be able to battle so quietly. Calmly. And Rey _ is _ calm. They don’t need sabers or hand-to-hand combat to fight. This battle happens within the Force, a struggle for control over their connection.

Rey folds baby clothes as their struggle reaches a deadlock, the slight tremor in her hands the only hint that it is taxing to channel so much energy into severing their bond. 

Irritation surges into hot anger when Kylo realizes the baby clothes don’t _ need _ folding. Rey is refolding them to avoid looking at him. He’s here to fucking grovel after _ she _ nearly sliced _ him _ in half and she pretends he doesn’t exist. 

The blatant disrespect gnaws at him. Enrages him. Women truly are talented at fanning the flames of conflict without speaking a word.

Kylo knows what he_ wants _ to do. He wants to come up from behind and burrow his face in the tender curve of her neck. He wants to twist that braid of hers around his fist and _ yank _ her head back so that she is forced to acknowledge him. 

Do away with this little display of disobedience altogether. 

He won’t do any of that, of course. He is practicing self control now. Restraint. 

Kylo folds his hands behind his back to prevent any unwanted displays of dominance. He progresses towards her slowly, knowing the real issue he needs to address. The one point of contention that is most likely to get her talking because it hurt her the most.

He stops inches from Rey. His voice, when he speaks, is low and husky.

“I do regret threatening the baby, Rey. Deeply. And I won’t beg your forgiveness. I know I am undeserving of you - and him. You were right to protect him the way you did.”

Isn’t it the perfectly constructed apology? Humble. Respectful. No thinly veiled insults or nasty remarks. He doesn’t demand that she forgive him but the implication is there. He doesn’t dredge up her own betrayal.

Kylo’s hand cautiously trails up her arm until it reaches her shoulder, a gesture that is meant to be comforting.

“I spoke from a place of great pain. You can understand that, can’t you?” He asks quietly, one of his fingers tracing a feather-light line down the side of her neck. 

Rey stops folding the clothes and turns. She has a relatively calm expression, but her eyes are fierce, hurting and somewhat afraid. 

At least she’s letting him touch her. That alone is _ more _ than mildly surprising. Kylo wishes he weren’t wearing gloves; he misses the warmth of her bare skin. But when he spots the beads of sweat gathering on her brow, on her upper lip, he retracts his hand. 

Trauma. She’s freezing up, as if making any sudden movements will send him into a fit of violent rage.

She isn’t wrong. 

_ Control. Restraint. _ He can _ do _ this. 

Droplets of water stream down her face and dive off her chin, hitting the floor. Rey’s expression shifts from one of fear to fury. 

“You’re right. It is unforgivable to lie about murdering him. You think our son’s life is expendable, something to barter with. You have no idea how precious life is, you don’t value it at all.”

Without missing a beat, Kylo responds.

“So you still think of him as ours. That’s good.”

Their bond fractures and blurs for a second, and Kylo senses the weight of sadness and unease in Rey. He doesn’t let her escape his gaze, and moves closer. Kylo wants her to _ see _ that he means every word. 

“I don’t want our marriage to be like my parents, Rey. Fighting all the time. Arguments that last for days. And you don’t want our son to grow up feeling abandoned by his father. You don’t need to do this alone.”

Rey blushes a lovely shade of red that reaches the tips of her ears. Abandonment is a sore spot, and Kylo knows it.

“We need to give him the family we never had. The family he deserves. A mother _ and _ father. I’ll never lay a hand on you again, Rey. It’s not something I want our son to witness. Ever.”

“Liar,” Rey whispers through gritted teeth, and Kylo feels the air knocked out of him. He blinks and finds himself alone in Rhelg’s medbay.

He pushes against the invisible barrier she’s trying to put between them, tearing it apart with great effort, and blasts through the Force into her room. 

She’s in a state of distress, the poor thing, and Kylo speaks in a subdued, soothing tone - the best he can muster to stop her from panicking.

“The only lie is the one you’re telling yourself, Rey. Deep down, you love me. Otherwise, you would have killed me when you had the chance.” 

It’s the last thing Kylo says before he is thrown off balance and violently slammed out of their bond. Blood beats in his ears and the inside of his tunic feels sticky. Blood or some other bodily fluid oozes from his wound and down his arm. Kylo’s lip curls as he springs to his feet.

_ Fuck_.

Rey is _ stubborn as fuck. _

Kylo knows women aren’t rational, but pregnant women are in an entirely different league. They are _ crazy_. She’s making it awfully difficult for him to remain in control. 

Kylo paces as he mulls over the best course of action.

It is too risky to face her again. Better to end their meeting now before one of them lashes out. Rey is many things, but meek is not one of them. She might use feminine tricks to gain his sympathy: tears, the tiny gasping noises she makes when she cries, her almond eyes looking at him through long lashes. All defense mechanisms honed over thousands of years of evolution to soften a predator’s attack. But Kylo _ knows _ Rey. Behind the tears, she is a real threat. 

At least he was able to offer an apology. She knows where he stands. 

Now, he has work to do before he visits her again. 

Kylo bursts out of the medbay and his followers scatter to clear a path he stalks into the lofty hallway.

“Show me to Kressh’s throne room,” his commanding tone catches and holds the attention of everyone in the hall. It fills the space between the beams above them, and his followers fall silent as they lead him through a maze of corridors.

Kylo senses the old Sith lair as they near it. He overtakes his followers and lets the Dark side of the Force guide him to his new place of power.

His cape sweeps behind him as he enters the cavernous throne room. The air smells festering and stagnant. Dust swirls as his boots thud across the floor, each step heavier than the last. The Darkness beckons to Kylo, eager and promising, digging into him like sharp hooks, deep and scarring. Painful to take out, near impossible, and for good reason. He’s a creature made for darkness. Like a beast starved, the darkness laps at the chance for a new Master to latch onto, to feed upon. 

This is an evil place. 

Kylo stops in front of the dais and tilts his head upwards: Kressh’s throne makes Snoke’s chair look like a stool. It makes his former seat of power look pathetic. 

_ This _ is a throne. 

Impressive slabs of obsidian rise from the dais to the ceiling, looming over Kylo. It is not inviting, and the stone is engraved with a language long assumed to be dead. The old tongue. Kylo traces the etchings and stares in awe at the Sith markings.

His grandfather would have been able to read this.

Kylo reverently walks up the ancient steps. Claiming this throne is a great honor. He lowers himself onto a seat that hasn’t held a ruler for hundreds of years and waits.

A throne like this won’t accept just anyone - he can sense that - but after nothing happens, Kylo relaxes. He braces his gloved hands on the massive stone siding as he takes ownership.

He looks down at the men standing before him, their body language awkward and jittery.

“Go to the armory. Bring me Lord Kressh’s weapons. Bring me anything of interest. Send someone competent to update me on the status of the First Order. If any of their ships try to land, blow them out of the sky.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader - Sir - Lord Ren...” a man quakes in front of him, unsure of Kylo Ren’s title, “but, ah, a few of our men have reported non-stop screaming after entering Lord Kressh’s vault.” 

Kylo leans forward, his dark eyes sinister.

“I gave you an _ order_.” 

“Yes, Lord Ren.”

Kylo lazily drapes one leg over the arm of the throne and leans back. Lord Ren. He doesn’t mind the sound of that.

“Will there be anything else, Lord Ren?”

Kylo adjusts to rest his forearms on his knees. 

“A comlink. Obtain one and deliver it to me immediately.”

He wants to have a word with General Leia Organa. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head's up: things get darker but no reylo babies will be harmed.
> 
> Thanks again for reading and for your lovely comments. They help keep me going! 💜


	42. Kylo's Grievances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! I changed my username from dogfarts888 to rainbowtaurus. I love my old username but I was ready for something different. 
> 
> @dralamy on twitter/instagram created an amazing art piece for chapter 38 where Rey escapes Kylo. She's just about finished and you can see it on her page or mine @RFilitchkin.
> 
> This is a short and mellow (is it mellow though??) chapter from Kylo's POV. The chapter after this is going to be lonnng, and I wanted to post *something* before too much time passed. Take care and be well everyone xoxo
> 
> ******

_ “Do you ever hear voices, uncle?” _

_ Ben asks, watching Luke mend a well worn tunic. The needle weaves through the fabric at a mesmerizing pace, and his uncle smiles. _

_ “Voices?” _

_ “Yeah. Dad said that sometimes Jedi can talk to you, even if they’re dead. Does your dad talk to you?” _

_ “Not for a long time, Ben.” _

_ Luke pauses and glances down at the bright-eyed boy. “Do you hear voices in your head, Ben?” _

_ Ben shrugs, but his smile is mischievous. Secretive. Luke drops to his knees, leveling with his nephew. _

_ “You know you can tell me anything. You won’t get in trouble.” _

_ “I know.” _

_ Luke ruffles Ben’s hair as he stands. _

_ “You’ll make a great Jedi someday, kid.” _

_ “Nope.” Ben shakes his head, the grin on his face wide. “I’m not going to be a Jedi. I’m gonna be a pilot like my dad!” He spins around beeping and making starship noises, then impersonates an x-wing pilot. Ben flies down a pathway but glances over his shoulder to see Luke smiling in his direction. _

_ Ben knows his family is strong with the Force. He knows he is strong with the Force. Maybe even stronger than his famous uncle, Luke Skywalker. _

_ Why else would his grandfather talk to him instead of uncle Luke? And why does his grandfather call himself Darth Vader? _

_ They are complicated questions for a child. For now his mind is quiet, and Ben bounds down stone steps to find and play with uncle Chewie. _

_______

There is something cold about the Dark that is calming.

Kylo Ren’s face is unreadable as he watches his followers lay out Sith artifacts. Broken holocrons covered in dust, curved warblades, cracked vials long emptied of their potions, rusting armor. Piles of books are brought in, fragile and disintegrating. Kylo gives orders for a droid to scan them to save whatever valuable information can be found in their pages.

A few of his followers have a rabid gleam in their eye after spending time in Kressh’s vault, muttering to themselves and swatting at the empty air. As if they are seeing ghosts.

There are no ghosts. Only the feeble-minded.

Unlike his faithful believers, Kylo is not susceptible to manipulations of the mind. Not anymore. He is not the sad, lost boy of his early youth. Nor is he the oversensitive, shy, gullible child his parents resented. The voices that haunted his childhood are dead. They died the day he ran his grandfather’s lightsaber through Snoke.

Snoke tried to capitalize on Kylo’s legacy, on his Dark gifts. He had a fetish for all things Skywalker and dared to masquerade as Darth Vader. And he was arrogant - _ so arrogant _ \- to assume that Kylo would choose _ him _ over Rey.

It was hardly a choice.

A decaying old man, desperate for power? Or a beautiful, young woman strong with the Force? 

A brave woman brash enough to attack the galaxy’s hero _ Luke Skywalker _ when she learned of his urge to kill Ben Solo. A woman who defended him, who was willing to risk _ dying _for him. Willing to have his baby.

Oh, and he has been so _ bad _ to her.

Kylo stares at the comlink and datapad in his hand, knowing he needs to contact General Organa. But he only thinks of Rey, he thinks of how capturing her this time needs to be different. When he finds her location he needs to quietly swoop in and snatch her up. Descending with warships and soldiers is too much of a spectacle. 

Kylo scans through the datapad. He finds the code to the medcenter and clicks a button. A voice answers and he wastes no time.

“Send Veduta. Now.”

Kylo turns the comlink over in his hands. He doesn’t need to specify where the doctor should be sent to. They know. He needs Veduta to aid him in his plan. Every step must be simple. Uncomplicated. 

A few minutes pass and the doctor enters the throne room. She shivers. 

“You requested me, Lord Ren?”

“I did. You recall the serum you gave me to administer to Rey when she was on Ahch-To. It put her to sleep.” 

She swallows, nods.

“Yes, I recall.”

“I need more of it. Enough to knock her out for a few hours.” 

“As you wish, Lord Ren.”

Kylo’s expression tightens.

“It is not a _ wish_. It is a demand.”

“I apologize.” She bows in subservience. “I will have the serum ready as soon as possible. Would you prefer it in a bottle or -”

“A bottle is fine.” Kylo cuts her off. “And a few syringes as well.”

The next time Kylo sees Rey in person there will be no talking, no fighting. As a husband and father-to-be, it is time to step up in ways Han Solo never did. He will be gentle but firm when he seizes Rey and plunges the needle into her arm, her leg - whatever bit of her body is available to him.

He misses her soft, vulnerable body in his arms.

“Will there be anything else, Lord Ren?” Veduta asks.

Kylo stares at his hand - a hand that once wrapped around Rey’s throat, squeezing air from her lungs. How easily she bears the brunt of his rage.

“Indeed, there is. Rey’s pregnancy has been typical. There are no problems - with the exception of her bleeding - which _ you _ stated is not unusual after sex. Is that correct?”

“That is correct.” Veduta answers slowly. “Everything you stated is correct.”

Kylo sinks back into his chair. Being praised without reservation feels _ right_. Veduta twists her hands and shifts from side to side. She isn’t finished yet.

“Rey’s blood pressure has been elevated for a while, but not high enough to concern me yet. Just something to keep an eye on. Rey has never been forthcoming with ailments she felt during pregnancy, save for her nausea, which was quite obvious.”

_ No, _ Kylo thinks, _ she wouldn’t be forthcoming about any perceived weaknesses. _

Rey stretches herself too thin for the needs of everyone else. The Resistance. Organa. Her friends. Fuck, even him. 

Kylo does not like that there is _ something to keep an eye on _ when it comes to Rey and the baby. Anger creeps up his neck until his jaw is clenched. He has one more question.

“If Rey were to fall, if she were to get hurt during a confrontation, what are the chances that the baby - ” 

The next part is hard for him to get out. He licks his lips and tries again. 

“What are the chances that the baby would be stillborn.”

Veduta arches one brow. 

“I cannot predict _ exactly _what might happen in hypothetical circumstances.”

Kylo tenses. They aren’t hypothetical circumstances. He has slammed Rey against a steel wall, he’s grasped at her with rough hands. Veduta prattles on, oblivious to his reaction.

“- Rey is far along enough that blunt force or a hard fall could be traumatic for her and the baby. It could induce early labor and fetal stress. Internal bleeding, placental abruption, death -”

“You’ve made your point.” Kylo’s tone is razor sharp. “You will bring me the serum as soon as possible.”

“Yes, Lord Ren.” 

“You are dismissed.” He waves a hand and watches Veduta leave through the double doors.

For him, the choice is clear. The only option is to keep Rey drugged, in a state of lucid awareness. He never wanted it to come down to this, but Rey won’t go without putting up a fight. Even while heavily pregnant.

Kylo runs a hand through his hair, a knot balling in his stomach. If their son is half as stubborn as Rey is - as _ he _is - they are in trouble.

He thanks the Force that his first child is a son. He is protective of Rey, and the thought of having to protect a daughter is overwhelming. The day _ will _ come when Rey gives him a daughter, and at least he will mold _ her _ mind without outside influences. Women are meant to be wives and mothers, peace makers and lovers. Superior to men when it comes to morals. Sacred. Forces of nature to be reckoned with given their ability to produce life.

But not equal. Never equal.

The weight of everything settles onto his shoulders. With a deep sigh he scrolls through the datapad, hands shaking. Thinking about the flagship rattles him in the worst way.

He hates it.

Kylo is glad to see the files and sensitive information from his ruined flagship intact. Transferred without any problems - he was wise to plan so far ahead. He toys with the idea of watching video recordings of Rey, then quickly decides against it. Watching her kissing him, loving him, is too painful. Better to take care of the unpleasant business that is his _mother_. 

The beating of his heart is a dull thud as he contacts General Organa. The customary static crackles through the receiver and Kylo waits with bated breath. 

His nerves are not shot this time, there is no anxiety-inducing nausea. He _ can _ face his mother.

“This is General Organa of the Resistance.”

She sounds tired. Weary. Kylo intends to show her no mercy.

“Where is Rey?” He snaps, not bothering with introductions or formalities.

“You know I can’t tell you that, Ben.”

_ Ben. _ The old name claws at him, gets under his skin. Kylo suddenly stands, his knuckles white from fisting the comlink. Spit flies from his mouth as hot angry words come rushing out.

"I doubt she is with you."

"Ben."

He can't control his temper.

“At it again, aren't you? Sending family to far off planets to avoid dealing with them. Can’t be bothered with taking in the mother of your grandson. Better to send them away and forget they ever existed. It is what you’re good at, mother. Forgetting family. _Breaking_ families apart.”

“Stop it, Ben.”

Kylo’s chest rises and falls, his breath coming out in warm puffs against the cool air of the chamber.

“She didn’t agree to give up the baby, did she? Rey is already a better mother than you. She fights for her son more than you ever did.”

A low, shuddering sound emits from the comlink.

“I always fought for you, Ben. And so did your father. Our love for you was -_ is _ \- constant.” 

“_Lies_,” Kylo sneers. “You sent Han Solo to his death. If a mother’s love is so strong, why didn’t you come with him? I -”

_ I loathe you. I hate you. _

Kylo can’t bring himself to say the words. The Force unfurls inside of him, a torrent of darkness pumping through his blood. He is back in his interceptor, ready to punch the red button and blast his mother to smithereens and he...can’t. Some small, weak and pathetic piece of him holds back.

“The Dark has made you selfish.” Leia says, her voice low and raspy. “Rey told me everything. Ben, you cannot threaten to kill your son and then scream at me about putting family first.”

Numbness seeps into Kylo’s bones from the shock of her knowing his deepest shame.

“I never meant it.” He says desperately, sweat gathering on his brow. “It was - it was a mistake.”

Kylo touches the hilt of a sith warblade. He is silent, and Organa’s voice grows stronger.

“Put a stop to this madness Ben. All of it. You’ve made every moment of Rey’s pregnancy a living hell. Let her have some peace. Let your son be born into peace.”

The comlink goes dark and Kylo glares at it, his expression forlorn and miserable. His pride has taken a hit from the sting of her words, but he is not about to heed advice from an absent mother. Organa does not yet know the power he is about to possess. 

Gripping the warblade in his hand, Kylo leaves the throne room and stalks to Kressh’s vault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - I seriously can't believe this fic is still going xD  
Your support means so much 💜


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